#crowara

MONDAY.   oct 12th.

I can’t stop thinking about HIM. It’s making me crazy !! I don’t know what to do, this is new. Feeling like this is new and I don’t know if I like it. Am I allowed to like it?

pros.

smile

eyes

makes me smile

i feel happy around him

hair !?!?!?

cons.

????

none?

nothing

Fuck

VOLLEYBALL THINGS. DON’T FORGET. SNACKS FOR KUNIMI

TUESDAY.  oct 13th.

I spoke to Hajime about Suga and he just LAUGHED!! What the hell, so unfair. He was no help and now I’m more confused than ever about my feelings, besides would Koushi even like me? 

He wouldn’t would he? 

Maybe I should lock away my feelings and forget.

But I don’t want to forget. I want to try, try and see if we can be friends. Having him in my life that way is better than not at all.

What do I tell him first?

I’m trans or I like/love? Him?

Both seem like they’d end badly.

But Koushi isn’t like that right? He’d not hate me for who I am, right? 

WEDNESDAY. oct 14th.

I ran into him today, I think I made a fool of myself, but I did ask if he wanted to go get something to drink and he said yes. So that’s something right?  THIS FRIDAY. 

Had a bad anxiety attack today

Had to hide in the bathroom

Chest is still tight.

THURSDAY. oct 15th.

Had a pretty bad day, school was just a headache. The girls seemed just more full on today, grabbing me and pulling me around.  I couldn’t say anything, it felt wrong if I did. Koushi texted me during the day, that made it better. I didn’t tell him about today, I wish I did. But does he really need to know that? But I have tomorrow, I’m super excited. Nervous but excited.

FRIDAY.

Writing this in the morning before school. Still nervous, very scared. Sent him a good morning text, is that a little much?

Before practice writing this: more nervous, hope that doesn’t mess up my serves. 

After practice: it totally messed them up

THE ‘date’? Hm. was it a date? I never asked. Either way it went well, I really REALLY liked being around him, it just made me want to tell him how I felt more. Koushi seemed to have had a good time, i hope so. I got him sunflowers, he seemed to like those?