#craquameron

Brianna’s PoV

And since I’ve done all the old ones ‘till they’ve all been done in

Now I’m just looking, then I’m gone with the wind

Endlessly searching for an original sin

A bit more than three hours, we’re landing, a bright sunny day in our dear New York, that’s buzzing with life and a way too crowded JFK Airport. Aquaria lazily yawns in the way to the conveyors, “come on sleepy head, we’re close to home, then you’ll sleep as much as you want”, I say to her, and she just looks at me as if I was speaking chinese. “Come on hun, just a little bit more.” She leans her head over my shoulder for a moment and Kameron wraps our waists with her arms.

“Band three and we’ll be out ladies. We’re back home!” Kammy says, and the three of us laugh. We take our luggage and head out the airport, as always it’s messy and crowded, our Uber takes more than ten minutes to arrive because of the traffic, and we stand under the sun, Aquaria trying to hide from the burning light, Kameron and I teasing her about it.

The way to our places takes its sweet time, and we keep talking, this time checking on our schedules to plan a night out. Right now we want to see how this turns out, maybe taking it a little bit slower than we did back in Cheyenne, coming to the realization that we have a lot of time ahead is refreshing, and the three of us know we’ll need to work as a team if we want to make our relationship work.

Kameron is the first to get home, she kisses each of us soft and brief, asking then for us to send a message when we get home. We see her walking to her building, she turns once more, smiling to us and waving her goodbyes, the car gets in motion before we see her get in. Aquaria holds my hand sighing, she looks like she’s going to say something, but it doesn’t come out at last. Leaning her head on my shoulder she says “We’re lucky… I mean, we have each other now.” I nod in agreement, and turn my face lightly to kiss her forehead.

After leaving Aquaria in her place, the driver looks at me through the rear view mirror, judgmentally arching a brow, I smile at him with my best ‘fuck your nose off of us’ glare. Then look at my phone screen, starting to reply all the unseen messages I have there. Soon, I’m dropped by my building door and the driver leaves as fast as he can. I bet he will be talking about us when he gets home after his workday.

I’ve been looking for the ultimate crime

Infinite victims, infinitesimal time

And I’m so very guilty for no reason or rhyme

I keep writing messages to my dear friend Vanessa, she’s been worried about all the process of my visit to Cheyenne, and for sure, she’s pissed that i’ve spent the last four days in radio silence. When the elevator dings reaching my floor, I slid the phone in my pocket and walk carrying my luggage to my door.

There’s a pile of unopened mail on my counter when I close the door of my apartment, I sigh to the idea of looking at it. It can wait. I walk to my room and fall straight on my bed, face buried on the pillows while I blatantly ignore the buzzing of my phone. I’m wondering when will be the time to bring my girls to my home, and suddenly feel anxious about how we will make this work for the three of us. My head spinning violently on the idea when the phone buzzes regularly, I’ll have to take the call. “Hey Vanjie! how are you?”

“Bitch, you have no fucking reason to ignore my messages”, Vanessa yells to the phone. “I demand an explanation, and better for you to start now, or I’ll go to bugger you face to face.”

“Alright, alright… there’s no need to yell, I can hear you perfectly”, I say, putting the phone away from my ear. “I just got home bitch, gimme a break” I ask, starting to laugh.

“Well, you have a lot to tell, the last you said was you were going to Aquaria’s sister wedding and then nothing, radio silence. You can’t say you’re going to see Aquaria after your disappearance and then keep the things to yourself.” Now her tone is more curious than pissed. “What happened at the wedding?”

I sigh, remembering the moment I saw Kameron at the church. “Aquaria was there with no other than Kameron” I answer, sounding a little more bitter than I expected. “Then they kissed old hollywood movie style on the dancefloor and I’ve lost it girl, like… lost it big time.”

We spend the following hour and a half going on every single detail of that night, and I can’t help laughing when I hear Vanessa gasping when I told her about what they’ve proposed to me. For the first time in the almost three years I’ve known Vanessa Mateo, she’s speechless, even more when I tell her that I accepted to be in a throuple with them.

She cackled when I got to the part of the parental meeting, and she was recreating my mom’s angry voice with eerie precision. When she finally managed to control her laugh, and with what meant to be a most serious tone, she asked “so, you are telling me you are now in a relationship with the both of them?”

I nod to the phone, and then say “I think so, like, I’m still sinking on the idea…” I sigh, and look through my window, the purples and reds of the sunset taking over the big apple. “I’m not sure how we will make it work, but what I can say, is I’m so happy that I’m afraid to sleep and not waking up.”

“Never say that again bitch, I need my best friend now, and I’ll need my best friend for at least the following century.” Vanessa sounds death serious, and I know she’s worried, but she will be by my side wherever all this crazy adventure takes me. “I’m happy to know you’re happy girl, but aside of this adrenaline rush, how do you feel?”

I take a little time to answer that, but I know it’s the truth. “I’m in love Vanjie, so much in love and I can’t wait for you to meet them. I’m sure you’ll love them too.”

