#cudvac

These are like my previous headcanons about angel eyes sleeping around, but turned up to eleven, and with a side of Blondeyes ;). I like these most in the ‘verse where Blondie and Angel Eyes end up together ehehe 

Childhood headcanon that rapidly turned into something really interesting (thanks @cudvac) is that despite rejecting religion from a young age, he had a strong interest in angel lore and used to bother the priests about them constantly. Always asking questions he shouldn’t. 

I like to headcanon that he can play one song on the piano, and he has it memorized and can play it quite well. The song is a piano version of Mozart’s Dies Irae. He’s never wanted to play anything else, but loves the drama of being able to play this whenever the situation demands it. It was taught to him by the choir master at the church, and it reminds him of the great and terrible power of angels.

Honestly, he’s a bit of a weirdo dork about the angel lore, like used to go on about it excitedly before he became the dark intense threatening Angel Eyes we see in canon

His first lover, who we named Isaac because of the biblical connotations, was one of Angel Eyes’ very very rare squishes. Isaac used to listen to him go on about angelic lore and occasional sketch cryptid-looking angels for him

When they finally screwed though….it was something of a revelation, lmao, like “sex with men is incredible.” and he then focused pretty much all his energy on how to become desirable, which turns out to be more interesting than he bargained on. 

A la young Lee, he was a bit more of a sweet come-on at first; who would shock his partners by being super bossy, intense, and proficient in bed once they got there.

I think when he killed Isaac for the hit-job, and felt nothing, the revalation was more of a fascinated “oh so this is the kind of person I am”– and that’s when he mostly dropped the sweet act unless it’s absolutely necessary. The intensity gets him enough at this point, anyways.

My new favourite dimension to Angel Eyes, thanks @cudvac is him as “the hitman that everyone has hit, but no one talks about it”. Like, not that he gives a fuck, but if they talk about it, he feels like he has to kill them, because otherwise it’s bad for business. 

So there’s this nice sort of tension between two criminals whenever they mention they’ve worked with Angel Eyes because they’re thinking to themselves “so….did you fuck him too?”

the answer is usually yes, fyi

Some of them actually fall for him, which is inconvenient and a pain and he collects the more useful among them to work for him (if they’ve got to hang around, they might as well be useful to him). Among this harem: Wallase and the six bandits who stalk him and Blondie. He didn’t tell them to stalk him. They just do that. 

Has definitely goaded said harem into gangbanging him at least once and loved every minute of it

Wallase is something of a special idiot in the harem, since he’s, well, the soppiest among them and writes the worst poetry imaginable for Angel. Angel tells him it’s shit, but puts up with it because he is very good at threatening people, and is a great lay tbh. 

Wallase is also the only one among them sort of thick enough to think he has anything special over Angel– all the others kind of know it’s a lost cause, but they stick together like some kind of fucked-up family because, well. Why not eh?

Sleep headcanon that Angel functions on about 5 hours of sleep every night, but also likes to takes naps from time to time to recharge. This is where the actual…canon of him doing this in GBU comes in. Yeah, @cudvac and I were pretty amused by that. 

Getting back to Blondeyes, we think Blondie is the first actual squish/ person he’s wanted to be with on the regular since Isaac. Mostly it’s because he can sense Blondie is also aromantic as heck, so he wouldn’t get attached and he wouldn’t have to deal with all these guys after him

Cue the awkward picnic deleted scene where Angel just….doesn’t know how to act like himself, because he’s so used to either being the Intense Fucking Badass Cowboy he is, or just being whoever he’s with would find most desirable, aww. 

Anyways, in this insane canon-divergence AU Blondie ends up screwing Tuco over and they become the terror of the west forever. Nice.