Cosplaying Kaiser
Michael Kaiser x Reader x Ness Alexis
Part 2
Content warning: You're a cosplayer in this one-shot. No warnings needed tbh this is rlly silly! But Ness is being weird about her being female Kaiser. Typical Ness. We know what you are gayboy. She's also shorter than the two of them.
Fem reader
You've always been a cosplayer. It started in middle school with your first conventionâa slightly wonky wig and a hastily sewn costume from your favorite anime. But over the years, you've gotten good. Really good. Your social media is filled with photos of elaborate costumes: characters from manga, video games, anime series you've binged three times over. When you love a character, you cosplay them. It's what you do.
What you don't do is watch football.
Or at least, you didn't. Not until your friend Emma dragged you to a sports bar three months ago, practically forcing you to watch a Bastard MĂźnchen match. You'd gone mostly to humor her, expecting to be bored out of your mind.
Then you saw him.
Michael Kaiser.
The blonde hair with that distinctive rattail. The blue rose tattoo crawling up his neck. The sheer arrogance radiating from every goal celebration, every interview clip Emma showed you afterward. You went home that night and fell down a rabbit hole of highlight reels, match compilations, and behind-the-scenes content.
Emma had created a monster.
"I can't believe you're more obsessed than me now," she'd said last week when you admitted you'd bought official Bastard MĂźnchen merchandise.
You'd just grinned. Because you weren't just obsessed. You'd already ordered the wig. Already practiced the temporary tattoo placement five times to get it perfect. Already planned out every detail of the costume.
When you love a character, you cosplay them.
And apparently, footballers counted.
The Allianz Arena is massive.
You knew it would beâyou'd seen it in photos, in videosâbut standing in front of it in person, the sheer size of it makes your heart race. The crowd flows around you like a river, thousands of fans, scarves held high, chanting songs you don't quite know the words to yet.
You adjust your wig one more time, making sure the rattail sits perfectly down your back. The blue roses of the temporary tattoo snake up your neck exactly like the real thingâyou'd spent an embarrassing two hours getting the placement right. The red marks around your eyes took another forty-five minutes, careful precision with liquid eyeliner until they matched Kaiser's perfectly. The official Bastard MĂźnchen jersey hangs a bit loose on your shorter frame, but tucked into the matching shorts with the knee-high socks? You look good.
People stare as you walk, but you're used to it. Cosplaying in public always draws attentionâyou've walked through city streets as anime characters, posed in parks as video game protagonists. A football stadium is just another venue.
You can't stop smiling. You're about to watch Bastard MĂźnchen play live, and you're dressed as your favorite player. This is going to be amazing.
"Oh my god," someone says as you pass. "Is thatâ"
"Female Kaiser!" another voice shouts, and suddenly there's a small group of fans stopping in their tracks.
You turn, grinning. A teenager with face paint is staring at you with wide eyes, their friend already pulling out their phone.
"Can we get a picture?" they ask, practically bouncing with excitement.
"Of course!" You're beaming now, posing enthusiastically as they crowd around you. The energy is infectious. You've taken photos with people at conventions before, but there's something special about thisâthese aren't fellow cosplayers or anime fans, just regular football supporters who think your costume is fun. There's something really sweet about that, about sharing this weird crossover of your hobbies with people who might never go to a convention but still appreciate the effort you put in.
"The tattoo looks so real!" one of them says, leaning in to look.
"Thanks! It took forever to get the placement right," you admit, tilting your head so they can see it better.
"And the wig is perfect!"
More people are noticing now. A couple in their thirties asks for a photo. Then a group of university students. Then a family with kids who think "girl Kaiser" is the funniest thing they've ever seen.
"Say something arrogant!" one guy calls out, and you laugh.
You flip your hair dramatically and put on your best Kaiser impression: "Naturally, the crowd recognizes greatness when they see it."
The group loses it, laughing and cheering. You do a few more poses, mimicking some of Kaiser's goal celebrations you've memorized from watching too many highlight reels, and the crowd eats it up.
This is incredible. You're having the time of your life.
A security guard eventually approaches, looking tired but amused. "Alright, folks, we need to keep the walkways clearâ"
"Sorry, sorry!" You wave apologetically at the dispersing crowd, giving them one last pose before following the guard's gesture to move along.
