#crazyyyyyyy

Outside the sects, cultivators were rare and the chatty grandmas who stopped by your stall from time to time would say that you could feel when a kid was born to form a golden core. They would always be snatched away soon and young, most of the time taken away by their own parents to some promising sect or going with their own feet to such places, in search for a better, more comfortable life. After it, people who had known them in their childhood would puff off their chests and sing their tales in the world and for the people they left behind. It was kind of macabre, but some stories would last more than their own protagonists.

Wandering cultivators would sometimes stumble in simpler places, like this, villages where everyone knew everyone and all of them were dying for new stories, where things were calm and normal until they weren’t and then a group of adults with swords would appear and families would grief, rumors and gossips running wild for a while before everything went back to their usual cycle. 

As they always did, Lan Zhan and Wei Ying were accompanying you to your house. It had been a bad day of selling, with the cold and rain most of your usual customers stayed at their houses, cooking hot and rich broth, lighting blazes and airing thicker blankets for the night, but at least the couple bought every last one of your snacks before ushering you away to your home before the impending storm would start. This time you were too tired to mislead them, the anticipation feeling that they would soon know mixed strangely to the natural static permeating the air. Maybe they wouldn’t care. They had seen how responsible you are, how serious you dealt with such personal matters. 

The thought didn’t bring you the comfort it used to do.

Each step to your home felt weighting and, even though Wei Ying’s excited talk was a good distraction from the cold that seeped from your thin robes and clung to your bones, you still could feel your head pound and your thoughts buzz around quickly, like incessant bees that made it impossible for your answers to fall more than two or three words at once, everything else feeling like it sludged around as you as you finally came closer and closer to your house and then.

And then.

You were clued on the ground, not so far from your door, watching it from a distance that felt too close and too far in the same moment. Absently, you watched the bushes and drying plants.

“Aiyah, aiyah, why such a long face, huh? It will look better once spring arrives again."

It wouldn’t. You looked at the side and Lan Zhan found your glance, expression as unbothered, neutral as it always was, as if you hadn’t just stopped out of nowhere, as if the cold, dry wind wasn’t freezing, screaming with the promise of lightning. and standing around instead of being invited inside wasn’t rude and a signal of poor manners. His face was open, unhurried, in no way judgmental. Wei Wuxian’s hand was warm where he pressed it across your shoulder blades, watching as intently as his husband, but not even pushing and pressing you forwards as you continued frozen and continued to look, asking, wondering, thinking, watching the seconds and minutes go by and they just… waited.

Suddenly, the thought of walking away from this again, again and again was unbearable. And you.

With a quiet breath and sincere tune.

You said.

“I don’t want to go home.”

And Lan Zhan nodded, soft and caring, stepping closer to lay a comforting hand on your hair, then promptly turning away to lead their way to somewhere that sure was better, warm. Wei Wuxian brought you close by your shoulders, also laying his hand on your hair, only to mess it unforgivingly and complain loudly, full of jokes and pokes of fun for making an old man like him walk so much and won’t you take pity on your poor husband and carry him home in your strong arms, Lan Zhan? 

And, since then, you never had to walk away from them again.

—

They had been living in the old popo’s house, who was more than happy to offer her free room in thanks for all the help they gave to the people in the village and, more especially, because the nearest inn was still miles away, close to the next, more lively town. 

Also, they had kid.

He was a very cute boy. A-Yuan. Small and energetic when he eventually recovered from the cold that had taken over him almost as soon as they arrived in the city, possibly the main reason why both Lan Zhan and Wei Ying had stayed for so long in such an unknown place. When you first met the young kid, he was clinging fiercely in both his parent’s robes, hiding his face as your eyes found each other.

Now, weeks later, in their own inn in a city much farther away than you could ever dream to travel, A-Yuan was adamant to keep pulling you to play, screeching in absolute delight every time you playfully called him ‘ge’, not caring that you were older than him and taking the role with a puffed out chest of pride and a bright smile, taking as his role to explain to you all that he knew about the cultivation world and taking you by the hand every time Lan Zhan and Wei Ying took you to explore the markets and stores from every city, tasked with the responsibility to not let you get lost.

Today, in the previous serenity of the common room, the boy was screeching for a totally different reason.

