#corbyn imagines

I knew right away that she read right through me and knew that I would be most likely leaving first and not say a word about it. She also knew that I wasn’t really enjoying myself right now.

“Your facial expressions constantly give you away, what’s wrong?” She asked me, changing her position so she was standing in front of me.

“I just… I don’t really feel like partying today,” I replied shrugging my shoulders, I technically wasn’t lying since I would enjoy being in bed, watching tiktoks until I could barely keep my eyes open, that was part of the reason I wasn’t having fun.

“Ok, well, if you want to leave now you can. Please come see me before leaving this time, or at least text me!” She said while putting her hands on my shoulders shaking me a bit, probably trying to get her message across better by doing that.

I nodded my head, but in my mind I didn’t know if I would remember to say bye to her, sometimes it was just so hard to find her when we’re in a house crowded of people with a bunch of rooms that I’m unsure where they lead to.

“I’ll stay with you for a bit,” She said, she grabbed a drink from our cooler, opening it and taking a sip, “Want to go swim?”

I shook my head, “Let’s go watch the beer pong game,” I told her going towards where I’d seen a beer pong set up when we’d got here.

Once I reached the family room where a table was set out I stopped dead in my tracks turning back around which made my best friend bump into me.

“Oh,” She let out once I bumped into her, “Was it not that way?” She asked me backing away from me.

I shook my head, “Uh, no, I mean yeah, it’s that way I just… I need to pee,” I didn’t wait for her to reply, I quickly walked out of there. I wasn’t sure if she knew that I wasn’t over my ex but I didn’t want to talk about it, nor did I really want to think about it right now. I ended up outside in the backyard, barely anyone was out here, just people smoking, nobody was really talking to me. I chugged my drink and sat by the pool with my feet dipped in. I shut my eyes trying to let my mind go blank (which was really hard to do).

“You ok?” I heard someone say beside me.

I looked to where the voice was coming from and there was Daniel, my best friend’s boyfriend, my ex’s best friend sitting beside me. I glanced towards my feet kicking them around in the water, watching the water patterns that were happening from my movements.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was thinking of having one more drink and then head out,” I said, glancing towards him once.

We didn’t really talk much ever since Corbyn broke up with me but since he was my best friend’s boyfriend, it wasn’t like we completely broke contact.

“Don’t leave without telling any of us, please,” Daniel said, which reminded me of what my friend told me only like 5 minutes ago.

I nodded my head not really knowing what to say after that, hoping he’d just get up and leave but he stayed beside me.

“Is this.. about your ex? Is that why you’re not yourself right now?” He asked me.

I glanced towards the family room window seeing my ex talking to some girl that I couldn’t recognize from here.

“I don’t want to talk about him right now,” I said while changing my gaze to the pool so he wouldn’t notice me looking at him.

“Let me just say one last thing, he misses you, a lot. He wanted to talk to you today but he didn’t really know how, then he realized you’ve been avoiding him all night so he gave up on trying. Before coming here he was on your Instagram profile. He- He feels really bad for breaking up with you, and what he said about not seeing your relationship as something long-term was bullshit. He told me that he wanted to move into a place with you a few days before he broke up with you. I know you don’t want to talk about him but… Maybe you should just go see him if you miss him too, or.. if you want I can tell him you’re out here and he could just.. come out here..” He said. I was shocked, I couldn’t think straight. I glanced back to where he was just before Daniel told me all this and Corbyn was no longer there. I grabbed my clutch (that I somehow haven’t lost yet). I stood up going back inside and rushing to get to the front entrance of the house, going back outside but in the front lawn. I went into my clutch grabbing my phone. I realized I needed to have one more drink so ran back inside going to the cooler grabbing another one of my drinks, drinking it quickly while going back out to the front lawn. I could feel all the memories from Corbyn and I’s relationship coming to my mind, I tried to block it out, I didn’t want to think of him like that right now. I didn’t think this could ever happen.

I did the breathing exercises again, I sat down on the front porch holding on to my phone until my knuckles hurt. I opened up my snapchat to view some of my friends snapchats, I noticed I had a flashback to look on. I went to check it seeing a cute video of Corbyn and I being goofy together, I immediately went off the app. I texted my best friend asking her if she knew about how Corbyn felt. I went into my contacts pressing on Corbyn’s contact. The phone rang probably twice, I was expecting to hear his voicemail message but instead I heard the loud music and people screaming.

“Hi,” I heard him say. I had to lift up the volume on my phone since I could barely hear him.

“I’m outside,” I said not bothering to say anything more.

I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that I was tipsy that I was making this call or if it was because I really had that much faith in our relationship.

“What?” He basically yelled into the phone.

“I’ll text you,” I hung up the phone and texted him telling him I was sitting out at the front porch. Not even 2 minutes later he was outside, his hair a bit of a mess, he had a unopened water bottle in hand, he gave it to me.

“I felt like maybe you’d need this, I know that’s what I did when we we’re dating.. and you’d drink I… Yeah..” He passed his hand through his hair. I grabbed the water bottle opening it and taking a sip of it.

“Thank you, so um.. I talked to Daniel and he said you wanted to talk to me,” I shuffled my feet around trying to distract myself, I hated these kind of conversations, I also hated eye contact during these conversations.

