#cuichatter

like he's naturally an affectionate person, very touchy, very loving. He talks affectionately of his dad, and the silly little experiments he'd do, and the way his parents loved one another implies he grew up in a good family. After the death of Oswald, that place of love became void. In that void he filled in Marion. Marion made him feel needed, gave him a reason to wake up in the morning and just be a human being. This boy, this baby, was one of the last experiments Oswald left behind. I think at first he probably took care of him purely out of necessity, maybe a little out of the sentimentality for him being left behind by Oswald, but somewhere in there, his genuine love for the boy grew. Watching Marion grow up, seeing his little milestones and achievements, seeing him grow into a person, an individual, instead of being just "the experiment left behind", along with the love he received from him gave him back the warmth he felt he lost upon Oswald's passing. So he chose to stay strong, chose to move forward for his sake as well.

His carefree attitude towards most things makes it so people tend to leave him alone to his thoughts when it comes to his emotions, and it seems like he prefers it being that way, as shown by his preference for avoiding confrontation with victor, and by his choosing not to confide these emotions in his other loved ones, like Marion. In some ways, I think there are times he prefers to be dismissed for the big things, for fear of being an actual liability onto others, and so he chooses to complain over the small things like taking a shower and making himself presentable so he can cover up those other feelings of self hatred.

Eventually, as time passes, he grows new love, through Shion. We're only given little glimpses of their relationship from the story but it's clear how much he loved her. From the way he, Ren, and Marion talk about her you could piece in little bits of her character. She was feisty, but caring, loving, and remained positive despite her precarious position within the research department at times. When you think about how their relationship dynamic probably worked, Shion probably got him to open up about his wounds, helped him heal beyond just "staying strong", facing the guilt and grief and fighting it head on. Their engagement was probably one of the first commitments Nova made for himself, not out of necessity like with Marion, but for himself.

His research held him up on that day, 6 years ago. He was supposed to meet with her family, but because of him, they moved it another day, and that's when tragedy struck. Her eventual death on that day inevitably shattered him again. Gone was the new love he'd found, and he closed himself off, drowning in what-ifs in a spiral of self-blame. "If I had just met her on the day they originally planned for, would they all have lived?", he questions himself, and To This Day, he still visits church to confess his sins, fully believing he's at fault for what happened.

When Ren entered helios, it probably felt like opening an old wound. Familiar habits, familiar face, familiar memories. When Ren confronted him about Shion's killer, confronted him about how Nova probabky moved on, he was definitely deeply hurt, but instead of focusing on his own emotions, he worried for Ren's own vengeance crusade, worried for how it's hurt him in the events that lead to their meeting in the church. Shion loved Ren; as her little brother, she would talk on and on about him, watching him grow, and he probably felt some kind of responsibility and connection to him, not just because they look alike but because he is essentially the last loved one Shion left behind.

WHICH IS WHY IT MATTERED SO MUCH WHEN THE DRUG INCIDENT HAPPENED. when vic's actions came to light, and of all the people vic had to experiment on, it had to be the two boys he was left with. The two boys his dear passed loved ones left to him to protect, to take care of, and he failed, they got hurt, not just by anyone, but by his own friend.

AND DESPITE THIS, he STILL wanted to believe in vic, that the work he was doing was for their sakes. He defended vic against those who called for his instant removal, against even Marion who wanted to report vic, because truthfully, Nova loved Victor, too. A different kind of love; where Ren and Marion were people he felt he had to protect, Victor was his equal. The only one in the world. He could never confide in Marion or Ren but he could in Vic, and Vic would be honest with him-- frank, dense, and cold sometimes, but honest and objective. and that MATTERED, to a man so tormented by his own feelings of self hatred that even he knows he's biased to his judgement of his personal situations, these opinions mattered.

Friend, lover, coworker, whatever you want to call it, he loved Victor. Of all people, he would know, Victor Valentine may not outwardly act as if he values human relationships, but he loves, too. He loves back, even if he doesn't know how to show it, and I could go on a whole OTHER essay about how Victor's warped sense of affection stemming from his grandmother's treatment and oswald's "enlightenment" has shaped the people who he's able to form relationships with but we're saving that for another day-- in any case, Victor does love. It's why he went out of his way to take care of Marion in the past, why he goes as far as to test his experiments on himself to reach Oswald's dream.

But as Vic talked in chapter 11, we saw how his success no longer brought him any joy, how it's led him so far that he's crossed into self-destruction, and Nova saw himself in Vic, saw the same absolute self-loathing that resided deep within him too. The same emotions he fears Ren will feel in the future if he continues on his justice crusade. This is where he decides he needs to stop it, he knows how this story ends and if he can save ren and victor from the same pain, he'll do what he must. The juxtaposition of his actions in relation to Shion's death compared to Vic's is, chefs kiss. And this is also when shit hits the fan.

This was why he hit a tipping point, why he broke down and confronted vic despite trying his best to defend him all those chapters before. He'd forgiven him for hurting his loved ones in the past, but he could no longer forgive it if he also started hurting himself. After all, what would've been the point, then? If Vic couldn't call it a success, then what was the point of all the hurt and danger he caused onto them?

Nova doesn't do this out of hate for what Vic did, he knows full well how important that experiment was to him, he does it for Vic's sake. Even as Victor doesn't, Nova apologizes to Jay & Gray for Vic's sake so he doesn't ruin the few relationships he has left in this goddamn organization.

They grow a little distanced after this, but even after Vic's gone off on his own, Nova still worries for him, asks Jay to help out and that's how the aquarium suggestion pops up. After that whole incident is resolved, it's that feeling of "equality" that feeling of being able to discuss anything with each other that draws them back (yes I know this is turning into a discussion of vicnova and it'll circle back I promise) when they meet up at the museum later and discuss Jay's substance issue, Nova apologizes and quickly goes back to their old dynamic. His natural inclination for peace and conflict avoidance makes him do so, but after the #/JayTherapySession over at the aquarium, seeing Nova like this, Vic also hits his own tipping point, he lets a little of himself show through this facade of "Oswald", and Nova helps him sort through the emotions he himself could not understand. This, I think, is a turning point in their relationship. Back in ch7, we got Nova asking Vic to start relying on him instead of the dead, and here we see fulfillment of it at long last. Vic, too, instead of normally being the one Nova whines to for help, Vic offers, and like two sneaky little high school girls breaking school rules, they decide to work on dissecting this particular substance together even though victor's activities are still technically restricted.