How to get back into writing (after many ancient years)
It feels strange to be back.
I think when you do take a long break from a skill, hobby or interest, there is that uncertainty of 'well, maybe this is it?' or that you'll have to start over from the beginning again, having lost a lot of past progress. And that fear can actually feed into the hesitancy to even try to get back into it.
Not yet, I tell myself, it's not the right time. I'm not ready.
It's like I'm waiting for the perfect moment, where everything in my life is sorted, and I feel 100% confident.
But the truth is, that moment doesn't exist. There will always be something else that needs to be done, or some kind of life event going on, or something really awful in the news happening - or maybe it's just one of those days when you feel tired, and, maybe it's best to wait another day, you think to yourself.
Another day.
And then another day becomes months and years, and here we are.
-So what changed? How did I start writing again?
I'm still figuring this out. And it can be different for everyone - the things which get you back into an interest you really enjoyed. But somethings I have noticed are:
I stopped punishing myself for not writing
Writers (and us creatives in general) are very good at this. We feel guilty for not creating, and then because we're feeling guilty, it gets us down and we don't feel like writing. And then we feel even more guilty... and so the cycle continues.
It is okay to take a break - even a very long one - if you need to. Which I know is a difficult thing to accept, especially those of us who are trying to make a career out of it. There could be financial reasons why we need to keep the writing wheels turning. For some of us it's our livelihoods, or we at least have it as a part-time job and aspire to make it a full time job one day, if we're very lucky.
In this case it does depend on your individual situation. But, if you are already in a situation where the pressure is on and you're kicking yourself for not creating, then continuing to punish yourself might only make it worse.
If deadlines are looming, take a short break to get some distance between you and the work, and tell yourself you can worry about the 'should haves' and 'if onlys' after the deadline. Focus on just getting it done, and try to be in the present moment if you can. Get yourself lost in the story, in the art.
However, if deadlines are a way off, or if you have no deadlines (or they're self-imposed) - allow yourself to slow down. Go do something else. Read a book, watch a film, go do another hobby that can give you that longer distance. Perhaps it might even inspire you to go back to writing afterwards!
Which leads into my next possible solution:
Finding the drive to create from other aspects of life
However you do this is up to you, but find other things you are interested in, and just immerse yourself in someone else's world for a while. Read books, watch films, play video games. Listen to music. Visit an art gallery or museum. Take a walk outside. Open a window and watch the world go by. Listen to a stranger's conversation in public spaces. See a play. Taste some nice food. Watch nature. Chat with friends.
Not only will this take you out of your own head for a bit and distract you, but it can help with thinking about things from a different perspective.
Even going to sleep early and trying again tomorrow might be the thing your brain needs to reboot.
In my own situation, I finally discovered that part of the reason why I was struggling to write, was because I hadn't watched or read anything in a while.
So by solving the reason why I wasn't reading or watching, I was able to then do those things first. And then, after some months of immersing myself in other people's creative worlds, I was able to come back to my own with fresh eyes, and a lot more drive to create for myself.
Tricking myself into enjoying the process again, rather than worrying about the end result, or how long it would take.
Getting my first work published was a life-changing moment. In some ways, this was a very good thing. For the first time in my life, I was writing to a real audience who I knew would experience my work. It was no longer an aspiration or dream, it was a reality, and it made me take my work very seriously. And to challenge myself to level up my writing. Now I was writing professionally, I had to get good. And continue to try to get good.
-But that was also, as well as being a good thing, part of the problem. I was taking my work very seriously. Almost too seriously.
And after publishing a work, I found it very difficult to work on anything new afterwards. Immediately, I was thinking about the finished work for this brand new story - and looking at a blank page or a rough draft was overwhelming. All I could see what what it should look like once I was done - and it was daunting.
It's like preparing to climb a mountain, looking at the very top and thinking 'that's way too high, I might as well go home, I can't get up there'.
I had to teach myself to take things slow again, to take my writing step by step, to not think about the end result - not yet.
Comparing the beginning of your work to and end result, is always going to make you feel terrible.
-Small steps is key. Don't think about publishing. Don't think about finishing. Think about what your current step is, nothing else. Whether that's coming up with the initial ideas, mind-mapping, outlining, a draft zero, a first draft, second draft - just slow down to smell the flowers where you are at the moment. What excites you about what writing stage you're at? What feels like home about being in this moment, right now? And if it doesn't feel nice, what can you do right now to make this stage of the writing process more comfortable for you?
Sometimes, just embracing the small things can make all the difference. Listening to a piece of inspirational music, giving yourself a comfortable chair or blanket, having a nice beverage or food, re-reading a favourite line or sentence - even giving your story fancy formatting (you can change it later) or a new interesting font can trick your brain into finding THIS part of the writing process EXCITING!
-And then you have to try to write. Try.
After taking one small step, the next difficult challenge is to take the next one.
Often these past few years, I would get to the first step of being ready to write, to feel ready - and then not actually make any progress. Not even one word.
To counter this, I've found the best thing to do is to give myself a soft deadline.
What do I mean by a soft deadline? I mean you set yourself a goal. A small goal. This could be 'I aim to write something - no matter how small - each day'. It could be a set number of words, or writing for a set amount of time. Try and reward yourself if you succeed in this soft deadline - but don't punish yourself for missing it. Just try again the next day. Tomorrow is always a new day to try.
Lastly, consider if your mental health/other health issues are a cause. Work on this first.
This was definitely the case for me. The last time I wrote anything for the intention of publication was before a number of upheavals in my life. In the space of two years, I was trying to cope with not only chronic depression and anxiety, but a number of major life events, and newly developed chronic fatigue. This was also happening around the time that covid-19 also first showed up.
When I reflect on this, it's no wonder I stopped writing and struggled to get back into it. This can happen to any of us. And it's important to address it rather than trying to 'get back to normal' and push through.
Find some people to talk to, talk to a health professional, don't be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help is hard (and it never stops being hard), but it's also one of the bravest things you can do.
I've found working on myself to be a huge help in working on my story writing. And it took a long time, and was very hard. But it was worth it. It's still an ongoing process, but I'm already noticing a change.
After some years of getting onto medication, I've finally found the right one (and now at the right dose!) to be able to start writing again. No longer am I losing my concentration before I've even begun.
Sometimes we just need that extra bit of help from people, to rediscover ourselves. And to start to rebuild.
And by rebuilding, I've discovered new ways to get back into the swing of writing.
And -
last last last of all:
Maybe we'll stop writing again. And that's okay.
Every time you find yourself struggling to write, just remember: you can try again.
It's okay. We'll be okay.
