#culture problems

So I found this comment (and other ones) today...

At this point, I smile and say, “Well, good thing I’m not planning on getting pregnant then.” That was when the nurse turned to my prospective mother-in-law (who has a medical background and has been helping me with this problem from the start) and says, “Don’t worry, she’ll change her mind.”

Holy crap lady, you just got done telling me that having kids will make this horrible thing worse, and that there’s a chance that said kids will inherent it, and then you turn around and expect me to do that? What the actual fuck?

Not only was that dismissive and condescending as Hell, but you don’t know why i’m not planning on having kids. For all you know, either me or my partner is sterile and you just drove that point home.

The days leading up to Christmas were spent (by me) eating, and battling the internet so I could finish my day’s work… Which ended up taking all day and night to finish. My husband spent his days eating and watching TV with the family.

We set up the tree as soon as possible. Manu, my niece, helped us decorate it. I was surprised at how much joy it brought, watching her decorate the tree with such sparkling eyes filled with wonder. I know she must have seen a Christmas tree before, but this was possibly her first time ever being allowed to touch one, let alone decorate it.

After Manu, followed baby Krishna, fascinated, and ready to touch and pull at the tree. Just over one year old, Krishna walks and climbs like the rest of us. He also has a pretty impressive vocabulary already, and can understand more Hindi than me. When the baby saw the tree, he naturally wanted to remove and play with all the ornaments, but (and I learned this later) if you tell him “Nahi” (no) he stops what he is doing and finds something else to do!

On Christmas Eve, I was determined to have some familiar food. The thing is… Guests kept coming over, all day! While not a bad thing, it robbed me of the feeling of Christmas, repeating Hindu greeting and entertaining rituals all day. When I cooked pasta at the end of the night, I made a lot. Everyone, including guests, had a sample of it. At the end of the night, I only had a small portion of the food I made to comfort myself, and there were still a few people who didn’t get to try any. Resultantly, my mother-in-law was not impressed. That night, I discussed in detail, while wrapping gifts, what should go on, during Christmas. My husband was as eager and excited as I was.

When Christmas morning came, hubby was sluggish and grumpy, having lost all will to operate Christmas the way I had envisioned.

“We’ll do that later.”

“I’ll do that later.”

“I’ll give this gift to that person, and buy them a gift later.”

“Let’s wait for that.”

I suddenly had a feeling, just after waking up, that all of this was really stupid. I questioned why I even thought it would be a good idea to celebrate with people who had no idea how to celebrate. My husband sympathized, and told me he would do his best to make Christmas feel real to me. I gave him credit for the thought.

We left the door open, as the tree was in our room (against my plan). While my husband went and enjoyed chai, I waited in the room for the kids to walk by and see the presents. After about half an hour, Manu walked in with her mouth open, smiling. She glided towards the tree carefully inspecting all the gifts. She began laughing and jumping around. At this time, my husband walked in and took part in the joy. The baby followed him in.

When the baby saw the tree he smiled so much, ran up to it, grabbed a bar of chocolate and ran out of the room. Of all the things, he was most pleased about the chocolate. Against my original plan, my husband asked Manu to wait to open presents until the evening, when (at least) her father would be home from work. It made sense to me, so I brushed off this aspect of my original plan.

My husband, after this, spent most of his day watching TV, while I entertained children, among other things. He was so busy in TV-land that he forgot to put my Christmas music on my phone so I could listen to it, and he never found the time.

In the night time, I spent most of my time in the kitchen, helping my mother-in-law with her endless project of frying snacks and food. My contribution, with my husband’s assistance, was apple empanadas. Which I found was easier just to call “Apple Gujia”. By special request, we made them with only a small amount of sugar, and they just weren’t the same. When Manu did open her gifts, she was happy about them, but the Christmas spirit had already left.

We passed out the rest of the gifts, sending them home with our guests.

I’m so happy I could spend Christmas with my husband’s family this year, and Christmas was an improvement compared to last year. I think it will be a work in progress, and each year will be better. I was sad that I missed out on key aspects of Christmas, but happy that I got to share a few moments of that with my niece and nephew.

Here’s to next year! ~

When I first stumbled upon this topic, I found it rather annoying. Some people were outraged at Selena Gomez for wearing a bindi. I thought nothing of it, and time quickly moved on.

Years later, I was reintroduced to the topic when a young friend of mine was harassed on her instagram account by a hateful user (known as @desigirlsrockbindis at the time) who spewed hatred and told her she couldn’t wear a bindi because she was not Indian or South Asian. This troll was hating under the “#ReclaimTheBindi” campaign. I was enraged, feeling very protective of her, and confused at how such a stupid topic could have formed such a cult following.

So I did my research. If people were thinking that expressing another culture wrong, that this is a big deal, I wanted to know why. After a debate among other ladies with Indian partners, and researching independently I learned a few things. I took over a month to absorb all I had learned, before writing about it.

Voices of the People Who Stand Against Cultural Appropriation

After debating with other ladies on the subject, many who identify as a minority – all partnered with an Indian man, they had quite a bit to say on why they think it’s not okay to use elements of another culture.

