#cursed squirrel

The next morning you went to the infirmary to find something for the headache and to see how Arthur was doing.

Arthur seemed to be in a better mood than you despite his injury, half laughing at the state you were in “Wow, you look terrible. What did you do last night ?”

“Thanks.” You deadpanned.

After drinking a vial with some medicine you told him what happened the night before “I forgot to drink water yesterday, drank ale instead.”

Another laugh came from him “I take it that it did not work out well ?”

You stood next to the cot he was on “It didn’t. I ended up fainting. Luckily Gawain was there.”

He sat upright now “Oh, are you alright ? You didn’t fall did you ?”

Your eyes fell on the hand that he placed on your arm “Gawain caught me, I didn’t hurt myself. Speaking off last night, did the Red Spear come to see you ?”

He withdrew his hand “She has.”

You waited for more information but he looked…reluctant “I like her. She’s terrifying, but I like her.”

Arthur smiled coyly “You love danger then ?”

Quick as a whip you turned it around “Do you ?”

That smile grew nervous real quick, perhaps he did not know what he loved yet.

But he was not ready to surrender “I think you do.”

You quirked a brow “Why is that ?”

He said it like it was a fact “You like to be around terrifying people.”

You denied it “There is only Red Spear.”

Then he cheekily added “And Lancelot.”

An actual soft laugh escaped you “He is not terrifying !”

Arthur was ready to prove his point “To you. Because you know him better than anyone else here.”

Was he really fighting you on this ? “Don’t be ridiculous. I am not drawn to danger.”

He patted a hand on the cot “Well, if that is the case, come sit with this non-dangerous heavily wounded man then.”

You didn’t know why you hesitated to sit with a friend, but you did…

Arthur noticed this and sounded rather hurt “You sat with him when he was here…”

There was no judgment in his tone, he was stating only facts.

With a look of guilt you apologized to him “I’m sorry…”

Arthur was sure of the matter now “I was right, wasn’t I ? Something did happen between you and him.”

Slowly you walked over and sat at the foot on the cot “I…” what to say “He might have kissed me once. But it doesn’t matter, he explained that the vow forbade it. And it won’t happen again.”

The sheer surprise on Arthur’s face went unnoticed, you were too busy looking down at your fidgeting hands.

Lancelot had done the right thing by admitting that the kiss should not have happened, it was better considering the circumstances the two of you had been in. The thing that you could not forget was how you had not been upset that your first kiss was ‘stolen’ from you by him…

There was doubt in his voice when he parroted “It won’t happen again ?”

It felt too personal to speak further of this “I respect his choice.”

Arthur could tell that you wanted to end this topic “He saved my life, could’ve left me to die out there, but he didn’t. Complicated man that is, one moment he looks like he wants to hit me, the next he’s helping me.”

That sounded familiar “When I was with him in the paladin camp, it took a while to see the real person behind the Weeping Monk.”

Then he admitted “I trust him. Call me mad, but…I trust him.”

It caused you to smile “You’re not mad. And I’m glad to hear that you two are finally becoming friends.”

He sat upright and reached for your hand, placing his on top “I can see why he is so fond of you. You’re lovely, y/n. A great person to be around. Don’t ever let your parents make you believe that you are anything less but incredible.”

The compliments were followed by him swiftly leaning in, catching you off-guard, and kissing your cheek.

If you hadn’t turned your head to the side, he would have gone ahead and put his lips to yours.

He was quick to understand that you were rejecting him.

An awkward silence fell between you. Arthur was sweet, handsome and always there to help, but something more was missing and kissing him wouldn’t have felt right. And then there was the fact that the captain of the raiders had her sights set on him.

It was not often that using his charms did not work, but he had a vague idea why “Sorry. You did not want me to do that ?”

You felt a bit guilty, had you given the wrong impression ? “I’m sorry too, I just don’t think I feel more than friendship.”

It was not his first rejection and he handled it with grace “At least you’re honest.”

You decided to inform him of the captain’s interest in him, doubting she had been brave enough to do so herself last night “Red Spear fancies you, Arthur.”

He seemed rather surprised “Did she tell you that ?”

Well, Arthur sounded rather interested in the news “Not with many words, but it’s quite obvious. Did she say anything to you about it ?”

