#corruptedstuck

I am not sure what to think anymore really. I will be keeping this short since we are on the move. Navidi and I have been traveling around for at least a week or two now all of Alternia seems to have gone haywire. The fleet and the empress really are gone..Yeah they really left without me. The lowbloods have taken over and now there are certain areas I am unable to travel in without having to hide my appearance and blood color. My phone and computer no longer work and neither does Navidis. All of this is just fueling my anger, luckily I have Navi here to calm me down when it is needed. We have been trying to stay away from populated areas, we figured not only can I not go there but that more daywalkers  around them. We have both agreed that it is safer to travel in smallish groups of maybe six at the most. 

We have established a system of how we sleep at night. I take to the trees and bring Navidi up with me. While she sleeps I stay up. I don't like sleeping as much anymore. We have also learned a thing or two about the daywalkers. They don't seem to like me as much as they do Navidi it is weird and it worries me but it's true so  I am thinking it might have to do something with scent?? I am going to try making her wear my clothing for a while to see what happens.

I don't really have that much to say now so I'll end this here. 

Som<3 shit is s<3riously not fucking making s<3ns<3 h<3r<3.

Th<3 past f<3w w<3<3ks hav<3n't b<3<3n too <3v<3ntful (sinc<3 Zigg<3<3's lusus di<3d that is), but som<3 w<3ird shit k<3<3ps happ<3ning.

First of all, th<3 riv<3r that runs und<3r Zigg<3<3's hiv<3 has b<3<3n looking muck<3d up. W<3'v<3 <3v<3n found body parts, lik<3 fucking arms and horns and shit lik<3 that. Just, s<3v<3r<3d limbs. And som<3 parts <3v<3n s<3<3m<3d to hav<3 thos<3 sam<3 bit<3 marks that w<3 found on his custodian and that uncool d<3ad s<3adw<3ll<3r bitch. It's making Zigs f<3<3l all sorts of un<3asy, not knowing what's going on upriv<3r pass<3d th<3 wat<3rfall. H<3 thinks it could com<3 to us n<3xt or som<3 shit.

N<3xt, my skin is on fucking FIR<3. Shit burns lik<3 th<3 flam<3s of th<3 fucking sun! I don't know what it is, but I'm br<3aking out with som<3 sort of rash or som<3 shit. It just k<3<3ps g<3tting wors<3. Zigs is trying to h<3lp m<3 out but h<3 can't figur<3 out what's causing it. It itch<3s all ov<3r my arms and l<3gs and <3sp<3cially my n<3ck which is hon<3stly putting m<3 r<3ally on fucking <3dg<3, making m<3 f<3<3l lik<3 I'm gonna flip my shit any s<3cond. It's a good thing Zigs knows how to chill m<3 out, oth<3rwis<3 I think I'd go on a fuckin killing spr<3<3, just to v<3nt. All th<3 rabbits in th<3 ar<3a and any unlucky trav<3lin troll would b<3 sp<3ar<3d in a b<3at of my bloodpush<3r.

Now, off of that subj<3ct, w<3'v<3 b<3<3n having difficulti<3s with th<3 TV, our husktops, and <3v<3n our phon<3s. It's only an occasional occur<3nc<3 but it's r<3ally makin it difficult for m<3 to k<3<3p in touch with my pals back at th<3 plac<3s wh<3r<3 I trav<3l<3d. H<3ll, som<3 of th<3m just flat out stopp<3d r<3sponding. Wh<3th<3r it's du<3 to th<3m g<3tting f<3d up with th<3 constant mom<3ntary int<3rruptions in th<3 conv<3rsation or it's... that th<3y'r<3 flat out tir<3d of talking with m<3... I don't know. That's r<3ally b<3<3n on my mind. It both<3rs m<3 not to know, but I'm <3v<3n mor<3 scar<3d to ask th<3m... I don't want to find out som<3on<3 thinks I'm a los<3r...

Your grammar too, friend. Just. So many errors, c’mon.

That fantroll will not be associated with this rp group unless your “friend” manages to make it more realistic.

There are not any seadwellers with bloods lower than violet or higher than feferi’s fuschia. And it doesn’t make sense for a troll to wear another caste’s color without any real reason for it, especially one of high royal standing.

