#dayeightyfour

I called it.

I mostly feel better after getting a chest infection last week. But I had a bad headache and a few mild coughing fits throughout the day, which were super fun.

It was difficult to focus at work and my students did not play ball today. I’m just so tired of being the invisible teacher in my own classroom; it’s pretty demeaning. I managed to finish my lesson plans for my open classes on Thursday, but I’m still not sold on what I’m even teaching that day.

I wish I could jazz myself up a bit more to get through the rest of the school year. But I officially feel burnt out.

I asked H, ML and EV to write letters of recommendation for me so I can apply for a teaching job at a swanky international school. But considering that the last international school and university I reached out too didn’t reply back, my confidence is a little shaky these days. What if I can’t find another teaching job in time before my visa expires next year? It’ll be like Korea all over again.

Needless to say, I feel pretty depressed and discouraged today.

My landlord and his wife came over to oversee a maintenance man changing the pipes for the gas meter. Things seem cordial between us again, so I guess that’s good.

I binged out on ice cream and nachos, so I guess I’m eating my feelings today. As much as it pains me to say it, finding out about all of X’s ridiculous lies really hurt my confidence in a big way. So much so that I’m starting to doubt everything and everyone around me.

I know it’s just a bad day and I’ll probably feel better tomorrow. I just wanna feel like I’m not lost at sea and that I’m actually in control of my own life.

I’m gonna climb into bed soon and do some light reading before I fall asleep. At least I finished editing that old story of mine. Maybe I can post it online in a couple of days.

I promised myself that I would start counting my blessings more. So I’ll start with that for today. At least I still have a job and colleagues who are willing to help me when I need it. At least all of X’s ridiculous lies helped me realise that I need a change in my life and that I don’t need to settle for second best.