š„š®šš¢š šš«šššš¢š ,
Ā Ā Ā Ā š¬š”šāš š¬š¦š®š š š„šš š š©ššš¤ šØš šš¢š šš«ššššš¬ š¢š§ šš”š šššš”š«šØšØš¦ ā stashed behind the toilet tank like a dirty secret, as if anyone else would point out sheād triumphantly announced she would quit just two weeks before ā anyone but herself. up on a stool so the smoke would float out the tiny window up above, when she saw the truck pulling in. the engine huffing as it came to a halt, the gleam of a pale winter sun bouncing off the windshield. for a second she let that simple image sit with her, resting on her irises: something mundane, almost depressing in its simplicity. a life of nothing, of pulling in on weekdays and getting out on weekends āā wasnāt theirs, though. could never be theirs. he wouldnāt come in right away. if this was a movie, perhaps he would ā all the more mundane, and simpler, for there is no distinction between light and darkness and all things good are good right until the end, and all things evil are gone and vanquished. fred laughed, mostly at herself. born and raised in the faded confines of penumbra, and now yearning for the clear cut lines between light and dark āā living in shadows got harder, and she kept growing more confused.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā she was growing used to his silences ā the pauses in between, like punctuation points for sentences she couldnāt quite understand in their entirety. and in the doubt she felt a guilt brewing, and wondered idly if this was right for him, or if sheād just prepared another cage for a man who didnāt know belonging unless it came with a noose around his neck. lately sheād been dreaming of a beaten dog, the same one every night, and it wasnāt lost on her, the question it brought along āā and the pain it took, to think of ilias as a wounded animal, and the guilt it caused to know some wounds would never heal. but the door of the truck opened, and he came out āā and fred sighed, left a half-smoked cigarette on the toilet sink, and smirked about the times sheād yelled at charlie for doing the same.
Ā Ā Ā Ā charlieād grown tall enough that his frame now almost blocked out iliasā, and she had to tap him hard against the shoulder to get him to move. āi knew he would ā, fred smiled lightly, wholeheartedly now, without a sigh: ācause he was here. in between this and the moment of doubt was him being here, and real ā and though no triumph would follow along, or a choir of angels singing somewhere in the back of her mind, the warmth embrace of relief was welcome all the same, a small mercy in a cold winter. ā hey ā, she reached for his hand, then brushed her fingers against the bandages and examined them, carefully. washed out hues of red peeked in through the gauze, and the skin beneath it looked darkened. fred raised her gaze, then, to meet his, pleading for honesty: ā are you okay ?ā yet that sort of honesty demanded a different setting ā away from ed and lucie.
Ā Ā Ā Ā one hand on charlieās shoulder, to grab his attention. ā iām gonna take five, youāre okay to take over ?ā. didnāt expect much more than the charlie brand of sarcasm ā ā sure, go make out in the back ā, though his quips now came with a lower note at the end, half faded, not quite as convinced. still fred smiled, muttered āthank you ā, and nodded at ilias to head to the back room. there, door closed behind her, fred threw a glance at the first aid kit, but grabbed iliasā hand gently, instead of moving to the shelf to get it. looking up at him once, then brushing a thumb lightly against the bandages: ā what happened ? ā
ilias sucked his teeth in response to charlie's quip , though it was accompanied by a little smirk and a rough nudge of their shoulders as he passed by. a part of him wished that they stayed there for a moment , maybe to catch up or to just share the air. because every time fred looked at him now , it felt like she was carrying the weight of his world.
he leaned against a stack of crates as she closed the door. when she addressed the most immediate and visible of his wounds , he couldn't help the habit of pulling her in. since the day they met , it's all he's wanted to do. to hug her close and find safety in her space : take her in his nose and over his tongue , under his fingertips and his palms as he held her close. then , he suffocated her. so , ilias knew better by now. his touch was gentle , his fingertips travelled up her legs and over her hips. ilias looked up at her ever so slightly with tenderness before pressing a kiss against her left clavicle.
" would you believe me if i said i tripped and fell? " unlike kal , ilias' smiles were far and few. but with her , he offered a small smile whenever he could. he'd been too careless with her before , despite her pushback to being cared for like a glass doll. the rest of his life would be dedicated to making sure that they could smile freely , one day. without paranoia , worry , or disdain. he leaned in gently , silently asking for a kiss before he averted his gaze.
it wasn't until he sighed that he garnered the courage to lift his wounded hand and have her hold it as gently as she tended to with his wounds. " i found her last hideout , but i was being tailed and i had to climb a barbed wire fence. " he looked at her with a twinge of shame , but he shoved the monster back in it's cove. she couldn't know that paranoia ate him alive at night , the weight of looking out for himself and this little family they've constructed was enough to crush the very foundations of everything he knew. " kafka , she's not far. so , i diverged and put her on the wrong path. " he never knew whether to give details , not until she asked.
" i'm okay , really. "
his eyes searched hers , they were tired and the flame he knew as bic had dimmed ā nothing hurt him more than knowing that. ilias pressed his thumb against her cheek and dragged his knuckles along the edge of her jawline. " i won't have to go away for a while. "
anything she said after this would suffice as a damper on his nerves , since now he had a promise to fulfill with her. but she'd know that he wasn't telling her everything , that there was another part to the plan that he was devising during his every waking moment. he knew more after finding kafka's last spot , the plan had to change. it wasn't for the better. " i don't want to , i mean. "
