Lan Zhan had been showing the kid his qin - named Wangji, if you were not mistaken, even if the mischievous smile that Wei Ying wore when he said it was confusing - patiently adjusting putting A-Yuan’s hands and fingers on the right position so he could, as successfully as possible for still clumsy and chubby fingers, play a few notes. He had been showing a couple of joyful, simple melodies of few notes when suddenly Wei Ying jumped from behind his husband, proclaimed to be some specific kind of ghost and began squeezing the kid’s torso, in succession, bringing out a loud, shrill laughter. They could be really strange sometimes.

“Is that an adorable ticklish boy that I see?” His voice was high pitched and he stole A-Yuan from Lan Zhan’s lap, throwing him on the air momentarily and increasing his laughter to a high pitched squeal. “Hmmm, my favorite kind of snack!”

He then shoved his head on the boy’s stomach, making some kind of munching noises. It only made A-Yuan  laugh louder, kicking and squirming like his life depended on it. Lan Zhan was looking at them with his usual fond and completely exasperated face, a soft curve in his lips and a light shake of his head, which meant that everything was fine, so you didn’t worry about the other adult’s apparent cannibalistic tendencies.

“Nohohohoho noooo!” A-Yuan squeaked, indeed adorably “a-die is not ahahahahaha ghost!”

“I’m not?” Wei Ying resurfaced, also giggling, to place the boy on his own lap instead, pretending to be pensative. “Then, I must be a monster!” Pulling his hands upwards, he clawed the air. “The tickle monster!”

Ah. Tickling. That seems right.

You felt a steady gaze on you, tuning out the other’s moment of silliness to see Lan Zhan watching you, questioning. You stared at him back for a moment before tilting your head in reply, unsure. Wei Ying likes to call you their little owl, for this trait of yours. Lan Zhan says it’s good to be attentive to your surroundings, but you didn’t know. Sometimes people of your age didn’t care that you were attentive, but it was nice that someone (that they) did.

Lan Zhan beckoned you close and you sat by his side, straight back and with the proper posture like he taught you, even if Wei Ying didn’t set much of an example. A-Yuan’s laughter sounded louder and Wei Ying’s teases merrier. You both watched the scenery for a moment, content in seeing the  chaos unroll in front of you without necessarily being a part of it, until your interest grew too large and you wondered out loud.

“Are you ticklish?”

Lan Zhan nodded once, a tilt on the corner of his lips. “Wei Ying is too. Very.”

Not much of a surprise, you could see it perfectly. Him laughing and squirming with a few pokes, unashamed and cheerful as everything else about himself, not too unlike the child being overthrown by tickles in his arms. Family is truly too much alike. Not knowing how to say that being very ticklish also seemed to fit Lan Zhan’s warm and caring personality, you didn’t.

You looked down at your hands and, once more, wondered. It’s been a long time. If two adult, strong cultivators were, maybe even you could be too, still.

A big, calloused hand got into your vision field and you blinked, offering yours back in a confused silence. Lan Zhan took it and began tracing across your palm with a gentle touch. It felt different, a bit tingling, a bit calming. At whatever he saw in your expression, the cultivator hummed softly, scraped lightly across your wrist, a little bit on the skin of your inner elbow and then deviated his path to your neck.

This brought a bigger reaction, something sparked and you jolted on the same place, smile widening as the sensation not only continued with each brush of the adult’s fingers, but also increased, growing more and more impossible to ignore until there were insistent huffs of laughter escaping from your mouth, shoulders going up and trying to stop all the scratching and spidering across the ticklish spot. When a finger traced the shell of your ear, you squeaked and shook your head to disperse the feeling.

Lan Zhan’s gaze was fond and warm, when you stared at him again. “You are too.”

Guess you are, indeed.

That was… good. Fun, actually! You were glad.

Slowly, clearly projecting his every movement, the Lan cultivator pulled your arm up, using the new position to prod at your armpit, a couple of fingers wiggling there until another squeak escaped, immediately followed by tittering. Your arm began to instinctively struggle on the hold and Lan Zhan promptly let go, only for you to realize that gluing it back to your torso didn’t do anything to stop the playful fingers to continue your ticklish demise, scratching around the pit and poking the ticklish centre over and over again, making you wiggle from one side to another uncontrollably, your smile bigger and your gaze brighter.

