Covalence [Ch. 1]
University AU
TW/CW: Language, Mentions of a Previous Toxic Relationship (Lack of Trust),
Pairing: Qian Kun x Reader
Genre: Fluff, Angst
(Y/N) Pronouns: She/Her
Word Count: 5K
(Part 1/4) [Next]
[NCT Masterlist] | [Covalence Masterlist] | [Full Fic Version]
Notes:Â This fic has been here for a while but I've decided to break this up into chapters since I had a couple of people say they prefer it as opposed to a full fic for pacing reasons, but just for y'all I'll include the link to the full fic! I hope you all enjoy! That and I also want to get some traction on the blog again hehe
Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in or condone these actions. I would never wish any of these actions to occur to the Idol(s) mentioned in the writings of these stories, nor do I wish any harm on them.
0. Covalence
Covalence: (n) Relating to or denoting chemical bonds formed by the sharing of electrons between atoms. Often contrasted with ionic.
I. StrangersÂ
Wake up, get ready, eat breakfast, go to school, sit in class, eat lunch, sit in class, study, go home, study some more, eat dinner, go to bed, and repeat.
Life is a routine for you, always the same, and rarely ever different. And thereâs nothing wrong with that, itâs better this way. You enjoyed the stability and you found peace in the order. It kept your mind sharp and focused, it minimized distractions, and it helped you create a steady plan for success. Of course, you always made time for your friends, you needed a natural release every now and then or else youâd go insane under the pressure, and what better way to do it than with people you loved and cared about?
Your phone buzzed menacingly on your counter, you flipped it over and, of course, it was none other than your good-for-nothing ex. You silenced the call and sighed, you didnât have the heart to block his toxic ass, but at the same time, he was really starting to drain you. The relationshipâs been over for months now, youâve gotten over it, so should he. If he âlovedâ you so much he wouldnât have tried to constantly get into your privacy. You could never forgive him for reading through all of your texts and going through your history without your consent, he was the lowest of the low.
Your life has always had its ups and downs, which was natural. Itâs natural to have your highs and lows in life, and you would go as far as to argue that without them you were never really living at all. These points defined you, much like the cardiogram of the heart, these points are you. They determine if youâre healthy, they determine if youâre sickly, and they determine when and if you need help. They are as necessary as the air you breathe, and thatâs just how life works. If youâve learned one life skill from University, itâs that you have to accept these as you and use them as stepping stones to move forward.
But you felt like your life was a broken record. Repeating the same things over and over again for weeks. You walk to your classes mechanically now, your body moves on its own. It walks a path that you had downloaded into your mind like the mindless drone University had turned you into. Itâs ironic, for an institution that emphasized creativity, it did well to mold you into the same box that everyone else was in. You sit in class and you absorb information, you could care less about the faces around you unless you were in a group project with them. In the end, youâre all just students working for the same goal, competitive or not. Theyâre all, at most, strangers. And you had no will to get to know them. You didnât have the time or the energy to, and that was just a fact amongst many. Every now and then youâd see a pretty or handsome face, or maybe your ears would pick up on some intelligent conversation that youâd want to place your input on, but youâd never be that shallow. Youâd never say you were as simple as to speak to someone on their looks alone, that never got you anywhere, after all. Pretty faces are just that most of the time. Something to gawk at, something to envy, and something that is, in the end, superficial.
But you were the one to talk, werenât you? Your apartment was rather plain compared to others. You had a tendency to not condone blatant superficialness, even though you yourself often fell victim to it. First impressions are important, after all, something you had become horribly aware of. And if ever you were insane enough to invite someone over, what would their thought be at your rather uninspired layout? You had bought a majority of the items second hand and within reason in order to save money, and you usually kept the curtains drawn so that they wouldnât fade out the fabric more than they already have. You kept things simple, not minimalistic, just simple. Keeping the bare minimum to stay afloat. Hell, you just had a futon, coffee maker, and desk when you first moved in and now you had a tad bit more. Some would call it frugal, but you just called it simple.
