#cutteeeeee

It had been three days since she’d made up her mind completely, finally convinced herself what was best for her, and Ryan, though she still couldn’t completely convince herself it wasn’t selfish. Every day since she’d had a confidence in her decision that continued to make sure she knew she was doing the right thing. However, as soon as she sat down on that train, the what if’s started to creep into her mind, slowly to start with, but then quicker and then repeating, so they were all she was thinking about.

What if? What if she was jumping the gun? What if Ryan was right and it was just university stress taking its toll, and it wasn’t anything they couldn’t fix with a bit of time off? What if she waited until after the Christmas break? What if she ended it and regretted it? There was no going back, once she’d told him she didn’t want to be with him anymore, that was it, bed made. But what if, two weeks down the line, she found the missing key, the missing piece, the thing that could patch up all the cracks and holes they’d both made, and there was nothing she could do about it? What if?

Each time one of those thoughts crept up, she’d try and talk it down, remind herself how sure she’d been the night before when she got into bed. Yes, she’d felt nervous and little anxious about it all, but she’d still been sure. It didn’t really make any odds though, the doubtful questions were louder than any of her reassurances, or any of the reassurances she’d got from anyone else.

Of course nothing had changed since she’d gone to bed the night before. Molly had still kissed someone else, Ryan had still gone back on his promise to be there for her birthday, neither of them had anything to patch up the cracks and holes. It had to end. Molly knew, deep down, it was just nerves that were making her doubt things, and they increased with each station that flew past, as she got closer to her final stop.

It didn’t mean it didn’t hurt though. Molly couldn’t have anticipated how much falling out of love would hurt. It was hard to forget how deeply she’d been in love with Ryan once, and it made her sad how easy it had been to fall out of love with him. It had taken her some time to realise that was what was happening, but it hadn’t been hard to fall out of love with him. It was harder realising how easily it had happened, how the change had moved past her largely unnoticed. Falling in love had felt like endless moments of breathless, heart skipping, joy filled moments, but falling out of love was a blur of tears and arguments. It was so unexpected, she was so in love that she’d thought that was just how it would always be. It didn’t make sense that she could be that invested in someone and suddenly just not be anymore. But that’s how it was. Her heart didn’t skip anymore, it didn’t feel joyful, and the only time she was breathless was because she’d been crying so.

It was ruined.

Snow had started to fall. It had been predicted, the weatherman had been promising it for weeks as the air got colder and the sky grew darker. A month later and it would be snowing on Christmas Eve, the first white Christmas in Molly’s lifetime could have been a possibility, though she doubted it. Even though it was throwing it down where she was, her little coastal village was highly unlikely to even be getting a few meagre flakes of the stuff.

A week later and Molly would be on the train home. She was dreading that journey more than she’d been dreading the one she was currently on. Something about going home single was putting dread inside her. Going home was always something she looked forward to, normally she’d be counting down the days, seeing if there was anything she could do to get there earlier, but instead she was seeing if there was anyway she could put it off. She hadn’t existed in that village without Ryan since high school, every part of home was a part of them, and though she could tell herself she’d be fine, she wasn’t sure she actually believed it.

The train pulled into the station, slowing, and enough people standing to think it was the end of the line, the final station, but it wasn’t, and for a second Molly considered not getting up and just riding the journey out. Of course she didn’t, and she began pulling her coat back on, waiting for the crowd to clear a little before she grabbed her handbag and stood from her seat, letting out a large breath and following the queue off the train onto the platform. The platform was packed, the snow obviously having affected the trains. Molly didn’t even think about that, just kept her head down and let the crowd ferry her out of the station on to the street.

Bath. Molly hadn’t been before Ryan started university there. She quite liked it, the antiquity of the place, old buildings, really old, Roman and Victorian. The occasional modern structure looked out of place amongst the white stone and regal masonry. There were great shops, it was a good place for inspiration she’d found whenever she visited, but she supposed she wouldn’t be doing much of that once she got back on the train home later. There’d be no reason to go back, there was nothing there for her.

Molly had made enough visits to the city to know the way to Ryan’s house from the station. The first couple of times he’d met her at the station, but the last few visits she’d made her own way there and this time was no different. It got quieter as she walked away from the station and the centre towards Ryan’s street. The houses got less and less regal and more basic, though they still had a certain kind of elegance about them. The first time she’d been in Ryan’s three-storey, town house of a student house, she was jealous. The ceilings were too high to even think about touching, the details were incredible, the rooms were huge and it had stairs. It didn’t compare to Molly’s flat. But it never felt homey, not even when she was curled up in bed with Ryan on a Sunday morning. At least her flat had a familial feel, cosy and warm and inviting. She’d take that over the tall, bright, big rooms and ornate fireplaces and door framings.

The snow had begun to settle on the front path and window ledges of Ryan’s house when Molly got there. The gate was ajar so someone had obviously left that morning, and the darker sky meant lights were on inside. Molly gazed up to the third floor, Ryan’s floor. Maz’s room was up there too, the housemate Ryan had kept from first year, but Ryan’s was at the front and had the ensuite. His light was on and Molly sighed relief. There was a small part of her that wondered if he’d remember she was visiting, or if he’d be at the studio, message her to make herself at home and he’d be home soon. She thanked God that wasn’t the case, because that would make the situation easier and harder all at once.

Molly knocked the door and stood back to wait, looking down at her boots as she did so. It only took a few seconds for the sound of footsteps to come from behind the door and Molly looked up at the sound, waiting for the door to open.

“Hey.” Ryan smiled at the sight of her stepping aside to let her in.

