#cradle2thegrave

you took a deep breath in and out, turning to gunwoo’s side of the bed only to find it empty. the room was dark and quiet, almost too quiet.

a red light lit up in your head. anxiety rising in an instant, for weeks you and the rest haven’t felt safe anywhere, even in the hotel rooms provided to you by his dear friend, minbeom.

you jerked out of bed as soon as you noticed the time on the alarm clock – two in the morning. gunwoo should be asleep at this hour considering his healthy lifestyle routine.

food, sleep, exercise – doing everything to stay in his best form, especially now with gangsters on your tail.

deep down you were praying that he only went to the bathroom or something, but once you called out his name, knocking on the bathroom door to no response, your heart started racing.

“babe? gunwoo?” your voice shook, you opened the bathroom to find it dark and empty, just like the bed.

your instincts told you to look out the window, and you weren’t going to ignore them, not when it came to the safety of your boyfriend, or his family.

you moved quick, wasting no time. pulling the definitely expensive blackout curtains out of the way, at first you got a scare, seeing someone standing outside on the balcony.

but you quickly recognised that it’s just gunwoo. you let out a sigh of relief, but the feeling doesn’t stay long with you as you noticed him surrounded by the smoke he exhaled.

you caught your boyfriend gunwoo smoking cigarettes? something he always avoided with a ten foot pole? what was going on here, you thought to yourself. he didn’t even want to be around woojin attempting to smoke the cigar after winning the championship.

you opened the glass balcony door to join him on the balcony, slightly startling him as he obviously didn’t expect anyone to join him, especially at this hour.

“babe, what on earth are you doing?!” you closed the door behind you and walked up to him. stepping closer to the smell of tobacco that clouded around him, and now you.

gunwoo’s first instinct was to hide the cigarette behind him like a kid, then to maybe throw it out. he looked down at the ground with shame, he knew what he was doing wasn’t good for him, he always prioritised his health.

“since when does the box champion kim gunwoo smoke?” you added, gently placing your hand on his arm, trying to get him to look you in the eye.

gunwoo sighed, “i know it’s not an excuse but… it’s just been so stressful lately..” he looked down at the cigarette between his fingers before throwing it out.

“i know it has baby, especially for you.” you spoke to him softly, you weren’t mad at him for trying to find a coping mechanism for all this stress, hell you’d probably be doing the same in his place. you were simply worried about him in general. “you always take so much responsibility for everything…”

“because it’s all my fault..” his eyes softened, you could tell he was fighting a silent battle inside his head.

“sweetie, it is not your fault.” you shook your head, you couldn’t understand how he could even blame himself for all of this, for being stalked and threatened by some dark web gangsters.

“if i just accepted the fight.. you all would’ve been safe, no need to hide my mom in a hotel, woojin wouldn’t have a big gash on his hand.. and you-” his eyes welled up with tears.

“that’s enough. just– come here.” you couldn’t help but pull him into a hug, seeing the guilt ridden expression on his face.

this poor boy needed a hug. he needed someone to pull him out of the negative thought storm that he’s been trying to fight off all by himself.

“nothing–and i mean nothing is your fault gunwoo. do you hear me?” you pulled away just a bit, making sure you are looking into his eyes. your small fists clenching around his hoodie.

“if you would’ve taken that goddamn fight i’d lose you. your mom and woojin would’ve lost you.” you explained, your own eyes welling up with tears. the thought alone broke your heart. you loved gunwoo so much. you all did.

“so don’t you dare blame yourself for this. if anyone is guilty here it’s definitely not you. it’s those bastards that hide behind their dirty money thinking they own the world.” your voice rising slightly at how angry you were with those thugs, making him think it’s his fault.

gunwoo noticed the stray tears falling down your cheeks and at that moment something snapped in him, making him pull you in for a tender kiss.

his lips were so soft against yours with a bitter taste of cigarettes and saltiness of his tears, his big hands framing your face with such gentleness as if he was afraid he’d break you by accident. his iron knuckles bruised from all the punches he gave out hours ago.

you reciprocated the kiss, spilling all your emotions into it. hoping that after tonight, after what you told him, and after this kiss, gunwoo would finally stop blaming himself for everything, and start being a little more angry with those thugs who are trying to ruin his and his family’s life.

he slowly pulled away, his face inches away from yours, tears staining his cheeks. “i’m sorry..” he gently wiped your tears away with his thumbs.

“don’t be.” you smiled weakly. “you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“it’s cold… let’s get you inside, you’ll get sick.” he whispered before giving him a soft peck and tugging him by the hem of his hoodie.

“mm.” he nodded, following you inside.

© cradle2thegrave | all rights reserved.