He recalled what the Red Spear had told him “She told me that she felt sorry and blamed herself for how I got injured, she sort of said it rather quietly. Also said that she was glad I was alive, said a good swordsman would have gone to waste otherwise.”

That was perhaps the closest thing to a confession of love that the raider’s captain would ever get “We both know that Red Spear is more for action than words.”

The Manblood would have to read between the lines quite a lot if he wished to figure the captain out “That’s true. But…” he gestured between the two of you “Are we…alright ?”

Ah, clearly he was wondering whether you took offense to him pursuing another after almost kissing you “We are.”

Arthur, the charming and flirtatious Manblood, would have quite a challenge if he would indeed pursue the Red Spear.

You got up from the cot “I need to go and find Percival, I promised to give him a drawing of a fox today. Will you be alright ?”

He gestured a little hilariously to himself “I’ll be on my feet again in no time.”

You shook your head, laughing “Alright, I guess you’ll be fine. I’ll see you later.”

He nodded and you left the infirmary to find Percival.

   And you did find the spirited boy, he was busy with demanding attention from Lancelot. Pulling out all hidden weapons he could find in the saddle from the Ash Man’s horse.

More than once, Lancelot had to disarm him. It ended with the Ash Man grabbing a dagger from him and holding the boy with an arm around his chest, leaving the child to twist and turn to try and get free. Lancelot only shifted his grasp on the boy each and every time, barely able to contain a loud laugh.

They both looked so happy and playful. The often serious Ash Man had a strong playfulness inside of him, you had experienced this in the forest once when he had indulged you with a game of hide and seek.

That was a nice moment to remember…

“Stop doing that.” A voice came from right next to you.

It made you jump a little and move a step to the side, blurting out “What do you mean ?”

Pym was looking at you with a judging only she could show, she mimicked your voice and parroted “What do you mean ?” then chuckled “Come on, do you think I’m stupid ? I know you’re not staring at nothing.”

You rolled your eyes but felt very caught “Fine, you’re right, I was staring. Can you blame me for looking ? I know that nothing else will ever happen again.”

You had told her about the kiss and how those serving the Church took a vow. It was a one time occurrence. All those touches shared, but there was still a line he would never cross. The desire he had once felt was kept under control. A romantic conjoining was not possible, he had been honest to you about this. And you would not expect him to break his vow, if this was his choice, then you respected it. You had made your peace with it.

The occasional hug and other signs of affection from him were already more than you had ever known.

It was enough, he was enough and you wouldn’t want to miss him for the world.

She then casually mentioned “Hmm. I guess you’re right. I’ve seen others stare at him too.”

It came out sharp “What others ?”

Pym snorted a laugh at the sudden bitterness you spoke with “Gods, y/n. Can you be more obvious ?”

You denied what she was clearly still hinting at “He’s my friend, I’m just worried about him. I don’t want people to bother him.”

She muttered quietly under her breath, yet perfectly loud enough for you to hear “How can they bother him when you are doing it all the time ?”

You scoffed loudly and gave her a light playful push “Are you calling me annoying ?”

Pym put an arm around your shoulder “Nah, but I think you are absolutely mad for staring at a monk.”

You removed her arm from your shoulder “I never tease you for staring at the Green Knight. And you’ve been doing that a lot lately.”

She had never looked so speechless before, her cheeks turning a soft pink color “Have not !”

With a raised brow you looked at a flustered Pym “Shall we talk about something else ?”

She was eager to take that opportunity.

  oOoooOOOoooOOoOOoo

  After handing an ecstatic Percival the drawing, you went to find Lancelot in the stables, he was busy brushing Goliath’s coat with some straw.

While knocking on the wooden walls, you greeted him “Good morning.”

Glancing over at you, he greeted you too “Good morning. How are you feeling today ?”

It would surprise you if he had not noticed the squinting of your eyes from the headache you had “Better.”

There was doubt written all over his expression and he reached into the saddlebag to take out his flask filled with water, offering it to you “Drink.”

You didn’t even protest, he would wave away any excuses you would give him.

“Thanks.” You took the flask and drank some sips.

Just as you were drinking, he reached higher with the straw to brush Goliath’s back with it.

When he lifted his arm something caught your attention.