“Hi.” Molly breathed, offering a weak smile in return. Ryan closed the door and Molly turned on her heel to look at him. Slowly she began to unbutton her coat, but left it there, not shrugging it off to hang on the bannister the way she normally might, adding her coat to the pile already there.

“You ok? You look cold.” Ryan pointed out with a small frown.

“It’s snowing.”

“Hopefully I’ll get snowed in at the studio later and I’ll have a good excuse not to leave.” Ryan chuckled, diving his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah.” Molly laughed insincerely. There was an atmosphere, it was palpable. It didn’t feel natural or comfortable, in fact it felt like they didn’t know each other at all.

“Did you want tea? Warm you up.” Ryan offered sweetly.

“Erm, no, that’s ok.”

“Well what do you wanna do? Watch a movie or something?”

“No, I just need to say some things and I’ll be off.” Molly told him, nodding, more to herself than anything else, and looking down at her boots. Molly swallowed down on what was rising inside her. Her throat felt tight and her mouth felt dry, her legs were tingling with the anxiety she was carrying and her stomach felt like it was doing somersaults. None of it was in a good way. She felt like she was going to be sick, or pass out, or cry, or maybe all three at once.

“Molly, you’re scaring me.” Ryan breathed stepping forward. Molly looked up then and quickly stepped back, she didn’t want him too close. She didn’t want to see his eyes to clearly or have him feel like he should reach out and take her hand or touch her face the way he often did when she was troubled by something. She wanted it be very clear she didn’t want his sympathy.

“I’m scared too.” Molly croaked.

“What’s going on?”

“I think it’s time we called it a day Ry-”

“Shut up.” Ryan bit quickly before Molly even finished. In her head she’d imagined what she might expect and she had a fair idea, but the image in her head was nothing like how Ryan actually reacted. It made her snap her head up to him, and crease her brown with the aggression in his voice.

“Ryan.” Molly scalded, but Ryan didn’t unfold his face or soften in anyway.

“Shut up, don’t be so stupid.” Ryan berated shaking his head in clear disbelief.

“Ryan, please.” Molly begged calmly, keeping her head, and trying not to break, as Ryan continued to look at her like she’d literally ripped his heart from his chest and was swinging it around by it’s strings. “I can’t do this anymore, I’m not happy, you’re not-”

“I’m happy, and I can make you happy, you know it.” Ryan implored forcefully, shaking his fists at his side.

“You’re not, you’re comfortable.” Molly told him.

“Is that meant to be a bad thing?” Ryan scoffed, eyebrows twitching and head shaking from side to side a little.

“Ryan you know this isn’t right anymore, I know you know that deep down.” Molly pushed on, her words dragging out. She could see it on his face that he did know that, the way it all fell back and softened. There wasn’t a doubt then, that they both knew it, but clearly, like her, he’d been too afraid to really face up to it. As quickly as everything relaxed a bit, it was tense again, and Ryan hardened just as quickly.

“Is there someone else?” Ryan asked snappily, nostrils flaring, like he thought he already knew the answer and was testing her.

“What? No?” Molly retaliated quickly, a little taken back by the question, a little shocked Ryan would even think that of her.

“You’re lying to me.” Ryan accused without apology.

“I’m not lying to you Ryan, there’s no one else.” Molly assured quietly, tilting her head a tiny amount as she did so.

“It’s him isn’t it?”

“Who?” Molly practically laughed, not even in the same book as Ryan, let alone page.

“Harry.” Ryan deadpanned. Molly’s shoulders fell and she shook her head.

“No Ryan, there is no one else!” Molly insisted fiercely. Part of her couldn’t believe what she was hearing, she thought she’d reassured Ryan completely there was nothing between her and Harry apart from a good friendship. And yes, maybe it had happened quickly, and come from nowhere, but sometimes that’s how it happened, that’s how the best things happened. Surely Ryan, of all people, should know that, she’d thought, seeing as they’d gone from hating one another to sharing a bed and being infatuated with one another within a couple of months. Clearly, Molly had assumed all wrong, and she felt stupid.

“It all started to change when he came along, I knew it, I could see it, the way he looked at you, the way you looked at him, should have followed my gut there and then.” Ryan was ranting, as if Molly wasn’t even there really, as if he was talking to the walls, trying to make it all make sense to himself.

“What are you talking about?” Molly groaned, beginning to get fed up with his pig-headedness. She wasn’t talking with her boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, the one she’d loved. She was talking with the boy who had sat next to her in history class and annoyed her enough, got under her skin enough, to be the first and only person she ever thought she might actually hate.

“I was gonna end it with you after that argument, but I thought we could get through it, I thought it would be ok. Clearly I was wrong and now I look the fool.” Ryan laughed sarcastically, eyes rolling to the ceiling as he shook his head at himself. Of course that was what he was truly worried about, and Molly should have known that.

“You don’t look like a fool.” Molly assured quietly, trying to preserve his ego if she couldn’t preserve his sanity or his heart.

“I do, cause I told him to keep the fuck away from you and clearly it didn’t work.”

“Ryan, how many times do I have to tell you, it’s got nothing to do with Harry?” Molly seethed, slowly, quietly, annunciating each word as if sharpening them with her teeth before she let them fire out of her mouth. “I don’t want to be with you anymore, because I’m not happy and I want to be single.” Molly explained as calmly and rationally as she could for the frustration brimming on anger inside her.

“Two weeks and you’ll be in his bed.” Ryan jeered.

