#crack!ship

A positive opinion: they are all very cute. Maybe my favorite is EdricxShireen.

THIS IS WHY IT STARTED AS A CRACK SHIP!!!

I was thinking about how Garrett would try to remove himself from the Free Marches and go to a place where no one would expect him to be and I landed in Ferelden (cuz who would want to return to that dump, right?). Looking at the map, I noticed South Reach and my brain filled in the rest. Cuz honestly, Rosalie probably also has that Rutherford stubbornness AND spark and like... she’s probably cute, too. Also, you think Cullen would shit himself? Picture Garrett’s face once he realizes that he’s crushing on Cullen’s little sister. It’d look like this:

Welcome to the not-so crack!fic of Charlie & Matteo - the epic, enemies-to-lovers romance of SS Titanic that no one asked for!

Backstory: I made a joke about how Charlie/Matteo would make a great enemies-to-lovers pairing somewhere on Storyscape’s reddit, and now the joke’s on me coz I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

So lo and behold, here is my first fanfic on the most unlikely, but awesome pairing that never existed.

I initially set out to write this as a crack!fic but my brain had other ideas, dammit.

I also love these boys. I don’t care if they aren’t my OTP - this was so much fun to write!

P.S: Apologies for the title. I liked it too much to find a more appropriate one! Also apologies in advance for the formatting and style of the piece. I didn’t have this edited by someone else - this is literally a brain dump.

PSS: Don't write fanfiction when you're half asleep, folks!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. NOTHING! This is a just a bit of fun!

Undeniably Stoked

Genre: Drama/Romance

Pairing: Charlie/Matteo

TW: Character death, Unsinkable sinking ships, misleading happy title is misleading

[Charlie]

I saw you.

Through the lift gate. Towering above her in a descending lift, suit sharply cut, and a smirk as slick as your hair. You were her blackmailer’s valet, her prison warden. You were not to be trusted. But around you, you carried a curious air - a stately presence that you were to be seen and heard. It was clear as day you wanted more, to be known as more.

I quietly marvelled at how quickly you saw me as a threat, at the walls that went up, the cruel humour a mask you hid behind to assert your dominance that I barely registered the insult. Bland? Was that what you were worried about becoming? Invisible?

But what startled me the most, was your desire to get a rise out of me. A sly quip, haughty bright eyes, drawn shoulders and a raised eyebrow. Little did I know that this would later characterise our subsequent exchanges. You sought me out, you always did. Looking, seeking my reaction.

The boy that hid behind his suit. The boy who wanted to belong.

You don’t need a day to get a measure of someone. Sometimes it only takes an hour. Or a moment.

And in that moment I did.

I saw you.

[Matteo]

I heard you.

Making promises you couldn’t keep. Bold in your false confidence and naivety. I know your lot. Promising the world. Promising things will be okay if you worked hard enough. Tried hard enough. The ridiculous notion that a good heart, good work and self-belief will prevail against all odds.

What a childish, dangerous fallacy. And what a childish, dangerous thing to do - to raise her hopes up.

I was like you once. Briefly, before reality set me right. The real world does not work that way. I learned that a long time ago. Good hearts and hard work do not always prevail. Sometimes, life is just unfair and you need to do what you can to survive.

I look at this woman. I know her background, her gumption, her aspirations. But more importantly, I know her chances. And I know what she has to lose.

There is a reason why you believe you can thrive. You still trust the world. The world hasn’t let you down yet.

And I seethe. Your words, your false promises echo long after I leave her side.

‘…Trust me…I won’t let you down…’

I heard you.

[Charlie]

I heard you.

Your complexion, red. Your eyes, skirting. Your hands below the table, cards held in loosely fidgeting hands. You watch the scene unfold between your master and her, quietly. Lump in throat.

Your betrayal was loud and clear.

Only one other person knew about the circumstances and could have told their master.

And I was looking at him.