The call comes to an end with us agreeing to have a coffee the following day, she doesn’t seem convinced, but I’m sure she’ll get me her perspective the moment we find a table and have a chance to talk.  I take a shower and then empty the luggage getting ready for the following day. I’m about to call to order dinner when my phone buzzes again. Kameron is sending a picture of her at an animal shelter, and introducing Aquaria and I to Cheyenne, the kitten she just adopted. The little furball yawning on her left arm.

Aquaria sends a voice message saying “Cheyenne? really? why did you do such a horrible thing to the baby?”

I laugh and record a message, “I have to agree with Aquaria, why did you gave him that horrendous name?”

“Because he’s the second step for a new start, and he will always remind me of you when you’re not around, my loves” Kameron answers, and I feel my heart melting.

Aquaria and I send a long appreciative message to her words, followed by a detailed list of what the kitten will need and a bunch of recommendations from Aquaria and her vast experience on cat breeding. Then we all say good night.

Thinking about the last four days, and how my… our lives have changed, gives me hope on the future, on a future where we are together, and happy. A future where the past injuries are no longer important; a future where love is what matters and I’m sure, for the first time, that I’ve made the right decision.

It’s not enough to make the nightmares go away

It’s not enough to make the tears run dry

It’s not enough to live a little better every day

It’s been a year and a half since we boarded that airplane to New York from Wyoming, and I can tell things were moving faster. The first months were complicated, as far as we were located in three very different points of the city, and our schedules were madness. Aquaria resented the little time both Kameron and I had by the time she was taking a breathe from the released collection of the following spring. Kameron resented the lack of time her work gave her and I… well, Vanjie and I just decided to start our own business, so the bakery was taking most of my time.

On Thanksgiving my parents, Sharon and Alaska visited us, and I bet Sharon was about to rip our guts off when she saw how sad Aquaria was. Thankfully Mom helped a lot on the process of her understanding that our lives were getting more complicated, not just because of us adjusting to our relationship, but because we were growing on our own fields.  

By Christmas we decided it was the time to think of moving in together. Kameron was done with the neverending rambling whenever the schedules didn’t match, and Aquaria was done with attempting to balance the free time, the commuting and the fact that the indie atelier she was working for was bought by a bigger brand. To be honest, I was done too with all the drama and the nights I’ve spent rolling on an empty bed, craving the warmth of their bodies with me. Most of all, we were done with being apart, things were starting to work for the three of us, we didn’t want to let our jobs to become a stopper, more than a way of living.

The first week of the spring, we moved together to a little place in Brooklyn, comfortable enough for three adults and close enough to our jobs. The apartment was big enough for the three of us, each one having a proper space to do our own business, and a good common space for the life we were starting to share. Kameron made sure the spaces were good and comfortable, while Aquaria busied herself on making it a perfect balance between the three of us. Cheyenne was the happiest cat with the moving, as far as he found thrilling to explore every single box we managed to empty.

For our first anniversary, we spent the night in a romantic dinner that Kameron prepared for the occasion. Aquaria designed and supervised the creation of three rings, they looked like a wedding band but were decorated with the birthstones of each of us and engraved with our names. She wanted to make our commitment official, as far as we won’t be able to get married, we can, at least pretend to be. My anniversary gift, was a scrap photo album made by myself, with pictures of us. Sharon, Alaska, Mom, Dad, Nebraska, my siblings, Chad, Morgan and even Katlyn shared those memories to document our story, it also had empty pages at the end for us to fill over the years to come.

As every other couple, we’ve had good and bad times, also moments when we questioned if this is what we really wanted. By now, we’re doing well, creating a world for us, going step by step, going day by day. I still feel lucky to have them both in my life, and as long as it lasts, I can tell that I’m having the happy life I’ve always dreamt about. We are having the happy lives we always wanted to have.

I’ve been looking for an original sin

One with a twist and a bit of a spin

And since I’ve done all the old ones ‘till they’ve all been done in

Now I’m just looking, then I’m gone with the wind

Shane’s PoV

Little lady, I think there’s something on your mind

I’ve known you long enough to know

The words are not that hard to find

I haven’t get properly the meaning of that popular saying of ‘you’re never ready for what comes when you’re a parent’, until this early morning. But let’s get this from the very beginning, from the day I met Roberta. The first thing I thought was ‘Good Lord, this woman is loud’, and then, the second thing coming up to my mind, was a bunch of loud little ones with her smile and my eyes.

The first to come was Benjamin… or Jamin, as he preferred to be called, my self centered and sassy mouthed son, the one who gave me the worst headaches with his lack of academic abilities, and his so talented artist hands. Following him, came the twins, the loud, beautiful and brilliant Monet and Monique; both of them as gorgeous as their mother, and who had their own world and often forgot to include the rest of the people in it. Last, but not least, came my beautiful little cookie, the one with the Cracker’s characteristic fair skin and blonde hair: My Lil’ Cookie.

She was the frailest of my children, her tiny features and warm hearted personality the cause of so many disappointments in her short life. Even though she’s tough, I know she plays hard to get, and to protect herself from a world that gave her its back so many times. I remember the long nights and exhausting days comforting her, making her believe she deserves nothing less than the whole world, and believing in her when she didn’t found a way to do it.

