#da angst

So I'm finally writing the beginning section of the Ilyena/Demandred (Barid Bel) fanfiction I've wanted to write for years. Or rather I'm at the first chapter that dynamic appears in my larger Age of Legends fic. I've written quite a bit of them later on, but fixing down the dynamic here is quite important.

One thing that I find exciting is Ilyena is virtually a complete non-entity in canon which used to irritate me, but now I find presents an opportunity as a writer. Although, you can infer quite a bit about her between the lines (cough if you want to check out the meta I did on her cough) and I generally like to stick to the spirit of canon in a lot of my works unless I'm particularly inspired another way. So aside from the obvious 'sunhair' colouring, I think we can say she's generally a warm, compassionate woman who enjoys conversation and socialising to a certain extent (from the Eye of the World prologue and LTT's ravings) and RJ confirmed she was Aes Sedai and gaining the Third Name says she was talented, intelligent and altruistic to a high degree at least in a certain field. But that leaves a lot to work with - for example, I've always loved the fanon idea she was a ter'angreal maker like Elayne. LTT also mentions her temper and I don't think one can write an RJ heroine without making her a little feisty, even in the AOL utopian setting. So yeah, she's hitting my sweet spot of an altruistic heroine who is creative and devoted but with a fiery side.

da angst

tw: brief mentions of death and suicidal thoughts

Trini’s parents die in an accident when the Rangers are battling Goldar

She doesn’t find out until the hospital calls her and informs her that her brothers are okay

Mateo broke his arm and needed stitches for the cut on his forehead

Alex suffered minor burns and some smoke inhalation

A doctor and a police officer pulled her aside to tell her that one of the “rock monsters” had thrown the car and smashed through the windshield

her father had been crushed

her mother had died en route

And Trini nods, numb and buzzing, and excuses herself back to the room where her brothers are

and she barely has time to make it to the bathroom before she’s throwing up and shaking and on the verge of losing it but then she hears Alex outside the door, asking if she’s okay

and she decides right then and there that even if she isn’t she’s all her brothers have now and she’s going to be strong

A tired looking social worker comes around some time later and gives her temporary guardianship of her brothers

And Trini has to break her brother’s hearts when she explains to them what happened to Mami and Papi

she holds them both as they cry into her lap and swears she’s never letting go

Kim finds out first

The boys get released from the hospital (because they’re injuries aren’t extensive and they desperately need the extra beds) and Trini has to drive them home by herself, tuck them in by herself, and it isn’t until they’re both asleep do things start to hit her

the house is too quiet, too empty, and her parents are dead, and now she has to take care of her brothers all by herself

So she’s just sitting in her room, holding a picture frame from the mantel downstairs, when Kim crawls through her window

she’s talking as she crawls into the dark room, about how crazy everything looks, how they don’t have school for a while because the place was nearly demolished, how Zack says his mom is okay and Jason’s family is too, along with Billy’s mom, and it isn’t until she sits next to Trini does she realize somethings wrong

and they may have this new link that connects their emotions or whatever, but somehow Trini’s got a dam on hers because it isn’t until Kim touches her cheek, turns her face to look at her, and asks “what’s wrong?” does the dam break

and suddenly Kim understands perfectly

Trini cries and Kim holds her all night

Zack finds out next because he comes to visit Trini the next morning and then he messages Billy and Jason to get their asses to Trini’s now 

And they spend a good two hours in a big huddle, everyone holding each other, and Trini cries and they all share her ache

Trini can’t sleep in her house, traumatized by Rita’s encounter and haunted by her parent’s absence

And she’s struggling to juggle lawyers and life insurance and social workers and funeral expenses and finding a full time job because she’s gonna need that if she wants to keep custody of her brothers

Kim makes it a little easier, she stays every night for a week, even when Trini doesn’t sleep, just having Kim next to her helps ease the emptiness around her

Madi and Ted Hart notice their daughters disappearances and when they confront her about it she tells them her friend just lost her parents and has to take care of her little brothers

turns out Madi was the doctor who stitched up Mateo’s forehead and Ted was the officer who pulled them from the vehicle

To make matters worse, the judge assigned to the boys case has deemed Trini unfit to look after her brothers, not because she physically can’t but because she’s too young and without a full time job

And Trini breaks down outside the courthouse because two social workers are taking her brothers away and she nearly sends two police officers flying as they hold her back

Ted holds her as she sobs deeply and when Kim shows up and swoops in to hold her, he knows he has to do something

He calls his wife, who immediately agrees, then makes a few more phone calls and few favors and then its done

Trini’s sitting in her room, alone in the dark, when she starts wishing Rita had killed her the first time, how she wishes she were dead

And then Kim’s stumbling into her room, teary eyed, and running over to Trini and pulling her close

“don’t you ever, ever, think like this! I can’t do this without you Trin, and god I know this sucks, but please, please don’t leave me. I need you. Your brothers need you. And I’m not going to leave you, ever. so please, just stay with me”

and Trini cries and kisses her and Kim holds her so tight she leaves small bruises that disappear by the morning

The next morning Kim gets a call from her mom to bring Trini back to their house

and Kim tells Trini to live with them

she poses it like its a question but Trini knows she doesn’t really have a choice

and she can feel Kim’s resoluteness through the link and it hits her a little because Kim really isn’t going to leave her, no matter what

So she kisses her again and Kim kisses back twice as hard, twice as soft, and doesn’t let go

And when they finally get to Kim’s house, Trini’s things packed in three duffel bags, the front door flings open and Mateo and Alex come barreling out, followed by Madi and Ted

the phone calls were to square away the boys adoption since Madi and Ted were registered foster parents before they had Kim

And Trini breaks down crying and hugging and kissing her brothers, and then the Harts are joining in the group hug

Trini still misses her mom and dad, but she gains a second family

or rather a third because her fellow rangers are family too

Bonus:

Years later, when Trini and Kim have dated for a while, Kim proposes

“I think it’s time you joined the Hart family too. Trini will you marry me?”

Those books. Always with those Maker-damned books. Varric would stay up for hours writing, no matter how much Inquisitor Cadash scolded him.

Varric was talented there was no doubt about that, by the Stone he was talented, but sometimes his writing could consume him. He would get into these trances where he could go days surviving on only ale and the occasional apple if the Inquisitor could sneak one on to his writing desk.

He used to go into these trances only occasionally, not too often only once or twice every three months, but ever since Hawke stayed in the fade to save the Inquisitor and the others, he’d been going into them almost weekly.

Everyone is worried about him, but most of all the Inquisitor. Sometimes she just sits on the floor next to his desk while he writes, just watching him as tears slowly streak down her face.

This is my fault she thinks to herself I’m the one who told Hawke to stay behind

The worst part is, that even when he’s not in one of his writing trances, Varric doesn’t talk to Cadash unless he has to.

The Inquisitor and the Author used to stay up for hours, talking and laughing at each other’s cheesy jokes, before falling asleep in eachother’s arms.

Now that’s over.

Cadash will never forgive herself for what she’d done to Varric.

"Maybe everyone would be better off without me holding them back..."

"LEAVE ME ALONE! Please, I don't wanna die!"