#csaplar

Homesickness

To attain the rank of Grand Admiral, it is necessary to have confronted a plethora of conflicts and, regardless of the outcome, articulate the circumstances that led to it. At times, failure may bring great shame, but also significant intelligence that can be used later. Victory, on the other hand, cements one's authority in a sector, yet leaves a leader vulnerable to complacency and repetition. That is unacceptable, and can lead to disastrous results in the theater of war. I have had to learn to walk the thin line of both outcomes. The consequences to my career have been dealt with accordingly, but those around me have suffered.

Such as Eli Vanto, my confidant and friend.

Now, he is gone, serving the Ascendancy with his innumerable talents. Talents that peeked through as he taught me the ways of the Empire, the stories of his people. As difficult as it is to admit, sending him away was an obligation rooted in my devotion to the Chiss, but how I wish it could have been me on that shuttle.

My people, the epitome of culture and light, clouded by a lack of understanding toward my purpose: to defend our way of life by any means necessary. I have exhausted all attempts to understand the decision of the Aristocra over the years, but I acquiesced gracefully to the exile. I suffered during my time of isolation in the unfamiliar territory where I was deposited, not because of the conditions, but because of who I missed.

Who I longed to see. Who I loved, and still love.

I can still feel the warmth of a metal spoon against my lips as they part to sip on the warm, spiced broth I ordered on that cold day, Thrass chuckling as he retells the story of a syndic who had committed a serious blunder during a hearing. Even with the cold surrounding us, the frost clinging to drooping foliage at the entrance of the Bistro we frequented so often, Thrass is...was sunlight incarnate. No matter what was occurring in either of our professional lives, my brother always made me feel as if my differences were nothing out of the ordinary. I was just Thrawn. He was everything I was not, and his wellbeing consumed my thoughts as I made perilous decisions to protect my people. To protect my lost sister, wherever she may be. To protect him.

Now, he is gone. A subject no longer to the Aristocra, but to the stars that surround us all.

I shouldn't dwell on these things. On the people I miss. On the screams Che'ri would belt out as nightmares flooded her mind during slumber; the giggles as she discovered the liberty of flying among the stars. On Ar'alani, her eyebrows arched in incredulity until understanding illuminated her eyes, and a conspiratorial smirk graced her lips, ready to take on the next threat. On Thalias, with her ability to persevere against all odds, even if she was terrified. On so many others who crowded the assembly chamber as the decision was announced, as my life was irrevocably changed. On those I have lost, and those I have given up willingly for the greater good.

I miss them. I miss home. But a warrior never loses his focus on the mission at hand, or accepts defeat, even as a melancholic blade is twisted into the depths of his being by his very own mind.

Therefore, I will serve my purpose until the stars call me home.

Until my brother calls me home.