“I will not.” Molly snapped, tired and fed up of the conversation. “Don’t be like this, I don’t want it to end like this.” Molly lowered her voice. If she didn’t know anything else, she knew that was the truth. All she wanted was for it to end peacefully and respectfully, but that had already been ruined.

“Well you made your bed lie in it.” Ryan practically spat.

“You’re telling me you still love me like you did in the beginning?” Molly quizzed knowingly.  “When we started going out you wouldn’t have missed my birthday for anything, you wouldn’t have gone a day without calling, let alone a week, things have changed and not in a good way Ryan, surely you can see that.”

“Was he at your birthday?” Ryan asked with that accusatory tone that Molly resented.

“Oh for fucks sake Ryan, leave Harry out of it, he’s done nothing wrong, he’s been a good friend that is all.” Molly insisted vehemently.

“Good friends? Is that what they call it nowadays, wow I’ve really been out the game a while, I’ll suppose I’ll have to start learning all these new phrases now I’m single.” Ryan sneered sarcastically.

“You don’t have to be like this about it.”

“Molly, you’re leaving me, how did you think I was going to take it.”

“It hurts me as well.” Molly told him, unsure how he couldn’t see it in her eyes all written all over face, because she could feel it, more than anything else.

“Clearly.” Ryan laughed. “At least you’ve got someone else’s arms to run into tonight.”

“There’s nothing going on with me and Harry!” Molly screamed finally, at her wits end and unable to keep saying the same thing over and over like she was stuck on repeat.

“-I gave him the black eye.”

“-I kissed someone else.” Their admissions ran over one another, but they both heard them loud and clear, both visibly taken back by them, and unsure where to start. “Sorry?”

“Wait? What? Who?” Ryan pushed. “Stupid question, suppose it was Harry.”

“No, just a random guy.” Molly told him fleetingly waving it off, the thought of the kiss that had sealed the deal not even entering her mind as she tried to work out what Ryan had said, and what that meant.  “What do you mean you gave him the black eye?” Molly asked quietly.

“Glad I did now.”

“It wasn’t him Ryan.” Molly told him one last time, refusing, internally, to say it again.  “When did you give him a black eye?” She asked with an underlying tone of annoyance and thinning patience.

“I heard him pull up with Jimmy and he got out the taxi and started walking so I followed to tell him to back off and I punched him, obviously not hard enough.” Ryan explained with a shrug, like it meant nothing, like it was nothing. Molly fumed internally, but she couldn’t be clear if she was more immediately angry at Ryan for doing it, or Harry for not telling her the truth.

“He told me he got mugged.” Molly whispered not really for Ryan, looking straight past him to the wall behind. They were still stood in his hallway, they hadn’t moved for the argument, not the way Molly thought they would. She’d envisioned them on his couch, her touching his knee softly, telling him she was sorry, but it was for the best, and he deserved to be with someone who made him happy, and who he wanted to make happy. She certainly hadn’t expected to be screaming at one another in his hallway, learning it was Ryan that had made Harry’s eye socket swell and blacken.

“Wow, lies already, good start.” Ryan laughed again. Molly couldn’t cope with it, the smarmy look on his face, or the twinkle in his eyes at her despair. It was like she was in that class again, and she’d got the answer wrong, got more on a test, proved her wrong about something. It was like he was the seventeen year old college kid she’d despised. And she couldn’t look at him anymore.

“I can’t do this anymore, you’re proving everyone right, you are not a nice person.” Molly told him finally, attempting to button her coat again but her shaking fingers didn’t allow her. Instead she left it be and circled around Ryan back to the door. “I’ve had your back for three years and I’m done, I’m sorry it had to end like this, this isn’t what I wanted, I wanted to leave it on good terms, but clearly that’s not going to happen.” Molly finished. “I’m going to leave now, maybe see you over Christmas.” Molly hissed wrenching the door open and stepping back out into the cold, the snow instantly chilling her flushed cheeks.

“Not if I can help it, have a nice life.” Ryan shouted after her and she heard the front door slam loudly. Molly didn’t look back even for a second, just marched to the end of the road, out of sight of the house and Ryan before she let a single tear fall out of the corner of her eye.

The salty droplets stung her frozen cheeks as they rolled down from her eyes. There wasn’t a sob or a racketing of her ribs, just quiet tears. The anger was overwhelming and she hadn’t prepared for it. She thought she might cry, but not because she felt let down, or frustrated or confused. She expected confusing tears of sad relief that it was done. There was no bittersweet feeling, nothing tender or careful. It was hateful and bitter and it curdled inside her.

Still on the street corner Molly pulled her phone out of her bag. There wasn’t a single notification but she wouldn’t have cared if there had been. She needed to talk to someone, she needed a voice of reason before she headed back to the station. Quickly she scrolled through her contact list, stopping on Jimmy and hitting call. It went straight to answer and then she groaned a little, before going onto Lauren. It rang and it rang and it rang but no answer, undoubtedly on silent, face down on her desk, Molly could almost guarantee. Natalie - nothing. Ben - nothing. Molly tried Jimmy one more time but to no avail.

Two contacts above Jimmy the name was there. Her nostrils flared at it. Harry - Door Man. She should change that, or maybe she should just delete it. Fury rose inside her, and it took over from the heartbreak that had sent her to her friends for words of advice or clarity or just something that helped her dry her tears and calm down. She pressed his name and held it to her ear, drying her face rapidly and sniffing back harshly. She rolled her lips together and tapped her foot impatiently, waiting for him to answer. Three rings.

