#context!

Hoo boy I don’t know if I should be saying shit but I’m gonna!

I get being angry about Siuan, and tbh yeah idk if showing us her severed head was necessary.

But as for this being kill your gays? Y’all, at least half the people in this show are queer, and this is a world where people die, often violently. I would imagine this is a world where a lot more people, queer and otherwise, are going to start dying a lot more frequently if we get subsequent seasons. And even the most powerful people are not immune to that. To quote another witch, Death comes for us all.

And, truly, as much as I love them, this story does not center around Siuan and Moiraine and their relationship, and it has never promised a positive outcome for them. In fact, the show has been telling us from the beginning that their love will not save them. It’s kind of their whole thing.

It’s always been very obvious to me that they were never going to get a happy ending or make it til the end of the show. Now, I’m someone who thrives on those stories. I live for the bittersweet, the sad song that somehow also expands you and makes you grateful to be alive, and that’s what they’ve always been. “In this life or the next.” “I thought we’d have more time.” “We always think that.” “Then I’ll find you, in the next life and the next, until we get it right.” “And I will wait for you, every time.”

To me, THAT is a far more powerful, far more human, far more romantic and beautiful story than a happy ending. Not that happy endings aren’t good too, in some cases and as we know it’s not cool to have every queer love story end in tragedy. But we do have those happy queer stories now too. We do live in a world where they exist more prominently, and different kinds of people are making more different kinds of stories than ever. This particular one just isn’t meant to be happily ever after. And it never was, it never pretended to be. If you got your hopes up and now you’re angry and sad that this was the ending for them, I get it. Feel those feelings, they are valid. But I don’t think the show is wrong for this choice. I think their story was always heading in this direction, and it was always going to break our hearts. And it’s no less beautiful for it.

So basically what I’m saying is yes the kill your gays trope exists. But there is also nuance to be had here. In a world where we have so much more diversity in stories and representation than we ever have, its no longer that one way is right (happy endings for the gays) and another is wrong (tragic endings for the gays). There’s more to it than that. And when the writers have been telegraphing a bittersweet story for Siuan and Moiraine for as long as they have (and pressing hard on that throughout this season particularly), I can’t be mad about it.

Now I’m a show only and I can’t speak to what happened in the books vs. the show re: Siuan’s plot line. But if I die on one pop culture hill, it will always be “do not judge the adaptation by how closely it adheres to every single bit of the source material.” This adaptation, more than just about any other, simply cannot afford that with the constraints of adapting a 14 book series into an 8 season tv show, with 8 episodes a season. And yet incredibly, the source material itself gives us the in-canon solution: this is a universe with multiple versions of the same story, multiple turns of the Wheel. When you start seeing it as that, as a variation on the book series, which itself is implied to have multiple versions in other timelines (if I’m understanding correctly), then here we are. The show is not the books. It must stand on its own, it must make its own choices.

You may disagree with the choices the show makes, but don’t disagree on the basis that it’s different from the books. It has to be different from the books, full stop. That’s what adaptation literally means. It means change. I would go on to say that the best adaptations make choices/changes based on the constraints and opportunities of its medium, which is also happening here (actors having to leave the show and move on to other opportunities, so do we let them go out with a bang or not). But I digress.

Now as far as the race politics at play here. Oof. I get it, I see it. And this might be where I shoot myself in the foot. But again… there has to be nuance, right? To me, Siuan stood in her power until the end, even as her sisters turned on her and the Dark closed in. (The sort of reverse parallel bookend of this to Liandrin’s trial in 3x01 is crazyyyy.) She declared herself for the Light and she did not back down even as everything was taken away from her. She shook Elaida to her core, I have no doubt about that. And she said I am the daughter of the river. I am the water itself. You cannot break me. Death is not the end. It is only the door to the next turning of the Wheel.

Also, we had another black woman in this episode who was literally chained up by a white woman and thrown into the sea to drown (talk about making a Choice), who finally found her power by calling on her own advice as a mother to her daughter (aka her inner child?), freed herself from those chains, biblically parted the damn sea and walked out claiming her space and strength as the most powerful channeller in a thousand years. I’m not saying Nynaeve cancels out Siuan. I’m saying they both exist in the same episode, in the same world. Nuance.

quinn: I'm going to give a compliment to someone who is my college football teammate [on] xbox. and we won lots of heismans together.

Some Rowyn-Colin context AKA an argument about Julie. Turned out it was kind of needed to set up the next part of the plot.

No illness or anything, just context

*Thanks @lisupandowntown for sparking this thought :)

------

"Hey babe? Is Julie going to be at your party?"

"Yeah, 'course."

Rowyn's expression shutters, and his mouth pinches.

"Rowyn, I think we should talk," starts Colin, said gently, but with an undercurrant of tension from weeks of off-handed comments and microaggresstions. He doesn't know how to balance his loyalties, while also keeping Roywn's trust.

Because he can't keep indulging Rowyn's acidity towards Julie. He's so hot-and-cold right now, still as sweet as ever with Colin, but the second Julie enters the scene (or the conversation), Rowyn becomes sullen and angry. It's getting old, and Colin's not sure how he can resolve it without cutting Julie out, which is most definitely not happening.

Rowyn looks up from his paper, frown in place, but he must sense the seriousness in Colin's voice, because he doesn't protest either the idea or the interruption.

"Can we talk about Julie please?" Colin asks hesitantly.