If your friend thought it was better as a jade and not a violetblood, then don’t make it a seadweller, it’s as simple as that. But mutations like that would call for instant culling. I can deal with mutant bloods, but there is a limit.

I'M' FeelinG VerY TireD. MorE TireD ThaN I UsuallY FeeL...

In fact, I'm too tired to even bother with my quirk right now. My eyes are sore and no matter how hard I try to sleep, I just can't. I can't even seem to focus enough on keeping my eyes shut. I've just been staring up at the ceiling for the past few hours. I wonder if I even blinked once during that time.

So, in an attempt to distract my mind from its thoughts, I've decided to update my journal. Currently Lairen is asleep and I don't feel as if I have enough drive to work on any mech designs. I'm too tired to even go for a swim. My mind just keeps flashing back to a few nights ago.

My custodian hadn't returned to greet me when the sun had set, which was very odd. I sat outside waiting but after some time I decided I needed to search for him. It isn't odd for him to get injured somehow while he's out swimming, so I figured perhaps he had gotten stuck on something. It wasn't very long before I did finally come across him by the river.

It looked like... like someone had just torn through his neck. He was covered in blood. I don't like remembering and I don't like imagining what could have possibly caused this or what fear my lusus must have been feeling at the moment but... I can't stop! My mind won't stop imagining all of the possible scenarios! It's torturous, this mind of mine. I want it to stop, I just want, for once, to be able to not think about anything. I want my mind to be silent but it just never is. And that's why I'm having such a hard time trying to sleep. No matter how exhausted I get, no matter how much I tire myself out, my mind seems to have no limit. I can't rest until my body simply collapses. It's so difficult for me to cope with. I'm so unsure of what to do.

At least I have Lairen here with me. He and I are moirails now, and it's the one positive thing to come out of this entire endeavor. I can't remember how long ago it was when I realized I felt such a protectiveness for him, but I do know it's been a very long time. I would have never realized he felt the same. Or perhaps, it was just spontaneous due to the events as of late. Either way, it's a huge relief to know I have him as my moirail. He's always been able to bring out the best in me and to help ease my anxiety greatly. I hope that our moiraillegiance lasts, although I can't really foresee any situations that might cause us to separate.

Well... I guess those are pretty much the most important things that have occurred in the last few nights. I don't really want to go into anymore detail on my custodian...

We left. That  is all there is to say really. We had to leave, the riots were coming closer and closer and it was no longer safe. Even for my blood.It looks like pailing is out of the question for a while too. Apparently with this new disease going around making people into daywalkers is transferred from one person to another. I am not sure how yet but there is no need to take any risks. I figure I will just have to make money another way. I gathered up enough supplies to last us for the next few weeks. I hope it doesn't last that long. Also I had to cut my hair, it is much shorter now. I don't know if I like it but Kaslet said it was for the best. We are currently traveling and we have just stopped to rest for a bit. I have been walking while Kaslet has been jumping a head in the trees looking for anyone or anything. I keep asking her about what she knows. She seems reluctant to tell but I am finally getting some information out of her. Here is what I have so far about them.

They are dead

They seem to want flesh

They can climb (or at least olivebloods can)

Even if their head is cut off it still moves so that must mean it has something to do with the brain.

I wish to crack ones head open and examine it soon, maybe I will have more answers then. I think I shall talk to Kaslet a little more about getting into the trade business as well, sure it's dangerous but it can also make you safer with the allies you make.Surely there will be a few hungry jadebloods wandering around too they probably don't want to bite someone infected so I might take a few quarts of blood from clean people.

Alright, I think Zigs has calm<3d down <3nough for m<3 to g<3t in a quick updat<3 h<3r<3.

Som<3 shit's gon<3 down and th<3r<3's a bit of bad n<3ws and a bit of aw<3som<3 n<3ws. Gu<3ss I'll start off with th<3 bad stuff first.

Zigg<3<3's lusus is d<3ad.

W<3 found him th<3 oth<3r night by th<3 riv<3r. It looks lik<3 som<3thing tor<3 his throat op<3n or som<3thing. It was pr<3tty gru<3som<3, and how Zigs handl<3d it was <3v<3r hard<3r for m<3 to tak<3. Usually h<3 s<3<3ms so d<3tach<3d and n<3utral and shit but man... Wh<3n h<3 saw his custodian th<3r<3 d<3ad lik<3 that, h<3 totally brok<3 down.

