#creativeramblings

She is in your past but I am so scared It ended a long time ago but time is strange long and painful short and sweet sometimes time erodes sometimes it does not

It seems as though you have chosen this chosen this life even chosen me and I know it’s pathetic but I am struggling to believe it

You are a good guy and I know you would never hurt me intentionally but I think it’s going to happen anyway and I’m not sure how much more I can take of being second best being who I am

it is exhausting when will it all end

it really would be easier

pictures on the wall cum on my heart pulsing through the air don’t stop just start legs up round your head breathe it all in this is the night your life begins stupid little fuck boy had no friends girl broke your heart now you’re looking to mend I aint here for that just wanna get me some so come baby come baby baby cum cum

dick leanin to the side i’m gonna accommodate do so many tricks forget that bitch you hate now turn off the lights boy I don’t wanna see tonight it’s for me yeah tonight all for me cotton sheets pearly balls eat right up don’t let it fall taste the cocoa butter right on my hips on my lips on on my lips

you can go when I say not a minute before don’t even try I’ve bolted the door you gotta chow down now its your turn don’t get to watch me back it up with nothing in return what you mean you wanna stay did I offer that who you think you are presuming this your lap no we’re not here for love can’t offer me that can’t offer me that can’t offer me crap

stupid little fuck boy got no brains just do as I please there aint no shame when I’m done pass the keys I’m outta here aint sticking around for a single tear thought you charmed your way into my bed it was me who put the thoughts in your head think you got the power but you don’t know shit now deal with it deal deal with it.

No idea what to do What to think What to believe

If I take you back I’m a fool Even if I don’t tell the others Or ignore what they think Do I still feel the same way?

I feel something,yes But a month has passed I’ve been loved by others

Do I still want to be with you?

For the first time, I find myself thinking

Are you good enough for me?

so much of what he said was wrong factually and morally I am not sad I will not see this as a loss this is a gain I had my sad moments what happened why me what did I do what should I have done differently why did I believe him etc etc but right now I’m not that bothered another asshole in my life what’s new but from this I am determined to prove him wrong to prove them all wrong my friends too the people who say these stupid things about having to love yourself before anyone else can. this is bullshit I’m not narcissistic I’m never going to love myself but I sure as hell am not going to let anyone think they can treat me that way again I’m going back on a boy ban

how sad to have all these friends but in this moment have no one to talk to no one I can reach out to to say hey, I need some help can you talk me down can you make me feel necessary or distract me from this thing that is gnawing away at me threatening to destroy everything I’ve worked for how sad

What are you thinking? Why won’t you tell me what you’re thinking? Why invite me over if you’re going to regret what happens? Why put your hands on me all over me Why blame me for being tempting?

It’s to do with religion, that’s clear. But I don’t know anything about Islam so I’m oblivious to what sins I am or am not ‘making’ you commit.

Maybe it’s on me then, to research and figure it all out. But it would be much easier if you just told me.

And why do you never turn the light out? What’s that about? You’re in your thirties.

If you’re afraid of the dark it’ll be for a valid reason. You’re from Syria I don’t know what you’ve been through I never will unless you tell me.

I obviously like you, care about you. Of course, I don’t see this going anywhere, or want it to for that matter, but we can talk about these things can’t we?

Maybe you don’t want to talk because that involves admitting what you’re doing? But I’m sure you seek forgiveness for adoring the insides of my thighs when you stay up at night praying after you’ve touched every inch of me with your lips and watched me sleep

Why can’t you tell me? Maybe you’re worried it’ll upset me But come on, I’m busy living my life independent from you I don’t get in touch, you do.

And don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that you do. It’s nice to know that you think of me that you crave my company and my body.

But hopefully it’s clear that I’m not a little girl. I’m a woman, ready to enjoy your company, but happy to carry on living without it.

I just don’t know... Maybe I’ll see you in six months or so and ask you. Maybe you’ll tell me. or maybe we’ll just half fuck again.

Positive: I don’t add another name to the list. Negative: I leave on the edge of climax                    and confused.