Macy was frozen in silence and disbelief. Did she really witness her biggest fear? Moments before she was ready to bare her soul to the man she loved, and now had taken to the arms and passions of her treacherous rival. As she crept back secretly from the entrance of the command center she knew she had to get away from that room, away from Safe Space and away from them !
A sphere of thoughts spiralled around her mind all rotating with jagged edges that sliced her like glass. Every cut deepened by the betrayal. Her doubts mocked her harshly. He wanted her, he desired her, and she was everything that Macy was not. She was bold, seductive, unrestrained, unconfined, and most of all unkind. Macy was neither of those things and yet here she was left to walk the lonely path home to her hidden sanctuary.
The fear rose in her of running into Maggie and Mel. Always putting others above herself she couldn’t dare face them and risk their relationship and vision of Harry being tarnished. The lights were on and Mel and Maggie were both drinking tea in the living room. Mel -“Macy is that you?” Maggie “ Did you find Harry?” Macy felt a chill creep up her spine to utter his very name felt wrong. “Um, yes “ “ I mean No” “ I mean he was talking to Abigael and I thought I’d wait to see him back” Maggie and Mel both looked confused. They could sense that sisterly connection that something about Macy had changed. Mel asked “ Is everything ok , did something happen with Abigael?” Macy did all she could to contain the anger and rage from hearing that vile name and she restrained herself all she could by uttering simply “ No”. Able to push the rotten feelings down she told them she was going to bed. Maggie and Mel again stared at one another confusingly “Ok, have a good night”.
Tormented by the mixture of betrayal, hurt, confusion, and lingering self doubt she decided this would be the best time to retreat back to her own safe space. A warm bath, some Puccini (Tosca being the most fitting) and a cucumber mask. She ran the bath water and poured in her favorite combination of salts, powders and bubble spirits to foam the water. She went into her room opened the dresser pulled out her favorite silk nightgown and undergarments and was ready for her release.
After her bath her mind felt a little more at ease compared to the torturous walk home. The pain was still present, her thoughts although slightly subsided still ripped into her like dull daggers. If only she could go back to the hours before that kiss. If only she could have been more honest with Harry about how she felt. That it wasn’t Jimmy she desired, but him. Her fear drove her to seek comfort with a part of him she was certain wanted her. On the other hand why should she feel guilty? Why should she feel anything but annoyance that Harry should have been more direct about his feelings? If he cared about her so much, if he wanted her then why not pursue her?
Jimmy wasn’t a gentleman, not entirely, but he knew what he wanted and he went after it the best way he knew how. It wasn’t proper, it wasn’t polite it was passion and it was desire. He desired her the same way Harry’s new paramour desired him yet he responded to the one most forthcoming. None of it made any sense. Were they both at fault? Could either of them be blamed? It didn’t make sense and to a dedicated scientist who spent her whole life looking for logic and reason this was the worst headspace to be.
All of the past judgements and looks of contempt for expressing interest in a man that represented a part of him that he despised, yet seemed to have no issue with if that same embodiment took the form of a young , and beautiful seductress. Anger, pain, envy and bitterness on top of yearning .These conflicting thoughts swirling in her head did little to comfort her only bring about more pain and more anguish. She wanted to stop hurting. The tears began soon after and they were of little relief. Each drop burned when it was released from her swollen eyes. They stained her face as they eventually sprinkled her pillow.
It was late into the night and Macy finally fell into a deep somber sleep. She soon awoke to hear a soft voice calling her name “Macy” she didn’t think much of it and closed her eyes again. “Macy” the voice was familiar and one she could go months without hearing. “Harry I’m tired and I’m really not up for one of our -chats-. I just want to sleep”. The voice croon a bit louder and the base dropped deeper “ Harry’s not present at the moment”. Macy leapt upright her eyes drawn directly to where the voice was coming from .“ There sitting at the edge of her bed was Jimmy, James, the one she thought she’d never see again. Was this a dream? Was Mel and Maggie ok? Should she call to them? It’s what she should do. It what she probably would have done. This was different, this time she wont.
He had the same look of hunger and seduction that gave her the feeling of electricity flowing through her body. The feeling of relief and need seemed to be a beacon to the man, not a man but a presence, that was devoid of all of the parts that hurt her so cruelly. He was a piece of Harry, the piece that was unspoiled and untainted. Her piece and he was hers. He crept closer towards her and any binding or restrain that had resided in her previously had left and Jimmy picked it up. He slid closer to her his face merely an inch from hers. He looked down at her gorgeous lips and simply whispered “ do you want me to stay?” Macy closed her eyes, her body felt chilled but she was silent. Jimmy whispered to her ear “ tell me what you want”. Macy was still frozen in silence but her eyes remained closed. Jimmy caressed her shoulder while leaning his body to her. Macy finally said “ I want this feeling to never end”. Jimmy devilishly smiled and leaned forward on top of Macy pinning her down as she laid flat on her bed. He stared intensely into her eyes and whispered “ Never again”.