God knows I wasn’t ready for Brianna’s call this morning. As a father of three girls, you’re never ready to know your little girls are growing, and it’s even worse when they fall in love and decide you’re not the man of their lives anymore. I went through it first with Monet and the never ending parade of candidates that never were enough to her standards, until some Dustin Ray appeared to take my little girl away. Then Monique met this guy Antwan, as she said, love at first sight; they’ve been together from junior high, til now, that they welcomed their first born, baby Jasmine.

Brianna was fourteen the morning she came out, all teary eyes and so, she came to Roberta and I to tell us she likes girls. The following years, she met Kameron, a sweet girl who made my baby smile like I’ve never seen before, and also getting her first heartbreak when she disappeared nowhere to be found. Then came Aquaria, our friends and neighbours’ Sharon and Alaska Needles daughter. Brianna’s heart shattered when she caught Aquaria making out with another girl, and my girl decided to never open up again, until last night.

Sharon’s call made me wary, she never does that kind of formal invite unless something big is happening. When Brianna called after her, I needed to understand what was happening, and when my daughter said she was in a committed relationship with both Kameron and Aquaria, I swear my heart stopped beating. I knew that Brianna’s heart was split in two parts, each one with those girls names, and I knew she didn’t want to make a choice.

And I know you feel the same

You’ve been searching for the words,

Now you know what to say

My Bob was still confused when she heard my silence, that’s something that she could never understand, how can I speak so much and so loud and suddenly just fall silent, as if I even wasn’t there. When she heard I finished the call, she came to me, arms crossed in front of her chest, and demanding an explanation, as far as she heard me saying I’ll keep her at bay.

“Babe, ya’ll need to sit, I’ll keep it as short as I can, promise”, I read her worry, especially when she sees the weight of my years falling on my shoulders. There’s no way I can lie to her, I’ve never done it, and I won’t start today. “It was our lil’ cookie, and she’s a lotta say, so please sit babe, it’ll be bettah that way.” Bob sits right by my side, and reaches to take my hand instinctively while she listen to Bri’s story through my lips.

When I manage to finish with the story… the whole story, since Brianna found Aquaria in our front yard, to the point of the committed relationship she’s currently sharing with both Kameron and Aquaria. To be fair, since I married this woman, I have seen her speechless just thrice in the last twenty nine years; the first, when she found out she was carrying Jamin; the second one, when I asked her to marry me; and the last, when she heard she was going to be a grandma.

Today, I witnessed a fourth time. Bob was totally speechless, fidgeting the edge of her green apron, sometimes looking at me, then at the window and then back to me, just to turn to her side and take Lester from the floor and distractedly scratch his ears. “Bob… Roberta talk to me, ya’re scaring me shitless woman”, I asked her, almost begging. She blinked twice, then she put the puppy back on the floor and got off the couch.  

“Hurry up Shane, I don’t want to be late to Sharon’s”, those were the last words I got from her before disappearing inside the kitchen.

And you say nothing at all

Well I couldn’t have said it better myself

Tonight the conversation takes the fall

Bob kept silent the rest of the morning, busying herself around the house until she hurried me to go to Sharon’s house an hour earlier than she asked. “We have to talk to them, I mean, they know for sure, otherwise Sharon shouldn’t have asked if Brianna called already.” I look at her, arching a brow, a silent question clear on my face. “Don’t look at me like that Shane Cracker, I know they’re not kids anymore, but if we’ll have to talk about this mess our daughters are doing, better to be in the same page than them, at least, to know what they think about this… this… “

“About our girls decisions.” I complete her phrase, and she looks at me, relieved. “Y’are right babe, they no kids anymore, and from my point of view, we’ve two options”, she looks at me, intensely, her brown eyes bright with worry and annoyance.

“I don’t know when did this happened Shane, and I don’t understand why… all I want is for our little cookie to be happy.” She sighs, and sits by my side, “I just need to be sure that Aquaria and Kameron won’t hurt her again, our baby won’t make it alive out of that,”  and for the first time in our almost three decades together, I see how the years and its weight fall over Roberta’s shoulders, and how her eyes are cloudy with worriedness. Not needed to say I’m worried too.

“I know wha’ ya’ say Bob, Imma worried for our lil’ cookie too. I was here when she found Aquaria out the day Jasmine was born. I drowned a whole red wine bottle with her after that.” Bob cackles with that last affirmation, shaking her head half amused, half in disbelief. “Our lil’ cookie is tough Bob, and I guess her decision was the best option she found, as far as she didn’t want to be the one to choose between ‘em.” She sighs and reach to hold my hand, squeezing it briefly. Then she stands up and pull me up with her, it’s time to go to the Needles’ house.

I’ve crossed that street a million times in the last twenty five years, I remember when Sharon and Alaska just moved and Bob called me to help the thin woman that tried to move heavy furniture inside the house. I remember her heavily pregnant wife and how relieved she looked when she found out someone has been helping her wife. I’ve never felt like I was walking through the death row, waiting for an execution, mine, my daughter’s, her girlfriends’… all of us in one?

