#daftinkslinger

It’s one of those hot days in Gravity Falls. Yknow? The type of day that can peel paint from the walls. The type of heat that turns the cool waters of the lake into a bubbling Jacuzzi. That sort of hot?

When it gets to be this unbearable, it is decided that there’s only one place to go to get out of this weather. The Ice Cream Parlor.

Ahhh the Ice Cream Parlor; the home to many summer days avoiding the heat, and summer nights when sweet tooths craved that needed treat. From everyday flavors such as vanilla and chocolate, to the more exotic tastes of Coconut Peanut Brittle and Minty Pineapple, the Ice Cream parlor in Gravity Falls had it all. It was a second home to the people of Gravity Falls, as it had been here since the early pioneer days. It was also known to be the hotspot for a threeway-couple who were currently occupying said area, along with one of the boyfriend’s sisters and her girlfriend.

“So we’re getting chocolate, vanilla and strawberry? And Mabel and Coraline want a double scoop of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup? Correct?” Dipper repeated the list he had written up (though extremely unnecessary) back to the group of four, who were seated in a booth near the very back of the parlor. On the left side of the booth sat Norman, Dipper’s boyfriend, and next to the medium sat Razputin, Dipper’s other boyfriend (and therefore also Norman’s boyfriend by definition). Across from the lanky boyfriend and goggle wearing boyfriend, sat a girl who looked identical to the boy holding the checklist (her name Mabel), and another girl with striking blue hair who had her arm wrapped precariously around the first girl (her name Coraline). Coraline was leaning against the paned glass of the parlor’s window, Mabel leaning back into her chest, a content smile tugging the corners of her braced face. Coraline herself had a long, lazy smile stretching her lips, innerly snickering at the fact that Dipper had actually written up a list of what ice cream they wanted on a napkin five minutes prior. She knew Dipper had a problem with organization and planning, but she never thought his issues would dip into OCD. She silently chuckled, wondering how Norman and Raz could deal with someone so uptight and high strung. It was a mystery she would never solve.

Speaking of the two….

“But I wanted Pistachio,” Raz whined, sprawling his upper half across the table in over dramatic fashion (as he was prone to doing, usually to get a chuckle out of his friends).

“No way! Pistachio’s gross! Besides,” Dipper explained, rubbing the bridge of his nose in irritation, “We always get strawberry, vanilla and chocolate. That’s the plan. If all of us get the three original flavors, then that means we can each share it. It be like eating a neapolitan bar!”

“But if that’s the case, then why don’t you just buy Neapolitan instead? You get all three flavors, and me and Norman can finally get what we want?” Raz continued to whine, his voice growing higher in pitch. Norman rolled his eyes at the childish display, but couldn’t help agreeing with Razputin on the ice cream debacle.

“But it’s not romantic! You’ve seen summer movies haven’t you? They always have those ones where the boy gets chocolate and the girl gets vanilla. But no one ever gets strawberry, even though it goes great with the other two. And why’s that? Because there’s only two people to share an ice cream with, so you only need two flavors. But with us, we’re in a three way relationship, which means we have the opportunity to get all three flavors,” Dipper said, trying to explain the logic in his utterly ridiculous (though sentimentally sweet) reasoning.

“We could still share. I’ll let you have a lick of my pistachio,” Raz offered, to which Dipper’s nose wrinkled in disgust.

“Pass! I can’t stand that stuff. Come on Norman, back me up on this. You agree with me, don't you?" He turned his gaze to the medium, eyes shining expectantly. Norman looked back at him with a guilty smile.

"Sorry Dip, but I'm actually with Raz on this." The group gasped, even Razputin, because when it came to Norman and Raz, the two didn't often see eye to eye. You could even say the two went out of their way to disagree with the other. So to have Norman actually favor Raz's idea over Dipper's was truly a spectacle to behold.

“What’s this? Do my ears deceive me? Has hell suddenly frozen over? Norman Babcock, is agreeing with me, Razputin Aquato? It’s unbelievable  unheard of, unthinka-”

“You want me to revoke my earlier statement?” Norman said, raising his eyebrow in mock-threat.

Raz sunk further into the booth, “I’ll be good.”

Smiling, Norman reached over to plant a not-so-gentle kiss against Raz’s lips. “Good,” he said when he pulled away, lightly slapping Raz’s cheek before turning back to Dipper. “Yeah, so I’m going to go with Raz on this babe. Sorry.”

Dipper frowned, crumpling the paper napkin he wrote his list on. “Fine, that’s cool. Whatever, it’s not like this is our usual or anything? No go ahead and ruin the plans I worked so hard on, see if I care.”

