#corn man

My Corn has Burnt to a Crisp

ALL HAIL CORN MAN

From a 1940s pattern book for kitchen items and "gadgets." Not sure where he falls into place there. Perhaps he just appeared one day, already haunted.

And if you think this one looks like it watches you sleep, check the original:

Part of the pattern is a chart that is not to scale and has confounded me both times I have suddenly felt possessed to make this guy. I know I did not follow it well this time, but perhaps a third try is in order when the wind is low and the moon is high and the low hum of his constant presence returns to me.

Someone told me it’s World Parrot Day so here’s mine. Ravi Mumble Da Bird, Leslie “Goose” Jordan, Popcorn/Corn Man, Nikolai Sonovabitch, Pippin Stock and Sunna Girl.

They range in age from 3 to 30-ish years old. Goose and Ravi could live into their 80s, so guess who has a will.

They’ve given me the gifts of purpose and love. I didn’t know I could love so much. They’re all adopted out of really terrible situations, so their relationships with people are tumultuous at best - so I’m really the only one they aren’t afraid of. Actually, scratch that… They also love my dear friend, Crow, and have since they met them. Even Ravi, which is… Not shocking because of Crow, but shocking because Ravi actively attacks everyone but me.

Anyway, here’s my advice for aspiring parronts: expect the worse, hope for the best. They may hate your guts but you brought them home, so give them a home. They will bite, they will scream, they will destroy - it’s in their nature. I have permanent nerve damage in my hands, chunks taken out of tattoos and scars on my face - but I can’t imagine life without their love. I would be so empty and lost without them. Sometimes I think they’re why I try at all.

WHAT THE HECK? (This only appears if you've played for at least 92 hours. I have no dang life, man.)

ALL ARE CORN MAN

Except, uh, him.