You turned on the stove and heated up the kettle, pulling out the instant coffee from the cupboard and putting two slices of bread in the toaster. You opened your fridge and sighed, out of everything, as usual. You turned the stove off and made yourself a cup of coffee, pulling out the slices of toast and eating them just like that. A tasteless breakfast for a tasteless atmosphere, fitting, almost. Sometimes you felt like laughing to yourself at your situation, anyone looking from the outside would only pity you. Working only a minimum wage job would only get you so much, after all.
After finishing your breakfast, you finished your morning routine, barely bothering to put on much makeup, if any at all, before properly changing into an outfit for the day. You took your backpack from the side of the bed, then you grabbed your lanyard and hung it around your neck before stepping out to the chilly morning air.
You locked your apartment first thing, being sure that it actually was locked, this time. You couldnât have a repeat of your ex waiting inside again, you donât think youâd be able to be as civilized again if he were to try for a second time. You were lucky that your neighbors called the cops and escorted the bastard out, but youâll never know. Why he was so insistent on butting back into your life, you really didnât want to know, what you had came and went and youâre not willing to try to relive the good days. Every time you thought back to him all you could remember was the bad, small gestures you initially thought to be romantic here actually toxic, only masked with love.
You really needed to be more careful now, you were living alone this time. Your parents had long expressed their distaste with your living conditions, but you really couldnât give a damn, and after explaining your reasoning they relented, settling on the fact that you should at least let them know that you were alive every now and then. You had a few bad experiences with your dorm mates last year, and you definitely didnât want a repeat, you see. You could only hold their hairs up while they puked out all of that alcohol for so long before you lost your mind.
Maybe that was why you usually didnât go to any parties, you didnât want to end up wasted like they did. Well, to be fair, you usually didnât drink alcohol at all, it just wasnât your thing, it was rather bitter to you, and you didnât really understand why anyone would subject themselves to the migraines the next morning, but who were you to judge? You each had your own lifestyles, yours just happened to not match theirs, and you couldnât fault them for that. You just had to acknowledge that you were different, and so were they.
Mutual respect, something you always wanted, but not always something you got. Just like the case with your ex, you trusted him but he didnât trust you. You hated it.
You pulled your ringing phone out of your pocket, hoping that it wasnât your ex this time. He was racking up your phone bill, you should really put your foot down sometime soon.
âHey, whatâs up?â You held it to your ear while you unlocked your bike from its stand.
â(Y/N)! Iâm so sorry, I canât make it to chem today, mind if you take notes for me?â It was your friend, obviously. She was a commuter so she usually had some trouble making it to class, and you didnât blame her, really, you just wished that she would give you a heads up sooner. She was rather clumsy and forgetful though, two things that never went well together. You couldnât help but worry for her.
âItâs all good, donât stress! Just be careful, yeah? I donât want to hear about a car accident when I get home.â
âOh, yeah, of course! Thanks, (Y/N), I owe you a bunch! Oh! Also, grab me a chocolate latte from the store next to lecture hall! Please? Thank you!â She hangs up first, not giving you a chance to answer but you wouldâve told her yes anyway, and you hopped on your bike, heading straight to campus.
Your name was (L/N) (Y/N), and you were a full-time second-year student at your university. You had just gotten the hang of how things work, how to budget correctly, how to use your time effectively, all those necessities, and now you really felt like your life can begin. You had already gotten over the initial shock in your first year, ready to take on the world almost if you were just a bit more confident in your actions. Being on your own scared you, it really did, but you couldnât help but feel more liberated now that you had the freedom to choose. Sure, it worked against you more often than not, but you were always so satisfied when you worked through it. This is the gratifying feeling of adulthood, right? Making your own choices, reaping your own benefits, and even more.
You parked and locked your bike right next to your lecture hall, walking over to the convenience store first and foremost, since you had time and figured why not. You walked down the aisle quickly, grabbing the prepackaged latte for your friend and heading straight for the register.
