#dadward

“Come in, come in!” He stepped through the doorway, and she hugged him. “Sorry for dropping in out of the blue like this,” he said, a self-conscious hand at the back of his neck. She shook her head briefly. “Don’t be, you know our home has always been open. I just didn’t know you’d be in Central today.” His mouth quirked. “Yeah, I had to meet with Colonel Bastard earlier, work out how having a job and a working spouse affects my pension and all that crap.” “Isn’t Roy a brigadier general now?” “Right, right, Bastard General Mustang.” Elicia suddenly rocketed into the room, having finally found her shoes. “Who’s here?! Is it-” She stopped short, then gasped excitedly. “Ed!” she squealed as she practically tackled him, squeezing his middle in a Armstrong-worthy embrace. “Hey, Elicia,” the young man grunted as he wrapped his arms around her in turn. The brown-haired girl beamed up at him with a smile that had a couple new gaps. He tapped a fist gently on the top of her head, which now reached his chest. “Damn, kid, you’ve really grown.” “Yep!” She proudly proclaimed, leaping back to show off her new height, back straight and hands on hips. “Uncle Roy said I’ll be taller than you pretty soon!” Edward reflexively twitched. “Of course he did,” he growled through clenched teeth. A vein started to throb in his forehead, though he restrained himself magnificently. Gracia sighed internally, wondering if the long-running, and now inaccurate, joke would ever end. Judging by the not-so-innocent gleam in her daughter’s eye, though, it was possible Roy had never actually said that, and Elicia was simply scapegoating him for her own amusement. She had been exhibiting strains of her father’s sense of humor lately. “Elicia, are you still going to Tabitha’s?” The girl’s eyes went wide at the question. “Uhh…” She anxiously looked back and forth between the open door and their visiting friend, torn between baby animals and exotic stories. “Umm…oh, I know!” She turned to Edward eagerly. “Do you want to have dinner with us tonight?” Distinctly uncomfortable, he glanced at Gracia. “Er, I don’t think…” She smiled. “That’s a good idea, Elicia. Do you have somewhere else you need to be tonight, Edward?” “Well, no, but you don’t have to-” “Like I said, our home is open to you. Don’t ever worry about imposing. I made a big meal today, anyway.” He shrugged. “Alright, then. Thanks, Mrs. Hughes.” “Okay, I’ll see you later then!” called Elicia, already scampering away. “I’ve got some puppies to cuddle! Bye!” She borderline slammed the door behind her in her rush. There was an echoing silence as soon as the energetic girl left. After a few seconds, Edward shook his head fondly. “She just carries a whole atmosphere with her, huh?” Gracia chuckled. “That she does.” Just like he used to. She excused herself to the kitchen to make tea. When she returned, he was sitting on the couch in a sprawling position, legs splayed as far as they could go. There was a notebook in his left hand and a pencil in the right, the latter tapping against his lip until he murmured a few words to himself and scribbled something on an open page. She set the tray down on the coffee table with a slight rattle. Edward jumped and looked around wildly for a moment, apparently having forgotten his surroundings. He relaxed when he saw it was just her, and she gestured at the pencil. “Are you right-handed, then? I always thought you wrote with your left.” He closed the pencil in the book and tucked it away in a coat pocket. “I was right-handed originally, but after I got my automail I had to learn to do a lot of things with my left hand. Automail’s pretty useful, but it doesn’t do too well with the delicate stuff.” He selected a cup with his left and considered it thoughtfully. “So I guess I’m ambidextrous or something now.” Gracia sat across from the young man and picked up her own, watching him over the rim. He seemed a bit restless, not as though he needed to leave, but more like he had an itch he couldn’t quite find. She saw the same body language in Elicia when she had questions she didn’t know how to ask. Maybe he’ll open up with a bit of fishing. Edward took a gulp of the tea and nodded appreciatively at the lack of cream. She took a sip herself and asked, “What has Alphonse been up to recently?” He sighed, deflating. “He went back to Xing again. Without me, but I couldn’t make it this time” He must miss him. “Is he still studying alkahestry?” “Yep,” Edward replied, his voice taking on a proud tone. “He took a compilation of my research in the West that he and May are going to share with a Xingese chimera research group in exchange for access to their work. He theorizes that the alkahestry principles of circulating power can work to reverse transmutations more effectively by considering the original structure and the final product as binary options instead of…” He trailed off at her blankly polite expression. “That doesn’t mean anything to you, does it,” he intoned dryly. “I’m afraid not,” she admitted, “but it sounds like you’re both enthusiastic about the possibilities.” “It’s a step closer to our goal, at any rate.” Gracia hummed understandingly. This doesn’t seem to be ringing the right bell. “Well, what about Winry, then? How is she doing?” The golden-haired man choked on his mouthful of tea and had to spit quite a bit of it back into the cup. Gracia winced at the subsequent coughing, but he recovered quickly. “Winry?” he repeated, almost too nonchalantly. “She’s fine! Totally normal. Yep. Everything’s good back in Resembool.” She eyed him suspiciously. This squeaking and dithering whenever Winry was mentioned had stopped very soon after their wedding. She hadn’t seen this sort of behavior from him in over a year. “Really,” she stated flatly. Shifting uncomfortably, a hint of a blush appeared on Edward’s face, along with, oddly enough, a smile. Bingo. “Actually, she’s pregnant.” The widow’s eyebrows shot up, disappearing under her bangs. “Is that so?” He nodded, smile stretching and cheeks reddening further. “Well, congratulations to you two! That’s wonderful news!” His eyes were bright with excitement, but also clouded with some uncertainty. “It’s…amazing,” he said softly, like he still couldn’t quite believe it was real. Not an uncommon feeling, if Gracia remembered her pregnancy days accurately. Until the moment they were placed in your arms, a baby was always a bit of a fantasy. “And Winry, she’s amazing, she’s going to be an incredible mother. Only…” He bowed his head, bangs hiding his face, and gripped his knees, the left letting out a muffled clinking sound. It was a few moments before he confessed in a low voice, “I don’t think I’ll be a very good dad.” Gracia studied him for a bit, giving them each time to collect their thoughts.