You're checking your phoneâEmma has already sent you five messages demanding updatesâwhen the security guard clears his throat.
"Actually, miss, can you come with me for a moment?"
You blink. "Am I in trouble?"
"No, no, nothing like that. Just... there's been a bit of a situation with the crowd and we need to move you through a different route. Stadium policy."
That makes sense, you suppose. The crowd had gotten pretty big. You follow him as he leads you away from the main concourse, down a side corridor that's significantly quieter. The noise of the stadium fades to a distant hum.
You're typing a response to Emma (literally caused a mob, security had to move me lmaooo) when the guard stops.
"Wait here just a moment," he says, looking uncertain. "I need to... check something."
He disappears around a corner before you can ask what he's checking. You shrug, leaning against the wall and scrolling through your phone. Someone's already posted a photo of you on social media with the caption "FEMALE KAISER AT THE ALLIANZ ARENA" and it's getting hundreds of likes.
Emma is going to die when she sees this.
You hear voices approachingâtwo of them, speaking German. Something about the pitch inspection being pointless, typical pre-match complaints.
Wait.
You know those voices.
Your head snaps up so fast you almost give yourself whiplash. Two figures round the corner, mid-conversation, and your brain completely short-circuits.
Michael Kaiser. The Michael Kaiser. In the flesh. Blonde hair perfect, blue eyes sharp, that same arrogant set to his shoulders you've seen in a hundred videos.
And next to him, Alexis Ness, looking exactly like his photos except somehow more, his magenta eyes bright as he gestures animatedly about something.
They stop dead when they see you.
You stop breathing.
For a moment, nobody moves. Kaiser's eyes go wide, tracking from your wig to your tattoo to your uniform to your face. Ness's mouth falls open, his jaw practically hitting the floor.
Ness points at you, his voice coming out strangled. "Female Kaiser."
Kaiser's head whips toward him. "What the hell are youâ" He looks back at you, and his brain seems to short-circuit in real time. "What."
And youâbecause you're apparently incapable of being normalâlet out a noise that's half-squeal, half-gasp. "OH MY GOD. KAISER! AND NESS! IN THE FLESH! HIIIIII!"
You're waving enthusiastically, practically bouncing on your feet, all the coolness you might've had completely abandoned.
Kaiser stares at you. Then at Ness. Then back at you. "What is happening right now."
"I'm cosplaying you!" you blurt out, still grinning like an absolute maniac. "I'm a cosplayerâI do anime and manga characters usually but my friend got me into football and I love Bastard MĂźnchen and you're my favorite player so I thought it'd be fun to dress up as you for the match and oh my god I can't believe I'm actually meeting you right now, this is insaneâ"
You're talking way too fast, hands gesturing wildly, but you can't stop. This is the best day of your life.
Nothing from Kaiser. His jaw was tight, lips parted, but no words came. He's so speechless it's making you laugh.
It was Ness who broke first. His gaze swept over you, almost trembling with intensity, his expression tipping from shock into something far more dangerous. "YouâŚ" His voice cracked and he tried again, softer. "You look exactly like him."
Kaiser snapped his head toward him, finally jarred out of silence. "Don't say that."
But Ness didn't stop. He stepped closer, eyes darting between your face and Kaiser's, like he was trying to reconcile the two. "No, really. The resemblance isâgod, it's uncanny. The hair, the tattoo, even the way she's standingâit's likeâ" His voice dropped. "It's like you, butâ"
"Don't finish that sentence." Kaiser's tone was sharp, but it carried a rare edge of unease.
Your grin only widened. "Okay, this is amazing."
Kaiser turned his glare on you, as though you'd somehow orchestrated this. "Amazing? He's practically drooling like a dog!"
That only made you laugh harder, covering your mouth to stifle the sound. Ness didn't even look at Kaiserâhis attention was locked on you, pink rising across his cheeks.
"I mean it," he said, voice steadier this time. "You're⌠wow. God damn."
Kaiser let out a strangled sound, somewhere between outrage and disbelief. "Ness! What the hell is wrong with you?!"
"It's not wrong," Ness muttered, brushing a hand through his hair. "It's⌠confusing. But I can't stop looking."
