#currentseeker

She wished someone was there. She felt like she ought to want Ghost there with her, but she almost couldn’t bear the thought of him, somewhere else, not missing her at all, possibly plotting against her Clan. Instead, she found herself longing for Currentseeker most of all. She could almost see her big brown muzzle laid over her back, smell the sunshine and river water on her fur. 

Look at them, she would say, our perfect little monsters. They will be monsters - once their eyes are open. I can just tell. 

“We always wanted a litter of our own,” murmured Smokyrose. “I just wish you were here. I wish they would be able to know you.” Her mind failed to imagine a proper response and the image of her beloved slipped away from her grasp. She sighed and the act seemed to break the seal that had been holding back the emotion trapped inside her. Tears pooled in her eyes and her expression crumpled pathetically. She was exhausted and moody and so, so alone. The fight earlier had done nothing but make her feel even more alienated from her Clanmates. She wished- Stars, what did she wish? That Scorchplume had told her? That Ghost was here? That she had never met him? That Currentseeker had never died? There was too much going on, too much she wanted to change. 

Ultimately, she wished that things were different. 

“Smoky?” 

She lifted her head, sniffling, and saw Songdust standing in the nursery entrance. “Oh, Songdust,” she tried to smile, wiping at her cheek with a paw. “Please, come in. Are you here to see the girls?” 

“Yeah,” Songdust said carefully as she approached. “Are you alright?” 

Smokyrose opened her mouth to lie but couldn’t bring herself to say yes. “No, but I guess that’s to be expected. I’ll be okay in time.” She knew that in her head even if it felt impossible right now. 

“I’m sorry,” Songdust said, settling down beside her. “I know you’re upset-”

“It’s fine,” Smokyrose said firmly. “Let’s just forget about it.” 

Songdust sighed. “What are their names?” 

Smokyrose looked back down at her kits, her perfect, special, wonderful little girls and sighed as well. “This is Fogkit,” she said, her tail tip touching lightly over the back of the sleeping, pale grey tabby. “And this is Slatekit,” she said, nosing the kit that seemed the perfect image of herself. 

“What lovely names,” Songdust said softly, nuzzling up against Smokyrose’s cheek. 

“Thank you,” she purred weakly, leaning in to the very welcome touch. An unexpected yawn parted her jaws, causing Songdust to chuckle. 

“Should I let you sleep?” Songdust asked, shifting to stand, and Smokyrose reached out to pull her back.

“No,” she said quickly. “Or- Would you stay with me while I sleep?” 

Songdust smiled and nodded. “Of course, Rose.” She stood just enough to scoot forward, stretching out to wrap around Smokyrose with the kits nestled between their bodies. Smokyrose sighed in relief and laid her head over Songdust’s tail, allowing herself to close her eyes. Sleep came quickly and gently, a much needed rest accentuated by the feeling of her kits’ heartbeats against her side.

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