When I step in the door and I stare at your face

There are so many things that I wish I could say

Well I struggle with words but they put up a fight

Alaska lets us in with a hug, with the familiar domesticity of our well known friend routine, and I wonder what’s her position in all of this tale, I wonder if I could find an ally in her when the moment comes, because I can see in Sharon’s eyes the same desperate fierceness that I saw in my wife’s gaze before leaving our home.

She’s almost as tall as I am, her long blonde hair braided falling down her right shoulder, she smiles at me. I know she understands me. I know Alaska is up to whatever makes Aquaria happy, exactly as I am up to anything that give my lil’ cookie the will to keep believing. We lock gazes for a second, and almost imperceptibly, she nods at me. It seems I’m not alone in what comes next.

We walk to their backyard, where Sharon is sitting, having a smoke with the cat purring in her lap. Luke lazily yawns and meows to Bob when he has her in his sight, and her smiles to the feline, scratching his ear, the kitten melting in bliss. Sharon lifts her face, smiling to us, both Bob and I leaning to kiss her cheeks. “It’s great to see you guys. Thanks for coming in such a short notice, but Laska and I wanted to talk to you before the girls come here.” Sharon sounds worried, as much as we are, but still, listening to her calling them girls, makes me shiver.

“Shar, they’re not kids anymore… as much as we all like to see them like that. Fact is both Aqua and Bri are close to 27 and my baby is 25 and married, on her way to her honeymoon.” Somehow, Sharon seems to sink on her chair, her usual rough facade shattered with her wife’s words. “Also, we are here to talk about how we feel about all these, and to let steam out before they come. We’ll need to be centered”, the three of us look at Alaska, as if she had grown long beard and the wisdom of an elder in less than five seconds.

Sharon sighs, taking Luke off her lap and putting him on the floor. The cat looks at her, offended and then runs into the garden, to find shelter in the shade of the fence. “It’s just… I can’t understand, how did this happened?” She says, standing from her chair, smashing the buttock of her cigarette on the ashtray with restrained fury. “A week ago, Aquaria was mourning losing Brianna, who had been far away for so long,” She lit another cigarette, taking a long drag from it, and then speaking while releasing the smoke “the following day she’s head over heels with that girl Kameron… I know she sounds like one of those sad stories that melt anybody’s heart, but I just can’t get when did all this mess happened”, she looks at us, looking smaller than before “not to say, that I can’t understand how did this Aquaria + Brianna + Kameron thing happened.”

“As much as I’d like to have an explanation, I understand exactly the same as you do, Sharon”, Bob’s voice cuts the brief silence. “Truth is both Shane and I are worried, we all know how it went the last time. We all know how hurt both Brianna and Aquaria ended after all that happened.” The three of us nod, and Bob reaches blindly, looking for my hand. “And now we have a third party that will also get hurt if these doesn’t work, and she doesn’t have a mother nor a father to rely on.”

Sharon gets back to her chair, and Alaska stands behind her, rubbing her shoulders to soothe her. “I know what you’re saying Bob, Aquaria and Brianna have their own bruises to heal, and it would be unfair if they hurt someone else in the process of healing, or even worse, they end hurting themselves either.” I know Alaska’s right, I know for a fact that failing this little experiment will almost literally kill her, and I don’t think that any of Aquaria or Kameron would go out off the mess untouched. “I’m as worried as you are guys, I can feel it all over us. Still we need to let them live, they deserve at least a chance to try and make it work.”

“Ya’ right Lasky, they grown ass women now, as much as we kno’ wha’ used to make ’em happy, now they drive their own lives”, I say, getting a side look from my wife, and the weirdest expression from Sharon’s face. “I kno’ my lil’ cookie, she’s in love with ’em, madly in love and havin’ ‘em both means the end of her struggle to choose, or to force ‘em to choose who’s leavin’.” I take a deep breathe, starting to regret revealing that piece of information to those women; I look for Alaska’s eyes, and she nods to me again: she knew it too. “Guess we’ll ‘ve to wait to see wha’ they have to say. I can’t deny my girl my support pursuin’ ‘er happ’ness.” I close my argument, feeling a tad more confident.

“I’m with Shane.” Alaska says, and I close my eyes for a second, thanking her for support the right of the girls to look for her own way. “I mean, I’m just expecting for them to tell us what we need to hear”, Sharon and Bob look straight at her. “Which is they’re doing this out of love and not out of guilt or regret.”

Bob sighs loudly, then leans her forehead to the hand that’s not holding mine. “I guess you’re right. I just need to know they’re up to take care of each other.”

“And if they feel mature enough to understand that, if this doesn’t work, it’s not because they don’t love each other”, Sharon added, “but because if a relationship of two is complicated, a relationship of three, requires a titanic effort.”

We all nod in agreement, feeling relieved of letting our worries on the table, so we would be able to actually listen to them, and show them that they’re not alone. That they still can count on us.

