#cs bro

I mean, there's always gonna be cases where you're gonna be like someone who knows a lot more than the next person. That's just...that's just gonna be it. I feel like that when I take certain classes, and I'm just like, oh, all these people are like...not like...not like...And I feel like everyone at Carleton has their snooty moments where they’re just like, “Wow, like really?” But, honestly everyone starts from somewhere! And everyone starts from the bottom, you know? I felt like the males in that class, like literally being in computer science classes is basically about guys trying to inflate their own ego.

I had someone -- a male -- who didn't want to work with me for whatever reason. I don't know why. I don't even know him that well. But I reached out to him multiple times to work on a project, and he never responded until the day before. And then he said that um...because I like sent a more urgent message, like “Hey, I don’t have time, we need to start working. This is due tomorrow.” And he said he had already finished it. So, then I was forced to either be like do I tell like my teacher or my professor that this person had already did it? And then potentially have to do the project by myself in a time [where] I already can't afford to like...go back and do another project [because] I have all these other upcoming assignments? Or do I leave it be even though that was a shitty thing to do, and I didn't learn anything from that project, and like I'm like technically like cheating or whatever? I don't know.

I'm white, I'm male, I'm tall. I consider that an identity because it is something that people frequently notice and it does kind of have an intimidation factor for a lot of people, whether I want it to or not. It just kind of is that way. I'm from California. I don't have an accent of any kind. I'm very clearly just kind of American. And I'm gay, which is not which is not only I feel at Carleton not something that's really in topic of discussion, but also it's hidden. In any situation, people aren't immediately when I'm walking up to them, they're not like ‘oh whoa look at that gay dude right there.” No, it's something that I have to tell people or they have to see me in some way and put the pieces together. It's not something that is a very outward part of my identity so  it really doesn't affect my experience with CS at all….And then also I'm an athlete, kind of, club sport athlete or whatever you wanna call it. I can tick  all the boxes of CS bro, broiness, bro-culture, all that stuff. And so it's very easy for me to if if there's a day in class where “hey I feel like I'm just going to talk a lot in class; I'm just gonna answer all the teacher’s questions,” I could just instantly be the epitome of CS bro, just instantly. And so that's something that you know I definitely don't keep in my mind enough. But yeah,I just think as whatever identities I just listed, I am very much so easily identifiable as part of a kind of a CS / bro-ey culture that I think a lot of people are trying to rectify.