#cringeeeee

" Caught in the act "

All my love and all my joy would grow so large

It would swallow up all the things I like

My mama, my papa, my siblings

The grass, the trees, the worms

The bugs, the animals, the fish

The ocean, the sand, even the sun

And all the music, and all the art

Every friend and every lover

Every character I’ve ever screamed over

Every building and every home and every tiny little convenience store

The donuts my dad would get me from the gas station

The buildings we used to walk by

The places my mom drove me when she was getting her permit

Every school i’ve ever been to

All the friends I’ve left behind

The planets and the stars I’ve dedicated my life to

I’m glad love isn’t a physical thing

Because some day it feels like it’s going to spill right out of my heart

But as long as I can love, I’ll keep loving it all

For those who can’t, and for those who won’t

Through the first few months of being the athlete's non-showbiz girlfriend, you had an inkling of fear that creeps behind the back of your mind most of the time, a fear towards what will happen next if everyone knew of your relationship with Oliver Aiku himself. So just to be safe, you asked him to keep your relationship under the wraps just until you were ready.

Of course, Oliver complied with what you thought was better for the time being. Despite itching to present you to the world as his pride and joy, he tried his best to be as lowkey as possible. He wanted to show you off so bad, but what you're comfortable with is his upmost top priority that he's willing to cast himself aside for the time being.

So when you came up to him before his game, bravely claiming that you were ready to be shown, ready to be introduced as his girlfriend to the public, Oliver was absolutely overjoyed. You claim that moment as one of your core memory─how he jumps around with joy, overwhelming your face with kisses, and cupping your cheeks while assuring you that everyone will love you because you're to be loved.

You watched him walk off to his teammates with a smile, the nervous feeling fading away like it's never been present in the first place, a thought of how lucky you are to be given the privilege to be loved by someone like Oliver.

The match sent you off the edge, hands gripping the edge of your seat, almost forgetting the whole thing about revealing you to the public. Only could you relax when Japan U-20 comes to take the win, the whole stadium erupting with joy.

And came towards you was Oliver, running to the bleachers in full speed like his whole life depended on it. Before you could even process it, you were already in his arms, feeling the sweat that seeped through the fabric of his jersey, his scent overpowering.

Everyone in that stadium that time witnessed his love and adoration for you, and he was proud to show you off as if there wasn't a trophy he needed to claim.

"Everyone's stoked to know the woman Japan U-20's captain came running off towards to! Can we ask what your name may be, miss?"

"Hello─"

"This fine woman right here's the love of my life. Lucky man I am, aren't I?"

Fear flows through your spine of the thought of Eddie finding out about you being unable to conceive / taking contraceptives. months of the two of you, or what he thinks is, trying for a baby.

But you just couldn't tell him, the distraught you'd see in his eyes would break you. for it to then turn into rage, hatred, betrayal. You are terrified of what he'd do to you then. You lay awake at night thinking of the things he'd think of you if he found out. Inferior, worthless even, maybe? The picture he has in his head of the perfect women, the prefect bride, being shattered.

The unconditional love you feel from him, the utterly obsession he has for you, it feeds yours. You cling on to the affection he shows you like your life depends on it. The thought of losing it, of losing him, over this, it makes your stomach turn.

But not as much as how you knew he’d hurt you if he found out about this. That he’d change completely from the loving, adoring man to a monster that wouldn’t realise or straight up wouldn’t care that you didn’t tell him because you loved him and were afraid of losing him, afraid of what he’d do to you, of how he would hurt you. It made your heart beat out of your chest. Yet, it aroused you also, strangely.