#cortexing

This has been a big year. 

To begin, I’ve obviously changed my URL, icon, theme, header, all of that stuff. 

Juniorstudy was symbolic of the aspiration to better myself when I was a baby high school junior, but that time is long gone. I’ve always wondered why seniors stood higher above the other classes, but I now see why. The past year has been a huge growing experience, with every month holding a new experience that’s shaping me, and morphing me into something different. 

My head is staying in the summer. In two weeks I fell in love with an absentee, gone from every experience that my life holds. 4600 miles is, apparently, too big a distance to share brains, and nothing breaks my heart more. My icon explains all the resonance of the summer, I drew it a week previous to school beginning. It was partially just an empty artistic endeavor, but in retrospect, my scribbles actually are meaningful. It’s the absence of articulation, and the emptiness and bleakness of the words I say. It’s the longing of heart break of words said then soon forgotten, of goals not being won, and aspirations not being set.

I thought I would be great this school year, I always hold myself to expectations that are a peg too high, or more like three pegs too high. For the first quarter I was able to maintain my grades and my motivation, then fall break happened and I crumbled. I haven’t been particularly open with the personal pieces of my life, but I realized I should be when people contacted me about the single post I made about mental illness and struggling through school. If a single person can find solace in my situation, then there’s no negatives into sharing a piece of myself. In short; I’ve been majorly suffering with various mental illness (of which I will not name, you can message me if you want to talk about it) which have prohibited me in school massively. It happens every year, I begin with aspiration, then the moment any kind of stressor is put on me, I totally fall apart. Which brings me back to this year, I was doing to well until I experienced a bad phase. Right away my GPA dropped (from a 4.2 to a 3.1) and I didn’t do any homework for weeks. The only reason I passed any of my classes is because of the studyblr community, and the amazing dedication that it holds. I am inspired every day to overcome everything I’m faced with daily, and create goals for myself. 

This leads to my final point on finally choosing a major for myself, hence the URL. I’m choosing neuroscience, which is of course subject to change with due time possibly, but currently, I found something I’m finally impassioned by, something I had been lacking for a long time. 

So tl;dr, thank you every single person in the studyblr community for constantly having the drive and inspiration to succeed, and the passion to drive other’s towards the same. 

Heres to a fantastic 2016.