And the harder you try and the longer you go

Well there’s nothing but love in those eyes any more

You know what to say but you never know how

Aquaria/Kameron/Brianna PoV

So many things you need to know, so many left to say

But you mean more than words I know,

I can help you chase the pain away

We leave the party not long after Nebraska and Sjoerd. Kameron calls a cab and we are impatient for it to arrive, we still have so much things to talk and the time is running off our hands. Once we reach the Michaels’ house, we rush to the front door, and Kameron drops the keys a couple of times before Brianna finally opens the door, her pulse steadier than ours.

Kicking out our shoes, we finally go to the backyard, sitting on the stairs of the door. “I can’t believe your mother is selling this house”, Brianna says, looking blankly to the tree in the far end of the garden. “I mean, even though this was the last place we saw each other so many years ago, this place is full of stories and memories of your family.” She adds, now looking at Kameron, who sighs deeply.

“I know, this place is full of my dad and full of you Bri, and now will always be full of Aquaria” she says, and I smile thinking of how in such a little time, we built memories in this place; the only place in all Cheyenne that has a shared story of the three of us. “I will always miss it, but right now, I have more important things to think about.” She stands up to kneel in front of us on the steps. “Right now, we need to figure out how we are going to make this work.”

Brianna sighs and I reach to hold one of their hands. “So, let’s start from the scratch”, I clear my throat and look straight to Brianna, whose beautiful face is taking a soft shade of pink. “We are doing this, like… we are sure to at least try and make it work, so we need to be totally honest with each other. The best way to start is speaking by myself” my voice is trembling and I take a deep breathe before I go on with my speech. “I love you Bri, with all my heart, I’ve never stopped doing it.”

Kameron squeezes my hand for a second, encouraging me to continue. “Nothing had ever been the same since I’ve lost you, nothing felt right until Kameron appeared, and I think… I think I want to love the both of you” I say, feeling a bit more confident. “I want to be yours from now on… if you both want me.” They’re looking at me, and I give one last sigh.

Bri’s hand leaves mine to go up and cup my cheek, a soft smile spreading on her lips. I bet she has never looked so beautiful. “I… dammit… I’m scared. It’s hard to admit it, because Lord knows how much I prayed for the time to get any of you back to me.” Her voice cracks in a sob, she averts her gaze, looking to the night sky. Clearing her throat, she looks at Kameron, who’s caressing carefully her blonde hair. “Kameron, you make me feel safe, loved and wanted, and seems surreal that your eyes show the same spark they had so many years ago, the first time we kissed.” Kameron lowers her face, her cheeks lit in red, making her look even more stunning.

“And you Aquaria… you make me feel powerful, invincible. Is like I can do anything if you’re holding my hand. We’ve been connected since before we were born, and my life feels so incomplete without you”. My heart thumps so strong I think it’s gonna jump off my chest. “I’ve been afraid for so long, and I didn’t know what to do… having you in the same place, at the same time was overwhelming”, she adds, her body shivering under our touch. “I still don’t know how we could make this work, but you’re giving me hope for the first time in years. The only thing I know now, is I don’t want to lose any of you, that would kill me.”

Unable to hold it back, I reach to hug her tightly, soon Kameron is joining us, running her hands over our backs. “That’s all I needed to know Bri, I love you too. And I promise to give myself to you girls. I wouldn’t understand a world where you’re not close to me.” I say to them, feeling a wave of peace going down my spine. “And you Kam? you’ve been so quiet, speak your mind,” I tell her, breaking the embrace, looking for her face. She cups our cheeks with her hands and closes her eyes briefly.

“You’re the most complicated and stubborn people i’ve ever known,” she says, holding back her laugh. “It took me just one night to know that I’d do whatever it takes to get you two with me. After you left early that morning, Aquaria, I knew that I wanted you as much as I want Brianna, and I realized that I may be crazy but I wouldn’t quit on any of you.” The clear honesty in her voice and the intensity in her eyes, finally giving me the chance to shed some happy tears.

You say you’re all alone,

and after all the changes you’ve been through today

You can use a little tenderness, right now

So… this is happening, like, the three of us together, and I feel my heart thumping like a drum, beating its way out of my chest. I wipe a stream of tears form Aquaria’s face with my thumb, she gives me a little smile, then, we both look at Brianna, who seems mesmerized looking at us. “I mean it… I really do”, I say to the both of them, pulling Brianna closer.

Brianna pulls me even closer and leans her head on Aquaria’s shoulder “as much as I love to  be like this, I guess we should move inside, it’s getting a little cold.” She says, not even attempting to be the first to break the embrace. “Also, we still have some things to figure out”, her voice a little weak while she speak.

Aquaria is the first to get some distance, taking the chance to kiss our cheeks once. She stands up and shiver “Bri’s right, it’s getting colder and I’m basically bare chest… come on girls, let’s get warm inside.” Her tone is playful, and soon both Brianna and I join her, walking back into the house. We go upstairs, where all my luggage is spread everywhere.

“Excuse the mess, I barely had time to get ready this morning” I say, a little embarrassed and picking up some of the clothes from the floor, I hear them laughing, and Brianna takes the clothing from my hands, putting it over my open case.

“There are things that never change, huh?”, she says, looking back at me. “You’ve always been like these, a little messy. It’s ok… I guess we still have time to fix this up” she walks towards me, and put her arms around my neck. “We have time, and now, all I need is to get off of this gown.” Brianna pouts and Aquaria stands behind her, already undoing her zipper.