My blood begins to boil as I see this woman’s life fall apart, her eyes darting between her blackmailer and sister. How could we have gotten it so wrong? Was the prison warden a willing executioner in disguise?

Your eyes connect with mine, and I do not look away. The man clamouring for clout and status is gone. I see a shamefaced boy, and I pause.

This act did not give you pleasure. No smirk in sight, no air of arrogance. I see you, deflated, head hung low, back bent.

Suddenly, I am no longer concerned about what you did, but what it cost you.

And all I hear is silence.

[Matteo]

I see you.

I see what she sees in you. Your steadfast support, unquestionable loyalty in the face of temptation. Your fire. An unnamed emotion grips my chest as I watch how easily you sacrificed your livelihood for your principles.

Foolish boy. I squirm in my seat.

Can’t you see you can’t win?

When he finally leaves, I look at the three of them, and I try. Try to tell them what I know is true. That you can’t win, you have to adapt and survive.

That I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.

My master is the devil, and he owns my soul. But if they were wise, if they listened….

You came toe-to-toe at me, your white uniform reflecting the afternoon sunlight, golden buttons glistening brightly. I watched the fire in your eyes, ablaze with disappointment. You did not back down. The unnamed emotion comes by again, this time striking me in the throat. I belatedly recognise that that emotion is admiration.

I take in the scene before I leave, the door held ajar. I see the unvoiced question in your eyes.

‘What did it cost you?’

A rising tide of emotion overwhelms me. I move my hand, finally letting the door close between us.

[Charlie]

I hear you before I see you.

Your gait and polished, leather shoes always had a certain staccato rhythm that I’ve come to associate with you.

Clack, clack, clack. And a pause.

You’ve finally seen me.

[Matteo]

I see you before I hear you.

The first thing my eyes are drawn to are the gold buttons on your uniform. They don’t shine as brightly as they did against the white.

I feel a plummeting sensation in my stomach, and I hadn’t even set a step beyond the lift gate.

Your face betrays no surprise by my presence, and with the ways things ended between us last time, I would have expected a colder reception.

You meet my gaze with a short nod, and ask me for my floor.

Not a flicker of emotion. You are a fortress.

I look away as you close the gates. My emotions turbulent and roiling as the sea in a storm.

The lift starts to descend.

“For what it’s worth, you have my sincerest apology.”

I watch your face. For a moment, I am worried you hadn’t heard me, but the thought flies out of my head when your eyes meet mine.

“Why did you do it?”

I shake my head. My heart is in my throat.

“I had to.”

“Did he force you to? What kind of hold…”

“No, Charlie…”. You startle at my use of your first name.

“I mean…”. I sigh.

“Just my livelihood.”

The words hang awkwardly in the air. The painful irony of sharing my potential loss of livelihood to a man who has sacrificed his so willingly isn’t lost on me.

Suddenly, it was getting harder to swallow and breathe.

“Hey, I get it”.

I look at you. Gone is the inscrutable expression on your face. Instead, I see your kind eyes. Your earnest expression.

If anything, it made it harder to swallow and breathe properly. I look away.

“I heard you the last time you know. About not just being a Londoner, a Brit.”

Your voice is low and soft. I take a chance and look at you. You refuse to look away.

“I get that my life is not the same as yours. I’ve had better and worse jobs. I’ll be fine.”

Your voice drops. I find myself staring at your gold buttons, waiting for your next words.

“But your world is different. You’re treated differently. We’re not the same.”

You pause, a sad smile pulling at the corners of your lips.

“No one can blame you for needing to survive.”

“For what it’s worth…” you smile as you throw my words back at me, “I don’t”.

“That is why I have to fight, even if no one asked me to take up arms. Everyone deserves to survive.”

I jolt at your words.

“I shouldn’t have said that. You’ve gone above and beyond your duty. Adele is fortunate to have you in her corner.”

The words come tumbling out, unbidden and loose. Your eyes widen at my heartfelt address. I mentally scold myself for my casual delivery but before I can act, your eyes crinkle and lips curve into a beam.

