#daniel solomon

Performed by: Jashiro Dean, Vin Fiamvuthikorn, Karen Goldstein, Jacqueline Kirk, Arlene Liu, Dawn Ma, Tomar Mason, Kathy Mata, Tomoko Ozawa, Marta Rangel, Daniel Schultz, Daniel Solomon, Rosemary Sullivan, Dunjii Tsereudolgor, and John Wyatt

Number: “Adult Beginner Ballet”

Choreographer: Kathy Mata

Style: Ballet

A man identified as Daniel Solomon has made an emotional public appeal, alleging that he sacrificed his wealth and livelihood while campaigning for the All Progressives Congress (APC), and issuing a 72-hour ultimatum for intervention over his family’s welfare. In a video circulating online, Solomon claimed he sold all his property, including six vehicles, to finance campaign activities for the…

Poor Jose Cuervo spent the morning building Henry Hamilton a canned malt liquor memorial just outside his Key West condo’s door. He didn’t want to be outdone by the Johnsons tribute to Ulysses out in Miami, Florida.

The dearly departed Hamilton will be missed, I guess, by someone who isn’t me. Or Captain Morgan. He finally found a way to get the voices in his head to shut up permanently.  Evidently, they were telling him he should not have to live with President Obama in the White House.  So he gave his partner, Michael Cossey, a heads up: “If Barack gets re-elected, I’m not going to be around.”

Shortly after election day, he was found dead with the words “Fuck Obama” scribbled on his will in crayon and two empty prescription bottles--- one for Xanax and one for Seroquel at his side. These drugs are used to treat anxiety and schizophrenia.

Now this story makes sense. The drugs explain Hamilton’s actions. Schizophrenia is a mental disorder characterized by a breakdown in thought processes, auditory hallucinations, paranoia, and bizarre delusions. It is often accompanied by anxiety disorders. Clearly Hamilton was too far gone in his mental illness to understand that there will be another election in four years that is GUARANTEED not to include Obama on the ticket.

I guess his partner was lucky that he did not get run down by Hamilton’s car like Daniel Solomon out in Arizona.  His wife, Holly, chimped out when she found out that he did not go to the polls to vote for Mitt Romney.

Girls on fire.