Aquaria laughs biting her lower lip “I’d rather get you off that gown in a sexiest way, but I’m sure if I start, I’ll rip it off, and this baby deserves better.” We all laugh, and Bri steps back to take off the gown properly, Aquaria takes it and quickly put it on a discarded hanger, while I give Bri one of my tees to put on, then Aquaria does the same with my dress, finally I help her to take out hers and we all are wearing t-shirts and undoing our hair, finally comfortable with the domestic moment we’re sharing.

Once we’re done, I look at them “well girls, I hate to be the one starting with this, but before anything happens… cause I know it will, we need to talk.” I say, looking at them and reaching to take their hands to drag them to the bed. “Now that we decided we’re going to be together, we need to decide what’s next. Like, even before we go back to New York.” We sit on the mattress, facing each other, and Aquaria takes a deep sigh.

“You mean, as letting our families know?”, Aquaria asks, and we see Brianna’s face getting pale. “I don’t know how mom and momma would take the news. I mean, they know how I feel about Bri, and Momma doesn’t get at all how did I jump into your arms so easily Kam.” She sighs again, taking a little moment to reorganize her thoughts. “They’re open minded and so, but I’m not so sure how they will react to the three of us together.”

Brianna open and close her mouth a couple of times, then she speaks. “I think, before telling anything to them, we need to make sure that we all are on the same page.” My clever girl, always trying to find a safe spot, so she can get some certainty. “By now, saying we’re dating is kind of an euphemism, we know each other since forever, so… where are we?” She asks, more to herself than to us.

“I guess we are a throuple”, I say, not actually thinking. “We are together, in a romantic relationship, one that involves three instead of two. Polyamorous, that’s the word I was looking for.” Proud of myself, I smile at them. “And I guess it’s a committed one, isn’t it?”

Brianna nods and Aquaria leans her head to her right side. “Polyamorous… I like how it sounds, as far as I love the both of you.” Aquaria says, matter of factly and I nod. “And yes, I love the both of you too, gals. I’m only yours”, she adds, with a huge smile on her lips.

“I love you too Kammy, Aqua. I wouldn’t even think of trying something like this if it wasn’t with the both of you” Brianna says, and my heart melts by knowing for sure we all feel the same way. “So we’re in a committed polyamorous relationship.” She laughs and then shakes her head, “I was pathetically single when I came to Cheyenne and now I have two girlfriends, who would guess that, dammit!?” We all laugh, the simple idea of all of this happening is comforting, but still scary. I thought to get them both with me, but I have no clue on how to make this move forward into the future, now I know we’ll have to figure it out.

Ok, I’ve been alone,

and I can understand the way you feel tonight

Maybe together we can charge it all right now

How did I get so lucky? I can’t find another way to describe it, the simple thing of them reassuring they’re in love with each other and with me is comforting. No more doubting, no more choosing just one of them, no more getting them to make the decision. And this is how it starts, I take one of their hands on mine, pulling them to me. Feeling their closeness makes my heart skip a beat, I take a deep breathe and sneak my arms around their waists. “I want you girls… like really want you”, I say in a whisper, then Aquaria leans to kiss my lips and Kameron’s go to my neck, sucking lightly on my pulse point.

Before I could notice, our tees are thrown around the bed, over the cover, a mess of limbs, whispers and moans. My face between Kameron’s thighs and Aquaria lazily making out with her while touching me and Kameron’s fingers skillfully sliding inside Aquaria. I lift my gaze to look at them, the side of her faces colliding in a kiss that suddenly turned heated. I’ve never seen something so obscenely beautiful.

I’m not sure how much time we spend making love, but once we’re sated, we cuddle under the cover, our bodies still vibrating with reminiscing lust. “I love you girls… so much,” I whisper, distractedly tracing patterns on Aquaria’s back. They giggle, and Kameron pulls us closer.

“We love you too Bri, never forget that”, Kameron says in a soft voice that melt my insides. “And I love the both of you, I’m excited to start over with you holding my hands.” I hear a small part of the scared little girl I met so long ago, she’s still scared, as much as I am, but this time, we can face those demons together. This time, there are no ghosts building walls up between us.

Aquaria sighs, shifting a bit to get comfortable, her breathing getting slower with each passing minute. “I love you girls, but right now, I really, really need some sleep.” Her voice thick with tiredness and a last deep breathe, letting us know she’s asleep.

Kameron and I look at each other until we can’t stay awake anymore. And for the first time in years, i drift to a dreamless sleep.

Early in the morning, I wake up to an empty bed, I reach my phone on the nightstand and find it’s five to eleven. Stretching I get out of the bed, and make my way to the bathroom, my whole body is covered with love bites, and I smile at the memory of how did I got those. Downstairs, the faint sound of what seems Lady Gaga singing, getting louder while i go to the first floor. I find Aquaria dancing in her underwear, holding a hairbrush as her mic.