Rowyn tenses immediately, "Why?" he asks, but so shortly it almost comes out as a statement.

"Because this isn't working. Rowyn, I… I'm so in the middle, and I really hate this. I need you to explain to me why you don't like her. I need to be able to understand where you're coming from."

"I don't know." Rowyn sounds frustrated, but Colin can't tell whether it's at himself, or at Colin, "I haven't been able to figure it out exactly." So himself then, for not being able to solve the puzzle.

"So what? You hate her on a hunch? You're holding onto a grudge from months ago? Why can't you just try to get along?!" asks Colin, exasperated.

"You don't get it, do you?!"

"Clearly not! That's what I'm trying to figure out!"

"I can't see her with you! I hate how well she knows you and how she always seems to be right there! I hate fighting for your attention with her," he spits with vitriole.

Colin reels back as though he's been slapped.

"Is that really how you feel?" he asks, voice smaller than it should ever be, "That you have to fight for my attention?"

The fight seems to have left Rowyn, but he's still tensed as though for attack.

"Kind of."

"What can I… How do I make this better?"

"I can't be around her."

"And that's it?"

"Yes."

Colin sighs, feeling tears prick his eyes. It almost sounds like he's asking him to choose.

"I'm not going to stop being there for her. She needs me Rowyn."

"I need you too."

"I really don't get it, you guys are basically the same person."

"Maybe that's the worst part. That we're that similar, and you're still choosing her."

"I'm not choosing anybody! I've been doing my fucking best to not pick sides and let you sort through whatever shit this is, but clearly that's not working, and now you're accusing me of choosing her over you? Do you know how much slack I've given you over the last few months when it comes to her? How often I've bitten my tongue, defended you?"

"So what? You're saying this is all in my head?"

"I don't… I don't know," he finishes sadly, not sure what to think.

Rowyn sighs, turning back to his work and effectively ending the conversation.

MAGICAL.

Joys and whimsys I have yet to discover...

Hangar’s Half Empty

The sound of metal on metal fills my ears, probably imagined. The tension in my hand, from trying to maintain glide without an engine, makes it feel like I’m still behind the controls. The swell of the ocean in the throws of a storm still seems to fill my vision. The static of the radio undercuts everything, with a familiar voice on the other end of the line coaching me through a carrier landing. “Shiro…you’re shaking,”

Adam’s voice tunes me back in to reality, and the fact he’s holding my hands. I can barely keep them still against the tremors. “Won’t tell the flight surgeon, will you?”

My attempt to break the tension falls flat.

“Takashi, you’re okay. You landed safe, the plane is intact enough where it will probably just be filed as an incident. It’s okay,”

I feel the tell-tale sting of tears. I barely manage to turn-key what I’m thinking into English. “I…I could have lost you. I could have bailed out, drowned, and you would have been left here”

Adam barely hesitates, and then I feel his grip on my hands tighten.“But you didn’t. We’re both safe, and stuck on an aircraft carrier. But we’re safe,”

It’s sheer luck there was a carrier this close, and that I could pull off landing on it without the chance to go around. With a routine transport mission across the Atlantic, nothing was expected to happen. I still can’t wrap my head around how my engine flamed out.

“Adam—that was close. Too damn close. I’m better than that. We’re better than this,”

I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. It feels like I’m talking to fill the air, to know there’s still oxygen in my lungs and not water.

Adam pulls me into his arms, and I let him. I grip his uniform like a life line. With my chest against his, I finally feel the way my breathing stutters, like I can’t get enough air in. The hot-sting of tears finally overflows, and they land on the shoulder of Adam’s shirt.

I’ve spent the last couple of hours with impeccable posture, trying to turnkey the events from the accident to senior officials. Now, it feels like Adam’s arms are the only thing holding me upright. “No, we’re not. You took the training you had and made the best call you could. Any lesser pilot would be a smoking wreck in the Atlantic right now,”

I tuck my head into the crook of his neck and feel his pulse against my skin. A reminder that I’m even here to feel it. I whisper against his carotid artery, like it can carry the words straight to his heart. “I don’t want to leave you,”

“Then don’t. Fly just like you did today, and stay,”

He runs a soothing hand up my back, and I just want to crumble. Adam keeps talking.

“I’ll always be on your six. Where you go, I go. That includes finishing this mission, and going home. Okay? Neither of us are going home alone. We both made sure of that today,”

I try to say something, anything, but I just choke out a sob. “Adam—fucking hell-,”

He just keeps whispering reassurances, like if he says them enough times they’ll erase what happened only hours before. “You’re okay, it’s safe. You’re here, I’m here, we’re both okay,”

He makes a cramped bunk on an aircraft carrier feel sacred.

I’ve spent my entire life knowing how I’ll die. But all I could think about during the engine failure was Adam opening our apartment door, wearing a set of tags that don’t have his name on them. Alone.

Every other close call or emergency, I’ve fallen back on my training. Wind your watch back once, then get to work. Back before I had the weight of a ring added to my tags.

This is the thought that breaks me?

I feel another wave of panic threatening to pull me under. Yeah, I guess so.

I finally manage to catch my breath.

“I don’t give a damn if we’re at the Garrison or not. Wherever you are is our home,”

I press a kiss to the side of Adam’s neck, and I feel his hold on me tighten. Adam presses a kiss in reply against my hair and mumbles “Right back at you,”.

———————————————————————————