“Ohhh, what is that that I see?” A mischievous, playful voice sounded right behind you, a gigantic smirk greeting your eyes as you turned into Wei Ying’s direction, where a still laughing, and taking big gulps of breath, little A-Yuan laid limp and defeated on his arms like cooked noodles. His giggles increased instinctively at the teasing tune in the adult’s voice, hugging his torso and opening his shining eyes to follow Wei Ying’s movements. Lan Zhan also stopped and looked in attention. “Is that another adorable, ticklish banquet for this Tickle Monster?”

You didn’t know how to respond, but A-Yuan perked in interest when discovering that there was now another target for his parent’s attack, looking absolutely overjoyed to see you there, then his expression changed for one of alarm.

“Noooo!” He squirmed and wiggled until Wei Ying let him go, making a show of walking slowly in your direction with hands up, mirroring claws once again, which for some reason made you try to glue your arms even more to your torso, another uncontrollable row tittering escaping at his playful display. A-Yuan stumbled and ran quickly away from him, until he could cling into your robes, whispering (too loudly) warningly. “The tickle monster is coming to get you! Run!”

“Ah.” You didn’t run, because you didn’t know where to put A-Yuan during that (you learned recently how to hold a smaller kid, but running with him on your still weak arms was not something you were yet willing to try) and because… Because there wasn’t anything actually worth running away from. Nothing bad would happen when the adult reached you, so there was no reason to. You hugged him and A-Yuan shrieked in equal parts of delight and fear when he saw just how close Wei Ying got during your conversation.

“Don’t worry, Yuan-ge will protect you!” He cried bravely, stepping out of your embrace to stand in front of you, straightening his back, puffing his chest and standing in his tiptoes, hands in front of him in a clear signal  to ‘Stop’ as he tried to look bigger than he was. “Silly a-die, go away!”

Wei Ying cooed. “My A-Yuan, always so sweet and courageous, protecting his family!” His expression morphed back to a smirk, and his voice lowered, a playful, unnecessary loud and villanish laughter taking over. “But when you do that, who will come to protect you?”

“My baba!”

Just as the words left his mouth, a white blur moved quickly from your side, gathering A-Yuan in his arms, who squealed and squirmed in delight, once more. “Baba!” He was quick to succumb back to high pitched laughter, as Lan Zhan’s fingers danced and poked his stomach. “BAHAHAHABAAA! LEHEHET GO!”

Lan Zhan only nuzzled his face in response to his pleas, immediately taking advantage of the position to lay raspberry after raspberry on his neck, pulling more strident crackling. Poor boy, he made a valiant effort, however.

“Now, you.” Wei Ying chuckled, still in that villanish tune, and kneeled down to pinch your sides, snickering along with your surprised yelp, torso squirming away from one tickling hand only to fall into another, once again trying to wiggle away from the sparkling, impossible to ignore sensation, fated to the same doom. More and more giggles began accumulating on your throat, breathless, wheezing chuckles falling from your lips every time a surprising squeeze was laid on your sides, attacking in random intervals all across your waist, clued on the spot no matter how you tried to wiggle away. “I see that someone has very adorably-adorable tickly-ticklish sides, isn’t that so?”

Your hands shot to glue on his when they began climbing up to your ribs, poking the bones up and down in quick successions, but you stopped them before they collided with the adult’s wrists, instead closing them into fists and scrunching up your nose with the high pitched noises that jumped from time to time amidst your giggling. Wei Ying didn’t help your self control, of course, simply pressing a bit more and more on the weak spots that had you jolting in surprised squeaks.

“And sesitive ribs too! Ah, what a good feast for this Tickle Monster! Now that I have had a taste of just how deliciously ticklish they are, I don't think I will be able to stop devouring each and every one for those cute giggling of yours for hours and hours until I am finally satisfied!”

You gasped, huffed, tittered, tried to wiggle away only to be brought back with more squeezing and poking. Your smile was so big that it stretched from one ear to the other. There was a warmth spreading from your cheeks to the rest of your face with your laughter. When he called your name, you blinked your eyes open to find his gaze, only now realizing that you had closed them.

“Did you know, did you know that if you spend too much time without checking you can lose a rib? That is why we need to count them every time you get tickled, otherwise how will we know if one ran away?”

It didn’t make sense, but you couldn’t (wouldn’t) protest, your mind and thoughts too scattered out by the tickly sensations, too much attuned to the moment he spared a single finger to press on the bottom of your ribcage, vibrating it on the same place and making a powerful ticklish shock spread across every single one of your ribs, spreading across your torso and prying a loud, muffled snort and a low bark of laughter.

