#csa implied

Dj plays out each scene in his head, tries to imagine what his namesake did to make their Sam smile like that. Practices in the mirror. Finds a dead man staring back. The dead man tells him, “It’ll never be enough.”

One day his Dad leaves on a short trip and Dj decides to dig a little deeper in the chest. He inspects the faded leather jacket that sits atop the pile of junk. It smells of gunpowder and whiskey. Under the jacket is a soft flannel, worn and fraying at the seams. It looks just like any of his father’s other flannels, but when he unfolds it at least 50 polaroids spill out. Curious, Dj picks one up. He expects to find yet another moment between two brothers frozen in time.

Instead he finds only one young boy. His face is cut off at the mouth so Dj can’t tell who it is, but he knows those aren’t his Dad’s lips. The boy’s neck is bared and his skin is naked save for a dark necklace. His arms are held behind his back and there’s one very clear bite mark bruising his collarbone. Dj’s not sheltered, he knows what this is. He swallows and flips the picture over. Dated 10.06.95. Definitely not his Dad then.

Dj picks up another one. It’s the same boy sat on his knees. All bare skin save for that necklace still, with his hands covering his crotch. There’s another hand in the photo, a much older hand, gripping the boy’s jaw. His face above the nose is cutoff again, but his lips are parted and wet. Dj can guess what happened.

He picks up a third. The boy looks younger, but he has some clothes on in this one. Small blue shorts that hug his limp body. He’s on a motel bed sprawled on his stomach, asleep by the looks of it.

Something hot and tight crawls up Dj’s chest. He picks up a new one from a different area in the pile. Same boy, older again. His eyes are green, Dj learns. Green and teary and so big. Those lips Dj is coming to recognize stretch over a hard cock, spit dripping from the corners. That gruff hand is back and holding tight in the boy’s hair. It’s a closeup but he’s in the backseat of a car, Dj can tell. It almost looks like…

Dj scrambles to pick up another photo. The boy is bent over the side of a car, back arched obscenely. His lower half is cutoff past the hand gripping his hip but Dj sees it. Sees the silver rims and mirror attached to an Impala he’d recognize anywhere. He flips the polaroid and finds another date. 11.07.96.

It was Dean. He’s the boy in the photos.

And the mystery hand.. Dj moves back to the chest and rifles through the family photos he had seen countless times, looking for one very specific man. As soon as he sees it he snatches the photo and brings it back to the polaroids with the mystery hand to compare.

There’s no doubt. It’s the same hand. Ring and all.

These photos are all of his young uncle Dean and his grandfather.

And his Dad had kept them.

Free to interpretation

so banana fish has this scene which obviously stuck out to me (that’s his adoptive father)

the focus is not on the opera itself, but the name of the composer. is the name amadeo/amadeus a reference to something else? the only thing i can think of is like… the relationship between mozart and salieri? the film amadeus came out in 1984, 1 year before bananafish began in 1985 (idk when these panels were drawn but i estimate around 1986-1990). but 1985 is the same year the vampire lestat was published, the book in which armand reveals his name was amadeo and provides most of the initial detail about his relationship with marius.

i feel like i’m missing some cultural information on why anne rice and akimi yoshida are making similar comparisons at similar times. i know wolfgang amadeus mozart was big in pop culture at the time, and maybe yoshida was just referencing salieri trying to destroy mozart out of jealousy, but the portrayal of “amadeo/amadeus” as a teenage sex worker in an unbalanced and harmful relationship with his wealthy and all-powerful adoptive father (who saw him as already “damaged” due to his history of abuse and then turns him into a literal killing machine) seems REALLY specific and completely unrelated to mozart.

it’s possible it’s totally a random parallel, and a throwaway scene, but given the timeline i feel like it’s also possible yoshida read the vampire lestat and is referencing the character armand.

YESSS IM GLAD YOURE EXCITED i am ALSO excited and i'm thrilled to bring you the same brand (gav fic) in an exciting new box (the pitt)

preview here!! most of it under the cut. this is the opening for my first fic for the pitt, a santos-centric fic called touch the world in which i ruminate on the continuing ramifications of abuse (so cw for that being referenced below), force my girl here into a situation of vulnerability and Experiencing Care, and crib a two-part episode of grey's anatomy for my dastardly h/c fic purposes :)

Some days start off already fucked before they’ve barely had time to be anything at all, which is one of the more unfair things that can happen in the ordinary course of a life. Days shouldn’t have the ability to be ruined before a person’s even had their morning coffee.

It probably (definitely, absolutely) starts because of the phone call from her mother. Trinity avoids those as often as she possibly can most of the time, but eventually it goes on a little too long and it becomes unavoidable and she has to answer. If she wants to keep the peace, and she does, because the alternative is even worse, then she has to pick up every now and then and make enough stupid small-talk that her mom doesn’t feel like her only child has completely abandoned the family, despite the fact that Trinity absolutely did do that, as soon as she was old enough to do it.