I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen her so carefree and happy. Her blonde hair flies while she dances, and Kameron is in the kitchen, fixing some discardable dishes with our take out breakfast, her head moving to the rhythm of the song. “Aqua, baby… we need to wake Bri, do you mind?”

Aquaria stops dancing and look at the stairs, where I’ve been watching them. “There’s no need for it Kam… good morning princess”, she says, walking to me and discarding the hairbrush before she could kiss me. Soon Kameron is with us, surrounding us with her strong arms. I feel safe.

We’re having breakfast and chit chatting when Aquaria’s phone rings “i have to take this girls.” She stands and we hear a muffled ‘hi mom’ from her.

“She’ll tell Sharon, I bet”, I say, looking at Kameron, who gets pale with the mere idea. “The sooner, the better, Kammy. We won’t be able to keep it a secret for long, just please, don’t panic.” I reach to hold her hand, and she nods, sighing. We didn’t really talked about how to share the news, and who will tell the families first. Not a surprise that Aquaria took the lead on that, but her deflated expression when she walks back say much more than she could.

“Mom and Momma want to see us, the three of us”, Aquaria says, a hint of worriedness in her voice. “She didn’t said much, but I think you should call Bob and Shane as soon as you can Bri, or Sharon Needles will cross the street to spread the news. By herself and face to face.”

I sigh loudly, I know dad will understand, but mom will be a whole other story. Aquaria hands me her phone and I call home. One, two, three rings, then my Dad’s voice breaks the silence.  He says Sharon called, inviting them to their house in a couple of hours, also asks if everything’s ok, cause she asked if I have called yet. I sit on the garden steps, and tell everything to him, who remains speechless until I finish rambling, then he says “I’ll keep ya’ mamma at bay, but I bet I’ll be tough lil’ cookie. See ya’ at Sharon’s.” And with those words, dad finished the call.

If you really want to,

I’d love to hold you

If you really want to,

Kameron’s POV

We’ve been lost in a sea of confusion

Got caught up in a selfish illusion

Looking back to the past is one of my least favorite things, I have lots of hard times that I’d rather forget. Funny fact: it gets worse when a particularly painful part of your story is told by someone you care so much. I never figured that the time of my leaving had been so harsh on Brianna. I’ve promised to myself that I wouldn’t blame my mother on what came after she sent me away, but to witness the mess she forced me to leave behind is too much.

I knew that something had changed the moment I found Brianna in LA, she looked distant, so much in her head. We never had a real conversation about Cheyenne, both of us were willing to forget and start from the scratch. Being honest, there was an aura of sadness wrapping around Brianna all the time and I tried to banish it by loving her. It clearly wasn’t enough. By this point, is useless for me to hold back tears, and I can’t avoid cursing Katlyn for what she did to me, to Brianna and even when I don’t want to think of it, to Aquaria.

“When the following year started, I was still in a complicated position with you Aquaria, and with our childhood friends”, said Brianna, her voice sounding far away from us. “Then came Asia’s birthday party, I was terrified when they put us in that closet together. We haven’t spoke in like two years and from literally nowhere, we were kissing!” That was the part that I didn’t know, and I didn’t actually needed to, but due to Aquaria’s expression, I know for sure she didn’t know about Brianna and me.

Aquaria smiles at the memory, and I refuse to keep looking at her. One thing is knowing that, who you might consider the love of your life has a past, and one totally different getting to know the details of how it started. TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Brianna sighs behind my head, she understand very well why I averted my gaze. “I’m sorry Kam… guess this is the part you didn’t want to know back in Cali”, she says, and I clearly listen Aquaria’s gasp. After all, I still have some kind of upper hand.

What about time to see it through?

If you don’t give you just don’t get it

“Back in Cali? as in California?”, Aquaria asks, shifting her face to look at me with a questioning expression in the eyes. Brianna shifts her position uncomfortably, making sure to call Aquaria’s attention “guess you’ve seen each other over the last years.” I can tell she’s pissed, our update last night didn’t have any kind of Brianna detail, I can’t blame her for basically shoot me with her eyes.

“Pretty much, that was something I didn’t need to know, Bri”, I answer to her, now turning to face them “you told me there was an issue with Aquaria, and you weren’t in the best place by the time.” I complete, and Aquaria seems to be half outraged and half in disbelief.

After Brianna and I met at the cooking fair in my college, we spent a whole evening catching up, and it was like we never parted ways. Looking back to our story, I think that everything with her, had always been like this: easy and natural. We spent the night together that night, I swear I wasn’t even trying any kind of move; but the sweet scent of her perfume and… well, a couple of innocent kisses in the corner of my mouth were quite an incentive.

The next morning was the interesting thing to look at, because I skipped my classes just to listen her rambling. Rambling about Cheyenne, about the girls of the High School, and about how lost she felt after breaking up with Aquaria. I patiently paid attention to each word, and when she finally stopped, I took her to the shower and we both got relaxed in the tub. She kept talking until there were nothing else  to say, and I remember telling her I don’t care. After that, when we were together, we never spoke about Cheyenne, Aquaria or my mother ever again. Those were the best years of my whole life, because no one was able to take her and the happiness away from me this time.