“I’d do it for anyone. Everyone needs someone in their corner.”

The lift comes to a halt but I’ve barely registered we stopped moving. By the time I realise what is happening, I clock your kind smile and eyes. But I can’t breathe properly. My throat is working overtime. What is worse, my eyes are wet and my vision begins to blur.

Without saying a word, you close the lift gates back and we make our ascent to the top floor. You take a step closer to me. I feel your warmth, your steady breaths and calmness. I don’t know how long we stand in companionable silence, but I know one thing.

You’ve finally seen me.

[Charlie]

An unspoken truce and friendship emerges.

I see you several times later that day, my eyes looking to find you on every floor I’ve dropped you off.

And while I haven’t seen the lonely boy behind the suit ever since that morning, I’ve seen glimpses of the man you’ve hidden away. Nods turn into warm smiles. A preference for standing behind me no matter how crowded or empty the lift is. A glance at me behind you whenever you disembark.

Unknowingly, you take up more space in my thoughts as the day goes by. I start to question my newfound fascination with the boy who wore his suit for an armour. Something has changed. Something has cracked and allowed warmth and light to shine through.

The answer comes quickly enough.

The boy has found a place he belongs.

[Matteo]

The party is in full swing. Ladies and gents decked in their finest silks, lace and jewellery have come to celebrate the birthday event, and were dressed to the nines.

Once upon a time I would have revelled in being amongst such company; mingling, and holding many a vacuous conversation about gambling or other various forms of entertainment that was popular with their like.

Now I can’t help but feel it a tedious undertaking.

Tonight is the night, and I am filled with restless energy. I look for James and Adele in the crowd, and nod in their direction when they make eye contact. Out of the corner of my eye, I spot a familiar blue figure with gold buttons. I smile, watching you assist an elderly gentleman across the decks. I am not surprised, you were always one to go above and beyond.

[Charlie]

After assisting Mister Washburn to the right side of the deck, I find myself taken in by the sight of the stars.

I make my way to the railing and stare at the heavens. Looking into the night sky reminds me that all my problems are smaller than they seem. I take a deep breath. I hear a faint but familiar staccato rhythm as the smell of your spicy pomade hits my senses.

“What’s wrong? Didn’t enjoy the party, Matteo?”

You smile at my use of your first name.

“Preferred this party instead.”

I nod. You join me at the railing, hands splayed on either side. A finger taps rhythmically as you stare into the vast darkness. I note that you’re restless, like myself.

“You reckon she’ll be alright?” I let slip.

Your eyes find me in the semi darkness. A pause, and then a handsome smile erupts.

“Either way, we’ll fight. And we’ll take up arms.”

I bark out a laugh. Your smile reaches your eyes. At the same moment, we look at our hands. Our finger tips are a few inches apart.

I’m swept by the sudden urge to grab your hand. And so I do.

“We’ll fight, we’ll take up arms, and we’ll survive.”

[Matteo]

“We’ll fight, we’ll take up arms, and we’ll survive.”

I can’t stop staring at our joined hands. I can scarcely believe it. I can hear my heart pounding fiercely, my face is warm and my ears are filled with white noise.

I blink rapidly as I look at you. A flush spreads across your pale face, but your eyes flash with determination. I feel my hand being squeezed tighter.

“Our relationship has been rather - well - complicated, shall we say?” I start.

“At the very least.” You smile to yourself.

“How do you look back on our exchanges, Charlie?”

You purse your lips. I am unable to look away.

“We haven’t exactly made each other’s lives easier, have we?” a grin blossoms.

I look into your eyes, taking in your long lashes.

“In a short space of time, you have mine.”

I grip your hand back in emphasis.

“I pride myself on my judgement, but it failed me entirely when I met you. I didn’t see you or hear you. I had no idea. I must have been a fool not to see it at once.”

I step closer to you.

“You are utterly extraordinary”.

I look at past you at the horizon, not daring to look at your face as I complete my thoughts.