People claiming that cultural appropriation is wrong, often say the only times you are allowed to adorn something from another culture, is when you are invited to by a member of that culture. For example, if your Indian friend gives you some jeweled bindis – or if you are invited to an Indian wedding and asked to wear a saree. Other ladies who were partnered with an Indian, said they felt the only right they had to wear Indian clothes and bindis, was because their partner is Indian.

“I wouldn’t wear a kimono, unless my partner was Japanese and taught me when and how to wear one.” This was one example used.

When I expressed that people are free to explore and express culture, just as they are to explore and express the world’s languages, and whatever religion they believed in, one woman was quick to reply. She said that she believed language, culture, and religion were not things that people have the right to learn because they want to.

She believed that communities don’t have to let us use their culture because we want to, and that adorning aspects of another culture is essentially stealing from that culture. Regardless of if a person has good intentions, that does not free them from the fact that they are stealing from a minority culture.

“Notice how mostly white people do that?” This person, and many others out there, believe that cultural appropriation, goes hand in hand with racism. The power and control flows from the most “dominant” culture, to the “dominated” culture. The dominant culture in question, being “white” culture. Cultural appropriation, according to many, does not apply if a “dominated” culture is borrowing from a “dominant” culture, because it can be seen as forced or necessary for survival – even if it’s not.

Further debates led to frustration, and being told that those who don’t agree, can’t see our own “white privilege”.

Some people ask “Then why do ___ people wear jeans? That’s western!” or “Then why do ___ people speak English, that’s Western!” The answer to both? “Because of colonization.” and “Because it’s mandatory for people in other countries to learn English, if they expect to get a job.”

The message being, regardless of how much we don’t mind others borrowing from our culture, it’s still wrong to borrow from other people’s cultures – if you are from a dominant culture.

Another valuable opinion is that we need to respect and hear the voices of these minorities. That, at the end of the day, we can take off all of these cultural accessories and blend in, but someone with different skin will never have the luxury of blending in. They can’t just slip out of their skin, after all, and will inevitably be asked “Where are you really from?”

The end message being, “I’m not saying we can’t wear any of those things, we just have to be aware of why we wear it.”

The Real Dangers of Cultural Appropriation

Firstly, it’s oppressive to minorities that people will take aspects of their culture and adorn them, meanwhile, they are being judged for and discriminated against, by the majority of society, for adorning the same aspects of their own culture.

Another harmful occurrence, is when people adorn elements of another culture and it leads to discriminatory generalizations of that culture.

While the topic of cultural appropriation is quite controversial, there are some real problems that arise because of it.

Like Mexican restaurants, owned by Mexican Americans, being forced to close because a Mexican restaurant (owned by “white” people) is in a better, “less sketchy” neighborhood – and taking all the business.

Or the “white” girl who looks so beautiful and unique in her braids, while the “black” girl is teased for it, and being called “ghetto”.

These are just a few examples I have read, during my research. There is so much more to it. Much of my enlightenment came from this article: What’s Wrong With Cultural Appropriation? These 9 Answers Reveal Its Harm.

In The End

The topic of cultural appropriation, and whether or not it’s acceptable, has brought some serious points to everyone’s attention regarding the oppression, discrimination, and neglect of minorities. These are valid points, and we not only need to be more mindful of the struggles these minorities are facing, we need to help empower them.

But, as a minority in India, I also believe this can apply to minorities of any color, race, and ethnicity, in any country. This is not just about “white culture” V.S. every other culture.

I also think the division of people based on colors, “white” vs “black” vs “brown” (and any other color) is the ultimate form of racism here. The clear discrimination against “white” people’s opinions on this subject is ultimately proof of the entire topic perpetuating racism and division.

I think the valid points of this topic has inspired hatred, racism, discrimination, and ultimately segregation.

My friends have been attacked by people saying their blogs “scream cultural appropriation and white privilege” without ever understanding whether or not they identify as a minority, or reasons why they chose to express that specific culture. Read Buddhaful Brit’s post, to find out more: Attack Culture.

If you are seen as white (because people judge quickly, don’t they) you have no business disagreeing with the Cultural Appropriation Cult. Even people who genuinely care and love culture have been slapped with racist labels, asking them to stop “white-‘splaining”. And when they lose an argument or get upset, are bullied by racist comments such as “white tears”.

I will refer to this particular aggressive group as the Cultural Appropriation Cult. Because while cultural appropriation brings very valid points to light, the hatred and segregation is unnecessary and evil.

In my next post, I will cover what the other ladies had to say (the ones who stand for cultural appreciation), why I think it’s definitely okay for people to express their love for cultures, and other opinions I have about it all.

Featured image is by protoflux via Flickr.com, who definitely was invited by her Indian friend to wear that bindi!

The German Christmas Market

Yesterday we went to the German Christmas Market in New Delhi. The festival that lasts two days, is said to be filled with fun and activities, festive food, cookies (which I was especially interested in), shops of all sorts, handicrafts, and more.

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