#danim

I usually have to stick my face in a pillow to stop laughter! Or a pillow and my hand 😂

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Hey God, I am feeling bitter and so I felt the need to write. To write for myself and because your the only one who gets me fully. The past ten years of my life have been hard to say the least. The people I loved the most left or betrayed me, worse died. I miss the friendship of my father. I’m angry that the two friends I thought I could always count on where so ugly to me. They weren’t always there in the pain. And sometimes they where the cause of it. Now I’m laying here feeling pretty sad and lonely. I wish josh was living with me. I have no gas money to visit Courtney. I am unsure of where I stand with some people in my life. My sister is ruining herself pretty much and I feel like I’m watching her make my fathers mistakes.I am so concerned for her. I feel as if my story is being completely rewritten, and I’m being rewired, reworked. Like you got back in the potters wheel to make something new out of me through all this tragedy and pain. But I guess that’s good right? All I know is I love josh deeply and I’m so thankful for him. And I want to spend the rest it life with him, loving you and your people. Everything else doesn’t matter. Anything could happen at any moment. Life has taught me to never make anything your constant, unless his name is Jesus. But I am also grateful for the consequences of my pain, because in my loneliness I felt I could only turn to you. Our relationship is priceless and means the world to me. I can’t wait to start fresh, in my actual home that I’ll own with Joshua. It feels unreachable and so far away. I just want to cry. My chest feels heavy. But I keep singing my song of hope because it’s the only thing that keeps me going. Without you I will fall apart and I’m emotional, sometimes thinking things I shouldn’t be. But I’m here and I’m trying and I hope that will be enough to get me where I need to be. To the next place your calling me. By your grace only.