⋆ cal lightman (lie to me)

cal avoids mistletoe purely because he uses it to exact torment on others. he’s always hanging it up in awkward places at work, ignoring gillian’s reminders that he’s lucky hr is so lax with him. really, he thinks it’s absolutely hilarious to watch loker realize what’s dangling above his head and scurry away before anyone else notices. the idea of standing under mistletoe himself doesn’t even cross his mind until you show up!

“are you even listening?” cal asks, narrowing his eyes as he steps closer, pupils darting across your face as you grin. “what? something in my teeth?” he bares his pointy canines, but you simply tilt your chin upward, redirecting his gaze.

mistletoe. he knows where every piece of it in the office is and this is not one of them. how you snuck it in without him noticing, especially with his trusty security cameras, is astounding, to say the least. microexpressions he can disguise, but the flush that covers his cheek is unavoidable.

“gotcha,” you tease, the word dying on your lips as he leans in.

⋆ philip chaney (captives)

some facilities set up a space for inmates to take christmas pictures with their families and you’re thankful philip is in one of them. it’s not half-bad, to be honest. there are some pretty lights with a traditional backdrop, and you each get printed copies of the photos taken. by the time your holiday visit rolls around, both of you are vibrating with excitement. physical touch is usually only permitted during greetings and goodbyes, so getting an extra excuse to snuggle him is just an added bonus.

“alright, lovebirds, step together,” the photographer instructs, positioning himself behind the camera.

before you can even blink, philip holds your cheeks in his hands, pulling you into a passionate kiss. a few wolf whistles echo through the room and the reactive gasp you let out only urges him on, his tongue darting out to drag between your parted lips. a shutter and flash stun you from your daze and you stumble backward, suddenly feeling very warm.

philip steadies you with a chuckle, pointing up to the mistletoe on the ceiling that you hadn’t noticed before. “surprise.”

⋆ ted the bellhop (four rooms)

ted’s attitude toward mistletoe is entirely dependent on who is around. if you’re in the same room, he’s standing under it for hours if he has to, awkwardly side-stepping anyone else who approaches him. if he’s stuck with some less desirable kissing options, he’ll avoid the entire side of the building just to ensure he doesn’t get caught beneath it.

“ted? are you down here?” you shuffle down the mon signor’s signature red hallway, making sure to avoid the questionable carpet stains as you near the honeymoon suite. “ted?”

“yes, yes! here, i’m here!” ted pops his head out of the double doors, grinning at the sight of you. “come on,” he urges, gesturing you over with his hand. the whole room has been redecorated for the holidays and it’s almost enough to distract you from the realities of this building. as you ooh and awe at his work, ted procures a bundle of mistletoe from his pocket, pinching it between his lifted fingertips.

“the final touch,” he purrs with a wink, puckering his lips as he waits for your kiss.

⋆ joshua shapira (little odessa)

mistletoe is not something at the forefront of joshua’s mind. he’s heard about it, of course, but he couldn’t point it out in a pile of other flowers and plants if his life depended on it. if you made a point of it, he’d certainly remember, but he won’t necessarily care if you don’t. most christmas-related traditions kind of blur together for him since he doesn’t celebrate, so don’t take it personally!

you watch as joshua and some of his friends talk amongst themselves, gesturing and staring in your direction. he nods at whatever they’re saying before he begins stalking toward you, his jaw twitching with the hint of a smirk. before you can ask what he’s thinking, he digs his gloved fingers into your waist, pulling you in for a rough kiss.

his lips are chapped from the cold but you still melt in his arms, savoring the taste of smoke on his tongue before he shifts back. “w-what was that for?” you breathlessly ask, chuckling softly in a mix of disbelief and amusement.

joshua jerks his chin toward the mistletoe hanging above you -- the one you’d forgotten you’d stood under earlier in hopes of snagging a kiss. over his shoulder, his friends fail to hide their nosy peeking at the two of you. “you were waiting for me,” he murmurs, licking the taste of you from the corners of his mouth and then pulling you back in.

⋆ guildenstern (rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead)

guildenstern is a big romantic when it comes to things like mistletoe. if he’s going to kiss you under one, he wants to do it the right way. while he likes surprising you most of the time, he’d rather the moment be romantic and dreamy enough to both fluster and remind you that he’s more than a bag of tricks. he’ll always be a jokester, but his love for you is very real!

it’d taken some plotting and rosencrantz's help, but guildenstern had managed to sneak a branch of mistletoe in every corner of the castle you might end up in tonight. somehow, you keep narrowly avoiding each spot, and his cheeks fluster with a mixture of embarrassment and frustration as he helplessly tugs you between rooms, trying to remember where the next closest mistletoe is.

