it’s not lost on me that the astro girlies talk about the 27 club and dean died at last once that year.
there’s an astrological event called "the Saturn return" which takes place when someone is from ages 26-31 roughly. although most people often associate the Planet with "Karma (deed)" and with being "the Time Lord," Saturn is also the planet of Accountability, Consequences and Retributive Justice; take a walk with me...
ok so Dean is an Aquarius Sun (traditional hellenstiuc astro places this sign as Saturn-ruled). this is what fuels Dean's rebel without a cause attitude to a degree. however it also means that Saturnic Influence is available to him in a way it may not for other signs. had he been a Taurus like his problem, which is ruled by Venus, things would invariably be different.
amyway, the point is that Dean thinks in terms of society quite deeply; likely castigate for the forced otrovert lifestyle he lives, Dean is "cut from a different cloth" in a way that is distinctly "not like other guys" which also gives us the impression he operates like an Aquarius juxtapose to Jensen Ackle's natal Pisces (tradition: Jupiter ruled, modern: Neptune ruled) sun placement. Though they are conjunct (next to each other, to a degree), they are distinct juxtapose to eachother and fairly easy to delineate.
he didn’t even want to stay on earth is the main point post, regardless. He thought his fate was sealed and he said “fuck it, I’ll fuck off from life itself.”
like....do you get it? he didn’t even want to complete his own Saturn return cycle (where the energy accounts for all illness and unwellness nor see it through to the end of the accountability praxis.
that a gay man died of what Dean was “supposed” to die of was an affront to him. Dean asked “why me?” in more ways than one. The older Winchester lacked more than faith; He Thought himself Unworthy (a type of demonic energy).
and mind you, if we are thinking of it from the Jewishnatural point of view: the Demon of Worthlessness was in his mind battling him from nearly the start of the series. so when the enslaved grim reaper did the unthinkable, inadvertently giving Dean a second chance, he had an existential crisis at a level.
no matter, Dean's younger brother had enough Faith for the both of them; enough of a sense of Dean's intrinsic value and worthiness in life then later on, even without being the “praying type” Dean maintained enough of a mustard seed of sorts that an Angel of Thursday with a crack in chassis found his soul so beautiful he defied heaven time and again based on faith that Dean was worthy.
