#data does shit

This can be a huge source of medical trauma and it's so cruel that it's being imposed on people by the medical establishment itself. How can they help but feel anything but helpless? There's no fighting that.

I can't help but think of this from my own perspective as a fibromyalgia patient who keeps having to fight being thought of as (or even being labeled as) drug-seeking.

I am literally just trying to live life closer to the standard that 'normal' people have every day.

Why is it in any way fair that most people are mostly pain-free and capable of doing the things they want to do, but I have to suffer with pain on a daily basis that is at minimum, on a very rare, very good day, at level 5?

Why is it when I report that my pain level is at level 7, 8, 9, I only get doctors side-eyeing me and explaining my OTC options?

I have had chronic pain since I was 8. I'm very fucking aware of my OTC options, so no thank you, doc.

And when I spend 20 minutes explaining in detail that my daily pain has noticeably increased and changed in quality since around January 1st, why should I have my PCP giggle at me every time I say that I need help with managing my pain and learning ways to deal with it?

It felt incredibly invalidating and I wish he would have said, look, I don't have the expertise to help you, so here's a referral to a pain specialist.

I only found out there was a such thing by trying to research the topic after this on my own!

So yeah, it's not just the insurance companies, it's the doctors, too.

Already watched:

Stranger Things season 1

Signs

☆ Donnie Darko

☆ Get Out

Shaun of the Dead

On now: The Stand (1994)

Planned:

☆ Nope

Between 2011-2022 I participated in the Red vs Blue fandom here on tumblr. I made a number of friends, particularly via the fanfiction community, and participated in a close-knit Discord server. I also made friends in the Dreamwidth RP community on plurk. I spent that entire time working on my self-confidence and social skills, but despite that and the fact that I was working with a therapist, I didn't catch on to a number of things that drove a wedge between me and those friends when they fully manifested.

I am deliberately not explaining the reasons for these things. I was wrong in all of these categories and the reasons for those things are not relevant to the fact that I messed up.

I didn't understand the back-and-forth via question-asking that's supposed to happen in a friendship. I had the idea that if you choose to share deeply, your friend will share deeply in return if they want to reciprocate that aspect of the friendship. But actually, you're supposed to ask them questions.

I didn't understand that this same attempt to be close friends with someone by sharing deeply comes across as trauma-dumping and trying to use them as a therapist. Asking questions also is supposed to include asking them if they're up to listening.

The inciting incident to them blocking me had to do with me not recognizing I was struggling with paranoia symptoms from my bipolar. I should have realized this was what was going on and contacted my therapist.

I know no one is obligated to forgive me or even acknowledge this just because I posted it but I just want everyone to know I've been working toward being/doing better and I'm sorry. I'm just sorry.