“Hi.” Harry sung. Molly froze, his voice rung through her and the fury was gone. Where did it go? She had no idea, but she hated him for that. She wanted to scream at him, tell him what an idiot she felt, what a fool, how she’d stuck up for him and been let down by a stupid lie. Instead she closed her eyes and held her breath, refusing to cry.  “Lolly you there?” Harry called lightly again, Molly still couldn’t speak though. “Lol?” He tried a little more seriously. Still nothing. “Molly, are you there?” Harry asked without any lightness now. Molly knew she had to say something so she did, but she knew her voice would wobble.

“You lied to me.” She accused, she tried to be sharp, but her voice failed her.

“Whoa, hey you ok? Where are you? What’s going on?” Harry asked quickly, and she thought like she heard him stand up, or freeze, or something. Molly shuddered, took a deep breath and opened her eyes.

“You lied to me about your eye, you didn’t get mugged, why didn’t you tell me it was Ryan?” Molly asked quickly, getting it all out, and feeling somewhat calmer for it. It was Harry’s turn to say nothing, the line was silent and Molly looked to the grey sky. “Harry?” She pushed.  

“I knew how bad you wanted to fix things and I knew that wouldn’t help.” Harry admitted at last, quietly, and full of sorrow and apology.

“So you just let me think there was people out there who had mugged you, around my way, so you could get me home.” Molly huffed beginning to walk towards the station, head dipped, watching her feet kick through the snow that had begun to settle.

“That doesn’t matter right now.” Harry crooned quietly. Molly could picture him running his hands through his hair, the dip between his eyebrows deep and dark.

“It does, you’ve lied to me and I look like an idiot.” Molly told him.

“Trust me, I feel like one, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have lied, I panicked, I wanted to make sure you got home safe and it just came out, I really regret it.” Harry insisted and she knew he meant it, but that didn’t make her feel better, not really. Maybe it would have done if there wasn’t a hundred and one other feelings, surging around inside her, not a single one positive or uplifting. Maybe if Ryan hadn’t made her feel so small, she could have taken that, but as it was she wanted more. “Molly where are you?” Harry asked.

“Bath.” Molly mumbled, glancing up to see whereabouts she actually was, suddenly aware she’d just been walking and not really concentrating, though obviously the way to the station was ingrained in her mind because she was halfway there.

“You’ve ended things?” Harry asked, quietly, carefully.

“Yeah.” Molly breathed.

“You ok?” He asked again, and Molly could almost hear him wincing as he did so.

“No.” Molly admitted sharply. “Not really.” She continued, coming down from the anger a touch, her voice softening and her lips rubbing together again as her eyes started to dampen. “Not at all.” She finally admitted with a soft, quiet sob.

“Ok, I’ll come get you.” Harry said in an instant and Molly heard the slam of a car door and the starting of an engine.

“Don’t be daft, not again.” Molly insisted with a sniff, wiping her tears away and fighting to keep it that way.

“I’m not gonna leave you in that state.” Harry insisted.

“I’ll just get the train, you can meet me at the station?” She compromised.

“Good luck, trains are all cancelled and stuff cause of the weather.” Harry told her and Molly groaned, shaking her head as the packed station and frustrated tired faces of the passengers on it came back to her.

“Oh but the roads are fine?”

“Look go hole up in a cafe and get something warm in you, I’ll be there, I’ll come and get you.” Harry promised, almost pleading with her through his assurances.

“I just want to go home.” Molly whispered.

“I’ll take you home.” Harry told her. Molly went quiet, breathing slowly, steadying herself. If the trains really were all cancelled, she didn’t have a choice, guilt riddled into her at the thought of Harry driving all that way. But he’d offered, and surely he wouldn’t have if he didn’t want. She wanted him to. She wanted to see him, but it felt like a lot to ask. Not that she was asking. He’s offering, Mol. She reminded herself.

“Ok.” Molly breathed.

“It’s gonna take me a couple hours to get there, you be ok?” Harry asked.

“Mmhm.” Molly murmured. She wasn’t sure it was the right decision, her mind was questioning itself. Yes he’d offered, and no he wouldn’t if he couldn’t or didn’t want to, but it still felt like he was constantly asking how high without her asking him to jump. Everytime he set the bar higher and higher, but the thing that really set Molly on edge was that she couldn’t work out what he was getting out of it. “Harry are you sure?” She asked again.

“Lolly, I told you I’d be there for you, I’m not gonna go back on that because of a bit of weather.” Harry implored forcefully but kindly.  “Call Jimmy or Lauren, talk to them for a bit, I will be there as soon as I can.” He vowed.

“Ok.” Molly breathed.

“It’ll be ok.” He assured.

“Ok.”

“See you in a bit, go get warm.” Harry instructed.

“Ok. See you in a bit.” Molly finished and put the phone down, rubbing her face with her hand.

It was never going to be a good day. It was going to be hard, and sad, and a little heartbreaking. It wasn’t meant to be the day from hell. It wasn’t meant to shatter her heart, it wasn’t meant to hurt quite so much, and it wasn’t meant to be angry. Molly had gone from sad, to angry, to confused, in the space of two hours and she was exhausted. At that moment she should be on a train, or at least waiting for a train, maybe her face was a little sticky from a few tears, maybe she’d feel a little sad. She was not meant to be stood in snowy bath, hateful towards her ex-boyfriend, wondering if she was leading someone on. Wondering if she was the only one who couldn’t see it.

You’re not Mol. She reassured. He offered.

With a sigh she looked at her phone again, the message beep calling her attention. Jimmy.