“when’s the last time you slept?” his voice full of concern, he pulled out a chair beside you and sat down, facing you with his hand resting on your knee. “i sleep everyday” you tried to shrug his question off, hiding the fact that you haven’t actually had proper sleep or rest in a over a week or more.

ever since archangel michael ran off possessing dean, you wanted to help sam and mary with searching for dean’s whereabouts. but you felt utterly useless because you couldn’t find shit, it was like he disappeared into thin air.

that’s where you started to over-work yourself, skip meals, sleep less or none at all due to reoccurring nightmares and insomnia that came with all the stress of wanting to prove mary that you were worthy of sam’s love, worthy enough to carry the winchester name, and most importantly to bring dean back home. he was your best friend and your boyfriends brother for gods sake, it felt like your ultimate responsibility.

sam sighed, his eyes scanning over your exhausted being. he hasn’t seen you look this tired and sleep deprived since jack ran away to find that dream walker, kaia.

he reached for your hands with his giant ones, looking at you with his signature puppy dog eyes. “sweetheart you can’t be doing this to yourself, you need to rest” his voice gentle as he spoke to you almost in a whisper. sam gently squeezed your hands.

“i’m fine sam, really, i just don’t look the best today” you faked a smile and shook your head, but he wasn’t convinced at all, even you didn’t convince yourself.

“that’s crap and you know it” sam said, his face clearly showing you that he does not believe you.

“look sam, i can’t just sit here and wait for michael to magically let dean go and come back on his own, i need to do something, i need to be useful” you explained, your voice losing it’s strength with every word. the fatigue catching up to you quicker than the speed of light.

“no y/n, what you need to do right now is get your pretty little ass to bed and get some sleep, proper sleep” sam spoke more serious now.

“but sam-” you tried to argue but he didn’t let you finish.

“i wasn’t asking darlin” sam’s more authoritative side coming out. he stood up and tugged at your hands gently, “come on, up you get”

you look up at him with a little cute glare, your lips forming a little tired pout. sam gave you a second to get up, but you tried to stand your ground and keep on working. “alright if that’s how you want it, suit yourself” he shrugged before picking you up like you weigh nothing, you let out a small yelp. sam threw you over his shoulder and started walking out the library, down the hallway.

“sam!” you couldn’t help but whine out his name, a giggle slipping past your lips. you were too weak to fight him though and he knew it, any attempt to squirm out of his grip only made him chuckle. “that’s adorable” he commented in a teasing tone. his hand holding onto the back of your thigh.

“even when you’re worn out you can’t help but be a little menace, can you?” he chuckled before kicking the bedroom door open and walking in.

sam gently tossed you onto his bed, it smelt so nice and fresh, with a hint of his cologne. the bed felt so soft and comfortable, it was like a cozy hug from sam.

“now, you’re going to take a long nap” he pulled the covers up and tucked you in. “and i will fix you something to eat and if that will mean spoon feeding you then so be it, i’m not letting you starve yourself” he added, reaching for the tv remote and putting on a movie you and sam watch together regularly. “think i didn’t notice you skipping your meals huh?”

“you need to take care of yourself more if you want to be of help, you know that right? we can’t have you walking around like the living dead” he teased but there was a truth to it. if you did truly want to help, you had to be at your best, at your 100%. not at what you currently were at.

you gave him a small nod of acknowledgment, making sam smile back at you. “that’s my girl” he caressed your head and gave you a kiss to your temple. “rest up now, for me okay?”

“i just want to be useful.. i wanna help find dean” you admitted in a quiet voice, shame creeping up behind the soft tone. sam’s brows frowning at your words. he knelt down by the bed to get to your eye level. his hand grabbing yours once again.

“hey what are you talking about? you are helping, where’d you even get the idea that you’re useless?” his eyes softening, he knew you were always hard on yourself but this? this was way past just being hard on yourself and more like becoming masochistic.

“you literally worked day and night with no breaks, trying to find dean. doesn’t sound like what a useless person would be doing” he explained, his thumb gently caressing the back of your hand.

“look i really want to find my brother too, but that can’t cost you your health, alright?” sam spoke, again with his puppy stare that always melt your heart. you nodded slowly.

“besides, you can’t put in more effort in trying to find my brother than me, makes me look like a bad brother” sam added jokingly, hoping he could make you smile.

you tried to give him a scolding glare but the smile gave you away. “you’re not a bad brother” you murmured softly. sam pushed a bit of your hair behind your ear with a soft smile. even when you looked shattered he couldn’t take his eyes off you, to him you were prettiest girl in the world, his girl.

“promise me you’ll take it easy and rest up for today” he spoke in a soft tone.

“i promise” you replied, nodding.