“Oh here we go…” Coraline rolled her eyes. Dipper caught sight of it and tossed the crumpled list at her head. “Hey!”

“Come on Dip, it’s not that big of a deal. Don’t overreact,” Norman said, trying to cool the slowly fuming teen.

“Yeah Dippy. It’s not like the list took forever to make,” Raz chimed in. He sunk another inch when he received both a glare from Norman and Dipper.

“Fine, if it’s not such a big deal, then you go get the ice cream. After all, you know what you want so you might as well go get it!” Dipper huffed, squeezing into the seat  beside his sister, ignoring Coraline’s protests and kicks. Norman sighed, knowing Dipper was going to remain in one of his  many moods; for how long, Norman couldn’t say, but he did know it was going to be a while. So, getting up from his seat, he took the wallet Dipper held out for him and began to make his way to the cashier.

He stopped to look at the almost endless selection of ice cream, wondering what he might want. When his eye’s caught sight of the toffee flavored ice cream, he licked his lips hungrily, deciding on that as his scoop. Then he turned to the smiling cashier girl behind the counter, ready to order. “Hi, can I get a double scoop of Reese’s peanut butter, a scoop of pistachio, toffee, and Neapolitan...actually...make that one a double scoop too,” he smiled sheepishly. Maybe if he did a little kissing up, some of Dipper’s frustration would wane. He hoped.

“Sure,” the girl smiled sweetly, taking the money from his hand, “But it’s gonna be a second. Is that alright?”

“Sure, no rush.”

The girl gave an awkward little bow and then disappeared into the back, probably where all the frozen ice cream was being kept. As he waited, he felt a presence step behind him in line. “Oh….sorry. Go ahead, I’m done ordering,” he sashayed to the side, and turned to smile at the customer, only to have it wiped quickly from his face. “Oh….it’s you.”

Pacifica Northwest smirked, “Why Norman, what a surprise? Why, whatever are you doing here?” she asked, voice dripping with false interest. Her posse behind her giggled snidely. Norman rolled his eyes. What else would he be doing here than buying ice cream and getting out of the heat? She was planning something…

“Getting ice cream…”

“Oh really? Woooow,” she said, stressing the last word prolongedly (though it was very unnecessary). Her friends giggled again. Then they stopped and looked around, obviously looking for something as they eyed the entire place with hawk-like determination. When they spotted their target (Norman noticed their eyes stopped on the area he was sitting at), they nudged Pacifica and whispered something into her ear, though Norman already had a good assumption on what it was. Her eyes seemed to light up at the information they were sharing and Norman felt his stomach churn. He really didn’t like this…

“So Mabel and the others are with you too?” she said, this time, the interest in her tone being very genuine.

“Yes,” he said reluctantly. There was no use denying it, her little groupies had seen them.

“Oh yes…..how is that silly little girl? Still hanging nacho’s from her earlobes?” Pacifica laughed at her own joke, her groupies joining in alongside her. The more they giggled and laughed, the more Norman’s temple seemed to pulse with irritation.

“She’s not silly. Her ideas are creative and original...something you could take a page from,” the words were out of his mouth before he could stop it. Pacifica stopped laughing, and her groupies gasped, eyeing Pacifica worriedly, wondering what she would do. For a second, it looked as if she was going to lose her composure. Somehow though, she managed to keep her cool at the last moment, laughing overdramatically as if he had told her a joke.

“Oh Norman, that’s a good one. I really deserved that.” The twitch in her eye said otherwise.

“Look Pacifica, let’s cut the crap shall we? I know you want something from me, so just tell me what it is and let me get back to my friends, alright?” he prayed the girl who had been behind the cash register would come back soon.

Pacifica tossed her hair back, lowered her head to a 40 degree angle and then began to bat her eyelashes seductively. To Norman though, it just looked like she got a piece of lint stuck in her eye. “What I want Norman? Why isn’t it obvious? I want you.”

Hold up! Rewind! Take it back a step! Repeat? “Excuse me?” he physically shuddered. He couldn’t have heard right.

But he must have when she suddenly leaned against him, her hands resting flat against his chest. The poise was so common to him (because he had seen his sister do it to thousands of boys) that he was horribly reminded of her. He blanched. “I said….I want you,” she purred and Norman did everything in his power to not start screaming like a scared ass bitch.

“What are you talking about? Since when have you ever wanted me? What are you playing at?”

“Why do you think I’m playing at something?” she pouted, but he noticed as she said it, her eyes quickly flashed to the area where Mabel and them were sitting. So there was a catch.