Sorry was in a lecture? You ok? Tried to call can’t get through, call me back when you get this. Love you

Within seconds the phone was back at her ear and thankfully ringing.

“Hey Mol, you ok?” Jimmy answered quickly.

“Not really.” Molly mumbled. Yes she was feeling sorry for herself, but frankly she didn’t care, and frankly she felt she had every right. She hated it, she hated being the petulant child, the spoiled brat, the whiny little girl, or anything of that sort, but she couldn’t kick herself out of it, so she stopped trying and gave into it.

“Oh , I’m sorry.” Jimmy lamented. “How did he take it?” He asked.

“Shit, it was awful, he went mental, got mad at me, shouted a bit, accused me of cheating with Harry, of ending it for Harry, you were all fucking right and I was too blind to see it. I feel stupid.” Molly fired, the words falling out of her quickly and without hesitation. It just all came out, tumbling from her with irritation.

“You’re not stupid.” Jimmy told her. “He will calm down, and he’ll get over it.”

“I can’t believe he thinks I’d do that to him.” Molly cried, pushing the door open of a small cafe that she’d spotted and decided on. She didn’t care what it was, specialised in, served, she just wanted warmth, and a seat and hopefully somewhere quiet. She got all three.

“Yeah, well, I can say this now, boy’s a fucking dick head.” Jimmy spat, the frustration seeping from Molly to him. Molly didn’t say anything and Jimmy just continued.  “Sorry but it’s true, you deserve better.” Jimmy told her. “Where are you?”

“Some cafe.” Molly told him looking around the place. It was simple, walls divided by white and dark green paint, old photos of bath on all the walls, a bit of a greasy spoon, but perfectly adequate for Molly’s requirements of it.

“How you getting home? Trains are fucked aren’t they?”

“Yeah,” Molly sighed.  “Harry’s coming to get me.” She told Jimmy, shrugging her coat off her shoulders. She heard Jimmy laugh and frowned to herself.  “Why you laughing?”

“That boy.” Jimmy chuckled. “Pretty sure he’s the best friend any of us will ever have.” Jimmy told her. Of course Jimmy was her best friend, and Lauren was pretty much equal. Harry was different. It was hard to call him a best friend for Molly, he was more than that but not the same as Jimmy or Lauren. She couldn’t explain it for herself let alone anyone else, but maybe Jimmy was right. “You know he paid for my cab that night after that fight with Ryan? Didn’t even know him then really”

“Yeah?” Molly asked, and Jimmy just hummed, though it didn’t surprise Molly at all. Suddenly something in her mind clicked, and she sat up a little taller before she asked her question.  “Hey did you see Ryan that night when you got in?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy started, Molly didn’t say anything and obviously Jimmy got the hint and continued: “Asked for a fag, looked like he needed it, went out the front with it.” Molly swallowed and took a breath Jimmy probably didn’t hear. She didn’t say anything, she wasn’t about to tell Jimmy about what had happened after Ryan took the cigarette Molly knew he wouldn’t have smoked, and stepped outside. There would undoubtedly be questions that she didn’t have answers to, the same questions she wanted to ask.  “How long will it take Harry to get to you?” Jimmy asked after a few seconds without a word from Molly.

“Couple hours.” Molly told him.

“You be right?”

“Yeah I’ll be fine.” Molly smiled. She would be, she felt calmer and settled in the little cafe. There was still a buzz of anxiety in her legs, and sinking feeling in her tummy that she couldn’t shift, but her eyes had dried and she didn’t feel like she needed to cry so much. There were questions she wanted answers to, a lot of questions, but they’d have to wait. And she’d be patient and find solace in a pot of tea the size of her head, one of which had just been delivered to the table next to her.

“I’d stay on the phone, but I got a one to one with Dawn for my final piece.” Jimmy told her apologetically.

“It’s ok Jim, honestly.” Molly assured him, a small smile on her face as she said it. She hoped he could hear that in her voice. “Thanks for being a good mate.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that, I get the perk, being friends with fittest ginger in town.” Jimmy bubbled.

“How many other gingers do you know Jim?”

“Well Marcus’ dog is kinda ginger.”

“So I’m the best looking ginger compared to a dog?” Molly chuckled and she heard Jimmy do the same in response.  “Wow, remind me not to call you next time I need to feel better.” They laughed.

“I love you.” Jimmy told her.

“I love you too, talk later.” Molly finished, lowering her phone and ending the call.

Once her phone was on the table and her coat was fully off and her scarf was draped over the back of her chair, a plump, elderly lady waddled over to Molly to take her order. Molly ordered a pot of tea and no food and relaxed back in her chair, looking over the walls at all the photos to wait for her order. She wanted to take her mind off it, but she didn’t want to unlock her phone again after texting Harry to tell him where she was, so she occupied herself with the daily newspaper from the table behind her. It wasn’t one she’d normally buy, but it was light and full of terrible headlines that made her chuckle quietly to herself a little as she sipped her tea.

Ryan was still in her mind of course, she wanted to set him right, make sure he knew how entirely wrong he was. It was annoying her how little he’d come to think of her, if he truly thought she’d be so unfaithful. Admitting to the kiss with Niall didn’t make that better, she knew that, and she hadn’t intended on telling him, but it just slipped out, hoping it would make him see how truly out of romantic love they were. Of course it it just bolstered his argument, and Molly not only regretted the kiss itself but letting Ryan know it had happened.