“atta girl” he whispered with a genuine soft smile, his hand petting your head for the last time before he got up. “if you need anything give me a shout or a call even, alright pretty girl?”

you smiled shyly, “okay”

sam nodded and left the room, the tv quietly playing in the background as you closed your eyes, trying to get the sleep you promised your boyfriend you’ll get.

© cradle2thegrave | all rights reserved.

“gunwoo…” you tried to muster up the courage to look him in the eyes, his beautiful innocent eyes. he didn’t deserve what was about to happen. he was always so good to you. yet here you were, away to break his poor soft heart.

you took a deep breath in before finally looking him in the eyes and speaking up, “this isn’t gonna work..”

his confused expression deepened at your statement, not being entirely sure what you were meaning, “what are you talking about?” he titled his head.

“we need to break up..” your voice went quiet, you were unable to keep the sadness down and boxed up inside you.

gunwoo’s eyes widened in shock, this was the last thing he’d expected to hear from you, especially when things seemed to be going so well between you two. “w-what? why? did i do something wrong?” his mind instantly going to everything he’d ever said to you or done, trying to figure out what pushed you to this decision.

gunwoo was sadly the type of person to blame himself for the smallest things and dwell on the feeling, mostly alone. you knew that too well, that’s why it broke your heart to see his mind going there this very moment.

you shook your head, tears forming in your eyes. you could physically feel your heart ripping in half and aching so badly for the kind hearted sweet boy that stood in front of you, getting soaked in the pouring rain just for you to simply dump him after all that you two have been through. good and bad.

“then.. why?” he looked at you with those puppy eyes that always melted your heart, which totally wasn’t helping you right now.

you wiped a stray tear from your cheek, “my parents don’t agree with your.. violent lifestyle.” you sniffled, you sadly weren’t lying about that, your parents pretty much despised gunwoo for putting you in even the slightest danger, as if he didn’t do everything in his power to protect you. “they say that if i don’t break up with you, they’ll disown me..”

“i’m so sorry gunwoo.. i can’t afford them cutting me out..” your voice quivering as you held in your tears, you didn’t want to completely break down in front of him.

gunwoo didn’t know what to say, he wanted to fight for you, after all he had a heart of a boxer, a fighter that never gives up.

but another part of him knew that you loved your family with everything you had, and that nothing should come between you and them.

not even him. despite how much he loved you.

he was going to let you go, as that’s what he believed would be the right thing to do. because as the saying goes, if you love someone – let them go.

his sad puppy eyes welled up with tears, throat clenching in a way it felt like barbed wire was restraining him from speaking. he couldn’t contain his sadness, he was always an open book when it came to you, always felt safe enough to let himself be vulnerable.

but he somewhat agreed with your parents, he did put you in harms way multiple times whilst dating you, whether it was intentional or not, you did get hurt and he will never forgive himself for that, so maybe it was better that way.

he simply nodded, looking down at the ground. vision blurry from the tears. “i understand.” gunwoo’s voice raspy and quiet.

“i wish there was another way gunwoo, but i-” you shook your head, feeling so guilty, you couldn’t stand hurting him like this. your first instinct was to over-explain yourself.

“it’s okay.. you don’t have to-” he wiped his tears with his sleeve, “-you don’t have to explain. family comes first.”

“y/n, dad says to hurry it up.” you heard your sister yell from the cracked open car door, your father not having the balls to tell you that himself. the black hyundai parked on the other side of the street, of course your parents would be watching over you nonstop now.

you gave her a nod before turning back to gunwoo, “if it were up to me, this wouldn’t be happening..” you met his sad gaze before you pulled him into a hug.

a tight hug that said goodbye.

“i will always love you gunwoo... please take care of yourself, woojin and ms. kim. okay?” you spoke softly, your words slightly muffled by his soaked hoodie. but he heard everything.

“mm.” he gave you a soft nod, his face buried in your soft wet hair that smelt of your fruity shampoo.

your father honked the car horn, impatient bastard.

“i love you.” gunwoo whispered into your hair before pulling away and letting you go. he noticed the tears marking your cheeks, this was as equally hard for you as for him.

“hey, it’s okay.” he wiped your tears with his thumbs. “everything will be okay. i promise.” he tried to assure you, forcing a weak smile despite the tears forming in his eyes.

you sniffled, nodding your head softly.

“come on now, they’re waiting for you.” gunwoo tilted his head to your family’s car. he didn’t want them more mad than they already were.

you stepped off the curb, letting go of his hand, for the last time.

running to the other side of the road where the car was parked and got inside it – leaving him under that damn cherry blossom tree in the heavy spring rain, with a broken heart and tears staining his cheeks.

© cradle2thegrave | all rights reserved.