“Why would you think that?” she probed gently. He huffed out a short, bitter laugh and looked at her through the frame of hair. “It’s not like my childhood was brimming with great examples of fatherhood. Just, y’know…” He trailed off, glancing at the picture hung on the wall opposite the front door. Gracia felt the familiar pinch of loss as she looked at the lovingly placed photograph, one of the last they’d taken as a complete family. It was older than she wanted it to be. “I never gave it much thought before,” Edward’s voice dragged her attention back to his face, which was contorted with the agony of self-doubt. “But lately I haven’t been able to stop thinking of the shitton of ways I could screw up my own kid. How-” His brow pinched as he gazed at the floor with a helpless expression. “How do people do this parenting stuff?” Suddenly Gracia understood, though she wasn’t sure Edward did. Why he had come to visit in person, alone, instead of sharing the news over the phone. Why he had come by himself and not with Winry. The retirement funds had just been an excuse to come to Central. In his uncertainty, he had gravitated toward the person whom he identified as an ideal father, perhaps unconsciously seeking advice. An unexpected wave of grief made her breath catch. And where was he? Maes’s absence, an aching wound that could never fully close, seemed to flare anew. She fiercely wished for his presence, to give this troubled soon-to-be father the support he so desperately desired. She wished he could have known her husband longer, long enough to have been properly educated in his paternal expertise. What could she provide? Despite holding an equal amount of affection for the Elric brothers, she didn’t connect with them the same way Maes had, the way he had with everyone he met. But still… Gracia stood up and shuffled a few steps to sit next to Edward on the couch. He glanced up at her and she put a comforting hand on his shoulder. After a moment, she asked, “Edward, did you have an older sibling growing up?” “Nooo…” he drew out questioningly, knowing she was already aware of this. “What about a cousin? Or perhaps a neighbor that you saw in a similar light?” She pressed. He frowned, confused. “No, there wasn’t anyone like that.” “So you had no precedent for your relationship with Alphonse?” “…What are you saying?” “You didn’t need to be taught how to be his older brother. Nobody showed you everything to do to take care of him.” A skeptical pair of eyebrows rose above golden eyes. “Yeah, and absolutely nothing went wrong there,” he drawled in a self-deprecating tone. “I only lost his entire freaking body.” “And then got it back. At no small cost to yourself, I might add,” she countered. Edward opened his mouth, no doubt with an argument on the tip of his tongue, but she pressed on. “I’m not talking about the mistakes that led you to losing your bodies, okay? You’ve learned and matured so much since then, we both know better than to think you’d try something like that again.” “Of course not! But not doing human transmutation doesn’t automatically make me a good father!” She shook her head. “You’re missing the point, Edward. With Alphonse, you’ve been willing to sacrifice anything, to do the impossible so that he could be happy and enjoy his life.” “He’s my little brother,” the young man stated, almost helplessly, like it was the most obvious reason in the world. As if every older sibling would have gone to such extreme lengths for their younger. “Exactly. So you never give up trying, even when you don’t know what to do, because you love him.” She paused, and waited for him to hesitantly nod and meet her eyes. “Raising a child is no different. No matter what they might think, no new parent is prepared for the constant work a child takes. Maes and I certainly weren’t.” He seemed somewhat surprised at that. “It’s exhausting, and frustrating, and most of the time feels like you’re completely improvising.” She took a moment to examine him, seeing a rare vulnerability in his open expression. It drew a comforting smile from her as she encouraged him. “Edward Elric, you are already a man who loves his family with every ounce of his being. You help them to see everything good about themselves. You would change the world for them, protect them from the forces of hell itself with no hesitation. And if you end up being half the father that you are big brother, then you have nothing to worry about. Under your care, that child is going to grow up feeling safe and important and cherished.” The young man sat staring at her, stunned, eyes wide and a bit watery as he took in the sincerity in her face. BANG. “I’m ho-ome!” Elicia sang as she burst through the front door, unaware that she had put the inhabitants in danger of cardiac arrest. “Elicia!” Gracia scolded. “You know not to slam the door like that! If you put a dent in the wall, we’ll have to pay to fix it.” “Sorry, Mom, but guess what?! Tabitha’s puppies are sooo cuuute, and this little brown one kept snuggling with me and she even licked my hand!” “Let’s go check on dinner, honey. Tell me more in the kitchen.” The girl danced from the room, chattering nonstop, and Gracia patted Edward’s arm on her way out. The casserole was nearly finished, and she instructed her daughter to set the table with three places. The father-to-be had collected himself by the time she returned to the sitting room. “Just a few minutes until dinner is ready. I’m sure you remember where the bathroom is.” “Yeah.” He stood, heading towards the hallway. Before reaching it, however, he detoured to give the woman a tight, if unexpected, hug. “Thank you, Mrs. Hughes.” Hugging him back, she whispered, “No matter what you might think, you really are cut out for this.” “Mom! The timer went off!” Edward broke away and brushed his bangs out of his face. “I’d better wash up.” He headed into the hallway. Watching as those now-broad shoulders disappeared behind the bathroom door, Gracia whispered, “Oh, Maes. I hope you can see how well he’s grown up.” And, as she turned back to the kitchen to finish preparing the family meal, she felt a wordless agreement warm her heart, and knew he was just as proud as she was.