namjin #15
oh man i am so sorry this took so long!! i’ve been having a writer’s block of sorts (more like a life block) for the past few weeks, but anyway, i hope you enjoy this!! thank you for requesting ^3^
15. “i made your favorite.” + namjin
Sometimes, Seokjin felt at peace when he was baking.
The not having to think about what he had to do when was he kneading dough settled his nerves. The feeling of the starchy mass underneath his fingertips was in a weird way, extremely comforting. The dough was putty in his hands and he had full control.
Seokjin liked having control.
Especially when it came to his younger boyfriend Namjoon.
But Namjoon wasn’t dough that Seokjin could shape into any form he wanted. Namjoon was a human being, with his own thoughts and desires and dreams and ideas. And what ideas he had!
One doctorates degree under his belt by the time he turned twenty three and went on to get two more doctorates because Namjoon was a master of school-related trades and he loved to learn. Unlike his boyfriend, Seokjin had went to culinary school instead and then opened up his bakery.
Namjoon was now twenty seven and on the verge of acquiring his third doctorate degree. Seokjin was still in awe about that, but it was Namjoon after all so he shouldn’t have felt too surprised.
Namjoon was incredibly intelligent, but he was clumsy and quite literally broke all that he touched. Seokjin often thought of him as a puppy, but Namjoon would argue that he was more like an egg.
Seokjin really saw no sense to that particular argument other than that Namjoon was fighting for power and he wasn’t going to give in so easily. Seokjin amused the pointless bickering anywayーanything to let Namjoon think that he was the one in control of the situation.
But by the end of the day, it didn’t really matter whether Namjoon thought he was in control or not. He still let Seokjin make love to him every other night and occasionally they would switch so Namjoon made love to his older boyfriend instead and that was really all that mattered.
Not the little argument they had a few days beforehand. Nope. That didn’t matter at all. At least, according to Namjoon it didn’t.
Seokjin pushed more forcefully into the dough beneath his fingers and sighed as he tried to let the angry thoughts go. Namjoon was right, it didn’t matter, but Seokjin just couldn’t put it behind him.
He was twenty nine (almost thirty!) and he wasn’t getting any younger. And really, what he wanted shouldn’t have been such a big deal anyway because they’d been together for over seven years already and Seokjin really just wanted to cement things.
He wanted to get married.
Unfortunately, Namjoon did not.
They weren’t over. God, they were nowhere near over, but Seokjin needed time and Namjoon understood that. So he’d packed his backpack with clothes for a few days and Yoongi, Hoseok, and Jimin had lent him their guest room. Seokjin missed him and theyーthey really needed to talk.
So that was why he was making the strawberry tarts that Namjoon adored. They were going to be a peace offering because they’d been together for seven years now and Seokjin was not about to let this create a rift between them. He loved Namjoon something fierce and he wasn’t about to let everything they’d worked so hard for fall apart.
Seokjin continued to knead the dough and made the four tarts, one for each day that Namjoon had been gone. He let himself lose himself in the baking. It was still comforting for him, no matter how out of his depth he felt whenever he thought about the look on Namjoon’s face when he said he wanted to get married. Seokjin was completely in his element while baking and when the tarts were almost done, he called his boyfriend.
“Hello?” Namjoon’s soft voice greeted him.
“Joon-ah, don’t hang up,” Seokjin whispered, his heart thumping in his chest. “Can you come home, p-please?
There was a moment of tense silence before Seokjin heard rustling on the other end of the line and Namjoon let out a puff of breath.
“Are we going to talk?” The younger asked.
Seokjin nodded before he remembered that Namjoon couldn’t see it. “Yeah. I-I made your favorite as an apology.”
“Hyung, you said you needed some alone time so I gave you it. You didn’t do anything wroー”
“Can you just please come home?” Seokjin closed his eyes, his fingers twitching across the counter top. “I really need you to come home, Joon-ah.”
“Should I bring my things?”
“Yes. Please bring your stuff, oh god Joon-ah, I’m such an idiot,” Seokjin murmured, his voice breaking when he said Namjoon’s name.
Namjoon’s voice was softer and lower than before and Seokjin could hear him moving about as he answered, “I’ll be right there. I’m moving as fast as I can, okay?”
Seokjin bit his lip and let out a deep breath. “I’ll see you soon then?”
“Mhhm,” Namjoon hummed.
It was easier for Seokjin to breathe then. “I’ll leave the door unlocked.”
Namjoon hummed again and Seokjin pulled his phone away from his ear to cut off the call before Namjoon’s tinny voice spoke up again.
“Hyung, I love you.”
Namjoon hung up. Seokjin let a tiny smile grace his lips before he focused on making his hand unclench.
Seokjin liked being in control. It’s what made him tick, but after so many years spent with Namjoon, he knew he couldn’t always be in control. He couldn’t control Namjoon either. Seokjin had expected for Namjoon to jump at the chance to marry him, but he hadn’t.
Seokjin still wanted to get married, but he wanted Namjoon more than anything else.
And Namjoon still loved him in return. They didn’t have to get married. They really didn’t.
Namjoon was right, it really didn’t matter. They were happy and they were together and that was what mattered.
Seokjin couldn’t be in control of everything, but he had Namjoon and that was enough.