It feels like we’ve fallen from grace

Given up on the higher thing

Brianna sighs, I know she’s anxious and if she hasn’t had a breakdown, is because she’s not done talking. I hold her hand, the one that Aquaria is not touching and she starts crying. “You know guys, I can’t do this… I just can’t, I’m hungover, and tired and I can’t have this conversation with you right now.” Both, Aquaria and I get up and sit by her sides, she’s sobbing and I know this kind of tears very well. I’ve seen this tears before, when she got the scholarship in France; when we kissed goodbye in that airport gate. I can feel my heart breaking one more time.

I hug her tight for a moment and then kiss her temple and she does what she always do, she lifts her beautiful face, and kisses me. It’s brief, desperate and incredibly warm, but as she kisses my lips, the weight of all that time apart overwhelms me.  To be honest, I haven’t realized how much I missed her until the taste of her chocolate lip gloss lingers on my lips. I don’t really have time to get what’s happening, when I feel her leaving my arms and standing up, Aquaria mirroring her. They stare fondly at each other. God forgive my dumbness, but I haven’t seen anything more beautiful and extremely painful, than Brianna kissing Aquaria while cupping her cheeks.

Before we can even react, Brianna walks away as fast as her legs let her, we try to follow her, but we both know that what she needs right now is to be alone. “What the fuck happened here?” Aquaria asks more to herself than to me. “Now what, we let her go like that?” I nod, and she looks at me clearly confused.

“When she walks away, she really mean it” I say, and the low tone of my voice takes me by surprise. “She’ll look for us whenever she get to clear her mind.” Even when I know exactly how it works, I can’t help myself from feeling broken: old habits die hard. She didn’t learn how to face her anxiety instead of running away from it.

Once in a lifetime you’ll find someone heaven send for you

For a lifetime you’ll feel there’s a reason to believe

Aquaria shakes her head briefly and the sits back by my side. “So… what was all that of ‘Back in Cali’?”, she asks, staring at me.

I sigh and press the bridge of my nose with my fingers. “I actually wasn’t expecting to find her. She went to a fair in my college and we accidentally met there.” She takes her cup of coffee and takes one last sip, then looks at me again, she wants to know the whole story. “She was reluctant at the beginning, like if she didn’t want to do anything with anyone’s business. The day we met, we went for some drinks… I guess you don’t really want to know what happened then”. Aquaria nods silently, even when her face is calm, I can see the storm in the back of her ice blue eyes.

“Then you two fucked and decided to be together, guess we can skip the PG18 details.” My face is blushing, I can feel the warm spreading through my cheeks. Aquaria Needles just sex shamed me and I feel exactly as the shy girl I was before leaving Cheyenne. “What happened after that? Why did you broke up?”

All the air in my lungs leave in one single punch, thinking of the time when Brianna and I said goodbye. It takes a couple of seconds for me to recover from the flood of memories running wildly in my head. I look at her and inhale deeply before I speak again. “Then we had the most incredible two years together, we were going between LA and San Diego depending on our schedules. We were happy, if that’s what you wanted to know. There were no drama or complicated background stories.” I can’t help myself from smiling, those two years were, by far, the best thing in mi youth.

I avert my gaze to the lake, as if Holliday Park gave me a brief glance of our picnics at McArthur’s. “Our relationship had always been like that Aquaria, things flow naturally and we have always loved each other.” The sting of pain is crystal clear in her face, I think she wasn’t expecting to know this part of her life. “We learned to know and understand each other. She was always there when everything with my mother went harsh after my Dad’s passing. I was there for her, when she wanted to have me, or when she needed just to be by herself with her mind.  To help her to come back from her own anxiety.”

Together is heaven

Apart we’re in hell

“So… she never told you about… us?”, Aquaria asks, I look at her, just to catch the precise moment when her face starts to blush. Watching that doll like face getting blushed, with the sunlight reflecting on her hair, makes me understand why was so difficult for Brianna to snap her out of her mind.  

“I know you were together, and I know that you’re the reason behind her fear to start over,” I say, in total honesty, truth it’s never easy to handle. “I’m sorry… I don’t mean to be rude. But I guess you need to understand why she ran like she did. Both last night and today.”

She sighs, distractedly tugging to the edge of her tank top, it seems she’s trying to find the words she got stuck on her head. “We were together, and I screwed it so bad”, her voice is barely a whisper, the guilt spreading all over her. “I accused her of being selfish, she was going to San Diego and not following me to New York.” Her hands are trembling and she’s quietly sobbing, “To top it all, she caught me kissing with another girl… that was the beginning of the end.” After those words, she just cries, as if the tears were the thing she needed to mend her shattered heart.

I’ve never been the one with the judgemental thoughts, but knowing that she cheated on Brianna just make me want to hit her. Her remorse and guilt are clear and now I get to understand why she was barefoot in the middle of the night outside Brianna’s house.

Going back to the moment when she kissed us, the only thing making sense for me is, that both of us are utterly and hopelessly in love with Brianna. This is a fucking hell of a mess.

Once in a lifetime you’ll find someone heaven send for you

For a lifetime you’ll feel there’s a reason to believe