#dadukos

        𝐬𝐡𝐞’𝐝 𝐬𝐦𝐮𝐠𝐠𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦 — stashed behind the toilet tank like a dirty secret, as if anyone else would point out she’d triumphantly announced she would quit just two weeks before — anyone but herself. up on a stool so the smoke would float out the tiny window up above, when she saw the truck pulling in. the engine huffing as it came to a halt, the gleam of a pale winter sun bouncing off the windshield. for a second she let that simple image sit with her, resting on her irises: something mundane, almost depressing in its simplicity. a life of nothing, of pulling in on weekdays and getting out on weekends —— wasn’t theirs, though. could never be theirs. he wouldn’t come in right away. if this was a movie, perhaps he would — all the more mundane, and simpler, for there is no distinction between light and darkness and all things good are good right until the end, and all things evil are gone and vanquished. fred laughed, mostly at herself. born and raised in the faded confines of penumbra, and now yearning for the clear cut lines between light and dark —— living in shadows got harder, and she kept growing more confused.

         she was growing used to his silences — the pauses in between, like punctuation points for sentences she couldn’t quite understand in their entirety. and in the doubt she felt a guilt brewing, and wondered idly if this was right for him, or if she’d just prepared another cage for a man who didn’t know belonging unless it came with a noose around his neck. lately she’d been dreaming of a beaten dog, the same one every night, and it wasn’t lost on her, the question it brought along —— and the pain it took, to think of ilias as a wounded animal, and the guilt it caused to know some wounds would never heal. but the door of the truck opened, and he came out —— and fred sighed, left a half-smoked cigarette on the toilet sink, and smirked about the times she’d yelled at charlie for doing the same.

        charlie’d grown tall enough that his frame now almost blocked out ilias’, and she had to tap him hard against the shoulder to get him to move. “i knew he would ”, fred smiled lightly, wholeheartedly now, without a sigh: ‘cause he was here. in between this and the moment of doubt was him being here, and real — and though no triumph would follow along, or a choir of angels singing somewhere in the back of her mind, the warmth embrace of relief was welcome all the same, a small mercy in a cold winter. “ hey ”, she reached for his hand, then brushed her fingers against the bandages and examined them, carefully. washed out hues of red peeked in through the gauze, and the skin beneath it looked darkened. fred raised her gaze, then, to meet his, pleading for honesty: “ are you okay ?” yet that sort of honesty demanded a different setting — away from ed and lucie.

        one hand on charlie’s shoulder, to grab his attention. “ i’m gonna take five, you’re okay to take over ?”. didn’t expect much more than the charlie brand of sarcasm — “ sure, go make out in the back ”, though his quips now came with a lower note at the end, half faded, not quite as convinced. still fred smiled, muttered “thank you ”, and nodded at ilias to head to the back room. there, door closed behind her, fred threw a glance at the first aid kit, but grabbed ilias’ hand gently, instead of moving to the shelf to get it. looking up at him once, then brushing a thumb lightly against the bandages: “ what happened ? ”

ilias sucked his teeth in response to charlie's quip , though it was accompanied by a little smirk and a rough nudge of their shoulders as he passed by. a part of him wished that they stayed there for a moment , maybe to catch up or to just share the air. because every time fred looked at him now , it felt like she was carrying the weight of his world.

he leaned against a stack of crates as she closed the door. when she addressed the most immediate and visible of his wounds , he couldn't help the habit of pulling her in. since the day they met , it's all he's wanted to do. to hug her close and find safety in her space : take her in his nose and over his tongue , under his fingertips and his palms as he held her close. then , he suffocated her. so , ilias knew better by now. his touch was gentle , his fingertips travelled up her legs and over her hips. ilias looked up at her ever so slightly with tenderness before pressing a kiss against her left clavicle.

" would you believe me if i said i tripped and fell? " unlike kal , ilias' smiles were far and few. but with her , he offered a small smile whenever he could. he'd been too careless with her before , despite her pushback to being cared for like a glass doll. the rest of his life would be dedicated to making sure that they could smile freely , one day. without paranoia , worry , or disdain. he leaned in gently , silently asking for a kiss before he averted his gaze.

it wasn't until he sighed that he garnered the courage to lift his wounded hand and have her hold it as gently as she tended to with his wounds. " i found her last hideout , but i was being tailed and i had to climb a barbed wire fence. " he looked at her with a twinge of shame , but he shoved the monster back in it's cove. she couldn't know that paranoia ate him alive at night , the weight of looking out for himself and this little family they've constructed was enough to crush the very foundations of everything he knew. " kafka , she's not far. so , i diverged and put her on the wrong path. " he never knew whether to give details , not until she asked.