âJust this?â The cashier asks.
âYup,â he rang up the latte and you pushed your card into the chip reader.
âCard Declined.â
Ah, right, you almost forgot that youâre broke.
âJust a second please,â you pulled your debit card out in a hurry and dug through your wallet for $5.
âHey! I told you that Iâd pay for it,â someoneâs voice said behind you. You turned around, seeing another student walk behind you and slide his card in for you. âItâs on me, donât worry about it, call it thanks for helping me study,â he clears his throat and slides his headphones off of his head and around his neck.
Weird, you could definitively say that youâve never seen this man in your life.
While the clerk was busy he just nodded his head and mouthed âJust go with it,â then you got the idea. Sure, you were glad that he saved you from a possibly very embarrassing moment, but at the same time you felt kind of bad for both him and yourself, you must have looked pitiful. He handed you the latte and, with a quick smile, you said thank you and walked off quickly to the lecture hall, not paying him mind. Though if you ever ran into him again, you would be certain to thank him properly.
You walked into your class without a care, taking a seat near the front and taking all of your supplies out. You twirled your Apple Pen around your hand and powered on your iPad, being ready for whatever the lecture had to offer. Quick bit of context, both products were received second hand. You saw a rather sketchy Craigâs List offer for both at a discounted price of $100 and you figured that your back had been screaming at you long enough for those overload of books youâd carry every day to classes. So you decided, fuck it, and bought it. Turns out the deal wasnât a bad one either, both products worked just fine, what a steal, am I right? A few minutes later, your professor came walking in, coffee in hand and notes in the other. She prepared the projector system wordlessly and soon the presentation showed up.
âI swear, I feel like I see less of you all every day,â she laughed, and the lecture room echoed with tired snickers. âDonât worry, just about eight more weeks of these hell morning lectures and youâll all be starting winter quarter! How exciting,â your professor forces a smile on her face. You appreciated her enthusiasm, really. She tried to keep everyone awake in her lectures, but sometimes it just wasnât enough.
âToday weâre going off of last lecture and going back to our roots. Carbon and hydrogen bonding. You shouldâve started these in your first year, so I hope you all saved your notes. Letâs begin,â she changes slides and you start writing.
Organic Chemistry, who the hell needs this anyway? Well, you do. Of course you do. Time to quit complaining and get writing. The content was a bit dense, but you were sure that youâd get it eventually, youâd probably end up just reading the textbook, if anything. Speaking of, youâd probably have to update your studying style, itâs always good to improve on things when you can. You put your pen down and flexed your hand, shaking the stinging pain off, and you picked it up again and resumed your notes. You could make them look prettier later, after all.
You looked up at the slides again, being sure to write down everything that looked rather important to you and highlighting what stood out, it sucked that the professor didnât upload her slides ahead of time, but oh well, what could you do? You just had to work harder. But at this rate, you were afraid that youâd burn out, and you honestly were trying your best to avoid that since it was exactly that problem that happened in your first year. Youâre better now, you know what to do and what to avoid. Sure, youâre not perfect, but then again, no one is. Itâs all apart of being human.
Human huh? You hated what mornings did to you, making you think more about the nuances of life when you should be focusing on what the fuck stereochemistry was and how you were supposed to apply it to bonding organic molecules. Not to mention all this thinking was a horrible waste of time, if you zoned out for too long you could miss important parts of the lecture. You squeezed your cheek gently, pulling yourself out of your thoughts, and focusing back in on the PowerPoint, making sure your notes were at the very least legible as you wrote.
âAnd thatâs time, thank you all for coming to lecture, and thank you all for filling out the Google Form, you will all be rewarded soon for your tenacity,â your professor says. She shuts down the slides and you pack your things. You still had a discussion class that day for Advanced Calculus, so unfortunately you werenât homebound yet. You slid out of the narrow rows of chairs, taking care not to bump into anyone, and threw both of your earbuds in while you put your playlist on shuffle. You made a straight beeline for the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf at your school, already submitting an order through the app because you just werenât in the mood for social interaction that day. Then again, when were you?
