Headcanon: Bruce Wayne Wants to Adopt Billy Batson
Listen. Bruce has adopted kids for way less. But this? This is fate. This is destiny. This isâ
"Billy Batson."
Bruce took one look at the kid and immediately felt the urge to offer him an official Wayne adoption package, complete with a new bedroom, an allowance, and an endless supply of overprotective siblings. Unfortunately, the Justice League refuses to let Billy join the Batfamily because, and I quote, "Bruce, heâs already got a life and a home, you canât just keep adopting every emotionally repressed child you meet."
The child safety authorities also arenât thrilled. To them, Bruce Wayne is looking less like a responsible billionaire philanthropist and more like a collector. Theyâre not convinced this isnât some kind of elaborate PokĂŠmon situation, where Bruce is determined to catch âem all.
So now Bruce is stuck. Billyâs technically fineâhe has a home, heâs got a support system, heâs got the wisdom of Solomonâbut Bruce knows that under all that magic, thereâs just a kid who could use a stable adult in his corner.
So he does the next best thing: He mentors Billy in the most passive-aggressive way possible. Is Billy on patrol? Guess who just happens to be nearby, offering unsolicited advice and stealth-dropping life lessons. Did Billy get into trouble? Bruce is already handling it before Billy even realizes there was a problem. Randomly, Billy starts getting care packagesâexpensive gloves for the winter, school supplies, a suspiciously well-balanced meal delivered to his apartment.
Billy: "Did you send me food?" Bruce: "I have no idea what youâre talking about." (He absolutely did.)
Meanwhile, the Batkids just accept that Billy is basically their brother now, official paperwork or not.
Jason: "You know heâs gonna wear you down eventually, right?" Billy: "The League wonât let him." Tim: "Yeah, neither would CPS, and yet here we are." Billy: "âŚOh god, Iâm gonna be a Wayne, arenât I?" Dick, grinning: "We already got your room ready!"
Bruce is just waiting. One day, Billy will give in. One day.
