#cotcb

Valley of Horses has always been my favorite of the series. Ayla’s chapters are the best for someone like me who loves wilderness survival stories, but Jondalar’s chapters have good bits too. I love learning about the people he and his brother meet along the way, though I do tend to skip over his lengthy sex scenes and cringe a little at his fuckboi ways. Mostly though, I listen to the audiobook on repeat the way some people loop a favorite playlist just because it’s familiar and comforting noise.

Haduma of the Hadumai is hilarious to me. She’s this ancient matriarch, mother of 5 generations, who takes full advantage of the awe her people hold her in. She’s just as likely to beat you with her cane as provide you with spiritual viagra. A role model we can all look up to

Ayla is one of my favorite characters because she doesn’t ultimately win. I’ve seen comparisons of her as the original Katniss Everdeen, YA heroine type. I agree that she was inspirational for a generation of young women, but I really appreciate that she didn’t win the day and overthrow the system. She lost, brutally and repeatedly. Her story is about navigating her culture diplomatically, or sneakily, or skillfully but it’s not at all about her changing the world (in this book at least). She won the right to hunt and accomplished her goal of having a child, but she also endured violence and conformed for the sake of survival. Her life with the Clan feels more reflective of what it’s like to live in an abusive and oppressive culture where it isn’t safe to be yourself, which helps the story ring with a heartbreaking feeling of truth. Sometimes you just put your head down and survive.

90% of my love for this book is how often people pound plants into a fine powder and then steep them into a beverage

Ending the book with a beloved toddler crying for the mother he’ll never see again is the kind of thing that should only hurt this badly the first time you read it, but instead it works every time 🙃