“Oneeee, twoooo, threeee!” He sure took his time counting, tickling each rib thoroughly, prodding and scratching the bone before going to scribble on the space between each, only then jumping to another, transforming your mind in a mess of sparkles and colors of joyful feelings and happy sparks of laughter. “Fooooour, fiveeee- ah! Little owl, you need to be more careful with all that squirming, now I’ve lost count and will need to start it aaaaaall over again!”

You held his hand before he could take it away, right back to your bottom ribs, giggling at the silliness in his voice and the threat of undergoing all that tickling again. “Fihihive, it wahahahas five!”

“Hmmmm, but are you sure? What if it was seven or two? What if there is one of them running away right now? No, no, we can’t risk it! I will start it again.”

Shaking his hand free, Wei Ying laughed happily with you as he went back to poking and spidering, restarting his count, once, twice, thrice, until your laughter began dying out between “pftttt” sounds and low chortles, each tickle being followed by a different tease, each one of your squirms followed by another pinch, another playful dance that made all of your nerves snicker and your previous proper pose be broken, hands clutching his wrists, words lost between uncontrollable reactions.

Wei Ying skittered, he dug, wiggled and wormed his energetic, tickly hands around until they scraped the borders of your armpits and he cheered excitedly at your squeal, skilled fingers burying themselves on the ticklish spot easily even with you instinctively clinging your arms to your sides, chuckling breathlessly, being brought back closer and closer to those scratching, skittering tickles every time you tried to squirm away, sudden clawing bringing a few surprised squeaks here and there amidst your laughter.

Until something came barrelling on you, momentarily taking out of breath when it collided, only for two tiny arms to embrace your chest and suddenly the loud, squealing words on the background that had been getting closer and closer made sense.

“Do not run. You can fall, hurting yourself and others.” Lan Zhan approached, patient as ever, firm and sure in his every step, sitting by his lover’s side as they always did, with Wei Ying resting on him, as if those two couldn’t bear to be separated by a single second, if possible.

“I’m sorry, baba.” A-Yuan, somehow free from his previous plight, announced, looking slightly chastised at his parent’s chiding. Lan Zhan had a very soft heart, however, as Wei Ying chastised and teased him plenty of times before, so he simply nodded, clearly appeased. His husband, as expected, poked fun and complained at him, not stopping to tickle you in the slightest, still creating snorts and giggling in waves. A-Yuan, previous sadness already forgotten, pushed his fingers away. “I’m protecting! Shoo, tickly hands, shoo!”

Wei Ying chuckled, prying his hands free and clawing them menacingly in his son’s direction, mischievous smirk once again shining in his face. “Should this Tickle Monster find a new target, then?”

“No!” A-Yuan squealed, but didn’t let go of your robes, standing bravely amidst his own stray giggles. “A-Die needs to be careful! And gentle. Not overwhelming!” He pronounced the last word carefully, still learning.

Oh.

Now you understand.

A few days ago you had to… go. A-Yuan had been fuzzy and crying because of his sickness, days of feeling bad and nights of not sleeping well finally culminating into a loud, trashing and unstoppable screaming fit and, while Lan Zhan and Wei Ying did their best to calm him down, suddenly, unstoppably and overwhelmingly, you became aware of how different it was to go from an empty house to a full one, every little detail grating on your senses. So you stepped away and climbed the highest branches of a tree near and far enough from the house, closing your eyes and pressing firmly on the bark.

Lan Zhan had found you later, and waited. He sat on the ground, patching some of black and white robes with a few holes and reading a poetry book silently until you climbed down again and you both went back to the house. Kids will be kids, of course, and A-Yuan was much more worried about the incident than he should, so you patted his head and sneaked a hand to poke and pinch his belly, hugging him close when the younger fell on your chest with a giggly surprise.

“Don’t worry.” You said, sparing a single finger to wiggle on his bellybutton until he pushed your hand away, now crackling. “I am fine.”

(I am happy. I am having fun. I am calm. I couldn’t feel safer here.)

He watched you with big, teary eyes (poor one, but his reactions were beyond adorable, you hardly could be blamed for partaking in the playfulness, fishing a few more seconds of it), then jumped right back to his feet, beaming.

“You like? Fun?”

