The Haunting of Roderick Henderson
Whumpuary day 27 - "I tried."/Pinned against the wall/Haunted
CWs: Referenced torture, referenced death, survivor's guilt, grief, mentioned pregnancy complications, drug overdose, drowning, attempted suicide, open ending
"I tried!! I tried!"
"Oh, so you're just gonna stop then?!"
That's how the nightmare begins. That was what greeted him every night when he closed his eyes. He was in the room with his friends. People he had taken for granted and had paid the price for.
There was someone who caught his attention the most out of everyone else in the room. Sitting across from him was Kevin. Sweet, little Kevin who did nothing to deserve this...
Seeing his unconscious face had stirred something inside of him. He had walked to the bus stop one day and saw Kevin asleep on the bench. He must've fallen asleep after a long night of studying. Seeing his sleeping face, a fleeting thought came to him that he quickly dismissed.
He thought he was cute.
He wanted to hold him close until he wakes up. Let him know that everything would be okay. But he couldn't do that with the restraints. He wanted to reassure him that everything will be okay, they'll figure it out, but his ego had to overcome him at that moment. His last words to Kevin were of vitriol. Hatred.
He died thinking they all hated him.
There was no way he could take it all back. There was nothing he could say that would bring him back. Even though they escaped, the stench of Kevin's corpse stayed with him. He considered getting shot by Mr. Barnett karma for his actions.
Sam wasn't responding anymore. Did his dad take his phone away? He had no way of knowing. His mind was so hazy from the medication. The painkillers the doctor prescribed them when they went to the hospital. After the surgeries, the physical therapy, they thought pills could fix everything. It didn't matter anymore. Their football careers were over. All their teammates would move on. Find new players.
They're all replaceable.
Who would ever recruit someone as repulsive as you? Someone who murdered your best friend? Someone you-
After taking off his eye patch and leaning his cane against the wall, he popped a few more pills before shakily getting into the tub, letting his mind swim with his jumbled thoughts. His family couldn't keep up with the medical bills after the whole event. Not to mention his mother started to have pregnancy complications shortly after. Whether it was from the stress or something else, he didn't know. He didn't want his mom to worry like this, but she couldn't help herself. His dad was angry at everyone now. The school, the police - He screamed about why they let this happen to his son. He couldn't look at him anymore. He didn't blame him. His son was a murderer. There was no defending that.
His siblings were born prematurely a few months later, landing them in the NICU. This was his fault. He stressed his mother out so much, she almost lost the babies. Everything was his fault.
His mom, his siblings, Sam, Jeremy...
Kevin.
He wanted to see his face one last time. He wanted to see him smile, hear him laugh, hear him talk about his plans for the future. But all he saw was rage, disgust...
Death.
He will never leave him. This sin of his will never leave him.
Unless he atoned for it. Unless he apologized to him in person.
He slipped under the water, feeling his consciousness slip in and out. Even as his nose burned, even as his throat spasmed, he was too weak to move. How many pills did he take? It was probably more than what was prescribed. He didn't want to get up, anyway. He was going to see him again. Not the burnt husk of the boy he cared about, but the real him.
The real Kevin who stuck by him even when he was an asshole.
He'll apologize to him. He'll tell him how he really feels. He didn't mean to say all of that. He was stressed. Angry. That didn't excuse his actions, but he had to try.
His eyes slipped closed, the burning in his lungs fading to nothing.
He let one last thought enter his mind. And this time, he didn't push it away.
I love you, Kevin.