It had been a while since she’d spoken to Harry and looking at the clock she knew he couldn’t be far away. She couldn’t put her finger on why she was feeling so guilty. It wasn’t like she’d asked him to drive two hours and get her, and it wasn’t like she expected him to. However, there was a niggle in her mind that she didn’t appreciate. There was doubt, a thought, was she leading him on? Making him think there was more on the table. But he’d told her, promised her almost, that he was happy with just friends, and he didn’t want that to change once she’d ended things with Ryan.

Molly shook her head, shaking the thoughts out and retraining her eyes on the newspaper from where they’d gone hazy as she got lost in thought.

The door opened, and Molly looked up through her lashes, expecting just another customer. It was him though. Beanie over his curls, his jacket was done up to his neck more or less, but a sweatshirt poked out from underneath. He looked warm and cosy and Molly wanted his arms around her and she didn’t care for how that sounded or seemed. It felt overwhelming that he was actually there, two hours from home, in unfavourable weather, for her. Molly was certainly overwhelmed, and the sensitivity she was feeling didn’t help, the sight of him pushed her over the edge and her eyes began to well again.

Their eyes met almost instantly and Harry started taking his long legged strides towards her. Within seconds he was with her, arms cocooning her, holding her head to his chest as she sobbed as quietly as she could. It hit her suddenly, like a wall, and she couldn’t stop it. Over her head she could hear Harry shh-ing her, his hand gripping her shoulder and squeezing lightly. Molly forgot she was in a cafe as Harry held her, and if all the eyes were on her she didn’t know it.

“It’s ok Lolly.” Harry whispered and Molly could have sworn she felt him kiss the top of her head. The tears eased off as Molly tried to calm herself down, but her breath continued to catch in her throat, making it crack and making her hiccup a little. Molly pushed her hands against Harry’s chest looking up to him, an undoubted mess of stained cheeks and red eyes.

“Can we go outside?” She shuddered, as if she was frozen though the warmth of Harry’s embrace was burning her up.

“Yeah come on.” Harry nodded, everything soft and gentle and careful. He took her hand in his, interlacing their fingers without hesitation and leading Molly from the cafe. Molly kept her head low trying to hide her face from onlookers. Outside was freezing, snow still falling from the sky, thicker now than it had been earlier, and harder somehow, the little flakes stung Molly’s cheeks as Harry stopped them and turned to look at her.  “I’d ask if you’re ok, but…” Molly just nodded, letting out a shaky breath. “Come here.” Harry sighed, wrapping his arms around her again. This time Molly had a chance to do the same, her hands lacing around his middle as she rested her head on his chest. “Do you want to talk about it?” Harry asked into her hair, his breath blowing the strands so she could feel it on her head.

“Not really.” Molly mumbled. No one said anything for a little while and they just stood there, seemingly waiting for Molly to calm down completely, for her breathing to return to an even in and out flow without the little hitches. Harry just rubbed Molly’s back through her coat, she could feel through all the layers, not that it was harsh or heavy, just very present. She could hear his heart through his coat, beating steadily, his chest expanding steadily as he breathed. Silently she counted the seconds between his breaths and forced herself to copy, until her heartbeat ran with his, and the air flowed like water through her, and her chest didn’t shudder every so often with breath that caught somewhere between her lungs and lips. “Can we go home?” Molly asked quietly lifting her head to glance up at Harry.

“Of course.” Harry breathed, retracting his arms from around her but finding her hand quickly again. With their hands interlocked, tightly but with no force, Harry led her back to his car, parked a few streets down, the black Navara already coated in snow.

The car was cold inside, but Harry turned the heater on full as soon as the engine was running . Molly got comfortable and put her seatbelt on as Harry cleared the windscreen and turned the radio up.

“...being asked not to drive unless necessary. The MET office have upgraded the weather warning from orange to red, with conditions set to worsen within the hour. Highways England are advising no one to go out in their cars unless the journey is vital. Where possible stay in doors and keep warm. Well Sandra, sounds like we’re for the long haul with this one ey?”

They looked at one another, question hanging in the air.

“What should we do?” Harry started.

“I don’t think you should drive.” Molly told him. The snow had really fallen and there were a lot of country lanes to get down before they were on the motorway home. It wasn’t safe, they both knew that, but still Harry felt the need to ask. “We can’t just stay in the car we’ll freeze to death.”

“There’s got to be a hotel or something round here, a travelodge or something.” Harry mused, looking out of the windows as if one might appear in front of him. “You wanna go home though.” Harry reminded her and Molly shook her head.

“We’re not driving in this, we’d be stupid.” Molly insisted. They looked at each other for a few seconds. What choice did they have? Molly couldn’t see one, so she sighed and dropped her shoulders. “Come on we’ll find a travelodge.” Harry nodded, and quickly stuck the car in reverse to get out of his parking space before heading off down the road.

It didn’t take long to find the Premier Inn. They were always in the same place, on the outskirts of town, near a petrol station, or fast food chain, normally attached to a standard, franchised pub. The one Molly and Harry pulled up outside was no different, attached to a pub, near a petrol station, it was just missing a fast food chain within walking distance.

Harry got out of the car first, and Molly followed suit, joining him at his side and walking through the still falling snow towards the reception. As was his way, Harry held the door open for Molly to step inside. The reception desk was empty when Molly looked towards it, but before the door had even shut behind them, a pretty, young girl, hair scraped back into a neat bun, well perfected makeup finished with a cat eye flick and red lipstick, was behind the desk grinning welcomingly at them.

“Hello Madam, Sir, can I help you?” She smiled once they were close enough.

“Have you got any rooms available?” Harry asked, taking the lead. Molly stood slightly behind him, not really looking anywhere in particular.

