#cryptocartography

Long time no write-in. Is it just us in Jersey or did that S-Cat event cause a lot more Off the Map events? I've got Cryptocartographer guild members reporting an upswing in lost hikers and other slippage from consensus geography.

Either way, we may need to reach out for support in charting those wrinkles in the map.

M.

P.S. It looks like this is sending both off anon and on anon at the same time? The button seems to be showing both states at the same time.

Hey, M.

Funny you mention it - I’m not sure if it’s related to the recent Schrödinger Cat kerfluffle, but I did just get a report across my desk about a new simmed area in the Delaware Water Gap park zone. This one is apparently pretty bad, the pictures are…hard to parse, but I’m seeing a lot of missing textures. Pink and black checkers, so they’re mostly safe. Preaching to the choir here, but be careful for texture popin. Lots of static though, which is more concerning, and not to overstate things, but we’re worried about another Blue Hell. I’m seeing a lot of #0000FF, which makes me very nervous.

Some of these pictures have been provided by your team, so kudos for that, but a gentle reminder that this sort of public-private partnership works when we get the missing persons reports ASAP. Not that I think you’re lollygaging, but I hadn’t heard of missing hikers until you mentioned it.

Ooof, well, a lot of them are cryptocartographic for a reason. By definition they're usually not mapped very well, or sometimes they're just tourist traps. Michigan Blue Hell is a no-go zone, the Bennington and Bermuda triangles are big and easy to get lost in, it's kind of --

Oh, you know what? It's kind of exclusive but if you can get a guided tour of the Denver International Airport, jump on it. A lot of the lowest tunnel structures are off limits due to spatial instability, but the upper floors are relatively stable and shifts are predictable. Ever seen concrete ripple like water? Light doesn't work right down there either, it sort of...oozes. It's weird.

Look, I know I’m a spoil sport and say “don’t do this” a lot. Old Uncle Norm, being the downer. Doesn’t let you do anything fun. And this is probably a goof, a joke, let’s joke about the infinite beige hell. Let’s get Norm all riled up! But I’m going to be boring here and say

Do not do this.

Trust me. It’s not like those websites say. We don’t even know how that got out. It’s been a nightmare ever since we found the place - the ontological implications of the hypothetical and constructed bleeding into realspace aside, by itself it’s a horrifying experience. There’s nothing in there. There’s nothing to see, nothing to eat, eventually you die of starvation with nothing to show for it.

It takes longer than you’d think to die of starvation. And it hurts the whole time.

Wait, are you the one we had to pull from Blue Hell a couple years ago? Tsk tsk.

Cartographer’s Guild Memo

To Whoever Found This,

Congratulations on finding this supply cache. I’ll keep this brief, since you’re likely confused.

There’s no easy way to put it, and I’m not going to use a ton of jargon that will mostly confuse you further. In short terms, you have found yourself in a place that is Off the Map, more or less. Technically it is on A Map, as you’re still close enough to consensus geography that we’ve charted a bit of it and set up this cache for folks who get a bit too lost, like yourself. Lucky for you then, that you found this document and the box it is in.

First off, help yourself to whatever you need from it. There should be some bottles of water, some protein bars or trail mix, a disposable poncho, flashlight and batteries (in case it is dark out when you find this). And there should be some maps. Take one, you’ll need it. Keep this copy of the memo too, for reference.

Now that you’ve had some water and a snack, let’s get you out of here. You’re going to want to start by orienting yourself to head back the way you came. Stick to the following instructions, and you’ll be back at the trail entrance in no time.

Retrace your steps as exactly as you can.

Refer to the map if you need it.

Focus on your point of origin.

Do not look back or circle round if you can help it.

Check the map if you come to a circle or crossed trails. Follow the route that is traced out on the map.

Do not take directions from anyone else you encounter until you have reached your origin point.

Do not take directions from any posted signs until you have reached your origin point.

Do not leave the trail if you can help it. Leaving the trail will only bring you deeper into uncharted territory.

Best of Luck,

Your friends at the Cartographer’s Guild

-M

Yeah I'm the one they had to pull out of Blue Hell. Got a hell of talking to by that ranger of yours that's for sure. At least as a first time offender I didn't get fined that much.

Definitely would love to try and get a job with you guys though, the whole hic svnt dracones thing really piques my interest you know? I figure if space travel isn't gonna be the next big unexplored wilds of my lifetime, maybe the cracks in the map are the thing to check out. Probably safer than urbex with all that mold.

And this is for S, I'm in Jersey too. At risk of further infractions getting sent my way, I've made a habit of leaving few trail markers and local maps at some of the easier to access spots with slippage in my area. Helps keep the hikers from vanishing too far. Maybe you can use those to help evade if something's following you. I'll make sure to make the rounds and leave some extra water and granola bars. Good luck.

M.

I was in the Detroit site at the time. You were the talk of the town for a few days. You made it pretty far in without getting derezzed.

Our cryptocartography unit is fairly small, I’ll be honest. We don’t have very many of the “traditional” sorts of lost spaces in North America. Bridgewater Triangle, Blue Hell is mostly just cordoned off, a couple smaller spots with slippage. We sometimes have joint operations in the Bermuda Triangle with the Secretariat of Extranormal Resources, Mexico’s equivalent to the Office. We might have space, might not.

I’ll bring it up internally.

It’s right there in the name: Thee Reps are passionate about repetition. They hammered the point home on their debut cassette, Minimal Surface. A half-decade later, substantial compositional growth has enabled the NYC-based five-piece to deepen and broaden their approach to music-making. With Cryptocartography, repetition is now in service to the structure of Thee Reps’ songcraft. They’ve plunged deeper into the sea of iteration and have searched out new waters to explore. Improvisation and chamber music are even more prevalent than before, and the minimalist nests of repetition are even more elaborate. The album’s title alludes to mapping locations that are only rumored to exist; on Cryptocartography Thee Reps’ create these spaces using a sound that has grown in both depth and sophistication.