By the time you reached the coffee shop your phone pinged, stating that your order was ready. You picked up the regular-sized beverage and looked around the cafe. Full, as always. You sighed softly and looked around, hoping that there was someone who would be kind enough to let you share tables with them. Strange fact that you didnât know until last year, it was totally socially acceptable to ask a random student if you could sit across from them, as long as you followed the unspoken of rule to not engage in conversation unless absolutely necessary. You walked up to the closest one to you and waved your hand slightly. The man sitting at it looked up at you and pushed his headphones down onto his neck.
Oh, you couldâve sworn youâve seen this guy before, right? You shook your head, he wasnât ringing any bells.
âHi, Iâm sorry, do you mind if I sit here?â You pulled your own earbuds out so you could hear him. You had to admit, he was rather attractive. But again, youâd never be so shallow. He probably didnât have a care in the world to direct towards a random person who asked if he could sit with him. You wouldnât, why would he? Thatâs just how things worked. You ask for permission to invade a small bit of personal space and if the other person said yes then you do your work, after that whoever finished first left first. Maybe if you stayed longer than him you could take that outlet underneath him that he wasnât using. You were too hesitant to ask him to use it now, it was rather awkward, and no matter which situation you thought of, it only ended up not playing in your favor.
âOh, yeah go ahead,â he nods. He pushes up his round-framed glasses and moves his laptop out of the way while you sit across from him. You pulled your iPad out and selected the pages of your notes that your friend needed, sending them to her as soon as you had converted them into a .pdf file. You hadnât heard from her since her phone call, and you were slightly worried that she wasnât on campus yet, usually sheâd text you and say that sheâs on her way to class. Maybe she forgot today, youâd see her in discussion anyway. But what would you do if she wasnât there? You couldnât call her in case she was still stuck in traffic, you didnât want her to get in an accident. Youâd might as well just wait. You tried your best to ignore how the man in front of you was staring at your iPad.
âSorry, can I help you?â Your impatience got the better of you. You hated it when people did stuff like this, you wanted to tell them to mind their own business, but you knew better than that.
âOh, um, sorry, I didnât mean to stare,â a light pink dusts his cheeks and he smiles awkwardly. You had to fight the urge to ask âSo why did you?â but you had to be polite. âAre you in Professor Nguyenâs class?â
âO-Chem?â
âYeah, 8 a.m. class? Monday, Wednesday, and Friday?â
âYes, sir,â you answered.
âI hate to ask this, but could you airdrop me those notes? I couldnât follow the lecture at all,â he offers you a small smile and you nod your head. So thatâs where you recognized him from, you were never particularly observant in your classes when it came to your classmates, especially in the particularly earlier classes.
âYeah, of course! Iâm sorry, they look kind of messy right now,â you admitted. He turned his laptop around.
âIt canât be as bad as this.â
âOh god,â you were slightly shocked. âIs that shorthand?â
âYeah, I made my own system because of how fast Dr. Nguyen talks, not to mention that she doesnât let us record lectures,â he rolls his eyes.
âThatâs actually really smart,â you gasped. âHold on a sec, lemme send you these notes,â you duplicated the notes into a separate PDF and opened your airdrop.
âUh, yeah, thanks again.â
âNo problem,â you scrolled through the people. âSorry, dumb question, I actually shouldâve asked this earlier. Whatâs the name of your device?â
âRight, right, I shouldâve mentioned that, huh?â He scrambled to go through his own laptop to check the name. âSorry, my friends change the name every now and then to annoy me, they used to do it when we were roommates and itâs just become a running gag.â
âOh, do I understand that, thatâs why I opted to live alone this quarter,â you groaned. âI love roommates, I just happened to have really bad ones before.â
âOh no, you didnât request a transfer?â
âI did. Multiple times.â
âThis university canât do their damn job,â he shakes his head. âOh, sorry, itâs listed under Kunâs Laptop. Thank god they didnât change it this time.â
âKunâs LaptopâŚâ you repeated, scrolling through the many recipients. âGot it. Tell me if it sends.â
â(Y/N)âs iPad?â
âYup.â
âThanks, I got it,â he smiles.