“Only a few, we’re limited, people having to stop over because of the weather.”

“Us included.” Harry chuckled.

“Ah.” The girl smiled as she looked down at the screen in front of her, clicking away at thing and hitting a few keys. “Well, I’ve got a double room, will that be ok?” The girl offered with that same plastered smile that came with customer service. Molly knew it well, though she’d trained hers to be a little more sultry.

“Is that two beds?” Harry asked.

“I’m afraid it’s just one double bed.” The girl informed them, her smile faltering a little though not completely. “If you want separate beds it will have to be a family room or two doubles.”

“One double will be fine.” Molly chimed in, stepping forward to the desk as she did so.

“You sure?” Harry asked, looking down at Molly.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Molly smiled looking up at him in return.  “I don’t owe anyone anything.” She told him stubbornly.  “I don’t want to take an extra room off someone else in our position.” Her voice was quiet, as if she was trying to keep the girl behind the desk out of the conversation, though she could obviously hear every word. Harry nodded then and Molly turned back to the receptionist. “Just the one double room please.” Molly smiled.

“Ok, just the one night.”

“Yes please.” Molly confirmed. Harry moved beside her, standing side on so his front was towards Molly, leaning one elbow on the desk. Suddenly, it wasn’t just Harry, it was them, together, making the best of it.

“Breakfast in the morning?”

“Want breakfast in the morning?” Harry offered, eyes flicking to Molly.

“I don’t mind.”

“Yes please.” Harry led, and Molly smiled, shaking her head at him.

“Ok, that will be ninety eight fifty please, and can I have a name for the room?”

“Styles.” Harry grumbled as he struggled to get his wallet out of his pocket for all the layers. Harry pulled his card out, and Molly tried not to feel bad as he stuck it in the card machine and tapped in his pin.

“Perfect, ok, so you’re room 103, if you go left through that door, take the lift to floor two and turn left again.” The girl explained, hand flicking around like an air hostess giving the safety instructions before take off, well rehearsed and definitely perfected.

“Great thanks.” Harry smiled.

“If you need anything just call down.” Harry nodded, edging away, eagre for a bed. “The pub will be open until eleven pm, serving food until nine thirty tonight.”

“Ok thank you.” Harry finished turning to the door the girl had pointed to, Molly following suit.

“Enjoy your stay.” She called after them.

“Thank you.” Molly sung back with a smile. Harry once again opened the door for Molly and let her step through. She waited for him on the other side though so they could walk to the lift side by side. “I’ll give you some money for that.” Molly told him once he was by her side again.

“No you won’t.” Harry insisted.

“Harry-”

“You can buy dinner if it means that much to you.” He cut over her, and Molly lifted her lips to a half smile.

“Ok.” She sighed, giving in and Harry smiled, reaching forward to press the button for the lift.

The room was standard. One double bed in the middle, a TV on the wall and a little table that Molly threw her bag onto. The bathroom was small, toilet, shower, sink, but more than adequate for one night. Molly was just glad to see the bed and she didn’t hesitate to collapse onto it once her coat was off and hanging on the door to dry. Harry chuckled and joined her, lying next to her and grabbing the remote for the TV.

They didn’t say much, the odd comment about the only show that was half decent enough to watch on the freesat TV. It was dark. Between the clouds and thick blinds there was hardly any light coming through and the cheap bulbs in the bedside lamps only cast a dim orange glow. It was warm though, and the droll of the TV, mixed with the other factors, made Molly feel dozy. It didn’t take her long to succumb to the softness of the bed, or her heavy eyelids. In fact the TV had barely been on thirty minutes when Molly rolled to her side, fully under the influence of sleep and curled herself into a ball, her mind finally empty and she drifted into the sleep it felt like she’d needed since she sat in the cafe waiting for Harry.

It was hours later when Molly began to blink her eyes open steadily. There was a groggy feeling over her, like she’d actually had too much sleep, similar to the feeling of a ten minute afternoon power nap that ended up lasting into the evening. It felt like she couldn’t stretch her limbs far enough and the muscles inside them were ready to explode out of her. There was a clammy feeling over her skin and she felt dirty and heavy. She’d needed the sleep before she’d had it, but now she regretted letting herself fall so easily.

Slowly Molly rolled over and sat up against the headboard. The bedside lamps were still on and outside was fully dark, but it was winter so that wasn’t really telling of the time. The TV was off but Molly could hear movement in the bathroom so assumed that’s where Harry had got to. At the end of the bed her bag was still sat untouched from where she’d dropped it upon sight of the bed. Inside was her phone, but in her still half asleep state she couldn’t even be bothered to move and get it to check what time it actually was. She felt dazed and her head was beginning to ache, her mouth was dry and a cold glass of water would have gone down a treat.

“Oh, you’re awake, sorry, just wanted to freshen up.” Molly flicked her eyes in the direction of the voice. Harry was stood in the small hallway, he had his jeans on though no t-shirt and Molly couldn’t quite take her eyes away from the large butterfly across his stomach. Her eyes were grazing over the intricacies of the drawing as Harry roughed his hair with a towel, the curls wet and dripping down his skin.

“That’s ok.” Molly mumbled, her voice scratchy and slow from sleep. She coughed a little trying to clear it and raising her eyes to Harry’s face again, though he had hardly noticed her averted gaze, the towel covering most of his face as he continued to dry excess water from his hair and his eyes squeezed tightly shut. “Should we get dinner?” Molly asked, lifting off the bed a little once Harry dropped the towel and began wrapping his hair around itself into a neat little bun at the back of his head.

