#creative pain

Esto de escribir todos los días está difícil.

Y eso que me considero rápida. He logrado escribir pilotos de entre cincuenta y sesenta páginas en tres días. Y hablo de pilotos que han quedado seleccionados en algún concurso o competencia, con lo cual habrán sido al menos guiones decentes.

Por esta “rapidez” cuando me propuse escribir cinco páginas diarias pensé que sería pan comido.

Nada más alejado de la realidad.

Escribir pocas páginas todos los días es más difícil porque no todos los días estás “inspirado”.

Podríamos decir entonces que: es más fácil escribir muchas páginas un día que pocas páginas todos los días.

Pero al igual que en el gimnasio: hacer mucho ejercicio un solo día no sirve de nada. Lo que cuenta es un poco cada día todos los días. Y aunque no creo en la inspiración, sí he notado que hay días que la verdad, ni ganas. Pero esto es un trabajo y hay que tomarlo como tal. Seguro que en el curro también hay días que no te apetece, pero tienes que trabajar igual.

Looking at my old, unpublished writing, I came up with one thought. "I used to be good at this." I could write for hours; sometimes going without sleep.

I miss it. So much!

I hope I can get my muse back, but I think she may have left me for another; or at least is in a coma.

My dad just called me and wants to talk. About the fact that I will not try to get to university this year. When confronted with the question: "Why wouldn't you study for it?", my answer was "I don't have the time." He suggested I'd cut down the time I spend composing and such, even if it is important for me.

Let me tell you, even though that question annoyed me, it is not the problem. It's not that I don't have time to read because I'm too busy doing my own things, like composing or playing games I like. I don't have the energy to do either of those!

I realized that all of my creative "peaks", meaning times when I've ACTUALLY got into making music, like, actual songs and such, shared a certain trait. I had been lone for extended periods of time. Almost no human contact at all, for days on end, at best, weeks. 

I never realized how badly human interaction just drained my creative head. Well, I can't really say I "feel" the draining, this is just inducted from empirical evidence. All my "peaks" have almost 100% of the time been on times when human interaction has been from minimal to little.

So, what's the problem? The problem is the fact that these days, most of the time, the human interaction levels have been from modest to too much, leaving me stranded with no energy to speak of. Reading for one of the hardest tests the schooling system has for you? Good luck. Almost all of the books are dry as hell, and reading them is a drag in levels of super. Composing? HAH! Many times I don't even have the energy to play video games that require my attention span for more than 10 seconds, or to watch my favorite show, because I happen to want to analyze it.

So what am I left with? Tumblr and other time wasters, like watching Youtube videos. Whopdy-shit.

Should I then just... Drop the amount of human interaction? Oh if life was that easy.

I never realized that at worst, being an introvert can be this hard. I hope other people have found their own solutions, but I realized this just now, and I've got nothing.