#dafspi rambles

I have seen some people talk about this topic and I feel very vulnerable when talking about it, but nowadays when I'm hyperfixated on a piece of media, I can't interact with it/consume it, because when I do I go into fight or flight mode. I get a chill across my spine and neck, a racing heart, catastrophic thoughts, I start shaking and often get nauseous to the point where I have to throw up. It seems to be some type of meltdown. I have been dealing with this issue for like a decade now and it started back in 2015 when Predator was my hyperfixation. It was also during the time I was in my final years of high school and I was very much involved in online Predator fandom spaces, which often were quite toxic. These two things combined caused me to get burnt out. I remember watching Predator 2 in April of 2015 during the Easter weekend and not feeling any joy from it, unlike I usually did when watching a Predator movie, and only feeling overstimulated and anxious. Over the course of months I started overthinking what happened back then, which caused my anxiety to worsen and I started to associate my Predator hyperfixation with anxiety, which caused it to get worse until the point of full blown meltdowns/panic attacks. Even after my Predator hyperfixation faded this didn't go away because I had started to associate hyperfixations in general with extreme anxiety and meltdowns, no matter the subject or piece of media.