You held his arm in your hand, moving his cloak to the side “What happened to your shirt ? I could try to sew it back-”

When he shifted, so did the fabric and revealed the wound that had stopped bleeding only hours ago. The bloodstained piece of cloth wrapped around it now visible to your eyes.

Immediately you wanted to know why he had not spoken off this “You’re wounded ?!? Gods, Lancelot ! Why didn’t you say something ??”

He moved your hands away first, then moved you a step back too “It happened at the Mill. It will heal, I have cleaned it. Do not worry.”

How many times had he been wounded before and never said a thing ?

You could tell that he would brush this off and ignore the injury so he could continue his work with the Green Knight “Come with me to the infirmary. I will see if I can help with that.”

He was used to cuts and bruises, a variety of injuries had caused a variety of scars.

Of course the Ash Man politely declined “You fainted last night, y/n. I will not give you more work.”

It seemed like you needed to be a little more persuasive, taking a step closer, your hand curled around one of his “Let me take a look at your arm, Ash Man.”

You held your intertwined hands close to your body.

That different tone in your voice made it very difficult to decline the offer again.

With a hard swallow and timid nod he accepted the help offered.

He did not say a word while following you to the infirmary, you blamed it on him not being used to accepting help from others.

After entering the infirmary with him, you patted a hand on the cot, signaling for him to sit down.

Used to offering patients help, you treated him no different “Need a hand to undress ?”

He mentally scolded himself for almost lying.

Mildly distracted, he took off his, cloak, aketon and then carefully the linen shirt.

You sat next to him to inspect the damage, the wound had indeed been cleaned well but it would not heal properly without stitches “I need to sew it shut. Otherwise it will hurt for months before it heals.”

Pain was no stranger to him, the prolonged healing process of wounds was often a punishment to himself for even getting injured in battle.

Without meaning to question your healing skills, he did feel the need to inquire “Have you ever done so before ?”

Quietly you muttered “Once or twice.”

Perhaps he should have declined the offer and just let the wound heal on his own. But you had his hand resting on your lap while you were focused on his arm and he considered the pain of having his skin sewed back together a fair trade for it.

With a grin, he decided to jest “As long as my ear is not attached to my arm after this.”

You gave him a playful push “I’ll sew your mouth shut if you’re not careful.”

He quirked a brow “Pardon ?”

He heard but wanted to see if you would dare say it again.

You repeated louder “I said, I’ll sew your mouth shut if I hear you question my skills again.”

A look over his shoulder was aimed at you accompanied with a lopsided grin “Is this how you treated all of your patients ? Threatening them ?”

Your eyes must have sparkled from the fun you were having “No. Just you.”

Still grinning, he questioned it “Just me ?” then clicked his tongue “Is this for laughing at your unfortunate encounter with a spider yesterday ?”

You prepared a needle and thread, then got to work “Quiet. Don’t distract me or that needle could end up doing more damage.”

The jest rolled out of his mouth “You are less frightening with a sword.”

It earned a glare from you “I’m going to pretend you did not just say that.”

Stitching the wound on the back of his arm wasn’t so simple, it ran horizontally over it. Still you did your best and even though you had threatened him with the needle you were very careful not to hurt him.

It also caught your attention that there were no fresh scars on his back.

After finishing closing the wound up, you lightly ran a hand across his back “They are better…”

He quietly said “I stopped.”

With a squeeze to his shoulder you showed your support, this was good news, it meant his mental state was improving.

He must have found another way to process difficult matters.

You got up for a moment and grabbed the bowl with ointment while opening the subject on Father Carden “How are you handling the news of his death ?”

It was not necessary to ask who you had meant “I handled it.”

You doubted that it was as easy as he pretended it to be “You never speak of him anymore.”

He countered it with “You do not speak of your parents either unless I ask about them.”

True, neither of you had fond memories with parental figures in your lives.

He had never thought that he would react so numb to the news that Father had died and yet he had. It was only weeks later that mourning began. Anger, hatred, sadness, guilt… he felt all of it and carried it in silence. No one here would like to hear how he mourned the death of someone who had caused such pain to so many.

But you had been with him during his darkest times, maybe you would listen “I gave my whole life to him, to what he believed in. And I will never see a day where I do not carry the guilt on my shoulders for it.”

You put some ointment on your fingertips and gently smeared it on the wound “And still you mourn him.”

You knew…

He fought back the tremble in his voice and the tears that dared to form “What does that make me ?”

