Dec 27, 2017
anxiety: you did do shit all day so your worth has automatically gone down as a personÂ
me, frustrated and screaming: but i made cool shit today! what gives!Â
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anxiety: you did do shit all day so your worth has automatically gone down as a personÂ
me, frustrated and screaming: but i made cool shit today! what gives!Â
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Not gonna lie but this has been a semester of learning to deal with it better. That sort od ever present It that's been settled on my back since day one. So it's cool if my GPA gets a little fucked. I learned some stuff along the way. If I do worse in school as a result of that healing process then oh well. It'll have been worth it.
nothing will ever be more satisfying to me than me saying “no” and someone else respecting that and moving on.Â
and that’s just with like, anything reallyÂ
hey uhhhhhhh yelling my name repeatedly doesn’t get me to do what you want
hey uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh calling me by my dead name doesn’t get me to do what you wantÂ
hey uhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH maybe don’t do that. it’d be swellÂ
Some fucking moron: Haha when I was in school 20+ years ago I just paid for it myself. You're just not trying hard enough. Get a job and put the effort in Me, internally: God I cannot wait until your generation is dead and gone so we can fix this bullshit you left us with
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my worst fear was realized because i just wasn’t in the mood for writing with a lot of people and got shit for itÂ
i have a vent blog but a lot of the content is legitimately concerningÂ
i need to get a lot out of me and just like... never look at it again
you rightÂ
i think as a younger trans man i don’t see a whole lot of older / younger trans men that present the same as me and it’s concerning? i guess?
whenever i hear the whole “you’re young and figuring yourself out” it’s usually used in terms of like dismissiveness? i have my own personal doubts about Stuff and Things (vague for a reason here) but it’s never the fact that i’m a man. i can’t go out without wearing a binder and living with the knowledge that outside peers deem me female is Extremely Upsetting. it is important to me for my mental, physical, spiritual, whatever else health that i am seen and interacted with as a man because like....that’s a part of my identity.Â
(at the same time, i think i differ in the way i present myself and act in a lot of cases purely because i was brought up by my grandparents who /did/ bring me up as mostly androgynous.)Â
basically: there’s not enough representation for me to know what’s normal in terms of my own personal transition so i’m worried for the validity of it but comforted that i get to make my own path.Â