“is this what you seek?” you tease, fingers wrapping around his wrist as you hold him in place. dangling precariously above you is the one branch he’d completely forgotten.

guildenstern immediately pulls you into his arms with a grin. “at last!”

⋆ david (resurrection)

mistletoe is one of the few decorations david might be inclined to permit during the holiday season as it directs your attention solely to him. he keeps it with him and dangles it above your head whenever he feels like it -- especially if you’re mad at him or too flustered to kiss him in public; how could you turn down such a handsome charming man in front of a crowd? he knows you’ll begrudgingly give in, so that’s all that matters.

“david,” you hiss, skin prickling as eyes fall on your figure. everyone in town is staring, waiting to see how you’ll react to the bundle of leaves and berries he holds above your head, twirling between his fingertips. public affection has always made you shy -- he knows that, you can see it in his sharp grin and the crinkles by his eyes.

he doesn’t say anything, but the look he gives you is enough of a reply. are you going to embarrass me? it asks. realizing the silence has drawn out for too long, you lean forward, giving him a quick peck that he eagerly returns. a few people giggle, some even clap, and david squeezes your hip with his free hand, glad to know he’s got you exactly where he wants you.

⋆ colin (meantime)

there is no godly power in any universe that could convince colin to willingly stand under a branch of mistletoe. sure, he’ll accidentally wander beneath one once or twice, but the second he realizes it, he stumbles away. a bet or dare from coxy and mark (or them forcing him to do it) is the only way he’ll find himself fidgeting underneath the dreaded plant, cheeks flushed and a bead of sweat rolling down his forehead.

“look at poor kermit, waiting for a smooch!” mark yells, his rambunctious friends joining in on the fun as they watch colin squirm under the pub’s mistletoe. he picks at his fingernails, his glasses fogging as his eyes dart around the room, looking for someone to put him out of his misery.

thankfully, you’re already on your way, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek and ignoring coxy’s yells that it “doesn’t count!” colin practically trips over his own feet at the feeling of your touch, but you steady him with a steadfast grip on his shirt collar, and he gives you a shaky smile.

“t-thanks.”

⋆ gerbino de ratta (virgin territory)

gerbino couldn’t care less about the actual traditions surrounding mistletoe -- all he knows is it makes you feel more inclined to kiss him, even at inopportune times. he’ll take advantage of it whenever it’s around, but he prefers to tease you with it in more private settings. don’t be surprised if he pulls a bundle of it from his pocket after returning home following a long day of stealing and terrorizing florence.

“mhm, you taste divine,” gerbino groans, scruff scraping your soft skin between kisses. his free hand holds your chin steady as he explores your mouth with his tongue, dragging it over every inch of you that he can reach. the mistletoe between his opposite fingers drifts lower and his lips follow, trailing slowly down your neck.

“and here…” the leaves brush your collar, then the center of your chest. “and here…”

⋆ oswaldo mobray/pete hicox (the hateful eight)

pete is a sly man. he’s used to conning people and charming his way out of bad situations, so hiding surprises from you is pretty easy. he pretends not to know a lot about mistletoe -- if you ever point it out, he’ll just nod and say it looks nice before changing the subject. in reality, he’s very aware of its meaning and is simply planning a way to catch you off guard and steal a kiss when he knows it’ll make you most flustered.

“love, over here,” pete calls, his distinct accent cutting through the overlapping chatter of the inn. you’re only passing through for a few days and you’d sent him to secure a seat while you finagled some drinks for the gang. weaving your way through the crowd of cold inhabitants, you plop down beside pete, dropping a few mugs of something hot on the table.

“i got y-”

the rest of your sentence disappears as pete presses his lips to yours, his mustache tickling your skin. a few hoots and hollers echo around you but you can’t pull away, not with his teeth lightly tugging your bottom lip. his mischievous tongue soothes the same spot before he leans back, taking your chin between his leather-gloved fingers and tilting your head up to the mistletoe hanging above.

“merry christmas, my dear.”

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⋆ cal lightman (lie to me)

cal has always been your average low-effort christmas decorator. half of his presents are wrapped in a brown paper bag, for christ’s sake. towards the end of his marriage with zoe and shortly following their separation, he put a lot of effort into holidays for emily’s sake, but now that she’s grown, his co-parenting relationship has mellowed, and he’s got you in his life, there’s a lot less pressure for the holidays to be perfect!

he is absolutely going to keep cutting corners, though. why would he wobble on a ladder outside in the cold to hang up lights he’ll have to take down in a month anyway when he can just use those projectors that shine colors all over the house? and sure, he likes ornaments, especially the cheesy hand-made ones emily made in elementary school, but he’s content throwing some tinsel and popcorn strings on a lit-up tree and calling it a day. speaking of trees, they’re one of the few splurges he’s willing to spend his time and money on. he likes the smell and look of real ones, sue him!