Did he expect that you would call him a monster for this ? “Compassionate.”

Your stomach sank when he leaned forward and buried his face in his hands, he was truly struggling with this.

Unexpectedly, he apologized “I am so sorry, y/n.”

It confused you greatly “You don’t have to apologize, Lancelot.”

He forced himself to breath, to stay in control of his emotions “Father did this to our people. To you and even to me. I should hate him-”

The guilt he felt for mourning Father Carden must have been tearing him apart inside, his own empathy causing him to feel this way.

Without thinking, you carefully wrapped your arms around his arm and leaned close to his ear “I want you to know that mourning someone who you have known all your life is normal. It proves that you have empathy, even if it is for someone like Father Carden. It’s admirable even. Someone has to pray for the wicked, for they can’t do it themselves anymore.”

There was truth in that…

His head tilted a little, just enough to feel your forehead against his temple, eyes held shut until his tears would dry “Will this stay between us ?”

You scrambled some courage together and brushed a hand over the back of his neck to sooth him “I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”

God… your fingers moving over his neck made him want to lean back into them more.

The content hum however was not something he wanted to emit.

At the sound of it you drew back your hand and those Ash Folk eyes locked on yours.

There was an intensity in them now that made your heart want to leap up a hill.

With your gaze dropping to your lap, you informed “I’ll bandage your arm now. I fear your shirt is ruined though…”

Blood on white linen for so long would be near impossible to remove.

That innocent, shy expression and reaction you still had to him…

The atmosphere between you had made a palpable shift again.

In the laden silence you covered his wound by tying a fresh clean piece of linen around it.

He waited patiently until you were finished “Thank you.”

A quiet response “You’re welcome.” before rising to your feet and crossing the room to the chest with spare clothing ‘found’ by the raiders “I think there might be a shirt in here that will fit you.”

You sat down on your knees to search through it and heard the sound of his boots moving over the wooden floor as he neared you.

Just when he stopped beside you, you found a shirt.

He held a hand out to you and you believed it was for the shirt so you handed it to him.

He moved it to his other hand and kept holding out his hand.

Staring up at him, you sheepishly placed your hand in his and let him help you rise to your feet.

He held on to your hand “There is something else I wish to tell you.”

You waited for him to do so when the door flung open.

Pym was helping a raider drag another raider into the room “Ugh, bollocks ! Gavin stepped on his own trap again.”

Both your attention dropped to the raider’s leg.

Why on earth had they not removed the metal device from his foot before bringing him here ??? How was this raider so calm ??

Lancelot put the shirt on, rolled his eyes while grabbing his sword and going over to the raider to open the metal device up.

It only took him a few seconds to set the raider free.

“Ha ! Thank you !” The raider gave him a grateful pat on the shoulder and then proceeded to almost fall over.

You were quick to help the idiot and got him to the cot with both Pym and Lancelot’s help.

“Wanna help with this ?” Pym asked, pointing at the gruesome sight.

With a nod you agreed to help “Of course.”

You did take a moment to say something to Lancelot “Is it alright if we talk later ? I know there was still something you wanted to talk to me about.”

With a nod and tilt of his head he acknowledged it and left the infirmary so you could focus on the injured raider.

  oooOoOOoOOOOOoOOoo

  Close to evening, there was something that had reached your ears thanks to the Green Knight.

Percival was cleaning out the stables.

Percival…

Cleaning…

It sounded so unlikely that you had to go and see it for yourself.

Upon arriving at the stables, Lancelot stood outside and kept an eye on the working boy.

It looked so unbelievable and once you got the Ash Man’s attention, you gestured at Percival “Lancelot…is he cleaning these stables ?”

He only gave a nod.

Now that he was here, you brought up your earlier conversation “Earlier, in the infirmary, what was it that you wanted to tell me ?”

This was not the time or place…

His sights darted from you, to Percival who had not yet seen that you were there too “I wanted to tell you that…” the pause almost took too long “-that I appreciate how I can confide in you regarding my past.”

It didn’t go unnoticed that he looked quite nervous all of a sudden “Oh. Alright, I see. Never be afraid to speak of what troubles you, I know how difficult it has been for you. If I can carry half or all of your burdens, I would.”