" i'm okay , really. "

his eyes searched hers , they were tired and the flame he knew as bic had dimmed — nothing hurt him more than knowing that. ilias pressed his thumb against her cheek and dragged his knuckles along the edge of her jawline. " i won't have to go away for a while. "

            »    𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐄  /  @dadukos​    ,

                      “   please stop calling me that.   ”    he met her eyes ,   they were grey now and far from the eyes that she’d have to remember from this point on.   the name fell from her lips like a songbird’s tune  ,  kal .   if he had it in him ,  he’d grimace at the sound of his old alias.   the man she was looking for was nowhere to be seen and he hoped that she’d find him to be a stranger wearing someone else’s skin.    “  my name is  ilias abørn.  i am a contracted enforcer ,   liquidator ,  a hitman.  i was sent here to monitor you as a potential target.  the client has since pulled their request and my work here is done  ,  my occupancy here is no longer necessary.  ” 

                     there  ,  he said it.    the next part was going to require an incredulous amount of convincing that he has since lost his touch with  ,  but ilias was at a crossroads.   this was the first time he felt like  ‘  himself  ’   since meeting freddie dawson  ,  since the magmatic rage within him finally peeked through the cracks as he saw his consequence.   a family slain for his selfish pride  ,  his ill-quipped notion of confidence  ,  and that idiotic voice in the back of his head telling him that he could do this.   charlie was now a spitting image of a lifeless boy that grew into a man with no yearning for normalcy.  as if he could escape his destiny by simply running  ,  a stupid thought that he indulged in.   all for what?   

                    ilias sat with casual formality  ,  sitting at an angle so he could bring his legs from under the table to cross them  —  a rare sight for anyone who knew kal anderson as well as freddie did.   all notions of lackadaisical naturalness was replaced with an element of polished discipline  ,  though poe would beg to differ and say this was his sloppiest work yet.    he wore faded jeans  ,  dark brown boots  ,  and the dark long sleeve shirt that he had stowed away in the backpack he brought to ashville.   that very backpack that accompanied him to the far end of the bar in st. peter’s was now at his foot as he sat on the end of freddie’s small dining table.   his eyes were not cold  ,  nor were they warm.   in fact  ,  it would be amiss to consider them alive.   after all  ,  he was breaking two hearts tonight and leaving his behind with her.  he didn’t need it anymore.       (   ilias had to convince himself that this was all he could do to keep them away from the ones he grew to love here.  this was the best he could conjure to make sure that she was not the next cold body on kafka’s list for him to stumble upon.    )       the numbness settled for now and began to layer within him  :  a preparation for her power  ,  her uncanny ability to empathically convince him to emote and burst at the seams like he’d always wanted to.   he would make sure that it wouldn’t happen tonight  ,  otherwise  ——   it would make everything much harder for her without inadvertently killing her with kafka’s blade. 

@dadukos​​   :   🌌 for all of them ! OC EMOJI ASKS,   accepting!

🌌 MILKY WAY  -   what was the inspiration behind your oc? what was the first thing you decided about them?

with  PAT,  i’ve been writing her for a long time and she’s been through so much develpment that a lot of the things that inspired me to create her no longer make sense to who she is.   she was originally a b/reaking b/ad oc, and i remember thinking i wanted to write an oc that stood out on her own regardless of canon,  but obviously canon material brought me lots of ideas and inspo. my initial inspirations for her backstory were characters with revenge-centric storylines, like g/one g/irl’s a/my d/unne,  and bad tempers.   latin american culture was also a huge source of insporation,  as i was just starting to really connect with my culture and pat was the first latina muse i’ve ever written.   such a game-changer for my writing.