“Mh hm.” Agreeing seems to only energize him further. Good, kids this young shouldn’t be worrying about anything. “It’s fun.”

By his reaction, one could deduce that you had just handed him his favorite toy. A-Yuan bounced, ecstatic and seemed to come to some realization, quickly burying his fingers on your neck. You sputtered, then snickered, more from surprise than anything.

“I be gentle!” A-Yuan proclaimed, proudly, clumsy fingers scurrying across your neck, not really tickling much, but cluing a wobbleness to your smile and a sparkling, soft feeling in your heart that had your giggles grow a tad bigger. “See? Tickle tickle!”

You hummed, nodded, laughed more just for the mirth of laughing. Of being happy. “V-very gohohohood, gentle.”

“Aww, that is so sweet!” Wei Ying points out, looking somewhat flustered, holding Lan Zhan’s hands, their fingers intertwined. He frees one, eyes narrowing in his husband’s direction for a second before turning back to your two, wiggling closer. “But aren’t you forgetting about someone?”

Turns out that having a little kid in your arms, who is also very ticklish and very prone to becoming a particularly wiggle worm every time he is tickled can hind you, turning your already uncoordinated squirming and push of hands even more futile, which gave Wei Ying plenty of room to tickle both of you, an opportunity that he grabbed with both hands, squeezing your knees gleefully and watching with smiling eyes your high pitched chuckling at it.

“Aiyah, aiyah, Lan Zhan! This is truly a child of yours, huh? Listen! It’s your laughter that I can hear every time that I press here or here or here and here too!”

He was quick like the wind, leaving you almost not time at all to realize where he was going to strike before he was already clawing at your belly, freeing uncontrollable chortles were already spilling from your lips, or that now he was pinching up and down your side, jumping from one to another in bouts of quickness that confused your wiggling, then jumping to skitter wiggles across your ribs, deliver pokes on your armpits, scribble at every weak spot around your neck and behind your ears until you were struggling to stay upright. Giggles, snickers, titters, chuckles, snorts and squeaks danced across the room in a new, bright melody that had your heart fluttering, your soul warm and your spirits flying high. Just as you were tilting down, especially because A-Yuan, now deciding that he was part of the “enemy” team, kept trying to tickle you as well, you felt a firm, yet forever kind, hand holding you upright, preventing your fall. 

Lan Zhan’s fond, yellow and warm eyes watched you from above for a couple of seconds, then he grazed at his son and stopped his husband. This moment, you felt like part of something much bigger than earning your survival.

“Hm. I can see Wei Ying’s smile, too.”

The other adult crackled, delighted, and you laughed as well, especially because of the exploring scratches that began tickling the space between your shoulder blades, calmly tracing each and every inch of skin, slowly travelling up to walk his fingers lightly from one shoulder to another, then climbing down the length of your spine to swap his fingers across your lower back, making you discover that, apparently, it could be all extremely, absurdly ticklish, as your chuckling laughter kept  growing.

It was in this moment, between giggles, loud squeals, warm words, playful tickles, joyful gazes, teasing pokes of fun and mischievous crackles that you realized.

Finally, you have come home.

[~*~]

Fun Facts!

Reader only calls Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji Wei Ying and Lan Zhan, respectively, because that is how they call each other and the kid has no concept of what courtesy names are.

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Reader, seeing A-Yuan: Oh look, a little kid.

Wei Wuxian: YOU are a little kid

Reader: :o

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Wei Ying looks flustered out of nowhere in that part because Lan Zhan is a MEANIE who decided his world would be much brighter and more pleasant if Wei Wuxian became a mess of laughter (it’s true btw) Right In This Moment, and I mean Right Now so those mischievous hands had to be put in time out and Wei Wuxian will have to hold them Forever and Ever between his own warm and caring hands, what a horrible punishment </3 (don’t) free my man.

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I’m going to be honest here, I love fics where A-Yuan throws fits and acts disobeying as kids sometimes do because honestly it’s what he deserves <3 let him be the kid that he is fr <3 <3

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Me looking at the amount of “the character pulls one of your arms up and tickles that unprotected side of your torso”: Anything you feel like telling me, brain?

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Reader: It’s been so long since someone tickled me that I don’t even know if I am ticklish anymore.

Wangxian: And I took that personally.

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That meme of “draw 25 cards” with Wei Wuxian full of cards and the other option is “stop lying for fun to your kids”

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