Worthy of you (Sollavellan short.)
The inquisitor,his inquisitor. He loved her and all that was within him knew he shouldnāt. For a man of logic Solas could come up with a million reasons he shouldnāt love her or at least why she shouldnāt love him. First of off she was Dalish ... He was the dread wolf Fenharel the one elvhen āgodā that was kept outside the camps. The one you did not want anywhere near your clan if you are Dalish.No matter how false the history was it was her responsibility to keep her Clan safe from him. Another reason is that he had kept so much from her even though he told her more than he did anyone... no matter that even to his Suprize he actually trusted her. His Lavellan
he didnāt expect or want to love her. She just..... She was beyond intelligent,kind,selfless an admirable fault. She cared about those who society had forgotten the spirits,the tranquil,the elves,to his dismay the grey wardens and even to his suprize him. He was weakened by her... he saw how when she laughed she shook her head. When she didnāt agree with something her right eyebrow would go up ever so slightly. He loved how she didnāt care about anyone elseās opinions only what was right. He liked late nights where sheād come to him and ask him to tell her storyās how her eyes would widen in wonder and how sheād always question what he was working on the following day. He loved how sheād challenge his ideas and even if she disagreed sheād try to see it his way without giving up on her views. He loved when heād sit with her head on his lap and just stroke her hair usually she would have fallen asleep by this point due to his long story explainations no matter how much sheād insisted she hadnāt. It made Solas chuckle. On the best days heād end up in the fade with her. Solas knew certain things more than most one of those being how dreams show the truth of a person and Lavellans truth was like Chocolate dark and sweet. Sheād lost so much her Clan,her family, haven,and when the mark spreads far enough ...No he couldnāt fathom that not for her. Even if it meant telling her the truth about who he was and his plans heād save her. Even if she vowed to stop him even if he finally got his worst fear strong alone heād hell her. However he didnāt worry about himself and loosing her telling her the truth about who He was The Dread wolf ... it would leave her in pieces all alone with her demons. He had to tell her for her sake or leave her for her sake. His Lavellan he watched her observing how she was asleep on the usually covered couch in his room. Her hair a mess her ears bent and red how she was... peaceful. Innocent he loved that innocence. The fact sheād endured so much but still believed in people and humans and .... him. How she believed she could endure anything and survive how things didnāt have to be so bad. But she hadnāt seen what he did. She didnāt watch her people die. She wasnāt the reason they were gone. She didnāt know how heād have to kill all his friends including...No she was elvhen maybe he could save her. She didnāt deserve this.
He was taking her to Crestwood Tommorow where he had originally planned to tell her everything. However he Wasnāt worthy of her she deserved better the removal of her slave marks perhaps? Freedom from him. She was worthy of so much more. Sheād most likely keep the valaslin as a way to honor her dead Clan and those who had lost thier lives to being elvhen. However She deserved better than this than him. He was a broken man not a god,nor a king,a man whoād failed his people and who would fail her too if he stayed with her somehow. He was going to break up with her tommorow for her own good he couldnāt taint her innocence he couldnāt let the truth of who and what he was break her and most importantly he needed to make her hate him so that she wouldnāt try to take the burden of removing the veil off his shoulders. He couldnāt put her through what he went through.
She was worthy of more and Solas would do whatever he had to to ensure she got it. Including a talk with that smug commander who didnāt derseve her one bit but was a better option for her than him.
He would ask Cullen to take care of her especially after he leaves with the orb of course that part would be omitted from the conversation.He would ask Cullen to love her in all the ways he could not. He would ask him to take care of her and hold her tighter than anything else heād seen. However part of Solas knew she would say no to Cullen she just wasnāt into him so. Solas would have to talk to somebody he liked much less however could still protect her more than he ever could.
Dorian May had been into men but that didnāt mean he didnāt love the inquisitior as a sister as the family he didnāt have. So Solas would swallow his pride and tell Dorian to protect her and love her as the sister he had needed. He Would also make explicitly clear to Dorian that if anything happened to her he would personally ensure Dorian would never be happy.
Solas just didnāt trust Dorian the man owned both Elvhen and spirit slaves.
However Lavellan did and she needed somebody more deserving of her than him and Dorian didnāt fail his own people.
Lavellan deserves the best even if He had to loose her for it. He could deal with loss better than most. Heād be fine so he needed to give her the same chance.