“did you even measure the door beforehand?” you ask, barely able to see the top of cal’s head over the massive tree in the way. he’s got one end, you’ve got the other, and emily has disappeared somewhere in the middle of the prickly pine needles.

“it’ll fit!” cal yells back, just as emily crawls out from under the mass of branches, sweat and melting snow glimmering on her forehead. she takes one look at the way you’re straining to pull the top through the front doorway and laughs under her breath, shaking her head.

“twenty bucks says we have to bring it in through the backyard.”

⋆ philip chaney (captives)

when you meet philip, he’s been moved to a short-term facility, so the rules are more lax. it’s still prison so traditional decorating is out of the question, but you two make it work. he doesn’t want to draw unwarranted attention from inmates or cos whose radars he’d rather not be on, so philip sticks to his favorite and the safest way of sprucing up his cell: photographs. bring him pictures of you, your decorations, and your tree during visits and he’ll tape them to his wall or the underside of the top bunk to admire before bed.

on his days out -- after his classes are over and he’s got an hour to blow before the bus arrives --philip loves walking around to see all the christmas lights. it’s freezing, but he never seems to notice, too busy pointing out his favorite decorated buildings and houses. his old contracting and electrical wiring jobs make him a pain in the ass, though, since he never stops scrutinizing the shoddily hung lights or clear fire hazards.

philip flicks the ash of his cigarette, eyes narrowing at the bundle of cords tucked on the side of a building you two always pass; now covered in flashing red, white, and green. your fingertips are freezing off and you can’t tell the smoke of philip’s exhales from your breaths of white air.

“philip.”

“what?” he looks back at you, pointy teeth curling into a knowing grin when you glare. he keeps walking, leading you somewhere warmer, but doesn’t let up. “they’ve got three fuckin’ cords plugged into one bloody outlet.”

⋆ ted the bellhop (four rooms)

ted is kind of like a retail worker -- christmas decorations and music send a chill up his spine. thoughts of working new year’s eve at the mon signor make him lightheaded and the last thing he wants is to bring that home with him. unfortunately, he also gets sad if you two don’t decorate, so it’s a lose-lose situation. he’ll eventually decide that the bellhop’s room remain decoration-free for his sanity, but at home, he needs a little holiday cheer.

don’t let him try any handmade or crafty type decorations. if there’s one thing ted’s bound to do it’s burn himself, start a fire, rip something, trip over something else, electrocute himself, fall off a ladder, and end the night slamming his fists against the floor yelling “why, god, why?!” make it simple and save yourself the headache. give this man some plastic ornaments, battery-powered fairy lights, and a few garlands and he’s set.

as the first few notes of “jingle bells” fill the room, ted’s neck snaps toward your cd player, the color draining from his face. “turn that off. please. now.” you watch in slight amusement as the candy cane in his fist cracks under the pressure of his whitened knuckles.

as you skip the classic tune, ted lets out a comedic sigh of relief, wiping a bead of sweat from his forehead. “i heard that fifty-seven times last shift, you know!”

⋆ joshua shapira (little odessa)

besides the fact he doesn’t celebrate, joshua isn’t a big decorator to begin with. most of it is out of necessity -- wherever he’s holed up has to stay discreet for safety reasons. the last thing he needs is bright flashing lights pointing potential threats in the right direction. if you two live together or are settling down, he’ll let you decorate inside, regardless of which holiday you celebrate. he’ll tease you, but, as long as it makes you happy and isn’t too overboard, he doesn’t mind.

the few hanukkah pieces he has are heirlooms his mom secretly gave him after he left home. after her passing, they became even more important to him. he keeps them safe all year long and makes sure they -- the menorah, especially -- are proudly displayed by the front door window. he doesn’t have the best memories from home, but lighting the candles has always been one of them.

after reciting the respective blessings, joshua takes the shamash and begins lighting the menorah. you watch as the flames spark, slowly moving from the left to the right with each candle. the reflection flickers in his eyes even after he finishes and steps back, pulling you close.

“it’s beautiful,” you softly murmur, resting your head on his shoulder.

he nods, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “yeah… it is.”

