17 and ruth/tosh for the kisses prompts!
Send me a Ship and a Number and I will Write a Kiss
17. ā¦to distract.
Itās two weeks after she talks with Billy on the docks that Tosh finds herself crying in the ladies' loos at work.
Sheās been fine, is the thing. Really fine. Ok, she got pretty drunk with Ruth that day, but since then sheās just been getting on with things, and it feels like thereās always so much to do, so many people who need her all the time, that thereās not really been a moment to be anything other than fine.
And itās only lunch time, and there are so many things to get through this afternoon before she can be done for the day, and Donnieās just texted to say heās taking Louise to his mumās for a long weekend, and she canāt find it in herself feel anything about that other than vague and miserable relief. She washes her hands, and sheās going to go and put on her coat and pop out for a sandwich that sheāll eat at her desk while she works. Thatās the plan, thatās what she needs to do next.
But instead, somehow, sheās standing in front of the sinks, where anyone could walk in, and there are tears dripping down her face, and she canāt seem to get them to stop.
So when the door inevitably does open, she jumps and tries to turn away, with an unpleasant lurch of anxiety that only settles when she realises itās not one of the uniforms, or the admin staff, or anyone else that she really couldnāt deal with having see her cry right now. Itās just Ruth.
Ruth, who takes one look at her, steps fully inside, and shuts the door firmly, using her foot to jam the doorstop under it behind her, so theyāll have a momentās grace if anyone else tries to come in.
āWhatās going on?ā
Ruthās voice is gentle enough that it almost sets Tosh off anew. She takes a couple of deep breaths instead, and tries to wipe the tear tracks from her cheeks with the back of her hand. āSorry, sorry, Iām fine.ā She sniffs and grabs a bit of paper towel from the dispenser to mop her face. āReally,ā she adds, off the back of Ruthās look. āThereās nothingā¦ everythingās fine, Iām fine.ā
For a moment Ruth looks like sheās going to argue, and Tosh begins to brace herself, but instead, Ruth takes a step forward and wraps her arms around her, pulling her into a hug. Itās almost awkward at first - Tosh has never had Ruth down as one of natureās huggers - but Ruthās embrace is properly comforting, her body warm and solid against Toshās, and Tosh finds herself relaxing into it, letting herself be held.
And somehow, despite her best efforts, sheās still crying - the fresh round of tears now soaking into the shoulder of Ruthās jumper. āIām fine,ā she says again but it comes out clotted with weeping and wool and doesnāt even sound convincing to her own ears. āIām justā¦ Iām so tired.ā
āYou need a holiday,ā Ruth tells her, and all Tosh can do is nod.
Ruth leans her face into the top of Toshās head, presses half a kiss there, just for a fleeting moment, and it feels good. Warm. Calming. Tosh looks up instinctively, meets Ruthās gaze for a moment, blinking back tears. She feels held there by Ruthās eyes just as much as her arms.
And then Ruth kisses her.
Itās a real kiss, full on the mouth, thereās no mistaking it for anything else, no plausible deniability of a friendly-cheek-kiss-gone-wrong.
Thereās a moment where Tosh just sinks into it, where the physical sensation of Ruth kissing her supersedes literally everything else, and all she can do is kiss Ruth back, her hands clutching at Ruthās jumper, pulling her in close even as Ruth continues to hold her. Ruthās mouth is soft, and tastes faintly of crisps and coffee. She nips very gently at Toshās bottom lip, barely grazing it with teeth and tongue, and it makes Tosh shiver, just a little.
When Ruth breaks this kiss a moment later, Tosh, her heart hammering with surprise andā¦ well, other things - half laughs, and it sounds a little bit like a sob, but less so than it might have a few moments ago. āWhat was that for?ā she hears herself asking.
āThought a distraction might be in order,ā Ruth says, and her grin has a delightful edge to it. āDid it work?ā
āYeah,ā Tosh says, a bit grudgingly - she does seem to have stopped crying, does feel like sheās regaining a bit of control over herself, though she feels utterly wrung out, and she must look a state - her eyes go all puffy when she cries - but she canāt bring herself to care much. Ruthās definitely seen worse.
āWell then.ā Ruth kisses Tosh again, on the cheek this time, just a peck, but Toshās skin seems to tingle where Ruthās lips land. āNow, youāre going to wash your face, and you and me are going out for lunch - none of this sad sandwich nonsense today. And then youāre going to take some leave and have a proper break.ā
Tosh opens her mouth to protest, but Ruth isnāt having it for a second.Ā
āItās not going to fall apart around here without you. Weāll cope!ā Thereās a sudden strange gleam in her eyes. āMaybe Iāll take some leave too and we can find out how Sandy manages on his own for a bit.ā
Tosh will argue with Ruth about a lot of things, but sometimes, just sometimes, she has to admit that Ruth is right. Even the thought of arguing fills her with a bone-deep fatigue.
So instead, she leans in and catches Ruthās mouth for another kiss, and itās equally lovely as the first one, and filled with promise. If this is something theyāre doing now, Tosh wants to make it very clear that sheās all in.
And when Ruth smiles at her, afterwards, wide and dazzlingly bright, Tosh canāt help but smile back.