Com<3 to think of it... I don't think I can <3v<3r r<3m<3mb<3r s<3<3ing Zigs in t<3ars b<3for<3. I was a bit sad for him too, sinc<3 his custodian was so nic<3 and prot<3ctiv<3 (unlik<3 my good for nothing shit of a lusus).

Aft<3r w<3 got back to his hiv<3, I tri<3d to comfort him a bit. I m<3an, it's th<3 l<3ast I can do right? I can't <3v<3n b<3gin to count th<3 numb<3r of tim<3s h<3's actually lit<3rally sav<3d my lif<3, so I ow<3 it to him to at l<3ast b<3 by his sid<3 wh<3n h<3 n<3<3ds som<3on<3 th<3 most.

This l<3ads m<3 to th<3 good n<3ws, actually.

Zigs and I ar<3 moirails now.

I was always a bit unsur<3 if I f<3lt r<3al pal<3 f<3<3lings towards him or if I f<3lt so worri<3d for him simply b<3caus<3 h<3's my clos<3st pal, but aft<3r y<3st<3rday, th<3r<3's no doubt in my mind. I sort of hav<3 this urg<3 to just, I don't know, k<3<3p him from n<3gl<3cting hims<3lf, k<3<3p him h<3althy. H<3's always d<3priving hims<3lf of sl<3<3p and food b<3caus<3 of his m<3ch work.

My dear Mikaal I am so sorry.

You were sick my darling, but I was scared. It probably was my fault. It normally is, I am just sorry that you couldn't fix my mistake this time. I am sorry that you are gone and it is because of me.I can't even avenge you because I am the one who killed you and I am too scared to die.I'm so sorry. I don't think it was you though who had attacked me. No I felt your chest while trying to push you away. There was no blood being pushed anymore and you were cold. Colder than I even am. You my love were dead when I had returned to our hive.I feel like I should have been there telling you not to go out and fight and instead come be with me just for a little longer. It is my fault. That isn't even the worst part my love because even when you were dead you wouldn't stop. So I took your head clean off. Just like you have shown me .It was still moving though, even after it being cut clean off. It was still moving and trying to make sound. It made me sick to my stomach, so I went back outside and emptied my stomach. I went back to the door but.. I couldn't go back in. I'm sorry I was too scared. I called for your crow and lusus but it seemed that they weren't there anymore. They must have left after you had died. Since I couldn't go back in I did the next best thing I could do. I burnt down your hive and everything in it. Now no one else can find it and steal anything from you and the only thing you will ever have to worry about is me. I'm selfish I know. I turned and ran after that, ran away from you, ran away from our hive, ran away from everything. Can you ever forgive me for what I have done?

I ran to the city back to something familiar. Navidi, I ran to Navidi. Before I had gotten to her though I ran through the hivestream that was before her hive. It was the fastest way and I wasn't thinking correctly. I was sad and scared. I was stopped by a riot in the streets . So many so much lower than I. They were screaming about the empress leaving and taking her fleet. That was impossible though. She couldn't have taken the fleet. I was in training for it surely I would have been called in if things had gotten that bad. Seems you are right my love, I am one of a kind. Being on of a kind means that you are alone. Now I am truly alone though for all of my kind has fled and left me. Two lowers a brown and  a yellowblood called me out while I was watching . They all swarmed around me like  angry wasps, they were so angry. I tried my best to calm them  but every time I tried to speak they hit me or did something else to keep the words from coming out. For a while I didn't fight, I was going to let them have me. I was going to die. Navidi came to my mind though, what would she do without me, she could be killed as well. That thought was the single thing that spurred me on to fight and then flee from the crowd in an angry rage. I am not sure what happened to get me out of there but something did. Maybe the Messiahs were smiling down on me now that their horrible laughter at my pain had subsided. The next thing I knew was that I was with Navidi and she was curled around me and I was crying. I was crying because of you. I don't even care what had happened to me, just you. I knew I had been cocky with my mouth before but now I know I must keep it shut of speak the language of my people.

 Do you know that I  miss you? I hope you do because I really do miss you so terribly.You are gone my love and I am here wishing I was dead as well. I have someone who I need to protect for now my love. Once she is safe though I will join you and only then can hope that you will forgive me. 

Oh Messiahs how I hope you forgive me.

I am so sorry.

Flushed for you <3