“I am a cynic, but I hope…must hope, that your feelings are returned.”

I take your hand and raise it to my lips.

“I need to know, if your feelings are the same?”

I finally dare to meet your eyes, and am surprised to see the intensity of your gaze. Before I know what to make of it, I feel your warm palm cup the back of my head and pull me towards your face.

Your lips are soft and pillowy as I knew they would be, and soon I melt into your broad, warm embrace.

[Charlie]

We break apart and try to catch our breaths, as they float away as puffy clouds in the frigid night air.

You straighten up and shoot me a gentle, shy smile.

“Foolish boy”, I say in jest as you give me a surprised smile.

“I think I fell for you the moment I saw you at the gate.”

We stand there smiling at each other like goofballs until we hear the whistles from the crew pierce the night air.

Suddenly, an iceberg emerges on the horizon and in horror we brace for impact.

My heart thuds heavily into the pit of my stomach. I look at you somberly. I can see worry cloud your face.

“Do you think…”, you drift off, unable to finish the sentence.

“I need to be sure.” I say simply.

You nod, unable to hide your concern. You hold both of my hands against your chest.

Swallowing hard, you hold my gaze. I can practically see the thoughts whizzing through your brain. The words are caught in your throat.

“It’s okay. I’ll be back” I smile as assuredly as I can.

You say only one word.

“Hurry”.

[Matteo]

We are in the belly of the beast.

After you left, I dove straight back into the party and found Adele. You found us, and Hileni, and now we are in the unenviable position of arming ourselves for a fighting chance of survival.

I watch you as you plot and plan, helping us find a path that would guarantee our lives. I am quiet, filled with that familiar emotion of admiration. Instead of doom and gloom, I found that there was no other place I’d rather be than right here with this motley crew.

I belonged right here in the thick of it, by your side.

As if hearing my thoughts, you turn around and smile at me as the girls climb past their way into the engine room.

“How are you doing?” you ask.

“Never better”. I make a quick grab of your hand and squeeze it tightly.

Suddenly cries erupt from a boiler room adjacent to ours. Trimmers rush in, with harried cries to close the door behind them.

With a quick squeeze in apology, you release my hand to head down to those men.

The worse case scenario emerges. Our path ahead has fallen.

[Charlie]

I look back at the three shiny faces that depend on me, and take a breath.

Time is ticking away, the ship is about to sink, and I have to help us escape. As I start going through my options, I can’t help but take in the sights and sounds of the trimmers at work. I look at the Carrems and you, lit aglow by the dancing firelight. My decision has been made.

I beckon you to come with me while I leave the sisters in the boiler room.

We walk into the cavernous air vent and into the spot of moonlight, its rays casting shadows across your solemn face. As I walk you through the plan ahead, I feel you withdrawing away from me.

I pause. You raise an eyebrow.

“What’s wrong?” I ask.

You snort inelegantly.

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

I halt.

“Don’t even think about it, you’re coming with us”.

“Please understand. My whole career started here in the boiler room. These are my people. I have to stay.”

“YOU’RE WRONG!”. I’m taken aback by the ferocity of your statement. You grab my face none too gently, forcing me to look at you in the eye.

“You are my people. We -“. Your voice breaks, tears tracking down your face. You close your eyes in anguish. My heart dies a little.

“Adele, Hileni and I are your people.”

You grab me by the shoulders and hold me close.

“Stay with me.”

I look at the man in front of me, and I know he will be okay. He has found his people, and learned to open his heart. Gone is the boy who used his suit as an armour against the world. He has finally learnt how to belong and love.

“You will be alright, Matteo - ”

You look up at me with a flash of anger.

“Your stupid, stupid promises. Stop making promises you can’t keep.”

I can’t prevent the chasm, the wound or the world of hurt on your face. But I can’t afford to lose my resolve, and pray for strength.

“Please listen -“ I cut you off before you can interrupt. “I cannot walk away. That is not who I am.”