His restless hands were folded behind his back, sight falling on you from the corner of his eyes “The sentiment is mutual.”

You hummed and smiled “Tell me, why is Percival the one cleaning the stables now ?”

Instantly he straightened his back “If he can steal-…” he corrected “If he can ‘borrow’ Goliath without my permission, then he should know how to care for him.”

This had been a punishment for the boy’s ‘crime’ “He took your horse ?”

He had been upset, yet impressed with the boy’s ability to ride Goliath alone “I could not find Goliath or Percival an hour or two ago. I was not surprised when they returned together.”

Soft laughter fell from you “He wants to be just like you.”

There was a slight frown forming “I could not say by how he often speaks to me. Sometimes I believe he considers me a nuisance.”

You felt sympathy for the fragile heart of the Ash Man that the child could apparently trample over “Aw, don’t think that. If he really didn’t like you then he wouldn’t be running after you all the time.”

It slipped from his tongue “Spoken from experience ?”

You side-eyed him “What are you trying to say ?”

He wasn’t backing down from messing with you a little “We run into each other an awful lot.”

You stated the obvious “We sleep in the same building.”

He cocked his head arrogantly “Still.”

While feigning a sweet tone, you jested “What do you want me to tell you, Ash Man ? That I spend my days finding excuses to run into you.”

With a lopsided grin, he acknowledged your sarcasm “So defensive. I never insinuated that I meant you. Perhaps I was speaking of myself.”

It could have meant he was the one finding excuses to speak to you so much, but you had responded like you were the one guilty of it.

Your eyes narrowed at the trap you had stepped into “Admit it, you arrogant twit, you like spending time with me just as much as I like to spend my time with you.”

He only hummed, like it was not the certain fact that it was.

At that moment a mixture of dirty straw and other things landed a few inches from Lancelot’s boots.

Your focus snapped to the young Fey Knight who was innocently shoveling the dirty stable clean.

He looked down at his boots and then back to the boy.

At least it had not been thrown against him, there was progress being made.

After waiting for a scolding to be given to the boy, you realized none would come from Lancelot “You’re so afraid he won’t like you anymore if you scold him for it. Aren’t you ?”

He held his tongue, it wasn’t far from the truth.

You called over to the boy all of a sudden “Percival.”

The boy stopped shoveling and looked back at you “Y/n ?”

Without shame, you told the boy what Lancelot would never tell him “Lancelot fears you might hate him or grow to hate him.”

He could not believe you had just told the boy like this.

The Ash Man opened his mouth but failed to find the words.

Percival looked at the two of you like you had gone mad and dropped the shovel “What ?” the boy approached the Ash Man as if it had been a grave insult “Why would you think that ?!?”

Both of you were taken rather aback by the defensive stance of the boy.

He looked to you for help, before understanding that it would be best to handle this himself.

After a soft nudge from your elbow, he confessed to the waiting boy “You cursed at me when I told you to clean Goliath’s stable.”

There was some frustration from Percival who had always been used to little or no supervision “You wouldn’t let me ride Goliath ! You’re always bossing me around !”

He expected the reply “I only want what is best for you. I do understand that you will not always be happy with the choices I make to ensure a better future for you. I hope, in time, you will forgive me for the flaws in my attempt.”

Percival was calmer, it had sounded like the Ash Man was determined to stick around and help him through life, quietly uttering “I don’t hate you.”

Slowly Lancelot knelt down in front of Percival “I would understand if you did.”

The boy wasn’t having it “I don’t.”

He explained why he disliked how the boy had rode Goliath beyond his knowledge “You are brave, and you are still quite young and growing. I feared you would fall off Goliath and break your neck. I would never forgive myself for not having been there to help.”

Now Percival understood the reason he had been punished and tasked with cleaning the stable, he quietly risked asking “Can I ride Goliath if you’re with me ?”

Lancelot thought for a moment, then answered “Finish cleaning the stable. I will let you ride Goliath but I will hold the reins and walk beside you. Agreed ?”

There was eager nodding from Percival as he agreed to the terms.

He rose from the ground, ushering the boy to complete the task “Go on then. Off you go.”

This time Percival was more enthusiastic to clean the stable.

It was only when he rose to his feet again that he noticed he had knelt down right in the dirt the boy had tossed at his feet minutes ago.

You were quick to notice and failed to stop yourself from laughing at the sight of it.