âSo, Iâm guessing that youâre Kun then?â
âYeah, and youâre (Y/N).â
âThatâs right, Iâm a second year here, biochem major.â
âCool, Iâm a third year, neuroscience major.â
âThird year?â You asked him. You had to admit, he looked older than most third years you knew.
âOh, yeah. I look a bit older than the others, huh?â It wasnât that noticeable actually, maybe it was just the air he had about himself. He was much more mature. You hoped that you didnât seem rude, maybe you exaggerated a little. Like you said, it wasnât even all that noticeable. The fact that he brought it up must mean that itâs an insecurity of his, so you couldnât help but feel a little guilty. âI took a year break from classes to travel around, make some money, live a little, you know? Then things came up, and one year became longer than I intended. But, Iâm back here, finishing things up⌠Iâll admit, maybe I took too long.â
âWhat? Donât say that,â you said it faster than you had originally meant to. You really just wanted to make up for your initial rudeness, but the more you thought about it, the more you realized that there actually was nothing wrong with it. You kind of wished that you took that route instead. Youâve always wanted to travel around more, gather a bigger understanding of the world and its beautiful array of different cultures, it would do well for your overall understanding, you thought. Plus, there was a certain charm to traveling the world without restraints, wandering the streets of some country you didnât know well, getting lost in their cities, or even learning the language naturally. âItâs never too late to start. And maybe I shouldâve taken a break too. I just went straight after graduating from high school. I have a small regret about not enjoying my freedom more, so I envy you a little.â
âIs that so?â He flashes a smile. âI donât think itâs my place to say this, but I never thought it was worthwhile to live with regrets.â
âOh yeah?â A life without regrets? Easier said than done, you thought to yourself. Youâve done a plethora of things that youâve regretted, but you guessed that he had a point. There really was no point in dwelling in the past, what matters most is that you take accountability for it, acknowledge that you did it in the past, apologize if necessary, and made up for it in the present. But, you had to admit that it was a rather interesting way of living, ideal at the most. You couldnât fault him for thinking in such a way, part of you wanted to live like that too, but you were much too stubborn.
âMmhmm, make the most of what youâre doing now. And if you missed an opportunity, you missed it. Itâs always best to make do with what you have in the now, and make it into something wonderful and rewarding,â he says. He takes a sip of his coffee. Maybe it was your tired brain, but you really did find him attractive, more so now. He certainly wasnât handsome in the traditional sense, but the way he spoke was somewhat eloquent to you. Like you mentioned earlier, you tended to find a favor in people like him. You secretly hoped that youâd run into him more often, he seemed like he had a lot to say on certain topics and you couldnât help but be curious. âOr maybe Iâm just being strange from lack of sleep and the near overdose of caffeine,â he finished with a light tone, probably figuring that it was too early for anything too philosophical.
âGod, do I understand that,â you laughed, âbut, no, not at all, I caught what you were throwing,â you straightened yourself a little, suddenly very aware of your slouched posture. What he said had a small effect on you, it resonated, actually. You liked that. You felt bad though. You didnât even remember his name. Which is a bad habit of yours, you forgot names so easily, you had even sent him your notes and read it off of your iPad and you still couldnât remember. It was rather embarrassing, and you knew it, as long as you avoided being stuck in a situation where youâd have to say it, you should be fine.