⋆ guildenstern (rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead)

medieval yule decorations are all about the foliage. guildenstern might not be able to differentiate between most plants and flowers, but he knows a good branch of holly when he sees it. he prefers the celebrations, music, and food more, so he won’t go all out, but he still enjoys being festive. also a big fan of mistletoe for its symbolic protection and the excuse it gives him to kiss you.

if you two spend yule at or near elsinore, you’ll be treated to the castle’s extravagant decorations. the great hall is especially beautiful this time of year with the roaring fire, bright greenery, and intricately embroidered tablecloths made of fine fabric. the church would also likely have trees donned with paper flowers and apples to celebrate!

guildenstern sidles up to you in the great hall, biting into a crisp red apple. the sharp crunch cuts through the music playing and you shoot him a glare. “pray tell, where did thou find that?” the banquet had a variety of feasts, but there wasn’t an identical fruit in sight. the only place you’d seen one was those decorating the church’s oaks and surely guildenstern would never-

“upon a tree outside,” he replies, grinning between chews. “there are more to be found, should thou desire one.”

⋆ david (resurrection)

david doesn’t like celebrations of any kind unless he’s the focal point. he won’t make that obvious at first, of course, but you’ll slowly realize his attitude shifts whenever you bring up the holidays. the more decorations you put up, the more kindnesses he asks of you. it’s a simple trick that gets your brain to associate festivities with sacrifice and discomfort.

if he’s feeling kind or wants to reward you for his own benefit, he’ll let you have a few decorations. it’s important you realize that it’s a privilege bestowed by him, so you’ll be more thankful for it. most of the time, you’ll be responsible for putting the decorations up and taking them down, but he might surprise you in the morning with a few lights or tinsel hung just to hear you praise him.

it’s a simple strand of lights above the door, but it’s the most decorative thing you’ve seen this christmas season. your eyes practically water at how warm and cozy it feels, and david rests his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it softly.

his lips curl into a smirk as he watches the colors dance on your face. “aren’t you grateful, dearest? i did this just for you.”

⋆ colin (meantime)

while colin’s family does decorate for christmas, it’s never been too exciting for him. they can’t afford anything new, so he’s seen the same lights, figurines, and garlands used every year since (and before) he was born. most of the houses near his are the same, too. in the past, he’d cut festive pictures out of magazines, the newspaper, and advertisements on food boxes from the grocery store, but mark teased him relentlessly for it.

visiting you gives colin an excuse to admire your decorations as long as he wants. if you two aren’t together yet, he’ll find a way -- mostly with coxy’s goading -- to offer to help you hang lights or some other mundane task that lets him spend more time with you. he’s quiet during the whole process, but you notice he’s extremely careful, making sure everything is set up exactly how you want it.

“oh, wow!” you stare up at the string of lights dangling from your roof trim with an excited laugh, one that turns into a fearful gasp as you watch colin wobble on the ladder at the sound of your voice. “oh shit.” you quickly grip the metal to steady it, peering up at your flustered friend. “are you okay?”

“i-i…” colin’s face is bright red and you’re not sure how much of it is from the cold. “… didn’t hear you… come out.”

“sorry,” you wince, biting back a frown. you’d gone inside to make some snacks and hadn’t thought twice about making your presence known. “the lights look great, though!” this time, the darkening of his cheeks is an obvious result of your praise, and you nod toward the front door, hoping to get him back inside. “hungry?”

⋆ gerbino de ratta (virgin territory)

safe to say, you won’t be doing a lot of decorating with a plague spread further than you could ever travel. any celebrations you have will be limited to those in gerbino’s closest circles, mainly his men, so it doesn’t matter all that much anyway. at most, he’ll “buy” you some nice gold and pretty candles but everything must remain inside lest it be stolen (again.)

“this is beautiful,” you say, mesmerized by the pristine candleholder gerbino’s brought home. he’s even found a tall beeswax candle to pair with it; already smelling sweet despite not being lit. “where did you get this?”

gerbino’s smirk falters. “never mind that, love,” he quickly replies, guiding you toward the mantel that holds all the other trinkets he’s gifted you. “let’s light it, yes?”

⋆ oswaldo mobray (the hateful eight)

your dearest “english pete” is a big fan of the holidays and all the celebrations that come with it. since you two and the rest of the domingre gang are often on the move, most of your “decorations” are on various stagecoaches and horse reins/saddles. pete, in particular, is a big fan of wreaths and holly but he also sniffles and sneezes with the foliage so close to his sleeping quarters.

pete also loves decorating you. he’ll spend whatever he gets from different heists on soft silks and velvets that you can wear through the cold season. some of it is embroidered, and some are pristine heirlooms stolen from richer folk. you usually manage a good collection by the time the near year rolls around!

“hm… hm… yes, yes, like this,” pete mumbles under his breath, a white puff of air in the cold wind. he fiddles with the new red velvet cape he’s found you, fingers adjusting and readjusting the fabric through his thick leather gloves.

he steps back and you grin, teeth near chattering. “well?”

“quite dashing, if i do say so myself, love.”

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