#darkbind sonichu

Lol it's been 3 years since I last did Sonichu redesigns. I saw some takes on Darkbind, and wanted to try my own that leans more into the knockoff Link angle… especially since like… smashing Zelda and Pokémon together was something I often fantasized about as a kid…

Improved backstory time!! :D

ZELINA: Thank you sweetheart!

SONICHU: Now there’s a sweet reunion. My job here is done.

SONICHU: Oop, coles the roof hatch behind me. There we go.

SONICHU: Darkbind Sonichu, fear not. For I bring tidings of great joy, to you and all the monarchy of RuleCWC of England. Unto you all on this day, your princess Zelina Rosechu shall be reawakened to reclaim her role along-side her father, the elder king. Awaken and arise, Princess Zelina!

ZELINA: Oooh…

ZELINA: Darkbind? What happened?

DARKBIND: My love, it has been ten long years… Clawdorf released the power of the Chaotic Crystals during the Grand Ball, and then you collapsed into slumber from the royal link to the Crystals. I searched long and hard for the Crystals. I found help and now you have finally been reawakened. I worried and prayed for you and your safe return all the while.

ZELINA: You did all that, and endured all that worry for me? Awww!

Even Sonichu’s speech comes off as religious. Specifically, it calls to mind the occurrences in the Bible where angels descend to earth and speak to humans, as even the most faithful of God’s servants still cowered at the sight of an angel, they would nearly always open their speech with something along the lines of “do not be afraid”. This speech in particular calls to mind the annunciation of the birth of Jesus to the shepherds around Bethlehem in the Gospel of Luke, where God’s angels descend to earth in their fields, announcing the good tidings of the birth of Jesus, “peace on earth, good will to men” and all that jazz. Since this was written in January, much like the name of Lovely Weather it’s possible that Christmas imagery was still running through Chris’s head around this time.

Caption: Meanwhile, in RuleCWC…

Caption: Inside the castle…

Caption: Da cave

SFX: *CRACK*

CLAWDORF: RRROOOAAR!!!!!

CLAWDORF: Finally! The Chaotic Crystal powers have released me from my stone shell!!! How long was I out?

This is our first glimpse of RuleCWC, the Sonichu canon version of Legend of Zelda setting Hyrule. It seems to be a rather provincial setting, with forests and tiny villages, not unlike Hyrule. Chris has occasionally expressed interest in setting an entire sequence of Sonichu in this area, though as the medieval European-styled setting of Hyrule is immensely different from Chris’s modern Charlottesville, this will likely never come to fruition. It is, on the next page, described as being in England, something never really expanded upon - if RuleCWC is a part of the monarchy of England, why does it have its own king and queen (Zelina’s human adoptive parents)? I suppose that Chris doesn’t think that a purely invented country like Hyrule would work in his somewhat grounded into the real world story he’s writing, but RuleCWC is nevertheless a plot hole.

It also seems that the reunion of the Sonichu Balls has had an unintended consequence - as the Ganondorf equivalent that is Clawdorf was turned into stone the last time the Sonichu Balls were together, putting the balls back together allowed him to free himself once again, and he appears to be ready to go back to the same old tricks he was pulling before he was petrified. In theory, this was supposed to be a sequel hook, for that aforementioned return to RuleCWC, but without that sequel it just seems like Chris and Sonichu were being careless, prioritizing saving their friends over the possible innocents being slaughtered by Clawdorf.

Chris’s designation of the cave where Clawdorf was sealed as “Da cave” appears to be another Jamsta-esque attempt at looking “cool”, but I like to think that “Da cave” was literally the cave’s name a la the Castle of Aarrgh from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

Darkbind, who I guess we’re meant to assume had lost all faith in being able to reunite the Sonichu Balls after his two Balls were yoinked by Magi-Chan back in Sonichu 6, is simply praying at Zelina’s bedside, all hope nearly being lost. Based on Darkbind’s statements in Sonichu 6, he made it seem like either the Sonichu Balls were a one use only thing, or they scattered like the Dragon Balls after each use, so it’s possible that he’s given up trying to revive Zelina at this point. Luckily Chris’s powers have no limitations, so the story didn’t have to choose between saving Zelina or saving Crystal.

NAITSIRHC: Argh! Nidoking! What the #&%@ is wrong with you?!

DARKBIND: Just to let you know, Bionic, Nidoking is a Poision-Type, and he is weakest against Psychic and Ground-Type attacks; Mud Slap is a Ground-Type attack.

BIONIC: Awesome. Thanks, Sonichu, Now, y’all watch me work my globetrottin’ magic.

Naitsirhc swears at the Nidoking, which might be the first time in the comic that someone uses harsh language, even if censored. This paints Nait as, compared to the saintly Chris, as a quick-to-anger trainer with a penchant for verbally abusing his Pokemon. That said, though Chris has claimed to be a Pokemon trainer in this universe (his team, according to the CWCipedia, consists of, in addition to Sonichu, a Blaziken, a Swampert, a Sceptile, a Gardevoir, and a Salamance, a team that was presumably pulled off the cover of a “Visit Fabulous Hoenn” tourism brochure), we never see any of his Pokemon, and while Sonichu is implied to be his, we never see them in a trainer/Pokemon relationship, so we’re just meant to infer that Chris treats his Pokemon well while we’re shown that Nait doesn’t.