“Can you at least.. look at me please..” He asked, nearly begged me, I bit my lip, forcing myself to stop wiggling and moving my feet around, I looked up at him, his eyes were so intense, I could tell he hasn’t been drinking just from the way he was talking and his breath didn’t smell like alcohol at all, “I- When I said during our break up I didn’t see our relationship being long-term, that.. wasn’t true at all. I was just worried, I was worried because I thought you deserved more, deserved better, I thought I wasn’t enough for you, I  felt like you deserved more attention, I’m constantly working, on tour, I focus so much on work that sometimes, I felt like I was putting you second to work, I felt that was wrong, you deserved more than that. I’m sorry. I.. regret breaking up with you. I’d like to start over.. If you want. I don’t care if we start just by being friends, or if we start dating again, I don’t know, I just.. I’m sorry,” I turned the bottle cap around opening the water bottle and closing it again.

I didn’t really know how to respond, I just opened up my snapchat showing him my flashback story to lighten the mood, and mainly to let myself think of how to respond to that. I never knew he felt that way, I had told him so many times that I understood how much work meant to him and that I didn’t mind that he was so busy, work made him happy and whatever made him happy, made me happy. Once the videos were done he had a huge smile on his face, he seemed a lot more comfortable and less nervous.

“So.. Let me start by saying I’d love to just go back to the flirting stage, the getting to re-know each other I guess, the stage where you prove to me you won’t break my heart, we can go on dates and just take things slow but I won’t be talking to other guys and going on dates with other guys. Corbs, I’ve told you I don’t mind how much you work, I don’t mind how much you’re away from home, we made it work. I didn’t feel like I deserved more. You’re a hardworking guy and I love that about you,” His cheeks went red and I could tell he was really happy with how I responded.

“You were avoiding me all party,” He said breaking our eye contact.

“Because I’ve missed you,” I replied. Now feeling myself start to blush.

“Can I drive you home? I promise I haven’t drank anything,” He told me while digging in his pocket for his keys.

I nodded my head, “This better not be considered our first date,” I warned him a small smile on my face.

“It’s not, go tell Daniel and your friends you’re leaving, I’ll wait here for you,” He told me, stuffing his hands in his pants pocket.

“Is Corbyn my daddy?” She asked me.

My heart started beating so much faster, I didn’t know what to say. The right answer is no but I didn’t know if I should say the truth, it’s a hard thing to explain to a 6 year old. Obviously she’d question it since it’s not like I’ve been with Corbyn for years, therefore, pictures of when she was 4 and younger would be just the two of us without Corbyn.

“He can be your daddy if you want him to be, we also need to ask him if that’ll be okay,” I told her not really knowing what else to say.

I always imagined this moment, this question to be asked when Corbyn was around and to look at him for guidance on how this works.

“I can ask him to be my daddy?” She asked opening an eye to look at me.

I simply nodded my head not trusting myself to speak, feeling tears start to make my vision blurry.

“Ok. Goodnight mommy. I love you,” She said closing her eyes again.

She turned around so her back was facing me, curling up into a ball and cuddling her teddy. I played in her hair a bit to calm her down as she started to slowly fall asleep, her breathing changing once she was asleep. I got up off her bed slowly and quietly making my way into the hallway going into my room. Once I was in my room I shut the door. I held in my breath trying to get myself not to cry over that emotional moment, I was a mix of happy and sad that she asked me if Corbyn was her father. I knew this time would come at one point I just didn’t know how to properly deal with it, I was glad she wanted Corbyn to be her father figure but I was also mad that she doesn’t have a relationship with her biological father and most likely never will have a relationship with him.

I got ready to go to bed, taking off my makeup and putting on some of Corbyn’s clothes wanting to be as comfortable as possible. I grabbed the note he had handwritten to me before he left for tour rereading it while I sat on our bed. I grabbed my phone unlocking it going onto my social media, liking and commenting on some of the stuff my friends had posted. I went onto Instagram posting a throwback picture of me and Corbyn posting a cute caption about how I was excited to see him. I locked my phone and went back down the hall checking into Stella’s room to make sure she was still there asleep, which she was. I made my way downstairs going into the family room to watch some TV.

***

I had fallen asleep while watching TV and waiting for my boyfriend to come back home from his long tour. I opened my eyes hearing some noise coming from the lobby. I looked at the time on our clock noticing it was around 1am. I got up off the couch making my way over to the lobby seeing Corbyn there, a huge smile spread on my face I walked into his arms too lazy to run, he hugged me tightly to him, we pulled away a bit giving us space to kiss. I pressed my lips to his running my hand through his hair at the same time, afterwards holding him close to me, not believing he was here with me once again. It wasn’t a facetime call or a text message it was really him. When we pulled away from the kiss I shyly greeted him feeling like we were on our first date all over again.

“I missed you,” He said kissing all over my face making me laugh a bit.

I grabbed his hands wanting to grab him any moment I had so he wouldn’t simply vanish away.

“I missed you too,” I replied kissing the back of his hand a few times while I was still holding onto his hands, “I- Stella… She said something tonight and I need to talk to you about it, once you’re all settled.”

“I’ll unpack everything tomorrow, I just want to talk to you right now and cuddle then sleep,” He said with a cute smile on his face.

We went into our room and I told him what Stella told me, he seemed a bit shocked at first and then happy.

“How do you feel about it?” He asked.

I played with the blanket trying to keep myself busy, “I- Well it was a bit surprising at first but I don’t mind if you say yes, you’ve taken the fatherly role already in my opinion which is great, it’s amazing and Stella deserves you as a father,” Corbyn rubbed his eyes a bit a huge smile on his face, tears starting to spill down his face I put a hand on either side of his face, “Don’t cry babe,” I whispered pulling him closer to kiss him.

Once we were done kissing he cleared his throat a bit, “I’d love to be her father.”