#d's posts

Things are finally falling into place. Going so long without top surgery has been a struggle, it's a serious detriment to my mental health and my quality of life.

I feel like every day I have to choose between physical comfort and being depressed and anxious/overly mindful of my chest all day, or having mental peace while my body aches and I sit in pain for a while.

My HRT provider said she's gonna do all she can to help my top surgery get covered by insurance, but unfortunately there is no guarantee it will be covered, especially by the surgeon I've chosen who has a very quality reputation, is in my area, and openly works with queer and trans folks (as well as non-white demographics).

I'm able to pay the consultation fee on my own, and I work full time. But I'm also in school, I live alone, pay rent, pay bills, tuition, groceries, and take care of a cat. Even if I were to put all my remaining cash in savings every month, I don't think it would be enough to help me with the overall surgery cost by the time my surgery date comes around, so I'm getting the jump on raising funds for it!

I'll be posting updates in regard to my insurance situation, how the consultation goes, and everything else related to the journey.

I’m really proud of this community. I really am. I can’t think of any other website where I wouldn’t be roasted for taking time for mental illness. You guys are incredible and I really needed to hear the encouragement. It genuinely helped. Thank all of you who replied/reblogged/liked or sent an ask. I won’t be answering anons individually bc I don’t wanna clog up your guys’ dash, but just know I’ve read them and I’m so grateful. Sometimes you can get beaten down enough that you lose the ability to see the bright side for yourself. Thank you for reminding me of that bright side. Things will get better, they have to. They have for a while before, I just need to focus on getting back there. Once again thank you all so much. I’m so proud of the Harry Potter community, Hogwarts has always been my home when things got too bad (It’s what I brought to the psych ward last time I went, to give u an idea of how much it means to me) and it’s good to know that the people who are apart of this community will have my back.

Some of you offered to chat and I really appreciate it. Don’t take it personally if I don’t message you I’m just really anxious about people in general. I’ve had people spread shit about me before so I’m uneasy to open up again, especially when I sort of have a presence online (albeit a tiny one compared to everyone else but enough to give me a sense of responsibility). I might message some of you out of the blue when I’m feeling pretty down or don’t have anyone to talk to, my username is hallowed-pumpkins. Thank you all of you who offered. You guys are incredible and I’m very proud of you all.

I’m working on revamping the tagging system so it’ll be easier to find the types of posts you want. I probably won’t be posting for a few days because I’m going through all of my posts and updating the tags. I’ll start posting again once I’m through all mine, and then I’ll slowly chip away at Ellen’s and Anneliese’s (I probably spelled that wrong my memory is crap sorry) while I post regularly.

The tagging system has a few main types of tags, stuff like Time Period which would be stuff like post Battle of Hogwarts, pre Battle of Hogwarts, post Hogwarts, pre Voldemort rebirth, kids era, etc. and stuff like angst, fluff, and various tropes. Also relationship status so whether they’re romantic, just friends, or not even friends yet. There’s a bunch other but that’s just to give you an idea. I’ll be updating the tags page so it’ll be easy to just click a link and be sent to all posts with that tag.

TL;DR I won’t be posting for a few days due to revamping the tagging system.

I’ll keep it short, I’m back! I’ve got posts in the queue and one about to go up. The rest will be possibly interesting information on why I was gone. 

To say it bluntly, I just had one of my moods. I felt restless but also so uninspired. Writing was going nowhere, I was able to do small bursts of digital art, but I felt drained. I’m diagnosed with a mental illness that gives me major mood swings and sometimes these moods last a couple days. 

Not to mention it’s the first week of summer and I’ve been catching up with my brothers. I rarely see them all year because they attend a blind school on the other side of Ontario which is a good 8 hour drive and they only fly home on weekends. (Fun fact, myself and both my brothers are varying degrees of legally blind) I’m really attached to them so when they’re home I try to spend as much time with them as possible. I’ll probably chill out a bit more as they’re home longer, but I really struggle with a fear of abandonment so I need that social interaction like a plant needs water. Speaking of plants, we’re gardening! I’ve been helping out and we’ve got some nightmare plants growing and some of that stuff that repels skeeters (I call them that bc I can’t for the life of me spell the actual word) plus lots of vegetables. 

TL;DR - Low energy bc mental illness and busy catching up with family plus gardening.

Edit: Also I’ve seen your asks, I will be answering them after a few posts have gone up. I don’t want to clog up the dash with non-drarry stuff.

-Derex

Just going to give you guys a quick update. I’m moving the pace from 5 texts a day to 4 texts a day. 5 is a bit much right now because it’s just me doing the texts. I tried it out for a few days and I’ve been consistently hitting either 3 or 4 but shooting for five I end up working on the blog all day. Which isn’t annoying, but I can’t spend as much time with my family if I do. This blog is important to me, but I have a life too. This way I won’t get burnt out.

Posting Schedule (EST) 3:24 AM 1:36 PM 6:12 PM 10:48 PM

Hope you guys understand and have a great day!