This stills you. You give a pained laugh, shake your head and finally look at me; an upturned corner of your lip through the tears.

“You were always one to go above and beyond, you foolish boy.”

The words don’t sting. But your tortured face? I couldn’t decide which was more devastating, your anguish or your reluctant resignation. 

My face is wet. I give a watery smile back.

“Fight. Survive. And, from time to time, spare an occasional thought for a poor English boy who loved ships. Do that, and I’ll be happy.”

I hold your hand and put it over my heart.

“And stay with your people. They need you.”

[Matteo]

I walk back like a zombie, in a haze of defeat and grief.

All the whilst holding your hand.

Upon seeing our return, the sisters gather around us, Adele being the first to notice our clasped hands.

“What is going on?”

I take a deep breath and look into my beloved’s face. You warily look into my face, assessing my state.

At that moment, I decide to show you I can and will fight for our survival. That you can have this peace of mind.

As calm and removed as I can, I explain to the Carrems that they are to follow me. You graciously take the burden of explaining that you will stay. I know I couldn’t bear it.

The sisters predictably break down in tears. I am a hair’s breadth away from giving in myself, when I feel your hand squeeze mine. Through the hugs and the tearful goodbyes, your eyes are never far from mine.

The floor tilts, we exchange looks.

I take charge, and move the girls along.

As they head towards the vent, I make my way to you as you shrug off your coat.

Instead of urging me to go back, you raise your arms wide open and welcome me in a tight embrace. I grab your face in a kiss full of desperation, hoping it will convey everything you mean to me.

Too soon we break apart. And you say only one word.

“Survive”.

[Matteo]

I look in horror at the ship as it tilts towards the heavens, my heart breaking as I start to see the lights flicker out.

I came onboard this ship wanting to survive and make it in cruel world; hoping to make myself undeniable in reputation, worth, and status in the eyes of those who mattered.

In the end, none of it mattered.

Rich or poor, famous or unknown, it does not matter who you are, or what you own. We all die the same.

A much needed lesson I had to learn from you.

Because it isn’t the personal effects, the wealth, or my social standing I find myself caring about.

It is you.

My beloved, who I know does not have long left.

I watch as the last of the lights flicker out and my stomach bottoms out. Adele clutches my hand tightly. A fresh wave of despair grips my heart.

My beloved, a foolish boy who in a few short moments taught me how to love.

To thrive. To still trust the world. That the world hasn’t let you down yet.

It amazes me at just how quickly you came into my life and changed it.

Because you don’t need a day to make a difference to someone. Sometimes it only takes an hour. Or a moment.

I see and I hear the ship sinking below the waves, taking my beloved from me. But not completely. I silently brand our memories and love into my consciousness - an oath to remember and honour the boy who loved his ships, loved his people, and saw what I truly needed. To belong.

A/N: Sooooo.... things took a pretty melodramatic twist, and all the crack-y, silly humour left the window the more I got into it. Sorry!

Also, my brain did a weird thing with the tenses. Went for a style while I was writing it but now I'm second guessing myself. Either way, I'm always down for some con-crit! Send some my way if its not working for you! I swear I wrote and finished this 7 hours past my bedtime (fanfic>sleep, amirite?), coz this damn plot bunny wouldn't leave me be. Here's hoping it entertained some of you!

Star Wars Adventures comic #14 made me ship kall88 and now it's become my new favourite crack ship. I dont make the rules, they fucked, and I'm not sorry for saying it.

It's basically canon that Agent Kallus is into non-humans, what with kalluzeb, and if not canon then its fanon. IG-88 is a robot bounty hunter with no emotions, but Kallus is obviously attracted to him. My headcanon is that before their mission to capture Han Solo, Iggy let Kallus fuck him for the sole reason that if Kallus didnt get the sexual release he needed, he would be less focused on said mission and therefore a hindrance and their odds of success jeopardize.

Alexsandr Kallus and IG-88 had a one night stand; if Lando Calrissian can fuck droids then so can Agent Muttonchops.