Darkbind explains to Bionic, who presumably would be unaware of this as he isn’t a Pokemon, the Pokemon type mechanic and that Nidoking as a “Poision-Type” (sic) he is weak to Ground- and Psychic-Type moves (actually, as previously mentioned, Nidoking is Poison/Ground-Typed, which means that it is not only weak to the two types listed but also Water- and Ice-Type moves, but Bionic’s one and only skill set is basketball so this is all really for naught). Sure enough, Bionic ignores all of Darkbind’s advice and just kicks the thing to death.

SONICHU: Bionic and Darkbind; what’s going on with y’all?

BIONIC: Well, I was shootin’ some hoops with my homies at the court on 5th and Char St., when the jerkops came and interrupted our high-5s. So we split up and K-Oed some of them with our slam dunkin’ strength. I ended up here at the park where I saw you and Rosechu in trouble, then I found Darkbind nearby; we teamed up and helped y’all out.

DARKBIND: I was leveling up with experience by practicing my swordsmanship on some goblins and demon, when I heard the chaos caused by the giant robots, and I blazed a trail through some of the jerkops and robots. I ended up here as well, saw you two in danger, and teamed-up with Bionic to help you two out.

SONICHU: Well, Rosey and I, we are grateful.

NAITSIRHC: *Gasp* You!!!

Darkbind and Bionic come in to explain where they fit into the story. Bionic, who hails from the mean and dirty streets of CWCville (note that Chris has never seen a “mean street” in his life), spouts some slang about how he was playing basketball when the PVCC attack started, and Bionic’s attempts to show his appreciation for his friends and teammates with high-fives were disrupted by the intervention and presumable attacks of a squad of jerkops. Darkbind, meanwhile, was practicing the art of swordsmanship before his focus was shattered by the clangor of Decepti-clones, and both he and Bionic began to fight the forces of the PVCC and quickly joined up (note that we’ve already seen Darkbind this issue but we haven’t seen Bionic until now).

I might just be dramatically extrapolating from their characters here, but I think we’re meant to view the team-up of Bionic and Darkbind as an unexpected one. Bionic is the rough and tumble basketball player, possibly from the bad side of town (we never learn exactly where “5th and Char Street” are), and Darkbind is a knight from a medieval European inspired high fantasy kingdom. They’re a textbook case of snobs (Darkbind) vs slobs (Bionic). However, the pair don’t really have much characterization beyond those surface level character gimmicks, so if we were supposed to see these two teaming up as an odd couple pair, we really don’t feel it.

DARKBIND: I heard his demonic cackle echo through RuleCWC; I then swore that I would retrieve the Balls and lift his curse from my beloved Princess Zelina Rosechu.

CHRIS: Something’s happening downstairs! Sonichu, Magi-Chan, come with me! Everyone else, stay here until further notice!

SFX: BOOM

Heh heh heh. It looks like Chris’s nuts are exploding. Heh heh heh.

It seems like the Sonichu Balls, like the Dragon Balls, grant a wish, as Darkbind seems to be implying that the same things that cursed his girl with sleep can also free her.

MAGI-CHAN (thought): Hmm… looks like Darkbind has secured two Sonichu Balls ahead of us… for his beloved Princess Zelina Rosechu.

DARKBIND: Why do these Crystals have to attrach each other… I cannot be deprived of my balls… yet I need all seven to reawaken my beloved Zelina…

DARKBIND (thought? narration?): It seemed like just yesterday we were a blushing couple strolling through RuleCWC, ever so happy. But on the night of her ball, the evil wizard Clawdorf cursed eternal sleep over our princess as he unleashed the power of the Crystal Sonichu Balls from the ancient tablet. While it backfired on him by turning Clawdorf to stone, Zelina… *sob* collapsed into slumber as I was about to propose to her… I was devastated…

Chris seems to be setting up the first real conflict between two heroes here. Chris and crew need the Balls to free Crystal, but at the same time, Darkbind needs the Balls to awaken Zelina. If Chris were a better writer, he would use this occasion to create tension and a debate among the Sonichus - who needs the Balls more, Chris or Darkbind, Crystal or Zelina? But then both plotlines get dropped until both ladies are saved in the course of a couple of pages. Chris didn’t have to choose between Crystal or Zelina, even though that would have made a far more interesting plot.

Zelina is obviously supposed to be a play on Princess Zelda from her eponymous games. Her story about being put to sleep is taken from the 1987 NES game Zelda II: The Adventure of Link. An ancestress of the Zelda from the first game, also named Zelda, refused to reveal the location of one third of the Triforce, and so a wizard tried to kill her. She was placed under an endless sleep but the wizard was killed by his magic.

Clawdorf is a thinly reskinned version of Ganon, or Ganondorf, the main villain of the Zelda series. Ganondorf is a powerful warrior who wants to conquer Hyrule, Link’s stomping grounds, and that usually means deposing current ruler Princess Zelda. Interestingly, it is not Ganon who curses Zelda with sleep in Zelda II. Also, the plot point about Darkbind being about to propose to Zelina at her ball (not to be confused with a Sonichu Ball) might be inspired by Chris’s own High School Story, where the male lead was about to propose to the girl when she Carrie’d the joint.

We’re not treated to Clawdorf’s motivations outside of straightforward villainy for the sake of villainy, so why he doesn’t just use the powers to kill her and take her throne or whatever isn’t made clear. I mean, why eternal sleep? There’s no advantage to Clawdorf that we’re treated to that eternal sleep on Zelina would grant him. Also, since, again, the powers of the Sonichu Balls are so vague, how or why they turned Clawdorf to stone is unknown. Perhaps they punish those who use their magic for evil? Chris doesn’t tell us.