#crazysocks4docs

June 4th 2021

Today is a day to remember the ones that have gone because of depression. In the medical field is a tabboo to talk about it, but things need to change and this day is to remember that.

We are humans, We feel, We have problems and we need help too. Its okay not to be okay.

Today (7 June 2019) firstly marks exactly 6 months since I began my medical degree and ironically, it also marks a day where we remember the plight that faces medical students and medical doctors all around the world. The plight of mental illness. I am by no means an expert on this matter. However, the point of this day is to create a space of dialogue and hearing of different faces to the story around mental health, more especially, in the medical profession. This post is also open to all comments, additions, rebuts and of course a share :). 

Grab a snack, some rooibos and let’s unpack... 

1. Mental health is not largely acknowledged, especially in professional spaces. The mantra is throughput, outcomes and results. Where as it should be , mental fitness, physical fitness, throughput, outcomes and rest. In fact, anyone can relate to the high pressure times we live in. Unfortunately, this high pressure world has not only affected our physical health by causing diseases of lifestyle like hypertension and diabetes, it is also affecting our mental health. We are constantly stressed out, constantly on an adrenaline high to try and match up to the fast pace of the world and the road to success. But, at what cost?  What good is success if you are not healthy enough to enjoy it ? Something to ponder on. 

2.From my perspective, getting into this degree is one of the hardest and most mentally strenuous things I thought I’d ever face. Although this was the lesser of the battles, we will still talk about this.

Anyone who has ever wanted to do medicine in their lives knows very well the stress of outperforming everyone in order to be good enough to be accepted into a medial program anywhere in the world. In 2017 when I first applied, something like 5000 applications were from graduates wanting to redeem themselves after being rejected after high school. Of these thousands, only 150 made it, with averages ranging from 72% and above, depending on the year and the competition criteria. 

Knowing this was the most pain staking thing, because you constantly have to compete with the marks of ghosts who might be getting 72% and pushing you and your 70% off the candidate list. Aside from that pressure, I had to write a WAPT (Wits Additional Placement Test) which I had to self study from scratch (Fortunately my friend Yannick was there to help me and others figure our way through the test). All in all, I had lost so much weight in that year with trying to complete my degree and trying to pass that entry test. The ordeal took a lot out of me, but thankfully I passed and moved to the second stage of acceptance criteria (For those reading this who are still in high school, the WAPT is an equivalent to the NBT [National Benchmark Test]). 

Post WAPT, the wait began. I finished my bachelor of science degree with a cumulative average of 71%, and in that year the cut off for acceptance was 72%. If I were to tell you how I cried every single day after getting rejected, you’d think its an over exaggeration. But I did. My mom even started a prayer group for me because I just couldn’t stop crying. Day in, day out I cried my eyes out wishing and praying that they would revert the decision and take me because I was 1% away from  the cut off after all... Nope!

After taking a major L I did an honors degree... All in the pursuit of Medicine, *lol*. I will leave my honors experience for another post... (Watch the space)

But finally, what I thought was the worst battle of my life was finally over and on the 6th of December 2018, I was accepted into “THEE MEDICINE”...

3. What I realized from the entire pre-medicine ordeal was that I never gave myself a break. I never sat down for some me to me time, me to family time, or even me to friends time. I just kept on focusing on school, marks and getting into medicine... To this extent, when I was rejected, I crashed and cried like my world was over. I cried because I didn’t give myself time to think of anything outside of medicine. I spent too much time focusing on school, than focusing on myself, my health and building hobbies, relationships and mental strength... Note how I say mental strength and not resilience. I believe that it’s more important to have coping mechanisms and not escape passages. because you cannot escape the thoughts in you mind, you need ways to deal and to cope with them.. Something which I am only learning to do now.

4. I am still a student in the school of self regeneration, mental well being and self preservation. My word is not final, but I would like to open a space of discussion. A space for relief and a space that says that, if you are anxious and you think you are depressed, you are not alone. There are people out there to help... 

It is okay to not be okay ...

27% of medical students are depressed or suffering from a mental illness