ROMAN  was originally supposed to be just a love interest npc for pat,  because i loved the chemistry between his fc and pat’s in the tv show n/arcos mexico.   at the time,  i had an oc named césar who owned a casino for money laundering and i wanted to stick to that kinda theme,  so that resulted in román’s gambling addiction.   he’s also loosely inspired on the real drug lord a/mado c/arrilo f/uentes,  who was a cartel pilot and eventually came to lead the  ( real )  juárez cartel.   taking elements from the lives of real life criminals definitely helps me create believable backstories.

LUPE  literally came to me in a dream.   i had a vivid dream about a young abused woman who committed infanticide and ran away from home.   i was very touched by it and decided i was going to write this mystery dream woman’s story.   little details that i usually struggle with when coming up with new muses  ( like their name,  fc,  etc )  came so easily to me.   she’s also inspired by the mexican urban legend of la llorona!

LAURA:  i knew from the beginning i wanted her to be román’s (now ex-)wife,  a lesbian in a chaotic het marriage.   definitely projected some of my own issues with comphet onto her.   i also took inspiration from jenna’s character in the show the s/erpent,  not for laura’s personality or backstory,  but some elements of how she operates as a con artist;  but more important,  her wardrobe.   it screams laura.

                      𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐘  ,  𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐀𝐈𝐑.   he turned off his car engine and found some welcomed nostalgia in this moment  :  sitting in the parking lot outside of an old drugstore.  it was something they both related to  ,  old and rusty on the outside but reformed and warm on the inside.  they found that in each other  ,  he and fred.  he sighed , a cloud of fog formed with his breath.        how did it come to this?       ilias saw it as a cage  ,  this drugstore of hers.  a nice cage.  fruits from young trees that she burrowed in supple soil with her own hands  ,  and she seemed to enjoy the feeling of flour now  ,  cool powder that sticks and puffs.  at some point in time  ,  it would have annoyed her that it got everywhere.

she makes pie now.  wonderful pies ,  he thought.  she never believed him when he said he enjoyed them  ,  because they weren’t ever going to be good to her own taste.  never enough sweetness , bitterness , or never the right texture.  but that’s what made it perfect  ,  to him at least.  that’s what made her perfect.    he opened the door to his truck and checked the duffel in the back  ,   it didn’t carry much.  just a few change of clothes and boots  ,  three glocks and twenty boxes of ammunition.  and a diary.  but he didn’t want to think about that right now. 

when he walks in  ,  a few people from the town greet him with that mumbled hallmark greeting.  a bunch of  “ hey! “ and  “ look who it is! “  and  “ big guy! ”  ,  as if it was supposed to be comforting.  but they liked the community  ,  fred and charlie.  so  ,  he liked it too.  after all  ,  he’s ed turner of the turner family of turner’s corner store.  it wasn’t on a corner like they usually were  ,  but rather there was a corner in it for a passerby to enjoy a slice of pie and a coffee.  see?  corner store.   he nodded and held a hand up to the few people who greeted him  ,  he passed them with gentle greetings on his way to the back.  

“  hey , kid.  ”  he spoke gently to the young man with the apron.  charlie turned around and to ilias’ surprise  ,  he had a beard.  and his hair was longer , curlier than usual.  but the smile on his face was the same and his hugs were just as tight.  behind him  ,  was her.   charlie hooked his chin on ilias’ shoulder and smiled  ,  “  told you he’d be back soon.  ”  ilias looked at freddie and reached a hand out to her.  his write hand was bandaged and bruised  ,  he’d explain later. 

hi.  his eyes remained on hers.  i missed you.

@dadukos​   :   📁📁📁📁📁!! SEND 📁 FOR A HEADCANON,   accepting!

pat’s pretty much always armed,  because she’s paranoid as hell.   going for a walk at the park?   she has at least a handgun in her bag.   you never know what’s going to happen.

pat is a confident woman in many ways;  she’s beautiful and she knows it.   but she puts a lot of her self-worth on her looks and this makes her very insecure about being seen by others when she’s not looking flawless.   you’ll very rarely catch her with her natural hair,  no makeup,  and wearing simple comfortable clothes like a hoodie.   if she  does  allow you to see her like that,  consider yourself special.

she’s alwayssss wearing jewelry,  often multiple pieces.   i know i bring this up a lot,  but it’s such a core part of her style and aesthetic,  as well as a fact that makes her stand out in a crowd.

she loves children and is very good with them,  and although she’s hot-headed,  she generally shows children a lot more patience than she would to an adult.