#datingdetox

Hey bitches, it’s me... 

This is my first entry, and I’m here to tell you that...

1. I’m “hot” (recent dibilitating discovery...more humble musings re. this, coming eventutally)

2.  I’m a single mom

3.  My vibe is in serious need of a makeover

So, something new is on the rise.  Apparently, my mentor has prescribed me 30 days of being on a “dating detox.”  I’m kind of excited, in this wierd way.  You see, just over a year ago, my boyfreind of 3 years left me and my son (that fucking asshole - - I miss him).

Right after that pussy of a “man” shady bounced, I dated this hot chick I had a crush on (for like, 7 years).  She looked good in person, and on paper - - real fucking good on paper.  We hung out for about 9 months.  Turns out, she was a selfish brat.  Hot single moms should NEVER date selfish brats. Need I say more?

It’s been about 3 months since I decided to block her from my life.  It was clear as day, when she screamed at me, and then hung up on me - - something I would have done in my teen years.  This bitch was in her god damn 40′s. Funny how I saw red flags the moment I first laid eyes on her, all those years ago.  Funny how I continued to ignore them, despite the fact that the red flags continued to multiply, funny how I stuck around, even though it started to feel like I had two kids.

#pussywhipped

So ya... three months later, and I’ve been dating ferociously... in practically all of my spare time.  Well... I wouldn’t really call it dating.  I shall call it... FILLING THE VOID.  I have been filling the void with a fury... threesomes, one night stands, sex with balding men who somehow make me feel special becuase they are “nice’ (ew... barf in my mouth gross), sex with old lovers, limp dicks, small dicks, medium dicks, and my prized lover (reluctantly referred to as my “obsession”)....he, who’s name I cannont say.  We’ll call him “James Bond.”  Or... filling the void “getting to know guys,” not sleeping with them, sharing the deepest parts of me far too soon, and then realizing that all they want... is to fuck ME. >sigh<

As I reflect on my trysts, I realize something that stands out.  I don’t want to be in a relationship... with ANYONE - - except for James Bond, but he is the most unavailable person that thas ever existed.  Did I mention that he has the best body parts out of them all?  I mean... most of them are like... good looking, but short, or decent looking but chubby with a large penis, or ugly, skinny fat, and balding, but good in bed.

James Bond - - he’s a god damn 10.  Incredible head of hair, 6′4, green eyes, big smile, muscles, classic style, amazing hands, nice feet, and... the most perfect penis I have seen in a VERY long time. >sigh<

Go figure...the one guy I’d be into is emotionally unavailable, and rarely availale for sex.  

It's so difficult only being let in so far to someone's life. It's so difficult being constantly pulled and pushed from someone's life. Not knowing where you stand. Not knowing what they're thinking. Ever. 

I can't ask for more from someone. They give you what they want to give you and that's what they mean to you. Nothing more, nothing less. 

I guess I just have to learn to deal with it.

'If you don't like something change it. If you can't change it change your attitude.' // 'Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option' ~ Maya Angelou

There's something so refreshing and scary about confronting and experiencing such real and present feelings. 

Life is complicated. There's no two ways about it.

Had a bit of a shitty week so far so haven't even had a chance to think about this detox.