“Tell me the truth what is it you want?” he snapped, no longer playing nice guy. He hadn’t noticed that her posse was no longer beside her, but she seemed well aware of that, because the second she heard coming footsteps, she grabbed Norman by the front of his jacket and planted a kiss right smack on his lips.

It had to be one of worst kisses he had ever experienced, and he had an aunt who used to give a little too much tongue during her Christmas greetings. Her lips were glossed with cherry flavored lip balm, a flavor that Norman couldn’t stand and they were too thin against his and just everything about the kiss was awful and gross and HO SHIT WHY IS DIPPER AND RAZ HERE?

It seemed that while Pacifica was busy distracting Norman, her little groupies had gone off to bring his friends over. He pushed Pacifica away as quickly as he could, reaching up to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand, wanting to get the taste of cherry off his lips. He spotted Dipper’s expression and shrank into himself. The boy was livid, fuming silently. If he were anymore angry he’d be foaming at the mouth. If Norman wasn’t in the dog house before, he certainly was now.

“Well look at this little surprise. Good to see you Dipper. I was just having a little chat with your boyfriend. He’s quite the smooth talker. But then with lips like those I wouldn’t expect anything less,” she hissed. Raz had to wrap his arm around Dipper’s waist to keep him from killing the rich girl.

“Pacifica. You planned this didn’t you. You got your posse to bring us and when you heard us coming you kissed Norman, fully aware that he was already taken,” Mabel growled, fuming herself. She knew the girl was doing it to exact her revenge on her brother, and she didn’t like it. Pacifica could bully her all she wanted (Mabel was used to it), but when she messed with one of Mabel’s friends or, more importantly, her brother, that’s something she wouldn’t tolerate.

“Now why would I do that? Maybe he kissed me?” Pacifica huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. It was very obvious that it was getting harder to contain Dipper.

“You stupid b-njnjnknjdsncjds” Raz smacked his hand over Dipper’s mouth to stop the string of curses from flying out of the behatted teen.

“You’re a liar Pacifica. There’s no way Norman would ever kiss someone like you? Who wants to kiss a girl who looks like a hooker?” Coraline retorted. Pacifica’s nostrils flared.

She stepped into Coraline’s space, “You wanna repeat that again, goth girl.”

“Oh is that the best comeback you can come up with? I’ve seen better comebacks on the backs of cereal boxes.” Coraline rolled her eyes and just ducked in time to miss the swipe of Pacific’s long talons. “You wanna go?” she said when she came back up, her hands balled into fist, ready to fight. Raz, surprisingly, decided to be the mediator between the two.

“That’s enough. Come now, fighting in an ice cream parlor? I’m all for getting down and dirty….but even I know how stupid it is to get banned from the one place that is always air conditioned. Besides, fist? Really? That’s just pathetic Cora. For someone like Pacifica, she deserves some tact, don’t you think?” the group looked at Raz in bewilderment. Even Pacifica and her friends stared at him in disbelief. Was he really standing up for them?

Before Norman or Dip could curse their boyfriend out, the girl behind the cash register returned, carrying a platter of their order. Raz eyed it and smiled. “Come on guys, let’s be tasteful about this. You’re classy people.” He turned to Pacifica and gave her a wink. Then he turned towards his friends and added, “Me on the other hand-”

The platter the girl was holding was suddenly lifted into the air by it’s own accord. The cashier screamed and ran back into the door she had exited out of. The platter floated over towards Pacifica, and then, quite suddenly, it tipped over, all the contents spilling out and covering Pacifica and her friends in sticky ice cream. The three girls let out shrill screams, while Mabel, Coraline, Norman and Dipper laughed at their misery. “See me….I never really did have class,” Raz shrugged, smiling victoriously as the two posse’s went running out the front door with their tail between their legs. Before Pacifica had a chance to run off with them, Raz grabbed her by the back of her shirt and pulled her forward. Gone was the cheerful disposition, replaced by a looming rage.

“And let’s get one thing straight. You ever kiss my boyfriend again….And it’ll be more than just ice cream that rains on your parade….capeche?” Pacifica nodded fearfully and with that, he released her shirt and she bolted, screaming something about how they’d pay for this.

“Great job Raz, though, now we don’t have ice cream anymore,” Norman said, giving the shorter of the two a noogie. Raz pushed his arm away, kissed his cheek, and then turned to Dipper to plant a kiss on his cheek as well.

“Don’t worry, I’ll pay for the next round.”

“If you can get the poor girl to come out of the freezer. You scared her half to death,” Mabel piped up, looking in the direction the cashier had run off. Raz smiled sheepishly.

“Yeah, didn’t mean to frighten her….but it was still worth it to take that stupid Pacifica down a beg.