“We’ve missed dinner Lol, it’s eleven thirty.” Harry smirked, looking up through his lashes at Molly to account for his dipped head as he tied his hair back.

“Are you joking?” Molly gaped, eyes widening with her question. Harry just chuckled and shook his head. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” She asked, still sitting forward from the headboard, leaning on the heel of her hands.

“Looked like you needed the sleep.” Harry shrugged, reaching for the t-shirt he’d obviously discarded and left at the end of the bed before his shower. Something made Molly blush a little as he pulled it over his head, and she thought it might be to do with the fact he’d stood at the bottom of the bed she was sleeping in and taken his clothes off. It wriggled inside her and made her feel the need to giggle girlishly, though she didn’t.

“You must be starving.” Molly guessed confidently, quickly moving her mind away from Harry’s bare abdomen as he pushed his arms through the arm holes and pulled the fabric over him, covering the artwork and the muscles that Molly watched over until they were hidden.

“Nah I popped out, got some snacks.” Harry announced, bending and grabbing a carrier bag from the end of the bed. It was heavy with contents and Molly let out a sharp little puff of air in amused disbelief. “Cheese straws, coke, water, a sandwich.” Harry listed as he crawled onto the bed and set himself and the bag down in front of her.

“Wow I really did sleep huh?” Molly chuckled.  

“Yeah.” Harry breathed with a smile as Molly folded her legs over one another and sat forward a little more. “How you feeling?” Harry asked finally, pulling items from the bag and laying them out on the bed.

“Kinda feeling nothing to be honest.” Molly mumbled, pretending to watch the things Harry was taking out of the bag, but really she wasn’t actually focusing on anything at all, just staring aimlessly.

“Did you want to talk about it?” Harry asked softly, and Molly just shrugged, still staring down at the duvet cover, her fingers toying with the sheets carelessly. “How did he take it?”

“He didn’t take it well at all.” Molly mumbled, a lopsided smile lifting one side of her face.

“Really?” Molly nodded, sighing and still not looking at Harry.

“Got kinda mad about it, started going off about how it was because of you, thought I was ending things with him to be with you.” Molly glanced up with that, just to see how Harry reacted. She saw his throat clench around nothing as he swallowed and his Adam’s apple bobbed in his neck. “He was just being really vicious about it and not really listening so I just left in the end, I think I feel worse because it didn’t go how I wanted.” Molly continued looking back down at the bed.

“Things tend to do that when you plan them so much.” Harry told her dully. Molly just nodded. Deep down she knew that, but it hadn’t stopped her envisioning things only the way she wanted them to go, rather than the thousands of ways it could have gone. Maybe it made it easier to prepare for, only thinking about it going as well as it could, but when it came to it that only made it harder when it went so horribly.

“You shoulda told me it was Ryan who gave you that black eye.” Molly told Harry, and finally looking at him properly as she did so, holding her head high.

“I know,” Harry started with a sigh. “I knew as soon as I did it I shouldn’t have lied about it.” He promised, and Molly just chewed her cheek as he did so, not sure that made it any better. “You were so adamant on working it out with him though and I didn’t want to be the person who ruined that.” Harry explained.

“You let me think you got mugged though, I’ve been looking over my shoulder for weeks.” Molly told him and it wasn’t a lie. Every time she walked home, night or day, on her own or not, she was always aware of everything around her, every dark shadow, every movement, person, alleyway.

“That’s not a bad thing.” Harry told her, deadpan and honest. “There are bad people out there Lolly, just because I didn’t get mugged that night, doesn’t mean that sort of thing doesn’t happen.” Molly just rose an eyebrow at Harry, not entirely sure that was the point. “It was gone midnight and you were walking home alone, I’m sorry I lied about it, I’m not sorry I came and got you.”

“You keep coming to get me though huh?” Molly pointed out, a somewhat unamused look on her face. It wasn’t that she was ungrateful in anyway, of course she was grateful, more than grateful, and certainly more grateful than any amount of thank-you’s could account for. However, she still couldn’t get her head around it, but she didn’t know how to ask why without sounding like she wasn’t thankful for him.

“What friends do.” Harry shrugged.

“Is it?”

“Well it’s what I do and we’re friends, so yes.” Harry told her with a certainty in his tone.

“Well you’re a bloody good friend, and I really appreciate you. Thank you.” Molly told him seriously.

“That’s ok.” Harry smiled. With that he looked back down at the snacks he’d pulled out of the bag and the bottles of drink, one bottle of Coke already half gone. “Now do you want some of these cheese straws?” Harry asked, picking up the pack of own brand Gruyere Twists - Molly’s favourites.

“Who told you about the cheese straws?” Molly asked with a smile as Harry opened up the packet and pulled the plastic tray of straws out.

“You looked like you were gonna strangle Lauren the first time we met because she forgot one, all you eat at Clive’s is cheese scones, I worked it out myself, been paying attention.” Harry told her with a smile to which Molly grinned. Molly took one of the twists and took a bite, acutely aware that although she’d been paying attention to everything Harry said to her, she knew very little about him. It wasn’t until he made it clear he even knew her favourite snack, that Molly realised he gave away very little information. How she hadn’t noticed before, she wasn’t sure, but now she’d noticed it wormed into her mind as she chewed slowly and distractedly on the cheese twist.

Sooooooo are we all happy now? She’s fucked him off, bye bye Ryan! What do we think? Lemme know hit my ask box open, it’s lonely!

Thanks for every little bit of love on this so far, and thank you for reading you’re all stars and I love you dearly for it!