With a deep disgruntled sigh, he tried to brush off the dirt from his trousers as much as possible.

You reached out and gave his arm a squeeze, rubbing it a little “Well done, Lancelot.”

It was endearing to see him slowly but surely open up to others, especially towards the feisty child.

There was that boyish smile again and seeing it warmed your chest.

Then he slowly and discreetly moved a hand to your own, fingers hooking around yours loosely.

You were the one who went ahead and clasped your hand around his.

A squeeze from him…

A squeeze from you…

He uttered a heartfelt “Thank you.”

How in heaven’s name could it be that the sparkle you had in your eyes now could cause his heart to jump in joy ?

After you nodded, he let go off your hand before it would draw the boy’s attention.

You didn’t even realize you were staring at him for a moment “How is your arm ?”

He clasped his hands behind his back again, it was the only way to keep them still “It burns less.”

It was a relief to hear “That means the ointment is working.”

With a tilt of the head, he silently asked you to step out off the stables with him, of course you followed.

He walked at a slow pace, remaining near the stables “Have you had any more trouble with your parents ?”

It dawned on you that neither your mother or father had hounded you today “No. It’s odd. Maybe they finally listened to Gawain ?”

He kept a neutral expression, only his brow arched slightly “Perhaps. Let us hope. Will you tell me if anything arises again ?”

With a nod and grateful smile, you responded “I will. Thank you, Lancelot.”

Right then, he had to take a step to the side as a woman walked past him.

The brunette with luscious curling locks send him a look that could not be mistaken by anyone, and a smile that could enamor the coldest of hearts.

You didn’t expect or like the strong gnawing feeling it gave to your self-confidence.

Pym had been right about him catching the attention from others…

It distracted you so badly that you hadn’t even heard him speak just now.

He halted “Y/n ?”

It took you a second to realize he must have said or asked something “Oh… I’m sorry. I didn’t hear what you said.”

Mildly concerned, he repeated what had costed him so much courage to say just even once “I am glad you feel better after last night. You look better.”

There was something else he had muttered half under his breath and you couldn’t decipher it “Excuse me ?”

It took so much to say it louder “You look…” he wanted to scold himself for being so cowardice, then finally voiced openly “Stunning.”

Your foot hit an uneven spot of grass and you lost your balance, thankfully he caught your elbow to prevent a fall.

Had he ever even complimented your appearance before ?

He let go when you regained your balance.

You never saw it coming “Stunning ?”

After weeks in Gramaire, you looked healthier and more lively. You smiled more and radiated a social warmth that drew people to you.

Living here made it possible to have proper meals and a chance to rest. All of it benefited to a healthier life.

And yes, it strengthened the beauty that you already had. He had seen it and knew others noticed too.

That raider had been one of the many that were starting to have attention for you.

And the thought that you were catching the eyes of others…

Even now, while walking beside him, he could see them turn their heads to look again.

If he was to tell you of his affection, what better way to start then by making it known that he was not insensitive to your appearance too ?

If he had once been brave enough to tell you he desired you, this should not be much harder.

Desire, lust…it had grown into what he felt now.

With a tilt of the head, he confirmed his words “Being here has done you well. I can see how your health has improved.”

It was understandable, when first meeting him you had been starving and wore torn clothes.

Now you had better access to water, food and a warm place to sleep with an actual bed “You look healthier too. Not as tired. And some color to your cheeks.”

Not pale and so terribly haunted by what had troubled him when he was with Father Carden.

No, he looked good. Stronger, healthier and calmer. And most importantly, happier.

That color on his cheeks intensified when you returned the compliment with a cheeky smirk “Very handsome. As always.”

Beyond his control, his gaze swiftly moved over your form until it locked on your face.

As always ?

Percival ran out off the stables and found the Ash Man outside with you, shouting excitedly “I am finished !”

You gestured to the waiting Percival “I should let you go and keep your promise to the boy. He looks very happy for someone who was just shoveling through dirt for an hour.”

He gave a nod but ended up catching your arm before you could fully walk away.

You looked back at him, saw him hesitate…

His fingers glided down your arm as they released it, leaving you with some advice “Do not forget to drink enough today. Water, not ale.”

You scoffed “Thanks. I will.”

He send a smug smirk as you walked off.

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