#cryguy

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this year i began recovery for drug addiction and in the few months that i have worked hard to stay healthy and clean, i have looked back and seen such a change i never thought possible.

this year i decided to end my own life, i was struggling and i didn’t want to suffer any longer... but instead i decided to start a discord server. i don’t know what i expected from it but i didn’t expect gaining the friends that i did and with that, it gave me the strength to reach out to the people who were closest to me. i owe my friends everything and i will always be grateful for them. 

but more importantly, they helped me realize that i had worth and value even if i had no one and even if i was angry with myself.

this year i decided to live in a way i had never before, without fear and ironically, it’s scary. it’s scary to just exist with no expectation for yourself to just, let yourself be and see what happens.

but it is the happiest i have ever been in my entire life.

months have gone by and i can’t even remember what it’s like to slip so low that i don’t even want to live anymore. but, i’m not afraid of those days coming and going because i love myself.

and i want to survive.