âSorry for getting so deep this early in the morning,â he glanced at the clock on his laptop. âI tend to get like that around this time, I tend to forget my boundaries this early.â
âOh, no, donât worry about it! Iâm the same way, thatâs why I usually donât talk much this early, Iâm afraid that Iâll go on some longwinded speech. Sorry if I seemed abrasive at first too, I swear Iâm usually really talkative if we spoke in the afternoon instead.â
âSame here, mornings are just not a very good time to meet people, usually. Youâre not your usual self yet,â he chuckles. âThatâs one thing I learned from three years of neuroscience courses, at the very least,â a small lopsided smile appeared on his face and he sighed.
âI felt that, I know Iâm supposed to be maintaining the information Iâm learning now, but goodness I canât even remember what I had for breakfast this morning,â you shook your head.
âDonât worry about that,â he chuckles. âWhat matters are your upper divisions anyway, thatâs when you learn the technical skills. General edâs just there just in case you figured that you wanted to do something else,â his voice had a hint of tiredness in it. Youâd press more, but you didnât want to overstep your boundaries with someone you had just met.
âYouâve got a point there,â you thought back on your own choice of major. It was the best choice for you considering your choice in career, which is why you stuck with it despite the multitudes of people who had already switched majors within their first year. You wouldâve too if you didnât have the motivation to continue, but instead here you were, still in biochemistry. âIf Iâm going to switch majors, this is my last year to do it.â
âThatâs true. Once youâre a third year, itâs hard to switch majors, and not to mention expensive. Some credits donât transfer over either, and you might end up having to take more classes.â
âIt would delay my graduation date,â you frowned. âRegardless, I think Iâm happy with my major. Itâs not as competitive anymore since so many people dropped out,â you admitted bashfully.
âThatâs one reason to stay,â he nods. âAnd thereâs no shame in that, either. Iâm assuming youâre a medical science emphasis if youâre talking about competition?â
âI am! Some people are so hard to get along with in this emphasis, like weâre all working for the same goal, we should be supporting each other, right?â
âI agree! I can say the same about neuroscience majors. Iâll never understand why everyoneâs so willing to shove people out of the boundaries of the race. Weâre all working towards the same goal in the end, we should be supportive of each other,â he stops himself before he continues. âSorry again, Iâm a bit passionate on the subject. Iâve always tried to help my classmates whenever I can, but many other classmates of mine think oppositely and I just canât understand why,â he shakes his head.
âMm, I understand that, donât worry. Itâs free to be a decent person, I donât get the rush people are in. Plus, everyone learns differently, it doesnât hurt to lend a helping hand here and there,â you continued. You were just thinking about how much you admired his âLife Without Regretsâ philosophy, but you were really starting to regret the fact that you probably wouldnât see him again after this conversation in this cafe. Maybe youâd see him in O-Chem every now and then, considering that you both have the same lecture time, but you doubted that youâd ever have a chance to have a full interaction with him again.
âHey, let me pay you back for the notes,â he offers, eyeing your coffee next to your device. And an opportunity presents itself to you, as if some omnipotent being was listening to your thoughts and decided âwhy not?â But your consciousness got the better of you.
âNo, itâs alright, weâre both struggling through the lectures, so itâs fine! Iâm just happy to help out a classmate,â You waved your hands in front of you. You had a slight fear that it would leave you indebted to him in some way, and you couldnât accept that. He seemed like a nice enough guy, but you could never be too sure in this society.
âNo way, I insist. Plus, Iâd feel bad if I just studied someone elseâs work for free. Let me buy you a drink here sometime.â You had to admit, you couldnât say no to free coffee. And you could only live off of the cheap 3-in-1s that you got from Walmart for so long. But part of you did feel a little bad for using him for as much as free coffee, he seemed like a genuinely nice guy, after all. âHere, Iâll leave you my number,â he grabbed a napkin and scribbled his phone number down, putting his name at the end of it. Thank god. You thought for a moment, thereâs no turning back now. You grabbed another napkin and wrote down your own name and number and slid it over to him.
âSure, same time on Wednesday?â
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