Kaiser dragged a hand down his face, visibly unraveling. "Oh please. She's dressed as ME. Pull yourself together."
"I'm trying," Ness said, but his eyes were still on you.
Kaiser looked between you both, his jaw tight with barely restrained frustration. "I'm being serious."
"Kyaaa!" You clasped your hands together, practically bouncing. "Is my cosplay really that accurate?! I'm so glad to be recognized by the original!"
Kaiser went very still. You could see the tension in his shoulders, the hesitation in the way he didn't quite seem to know what to do with his hands. Slowlyâalmost reluctantlyâhe raised his head and looked down at you with that signature gaze of his, the one that made it clear he was looking down on someone.
"You're too short for it to be accurate," he said finally. Then, after a beat: "But otherwise... it was a good attempt."
Your face lit up even more, but before you could respond, Ness cut in.
"That's the best part though!" Ness said, and there was something almost dreamy in his voice. "Who knew your female counterpart could be so hot. What a waste."
Kaiser's head snapped toward him. "What?"
"Thanks!" you said brightly, completely unfazed.
Kaiser stared at Ness, then at you, then back at Ness. He looked completely bewildered, like his brain was trying to process the fact that Ness was more into your female cosplay of him than... him. This is the weirdest thing he's ever been through. "What do you mean 'what a waste'â"
"Can we take pictures together?!" you asked, cutting through whatever crisis Kaiser was having. You were grinning up at him, eyes bright with excitement.
"YES. You should," Ness said immediately, already pulling out his phone.
Kaiser hesitated. He looked at youâthis shorter, feminine version of himselfâand you could see him struggling with how to feel about all of this. Finally, he sighed. "Yeah. Whatever. You're a fan anyway."
But he still looked distinctly uncomfortable, like he couldn't quite reconcile the sight of mini-female-him standing in front of him, and he definitely didn't know how to feel about any of it.
Five minutes later, your phone has several new photos that you're absolutely going to treasure forever: some of you and Kaiser side-by-side (he refused to smile, so you did his signature smirk for both of you), one where Ness convinced Kaiser to do a matching pose (Kaiser looked like he was in physical pain), and one candid shot of Kaiser looking baffled while you grin like an idiot.
You checked your phone and your eyes widened. "Oh god, I need to get to my seat before the match startsâ"
Kaiser seemed almost relieved. "Go."
You started heading back down the corridor, then paused and turned back with a bright grin. "Thanks for the pictures! Good luck with the match!"
Kaiser gave a slight nod, still looking vaguely uncomfortable with this entire situation.
Ness waved, still smiling in that slightly dazed way.
You turned the corner, alone in the hallway now, still dressed as Michael Kaiser, still unable to fully process what just happened.
Your phone buzzed.
Emma: GIRL WHERE ARE YOU
Emma: THE MATCH IS ABOUT TO START
Emma: DID YOU GET LOST
You grinned, typing as you headed toward your seat.
You: oh you're not gonna BELIEVE what just happened
The next day, you wake up to your phone absolutely exploding with notifications.
You blink at the screen, confused, until you see itâKaiser had posted to Instagram after the match. It was a carousel post: action shots from the game, aesthetic photos of the stadium lights, a photo of him mid-celebration after scoring. And then, casually slipped in as the last slideâyou and him, standing side-by-side, you grinning while he maintained that signature arrogant expression.
The caption read: "Standards for cosplayers: must be taller. 3/10."
And Ness had immediately reposted it to his own account.
Now "Female Kaiser" was trending in Germany.
Your own social media had blown up overnight. Thousands of new followers. Hundreds of comments. People sharing the photos, making memes, asking where you got the wig.
Emma had sent you approximately fifty messages, most of them in all caps.
But you were too busy staring at the comments on Kaiser's post.
@;ness.alexis: 3/10 is generous from you
@;kaisermicheal: It was a decent attempt.
@;ness.alexis: you kept the photo
@;kaisermicheal: Your point?
@;ness.alexis: just saying đ
@;kaisermicheal: Ness I swear to god.
Extra note: Legend has it Ness daydreams about being sandwiched between the two of them every now and then.













